Cheating

I've been with my fiance for almost 3.5 yrs. about 1.5 yrs into our relationship we hit a rough patch wich lasted for a yr. During that time I met up with another guy who was at least 15 yrs older than me. I met him via a dating site so we never knew each other beforehand. Now, he picked me up in his car and drove me back to his apartment all 3 times we had sex. On the last occasion he told me that he and his girlfriend (who were also having a rough patch and who was also about my age) were trying to work things out so he no longer wanted to continue the nature of our relationship. I was fine with that. I haven't cheated on my fiance since and do not even wish to because our relationship has been better than great for the last 1.5 yrs. I have just been thinking about those 3 incidents lately and wonder if I should come clean. I don't want to ruin the great nature of our relationship as it stands now, but is ignorance really bliss or could I one day become haunted (and throw our whole relationship down the toilet) by what I did?

During this "rough patch" were you with each other, or were you seeing other people? That would help in the explaining...
This way or the other I think that you should tell him. Because like you said, it might ruin things between you if he ever found out. Another thing I know very well is that the one thing men hate more than cheating is lying... He would forgive you for cheating, but not for lying, or hiding it.

We were still together during that time, but we were just constantly fighting (verbally) about everything and anything like 24/7 and it became very miserabele to be around eachother for that time.

I would tell him. You say you're engaged... you wouldn't want to enter a marriage with that hanging between you. You ought to be with each other because you respect each other as you are... he might not be getting a clear idea of who that is when you have this cheating in your past.

I think you should tell him everything. and whyy you did. because i strongly believe in a relationship they cant be any lies because it isnt going to work out if yall are constantly hiding thing or lying to each other

"I would tell him. You say you're engaged... you wouldn't want to enter a marriage with that hanging between you. "

^Yes! For me that's the vital part- the marriage. Dating is one thing and although lying is never good it happens, but once you enter a marriage it's a whole other story. Secrets will haunt you on the inside. I understand you are in a very difficult place right now but honesty is the best policy.

Yes, you should definitely tell him. If he accepts it and forgives you, then things should be alright.

I agree with Viola, You should always be honest before entering marriage. Secrets are things that could easily ruin a marriage.

I disagree with Dave on that one.

If you were seperated at that time, then it wouldn't have mattered. You were dating him, or still his fiancee at that time, you should tell him.

Ask yourself, if he cheated on you, would you want him to tell you? If you don't want to know, then like Dave said, dig a deep hole and leave it there.

I would tell him even if it is hard to...

It would be really hard to tell him this as seeing how our relationship is so "perfect" now. It has been a thing on my mind recently just because I saw a guy that looked like the guy I was cheeting on him with (but it wasn't) So it just brought up some feelings that I thought were gone.

I mean in my past relationship before him my b/f was a total d!ck so I cheated on him as well (with my friends younger brother and her b/f) but my fiance knows all bout that and he told me that it hurt him deeply to hear about it, but he forgave me as saying he trusted that part of my life was in the past. It is now I assure you!!!

*PAUSES*... ^^ After reading that..

You should tell him. Your perfect little relationship will be based on a lie, and everytime you think you see someone you know, it's your conscious telling you, 'you're guilty'. Fess up to your mistake, you were troubled, the relationship wasn't going too well, it was something you needed to figure out on your own.

Yes I do think it would be best if I told him. In my past relationship my b/f was both physically and verbally abusing me and so I felt trapped and that's why I did it as like an escape to something better (I thought) This time I did it because we were having such a rough patch I thought we were for sure done, but shortly after I did it things became much better and I totally regretted cheating on him.

Honnestly I don't think I would want to be told. Even if he never cheated on me again I would just have thoughts in the back of my head that would make me uneasy. If things are going perfect I would like him to keep things like this to himself. But I see where you are comming from. I think he may like to know. Although I don't think he'll want to be with me after this, but...

One extra important point here... the abusive boyfriend, is he the same one you're in a relationship now? Because if he is, I think you need to go over your whole relationship and figure out whether or not you still want to be with him.

"If things are going perfect I would like him to keep things like this to himself."

So you would rather have false perfection and happiness, over truth and respect?

First off this is a new guy not the one that abused me. Second I did tell my fiance. He was hurt, understandably, and he said (after not speaking to me for like 2 weeks) that he'll give me one more chance and if I can't straighten myself out then it'll be over. He is still like checking up on me almost 24/7 but I understand that.

I do agree we need some help. I should have never went looking for someone else to have "fun" with as I did, but I can't take it back now. We are no where near ready to get married I agree, but sometime in the future we still want to we just have some serious issues to sort out first.

The right thing to do is come clean and you may not like the results, but at least it's right. Show respect for yourself, for him, and for the relationship by being honest. Don't be confrontational or defensive about it. Be humble and honest. Let him be angry. He deserves to be. You deserve to suffer consequences.

I don't mean to condemn you because I have cheated once too. You need someone to tell you like it is, that's all.