VALEDICO'S POETRY CONTEST: PART 3

Ouch!

Eh, it's not letting me download my new-and-improved look. Just imagine me as a blushing bride with oddly voluminous hair.

Well, I forgot that little detail, when it doesn't let you download it, just take a screenshot and crop it. I did that.

50 posts, Sib, RUN!

but then..
*hears the sound of a gun*

I stuffed Danny's gun?

oops.

50 hours or something left

I have one poem!

This seems like a really cool round. I like the idea of collaborating though if I was partaking i would hate to do it. :P Still, Danny, you have thrown some curve balls at these poor poets with each round and I can't wait to see these poems.

Cheers Jad ;)

23 hours remaining.

Thank you! :P

I want to thank all the participants -- I know a lot of you have had a lot of trouble with this round! I've received all four poems from eight poets. Four poets will leave - four will stay!

--

1) Sleeping Suns
Destructive nights
bruised with smoky skies
hang low tonight
clinging to this heart
covered by steel -
shielded from flinty groans
of furious winds;
eager to pass through
these silky walls

but like a bold mountain
in proud enhance -
I breathe each storm
fighting with continuance
as I fear not the weeping
of the mourning wind,
nor the outer frosty madness
for I have strength
leaping with each single beat,
faith that shall wake
the suns from their sleep.

--

2)Vernal Invitation...
Return, O April! Embrace winter's frozen dream
Reclaim what was yours, waste not a vernal hour
For these hillsides have been longing to breathe your beam

Growing from fragile buds to boney shoots they gleam
With warm falling tears of shifting stony flower
Return, O April! Embrace winter's frozen dream

Though Autumn will flourish for parting clouds to stream
Faithful I remain, for your blessed rain to shower
For these hillsides have been longing to breathe your beam

Whereon the midnight meadows let their visions steam
Shielding sacred garlands God alone can scour
Return, O April! Embrace winter's frozen dream

Alas! These oozing hues would be taunted a theme
If upon fresh vines, lover's sweet fruit turns sour
For these hillsides have been longing to breathe your beam

Let your fond oblivion peer past heavenly scheme
Till corpses melt their smile, lest our lives too cower
Return, O April! Embrace winter's frozen dream
For these hillsides have been longing to breathe your beam...

--

3) Ancient Languages
He let me go

and fire ants crept
along my skin,
crept along
my heart

In flames of orange
and yellow
I spoke
- in dragon tongues -

It was a melancholic melody

of roots leaving their soil;
of whirlwinds
and tempest-fire
woven into a cold sun
and two
rainclouds

- then sewn swiftly
across a days
dawn -

Once
crystal balls held
the promise of
sunrise
and brighter days,

but now tarot cards
reveal nothing but
the picture of
a skull
and a snake
curled

- death -

where life once
soared, coiled
and hunted even

the moon

--

4) Legacy
Between the pages of now
and forever
lie the ghostly spirits of
what might have been,
what never was,
and all that might yet
come to be.

Fate unknown,
yet I am prepared
to walk through the darkest
of shadows, to drink
from the great fountain of life,
sweet for all its dusky
intoxication.

I'll turn my life over
like pages in a book. I'll
crinkle its edges and peer
into its dark folds. I'll caper
my fingers lightly over
the sharp edges
of its leaves.

And as the end draws near,
last words fall silently still
and the life that was, is no longer,
there will remain the imprint
of my words, stamped crisp into
the pages of my book-
memories
thick with ink and
all the world's shadows.

--

Now it's the judges' time to shine!!

WOOOOWWWWW

AMAZING poetryyyyyyy

Nana, you are absolutely right. I find these poems to be amazing, considering they are done as collabs. Great job poets who partook in this event. Wonderful poems. Can't wait to see the judges opinion. :]

^^
Indeed!

I have to say I like "Vernal Invitation" the best as it seems they also have used a form with their poem. I'm not sure if they did but it looks like it. Also because I like the message the poem gives off and how it speaks to me. :]

Just waiting on my final judge guys

Can't wait to see the results! :]

Will be up soon

Okay, so this was a difficult round and I know it took a while to end! So thank you all for bearing with me! The second to last round will be posted soon and will leave 2 poets remaining for a grand final. Poets will only have a few days to write for the next round. So here goes!

--
1ST PLACE: Ancient Languages (10 pts)
4 + 2 + 4

-- I like this a lot for its abstract and powerful imagery, harsher than most poets are want to favor, but the linearity of the poem is not quite right. After "I spoke," I expected some lines in quotes to denote what she or he spoke, but none followed. Then I have to wonder, why is it relevant that she or he spoke? The last half of the poem seems to revolve around death, which made me curious as to whether the "he" that left might have died. This poem is surely striking, but little things like what seem to be filler words and excessive hyphen use detract from the story. Personal preference I guess. The ending is also not as strong as it could be. A good poem overall, but not my favorite. (2)

-I liked the simplicity of this piece which juxtaposed against complicated emotions. This poem was the most emotive of the four, it showed many different emotions which allows the reader to grasp onto exactly what the poets were feeling in the time of writing. The description was stunning and helped reinforce the ideas of the different emotions, from 'whirlwinds' and 'tempest fires' depicting anger and 'rainclouds' portraying sadness with 'brighter days' conjuring the idea hope. This poem went through each stage of grief that comes with loss of a relationship while using nature as an interesting metaphor.

