Mi fault

Okay 7months ago i told mi bf that i cheated on him. we have this connection thing when we kno sumthing is being witheld from one another. or whatever. i love him so much. sum years baq he did the same and it took a year to forgive him. only becuz i had very bad trusting issues and we were young and immature. i know i messed up but i want him to forgive me and we're working on it. is there any suggestions i could do to show him to trust me?

No, not really. You two sort of deserve each other for cheating. If he doesn't trust you, that's his choice, and a smart one at that.

I don't take to kindly to people that cheat, or
typ lik dey hav a grade 2 english.

You can't expect him to trust you if you cheated on him and yeah I agree you don't love him that much if you could cheat on him...

"Firstly mi=my, same amount of letters and people will take you more seriously."

Lol, yeah I didn't take her seriously.. I am kind of rude huh?.. oh well :)

Well its hard earning someone trust again. but at the same time he shouldnt be saying anything cause pretty much he did the same thing. but then again if he did that you should have left him i know i would hve. cause once a cheater always a cheater . and if you loved him like the way you say you do. you wouldnt have cheated on him.
but my suggestion is just too talk about it. and try to work something out. tell him how you feel.

Britt is right about the spelling issue, spelling correctly makes it easier for us to read and understand also.

I think you should talk it through with him, take things slowly and one step at a time. Clearly, you both don't trust each other and you can't. Take a couple of steps back and start over, a clean page and don't push each other too hard. Start by simple friendship and then work gradually from there, then if it doesn't work, you're not meant to be together.

Ok excuse me for my spelling then. And i do love him with all my heart. but at that time we were both going thru a hard time with each other. and i didnt want to leave him alone because i forgave him. im not asking for sympathy but my love for him isnt questioned. he pushed me away and even though it doesnt make it better i did what i did without the conclusion of sex. and im paying for it everyday that i do live. and i am tryna earn his trust back.

Oh and if u dont have ANYTHING nice to say just stay off my post. (mi) is spanish DARIEN if u didnt know.

Yeah, I never asked about your spelling of mi/my.

"And i do love him with all my heart."
^^ That's why you cheated on him. Your english must not be that great, your definition of love is very different.

Also, I'm free to post where ever I like :)

If you don't want to read what people have to say to your post's then you shouldn't post about it...

Everyone is free to their opinions i really dont care Blue. and yes DARIEN you can post wherever u like but if your gonna be a pessimistic, pusillanimous jerk then im not the one to dump your bull of on to. how is that for english?

And its a difference between having to say something encouraging and something spiteful and discouraging Blue. half the people here said something spiteful like no one makes mistakes and their asses are perfect. but everyone is human. and more than once in lifetime mistakes come about and thats just a horrible i made. which i will never repeat. Sunshine made a good point and as much as i hate having to hear it, its definitely true and im puting my all in this.

Everyone needs to lay off the thread poster because it's obviously she's feeling cornered - rightfully so.

As has been said, people will take you more seriously if you write with proper spelling and grammar because we are after all on a poetry site. Writing is what has united us ;)

As for the topic at hand, I think it's possible to cheat on someone and love them very much at the same time. I know this because I did it once, about 5 years ago, and I'm still reliving my guilt. Sometimes you love someone deeply; a companionate love, but you're no longer attracted to them. You look for other outlets to relieve sexual tension and it's never right, but some of us are guilty of making dumb mistakes.
Cheating is terrible, but every now and then it takes a brief affair to remember why you love the person you are with. It has, on rare occasions, brought couples closer together. Usually it doesn't and it makes perfect sense why that would be.

If you cheat on someone and they are willing to forgive you... as the cheater, you need to be aware that being forgiven is going to be a long, frustrating process and at times neither of you will be happy. You will be angry that even with all your efforts of trying to make it right, and all your belief in yourself that you'll never do it again, you will still not be trusted. You will still be forced to relive your guilt over and over.
It's tough, but you brought it upon yourself and if you want to be with that person, then you have to learn to shoulder the resentment.

^^
I believe that is called Lust.
When you 'love' someone, but your sexual desires are with another person, that is called 'lust'. You like the idea of having someone you can depend on, someone you trust and who will love you back, but they do not fulfill your deepest desire. Love is when you've found all of those things.
If the person does forgive you for those actions, that's a rare thing, but will you truly be satisfied in the end?

