The Art of Wooing!!! (A Woman)

The Art of Wooing!!!

Wooing is the delicate art of trying to win, to gain, to sway, the affection, affinity, of the one with whom you're enamored, in admiration of. It is the subtle, yet bold art of romance (romancing), of trying to incite the interest of one (traditionally a woman) and entice and attract them towards amorous affection, a romantic desire for you. It is a mixture of flirtatiousness and charm, of guile and luck, a delicate balance between daring and caution, brashness and tact, audacity and introversion. To be able to woo well, one must be able to be both cocky and coy, forward and reserved. You need a certain amount of nerve, courage, self-confident, to get yourself started, get your wooing off the ground (a certain level of arrogance, forwardness, can work to your advantage), but get too brazened, daring, and you could put her off, shoot yourself in the foot. Now, you have to be able to go into the wooing process unabashed (not worrying about the possible rejection), but yet, you have to have a certain level of grace, finesse, as well. The number one thing you need though is to be able to read the person (the woman) with whom you're fancied, infatuated with, and gage what she might respond best to -- whether to you being flirtatiously forward or coquettishly coy and also to read how she responds to, receives, your attention.

Wooing, I'd say, is indeed an art. Its intent is to peak a woman's interest, to show her that you're somebody she wants to have around and be around and that'll enhance and add pleasure to her life. The goal is to show her that you're what she wants, needs, desires. The objective is to create affinity, within her, for you, like you have for her. You want to win over her affections and sweep her away in thoughts of and with longing for you. You want to engender, endear, the thought of you and her together, within her heart, her soul, her mind. You want to enwrap her being, with pleasant thoughts of you and capture all of her there is to capture and that there is what it is to woo.

Now, what is wooing, ACTION!!! It's letting the person you're interested in know of your interest - through your words, your body language, and your gestures, through your actions of affection towards them. It's showing your affinity for them in an active manner - so, where as, they see your earnest interest in them. Some people woo with gifts and such (by lavishing the woman in whom they're interested with as extravagant a gift/gifts as they can afford), other simply by the way they act towards the one who holds their affection. The best wooers employ both methods, use gifts and actions to show their affinity (attraction). Gifts are always good, for they show ones generosity, can show that one has a generous heart, but it's ones earnest interest, sincerity, that'll wholly win them over. What you want to do is shower the woman, of your interest, with attention, compliments, and with a noticeable level of affection, adoration, and affinity.

Now, most people see wooing in terms of "BIG" romantic gestures, in terms of "GRAND" overtures made towards another (the woman in whom you're interested), but a lot of the time it's the little things that do it. It's your consistent (steady) adoration and kind, sweet words, your genuine, sincere, interest shown in her, for her, and towards her. It's the consistent attention you pay her, through your compliments, caring, and kindness. It's noticing her hair, nails, outfit. It's being there to make her smile, laugh, just when she needs it, being there to calm, to settle her, when she gets a little frazzled, overwhelmed. It's being able to remind her that she's worthwhile, simply by the way you treat her. It's those things you do, in the everyday, to show your adoration, admiration, and affinity, towards her!!!

Now, all this being said, wooing can still be an iffy proposition, because she might be suspect of your intent, the world and its women have gotten much more cynical now a days. Wooing does not always have its intended effect. The line between wooer and stalker has become quite a thin one, and even if she thinks you not a stalker, other issues, problems, could yet exist. The woman could be suspect of your intention - as I mentioned earlier - and not give you a fair chance because of it. And if you shower some women, too much, with compliment, attention, and affection, during the wooing stage, they might think you're a wuss (a little too soft for a man). They might see you as a little too nice, too desperate, or far too clingy. So, you can run into the problem of being so sweet, so complimentary, and so nice, that they think you're trying too hard or that you're up to something (that you're just playing a game of sly manipulation to get your way, what you want). Either way, they're put off!!!

Although wooing can have its missteps and problems, if there is sincere and earnest interest there, on your part, it is well worth the effort, because accomplishing your goal of winner her affections, affinity, offers far more in reward, than rejection offer in awkwardness, scorn, or ego blow. Don't be afraid to partake of the wooing act/art. If you can get past their hang-ups, their anxieties, compliments and shows of affections can and do work. If you like her, take action, show it, in whatever way that works for you and works with her. If you don't make an overture, don't take the chance, the opportunity to try and make something happen, it might never, so find your courage and woo her!!! Wooing does work, when appropriately approached and DONE RIGHT!!!

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Woo (Wooing): 1: to seek the favor, affection, or love of (usually a woman); 2: to solicit in love; to court 3: make amorous advances towards; "John is courting Mary" [syn: court, romance] 4: to seek the affection of with romantic intent; 5: to work to gain or sway the affinity, affection of, through deliberate action with amatory intentions.