I found the flow was a little off in areas, the first stanza repeated 'crept' twice when it wasn't necessary, personally I think the second crept should be removed. The flow was fine again until it reached towards this stanza:

but now tarot cards
reveal nothing but
the picture of
a skull
and a snake
curled

- death -

I found I wasn't able to figure out where I should be pausing but apart from the flow the poets used the many different aspects which make up a great poem, from alliteration, to metaphors, to emotive language. (4)

--
2ND PLACE: Legacy (9 pts)
2 + 4 + 3

-Excellent writing! I love the word choices, imagery, linearity, and story. It's personal and relatable, good flow, and sticks to the title which is a big number to pull off. Also, I could not be sure when the two poets were switching or how they decided to combine their talents, which is a talent in itself. Using pages, ink, and writing is a wise choice in a poetry challenge on a poetry site since all of us can place ourselves in the writer's position neatly and easily. Kudos to poets who can use short lines, distorted stanza lengths, and simple words, and still piece together a wonderful write. My favorite by far! (4)

- I found the meaning behind this poem to be most interesting, of course it is a common theme but the poets made it their own by placing little pieces of themself within each stanza. This poem showed great strength and an inspirational message.

The main problem I found in this poem however was the layout of lines, I found myself not really sure where to pause. While the writer has used correct punctuation I found that they could of been placed differently in order to allow for the flow to be continuous and as relaxed as it was in the beginning. The third stanza is where this became most evident, The ending of a sentence and the beginning of a new one should be placed on separate lines as I said above to create that beautiful flow the poets used in the beginning.

These poets captured the essence of themselves within this poem while using interesting images to form a picture of themselves and the strength they possess. (3)

--
3RD PLACE: Vernal Invitation (8 pts)
3 + 3 + 2

-This is the most old school of the poems submitted. The uses of O April! and the single Alas! could easily have detracted from the poem, but since they were elegantly placed, they were beneficial. The repetition gives a nice, wholesome feel, and the content of the poem is seasonally relevant which is pleasant. The language is a bit hard to follow at first and there is a faint hint of cheesiness. Also, smiling corpses? Definitely interesting, but I'm not sure I like it. This is a lovely poem overall even with my dislikes! (3)

-This poem was written in quite an archaic tone, I do know that when writing formed poetry it can become that way. Due to the fact this poem is a Villanelle the archaic tone works to the poets advantage. The poets description creates a beautiful images of the season the he/she longs for.

I adored this poem and I placed it as third for me in my list, don't get me wrong, this poem had the components needed to make a great poem. The Villanelle was written correctly, it had the right rhyme scheme and lines were repeated in correct order, I found that the poets used creative lines to be the repetition within the poem so I give them a definite thumbs up for that. The only thing that this poem lacked was emotion, I found it wasn't as emotive as the two poems written above it and that to me is a strong component needed to draw the writer in. As I mentioned above it was hard to judge these poems because they are all stunning in an individual way. (2)

--
4TH PLACE: Sleeping Suns (3 pts)
1 + 1 + 1

-The second stanza draws the poem together nicely; the destructive night and its torrential weather is suddenly relevant and symbolic of the person's strife, which he or she is fighting to overcome. There is a lot of great imagery in this poem and interesting adjectives matched with their nouns. My two issues with the poem are: Number one, the structure of the poem is not as visually appealing as the other entrants' poems. Number two, I could be wrong, but it seems obvious when the two poets are switching off (line by line?). There is a vague feel of choppiness that took some getting used to as a reader. (1)

-This poem caught my attention first out of all of the poems, it had beautiful imagery that I myself love to use in my poetry such as night and sun to smoke and skies, the description was stunning. The fact poets used nature constantly to depict the meaning behind this poem was interesting, this was indeed another piece that portrayed the poets strength. I liked the juxtaposition used, an effective tool when creating a poem. The contrasting imagery helped to depict the ups and downs that we must live in life.

This poem was enchanting in the way that it read like a spell to me. I found it had a little play on words with the poets using the word 'mourning.' I am Not sure if this was intentional or not but while reading 'mourning winds' I was captured with the image of early morning and wind that again used the tool of juxtaposition against the dark night.

I found that the rhyme scheme was quite off putting in this poem, the flow became unbalanced due to the fact it didn't seem to follow a continuous rhyme scheme. I couldn't decide if it was free verse or a poem with rhyme as it seemed like a mixture of both. In some cases that can be quite an interesting mixture but here I felt the flow lacked. I think the poem would of been helped if punctuation was used a little more effectively. (1)

--

I like the judges and their choices. I think they have done an wonderful job and I really loved all these poems.

Great job everyone. Terrific reads I must say.

Congrats to those going to the next round.