To the OP: I don't really see how I'm pessimistic. My opinions are based on facts, I'm a realist. Yes, everyone makes mistakes, you need to accept yours and move on. You can 'WANT' as much as possible, for him to forgive you, in the end that is his decision.

To the 'realist': im actually trying to show him how i can earn his trust im not bombarding him with anything. i think thats what everyone is getting confused about. you can be a realist all you want my point is im not asking anyone to sugar coat things but like i said before its a difference between telling the truth and being an outright cruel person.

Thank you silver i appreciate what you said. i believe you can lust after someone elses but not love them. mistakes do happen. you do have to know the difference between being in love and in lust with someone. and im in love with the person im with otherwise i wouldve left him so long ago. And Silver all of what you said can definitely be true, but in my case its a tad bit different only because i am still attracted to him and forever will be. like i said i appreciate your honesty and upmost respect.

And as for funny girl i dont believe anyone cared when ppl were pouncing on me like raw meat for lions. yes he was making points but i refuse to let anyone talk to me how they think they can because we're online. its a difference between giving you the truth and spitting cruelty.

I'm with Jane on this one. I think the best partner will fulfill any desires of yours, whether emotional or physical, but life is pretty complicated. I think you can have the hots for one person while honestly loving another. I think you can either take that feeling too far and cheat while feeling love for another. However, it's not all about the feeling. It comes down to SHOWING love, not just possessing it. If you want to love someone (as a verb, not a noun) then there are ways you'll choose to act and choose not to act. Cheating is pretty clearly choosing wrong, but ok. Can't take it back now. It doesn't mean the love you thought you felt didn't exist, you may just need to reevaluate your feelings, and figure out how to love your partner in the right way.

Cruelty? Apparently detesting improper English is considered cruel these days... Or was it the fact that I gave a brutally honest answer?

Can you not understand it's his choice? You can 'sugarcoat' your apologies, you can show him you are the most amazing person in the world, but at the end of the day, it will be his choice. Like I said the first time, there's nothing you can do.

The first word in my first post, answered your question.

If people disagree with me, then state your points.

I will gladly retract my statements if your points are adequate.

Ok here's the thing. You can find ways to earn his trust back (and I can't answer how that's between you two) but you can only do it if he decides to allow you to prove yourself in the first place. In his head there should be two options 1) I want nothing to do with this girl anymore or 2) I still care for her and I am willing to work on it. If and when he choses number 2 only can you begin the process of healing what you have cracked. If it's already broken then it's not going to be fixed, you know.

^^ Exactly what I said, his choice.

How can you say you detest someone who cant use proper english when in one of your post you dont. brutal honesty is saying back off, leave him alone and let him decide on his own. youre wrong for what you did....etc...i do understand its his choice to forgive me or not. and like i said before im not pressuring him or bombarding him. and i said nothing about sugarcoating apologies so i dont know where you got that from. i said i dont want anyone to sugarcoat answers to me but its a fine line between honesty and being cruel when you tell someone the truth. for instance if a girl asks you if she looks cute in what she has on (honest answer) "i think you would look better what you had on already" (cruel answer) "you look horrific and fat in that take it off" it might be true but its very cruel to say.

Funny girl, darling, we have different opinions about what he said. otherwise we all wouldnt be debating about it now.

It takes some growing up before most people realize that truths are different for everyone and no one's truth is above another's. If someone disagrees with you, that doesn't mean they are wrong or beneath you in their levels of understanding. You have endured different experiences that have led you to different conclusions. Also, right and wrong are social constructs.
Understanding these things will do wonders for your ability to cope with people unlike you...

That being said, the antagonism coming from some of you in this thread toward the thread poster is unnecessary. If you're making posts in anger, take a break from the site and come back to respond when you've calmed down. Nothing has crossed the line yet, but let's keep it that way.

To the thread poster - You're welcome for the advice or whatever you want to call my previous post, and I'm sorry it wasn't more helpful to you. Maybe if you explained why you cheated, it would give us better insight into the relationship and where you're coming from.

"How can you say you detest someone who cant use proper english when in one of your post you dont."