A Few Questions:

What is wooing to you, in your opinion what is it to woo, be wooed?

Ladies, what woos, wows you? How are you best wooed? What works best for you, on you?

Secondary Topic ;
Do Women still Want to Be Wooed:
http://www.poems-and-quotes.com/discussion/topic.html?topic_id=68456

To me wooing is when he remembers what I consider is important, respects my ideas, opinions and feelings and encourages me when I need to be encouraged. It is also the simple everyday actions that make me smile and assure me that I'm still his, that he still wants me. I don't think wooing ever ends, just because they're married, doesn't mean the romance ends, it should always last as an expression for everlasting love.

I think I have a different perspective on wooing than all of you. I'm sure that all of your motivations and those of your men are coming from the right place, but to me there's something about wooing that just seems needlessly... sneaky? I'm all for people doing nice things for their significant others (or wannabe lovers), but I think it's important that it stems from natural impulse. I think it can be easy for people to slip into a mindset of payment and surrender. I've met several guys who talk about how they "do all the right things, pay all the right compliments, offer flowers, etc" and are still stymied in their attempts at seduction. I want to tell them that some women just want it to be real - there's no need for men to check off a list of deeds. Flirting is a hell of a lot of fun, but I'll definitely be turned off if a guy has the assumption that they can offer these wooing tricks, and they'll get me in exchange.

I might be an odd one out, though, because most of my relationships have evolved out of already close friendships. Particularly the guy that I've been with for about two years now.. we were so close already, that if either of us had tried to "woo" the other with gifts or actions, it just would have come off as ridiculous. Whatever "wooing" we had stemmed naturally out of our already-existing relationship. We did things for each other because we caerd for each other, and there was never a sense where he had to prove himself to me.

To me, wooing requires almost a facade- a sense where a woman ought not show her real interest, until the man takes the necessary actions to tease them out of her. Not saying it's evil, but for me, not really wanted.

Oh, I definitely agree, Britt. The things you described in your first post were all gestures of love and appreciation, which I totally dig. It's just that when I think of "wooing" as such, it seems a little more smarmy and insincere. Especially the idea of "swaying her emotions," etc. They shouldn't need to be swayed! You'd want a girl to like you because of who you are, not because of little devices you use. "Wooing" makes me think of those articles in Cosmo about "how to bag yerself a man," which generally follow the formula of 1. Spot a cute guy. 2. Pretend to be weak or ignorant about something to get his attention and aid. 3. Celebrate your conquest by stimulating his erogenous zones!

But that's just what I think of : ). The things all you ladies are saying seem innocuous enough.

Uhh, I didn't read the first post but isn't wooing what comes *before* a relationship? How to make a chick fall head over heels... not how to keep her :)

This being the case, I'm not one for wooing either. Those things you are mentioning Britt - those are awesome *after* a relationship has started.

But obviously a guy who wants to "woo" me can't change my engine oil if he doesn't have the keys to my car. That'd be creepy. He can't lock the front door behind him... where'd he get the key!? Haha!

Point is, wooing comes before. I agree with Sibs, it's sneaky and tricky and a dishonest and dumb way of attracting someone. If you like a woman, talk to her. Get to know her. Be genuine. If you hit it off, you hit it off... if you don't, you don't. Neither of you will be happy if it's forced.

Cynics because I want a guy to be himself? LOL

If you're naturally nice, considerate, generous, affectionate... then great! But I wouldn't want a guy to fake those characteristics so he can get in my pants... or get into a relationship with me only so I find out a month later that he's a total prick.

I like developing a friendship before it evolves into an intimate relationship.

Yeah, I think what we have here are two different understandings of what "wooing" means. Which is great, because that was one of the topic questions! But yes, I also think of wooing as preliminary to a relationship, and the word has a connotation to me of sort of actions that are used to sway a woman's emotions and "make" her fall in love. Then, when I think of Britt's "wooing," I would just call that the art of..... lovin'. Or relationships. Or something. Unless he's making you go "wooooooo!" in which case I guess the name is apt. Wink wink.

^ Yeah! We're on the same page.

"if a guy is going to start out being romantic, he better be that way throughout"

Preach it, sista

When i've been successfully wooed, its been because i've been made to feel relaxed and comfortable, in what i believe in. I need to be intellectually stimulated, and if a guy can't hold a conversation with me, and keep me interested, and impressed, then what hope has he in the long run. I like my ideas to be challenged, and questioned. I need to debate the world over and over, i don't need to be right about it.
If a guy can make me feel confidant and strong about what i believe in, then its a sure winner.