Idk

Can anyone tell me why it hurts so much going thru a divorce? Finally left him I cudnt take the arguing and fighting and especially he trys to pick fights infront of my son things like don't talk to mama like that is not good for a child I been w him 8yrs I put my heart and soul into him but somewhere deep down I still have love for him he was my first everything I cudnt take the name calling, throwing things anymore I'm done w it and moving on its just so painful to sit at the house we bought together alone I feel as if its my fault I tried to work things out for the kid I was even dumb for still marrying him after he busted my windshield but thru it all I know somewhere is a good man for me and ill look back and realize why did I marry him? But for now I'm in tears has anyone ever been thru a brutal divorce?

^^ I completely disagree with this advice.

First off, you should never involve your child in your marriage problems. Yes, it is essential for them to know what is going on, but having them speak on your behalf is terrible parenting.

Second, what's done is done. If you go back to him, you will face the same problems you had before. People do not change so quickly, it takes time for things to settle in. Violent relationships never end well, and it's best to get out as soon as possible. You don't want your child brought up in a violent home.

Take your child, and move away. If you can't afford to do so, find a friend/relative you can stay with until you can get back onto your feet.

A divorce is emotionally draining, but in the end, you need to do what is best for yourself and your child.

Same here...
I think you should sit down with him in a contained environment<<< like with your lawyers or someone like that. Talk things through to settle things in a simple way.
If you think he is not responsible to take care of your kid, fight for his full custody, if he is a responsible and good father, then come to an arrangement for joint custody. If that's the case you'll need to talk with him to figure out a way to raise your kid without causing your kid any emotional harm... always make sure to remind your kid that what happened wasn't his fault.
It is always hard to end a relationship, but reminding yourself of how it was would help you move on. It is not only good for you to end this relationship, but it is also good for your child. Living and experiencing being in a dysfunctional family and a violent environment is bad for a child.

I agree with Darien...

Yeah, i also totally agree with Darien and dark secrets!! I'm sorry but the first message of advice from sunshine drips was really unrealistic!! don't put yourself back into a situation where you were being hurt!! the thing is that as much as you want someone to change you cant make them. i was with my ex boyfriend for 5 years, we were engaged to be married this january and when we broke up last year july i was devastated. i became so hectically anorexic and depressed but i took time for myself and went to a rehabilitation centre to get better. my ex was so abusive, it started off with verbal attacks and as the years went on he became so violent and despite how many times he said he would change he never did, even when i was lying in hospital with bruised kidneys, a broken arm and leg and fractured ribs (all due to him) i still believed he would change. now the thing is, DON'T get your child involved!! that is totally unfair, you and him are both adults and should sort out a custody agreement. maybe you can even become great friends eventuatlly. just remember that time heals all wounds.

my dad had numerous affairs when i was younger, but he was always getting himself arrested because he was also very involved with drugs and alcohol and got himself into so much trouble. the woman he ended up leaving my mom for worked in a topless bar, said she couldnt fall pregnant (despite the child she had sitting at home that she didn't tell my dad about) and took estrogin pills then when she fell pregnant my dad left us for her, it broke my moms heart, my mom landed up in hospital after trying to commit suicide and 3 years ago my brother committed suicide, after never forgiving my dad (i went through many years of physical abuse with his wife too) when i was young she would beat me up so badly and my dad wouln't care because he would be so intoxicated and my other brother died last year whilst in jail.

a divorce really does shatter the entire family, my dads other daughter (the one he had with that woman) is now 12 and she often tells me how bad things are at my dads house with him getting arrested all the time and how aggressive he is now a days and when i look at the situation I'm actually really glad my parents aren't back together. I'm so close with my mom, shes my best friend and my dad and i are working on things but basically I'm just trying to say that understand how devastating a divorce is for the entire family and if things haven't changed yet the chances are they'll only get worse. yes, you will miss him and some days you'll want nothing more than to be with him but you're a strong INDEPENDANT woman and you CAN survive this!!

i read this sort of quote thing and think you'd appreciate it, so here it is:)

* as we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasnt sup0sed to let y0u d0wn, pr0bably will ! y0u will have y0ur heart br0ken m0re than 0nce and its harder everytime. y0u will break hearts t00 s0 remember h0w it felt when y0urs was br0ken, y0u will blame a new l0ve f0r things an 0ld 0ne did, y0u will cry because time is passing too fast and y0u will eventually l0ose someone you love

*so take many pictures, laugh alot and love like youv never l0ved bef0re because ever...y 60seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you will never get back

*d0nt be afraid that y0ur life will end t0o so0n, be afraid that it will never be lived !!*

and also theres a quote by marilyn monroe that i love and think is also relevant for you:)

" believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together"

so just hang in there and remember this too shall pass!! if ever you want someone to chat to feel free to inbox me anytime!!