^^ LOL. I don't remember saying I detest people.
I said I 'detest improper English'. I also said, I don't take a liking to people that cheat. No where near the same conversation.

You shouldn't put words into my mouth, I tend to spew 'cruel' words.

"i said i dont want anyone to sugarcoat answers to me but its a fine line between honesty and being cruel when you tell someone the truth. for instance if a girl asks you if she looks cute in what she has on (honest answer) "i think you would look better what you had on already" (cruel answer) "you look horrific and fat in that take it off" it might be true but its very cruel to say."

^^ I would love to sit here and debate the difference between honesty and cruelty, because that is a terrible example.

"It's difficult to feel sympathy for the one who did the wrong doing, that's what you need to understand."

It's difficult which means try harder. You can't analyze a situation between 2 people fairly without putting yourself completely in both of their shoes. Things aren't so very black and white. There's lots of gray area. Everyone has their reasons for doing what they do and we have redeeming qualities no matter what our faults are.

I would like to thank you again Silver. if anyone would take time out and analyze both situations. no one likes cheaters or being cheated on but some people are on the outside looking in and only can see on side of the story. before anyone comment they should actually think about it and their words. but some people feel that they should post whatever fits their mind or thought in say it. and really thats not how the world works.

To Funny girl> who said that i was being disrespectful and clearly im not the only one. like i said before i willl not let anyone talk to me in just any way. so if its being disrespectful call it what you want. and yes i wanted advice but im not some little bug everyone steps on. and what you dont understand is that im not asking for sympathy all im saying is talk to me in a respectful manner. because i didnt get all defensive until someone started disrespecting me. Darling.

In the same figure you detest someone you dont know. im not asking you to like me. i do apologize for the mix up but like i said you dont even know me well enough to detest me. you only know what i post.

We can debate and start a whole new post but i dont understand how this is not a good example. please do tell and let me know the difference between cruelty and honesty.

Hey, I haven't really posted on this before, but I have the right to post on this thread(:
So sorry if you don't like what I say(:

Okay, in my opinion, sometimes cruelty and honesty are the same.
Like the old saying, "The truth hurts." Sure, cheesy example, but true. That's where the term, "White Lie" comes in. But, I am very forthright and like to tell the truth all the time, no matter how much it hurts, so people sometimes think I'm mean.
And it all depends of a person's point of view.
So, honesty is the truth. It can be very forthright, or just not very clear at all. But like I said, sometimes the honest truth can hurt feelings.

Cruelty is just mean. Example: "You are stupid, ugly, and a terrible person!" That is cruelty, but in the person's opinion who spoke it, it may be the truth.

Do you understand what I'm getting at here??

Anyways....I hope this helps clarify stuff.... (:

And again, sorry if you don't like my honest opinion. It may be mean, but I think it's true.

I'd still like to be friends even if you didn't like this comment lol(:

Peace(:
-Hann

Ummm lol ok Hannah. I can see where you're coming from but i think im going to have to stick with my opinion because you just about said the exact same thing that i did. our words and opinions differiate just a tad bit.

Yeah, I just wanted to go into extreme detail lol. I always have to do that. Haha, I can't just say "Truth is a fact" or whatever, I have to explain why lol.

I definitely and very strongly agree that you need trust for a healthy and long lasting relationship.
Cheating on someone can happen for many reasons. I'm not as cut-throat as some other people on the topic. For me, it's not simply 'you cheat, we're done'. Your partner needs to evaluate the situation.
At the end of the day, you both need to work hard to bring your relationship to a good place again, if you want to continue to be together.

"for instance if a girl asks you if she looks cute in what she has on (honest answer) "i think you would look better what you had on already" (cruel answer) "you look horrific and fat in that take it off" it might be true but its very cruel to say."

When you say "i think you would look better what you had on already", you're actually lying to that person if they really do look horrific and fat. Yes that would be a cruel answer, however, it would be the truth, instead of your sugarcoated lie of suggestion wearing something alternate.

Truth is, you cheated on your boyfriend. You don't deserve his trust. If he decides to trust you, it would be his choice.

And like Britt says, you cannot force trust.
So asking for suggestions on how to get him to trust you, is redundant.

^^agreed

Agreed!!!!