Can anyone tell me why it hurts so much going thru a divorce?

^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Divorce always hurts everyone and it makes both parties feel as though they have failed.

The truth is that we love this person no matter what and accepting that they are no longer a part of our everyday life as we know it is very hard.

Good or bad we have come to depend upon them in a way that is very intimate. Even when the relationship is very negative.

I finally left my ex after years of abuse.. mental, verbal, and physical. To be honest, it was one of the most painful things that I ever done! It is also one of the most rewarding things.

You can not stay alive and happy in a relationship that is full of anger and rage. The fact that he broke your windshield in a fit of rage is a good sign that you have done the right thing by leaving.

Sadly, this rage that your husband displays will also effect the children. Not only do they learn to treat their spouses the same way or accept being treated with such furry, but if it has not happened already then it will in the future... your husband will lash out at them also.

Stop and ask what kind of life do you want for you and your children? Do you want one full of violence or love? Then take every step that you can to provide that to them.

Yes, moving forward is hard, but it is possible and even beneficial.

Thank u I have realized what kind of man my husband is I changed the locks to my house cuz of the fact he lied to me its very wrong to show affection to ur wife say I do love u but idk what I want and then tell me that your going to see a friend and say I just love u as my baby mama yes I am very naïve tryn to get him bk the past 2 months but I trusted him to tell me that this girl was just a friend when in fact he kept pics of her in her bra that's disrespectful and tell this girl that he's happy being around her and in fact told me the same thing 3 wks ago he lead me on for 2 months and it hurt so bad on valentines when I didn't get anything from him I gave him 20 cuz he doesn't have a job to get his wife something I never seen anything but he bought another girl a valentines and said she's just a friend that's not just a friend and he did know what to get me and said he didn't know what to get me or couldn't find anything but yet bought this other girl something that is the most lowest thing u cud ever do to someone! He's playn games w me and her and I don't need that the girl had sent a txt sayn she loves my son even tho she's never met him that when she talked to him she fell inlove w him that my son and her child will get along together I was so mad idk why I was so mad this is a woman who's never seen my child she has a child of her own and leaves her child and goes out that's very slutty to send pics of yourself to my husband and then tell him she only wants to be friends yes I think I was wrong going thru his phone but I felt as it this woman is interfering but its all over and done and I realized I married a man that doesn't love me for me We have joint custody had it since 09 and he wud leave after our son was asleep and go out and stay out all night that's wrong parenthood doesn't stop after a child goes to bed it doesn't matter if my mother says he can go out yes very odd he's living at my parents but he's suppose to be w our son not just until he goes to bed I told my mom she let's him get away w everything she has the nerve to tell me its none of my business what goes on yes it is my business my child is there I work 3rd shift and have no one to watch him and my mom isn't coming over 5 days a wk but I'm just hurt that the man I married and took vows w has lied and lead me on but I am a stronger woman and I deserve better I'd rather have the blunt truth then to be lied and lead on its ok cuz his nxt girl won't put up w him being fired or laid off or put up w his mouth or attitude my parents are right I shouldve walked away when he busted my windshield a wk before wedding but u live and learn from mistakes and yes moving on will be hard but I am moving on and talkn to another man.

Well good for you!!
don't stayt in something that doesn't make you happy and after his violent lash out on your windscreen he sounds absolutely crazy and like he needs some serious help!! because that behavious is absolutely unacceptable!! and as for that other woman, the sad thing is, that once someone cheats they more than likely WILL do that again. and i can tell you that from personal experience with what happened to my mom with all my dads cheating and then with my fiance and i and how he cheated on me, he was so physically and emotionally absuive and in the end its just not worth it!! but with this new man you're talking to, just be careful because its totally natural to be hurt and often out of pure hurt we find rebounds and then feel even worse afterwards. so from my personal experience just take some time for YOURSELF to heal!!

I think the best thing for me to heal is to move on he will realize what he lost and realize no woman is gonna deal w his behavior and will come and ask me to take him bk but I'm moving on stayn w him will not change anything tho I'm heartbroken cuz we been together so long but my parents are right he's never gonna change they want me happy its no use crying over him anymore the nxt woman I hope she realizes what she's gonna go thru cuz he said the same sweet things to me at first u make me happy, and I wish we cud see each other then bamm he changed but my 5yr old shud not be in the middle moving on is bitter but it will help me heal