2011 P&Q Idol {Lu's contest}

You can't go wrong with Lulu in charge:)

ROUND 1 IS NOW CLOSED

Please read over your poem and haiku (if you submitted one) and PM me if you have any corrections.
Everyone has 6 hours from the time of this post.

Poem 1
Novella

A dusty row of paperbacks create
my wooden bookshelf, things I can relate
to every facet of my life, my world -
little slice of heaven, worn pages curled,
not a thing better on a dreary day
than reading what an author has to say,
the letters dance as words begin to play,
in my fantasy I can form my fate
under any story that is unfurled,
my dusty wooden bookshelf they will stay.

POEM 2
Freedom on the Open Road (Ottava Rima)

Four wheels rotate along infinite highways,
engine roaring, while wind rustles through your hair.
Both hands on the wheel, enjoying the sun's rays,
with the rag top down, cruising without a care.
Away from the city and the stress filled days,
Just a man and his car, a Chevy Bel Air.
Fulfilling a dream for many, even me.
On the open road, running wild and free.

ottava rima: Italian stanza form composed of eight 11-syllable lines, rhyming abababcc

POEM 3
Lady of the Lake

Lady of the lake laughing with such grace
understanding knowledge from great Merlin,
In her wrath lusting greedily she must face
envy, pride, gluttony, sloth and other sin.

Lightning in her touch giving in to forms
she thought her loneliness would somehow flee.
Scared of ghost, she sought shelter from the storms
Running from malevolent forces so free.

Living long in the light chills of the sea waves
Communicating her mystical screams.
Stunning their hearts selflessly she saves
men like a goddess, or so it always seems.

For goodness sake to fight her would not be right,
Snow sometimes melts in the forgiving light.

POEM 4
Marble Halls

I covet tomorrow to shine beyond the sun in streams
from the point of no return, running beyond the invisible,
where I stumble on marble halls that shine with dreams.

I ache for this wistful shadow of past to sink in the tide,
as great rivers run with heartiness of betrayal to exile,
for I urge for fresh lakes of light to spring deep inside.

To paint the sky with cool breezes, and silver miles,
as I journey on the back of casual, yet tender wings
piercing laughter on the edges of abandoned aisles

for I covet tomorrow to shine beyond the sun in streams
where from the point of no return; near the invisible,
I rouse on book of days, that's penned with dreams

POEM 5
The Art of Intimacy

It takes two, light a fire
run love deep into desire,
watch as eyes learn to smile,
with hints of subtle sapphire.

Engulf into a wild embrace,
lust's lips leave a gentle trace,
as a timid heart kisses a quiver,
two souls begin to interlace.

POEM 6
Overcoming

Lying awake, relive the mistake and never forget the pain,
The ghosts in your head, won't leave 'til you're dead, happy to drive you insane,
They'll pick and they'll poke, each word that you spoke, until there's nothing but pieces,
Unable to mend, what refuses to bend, for hope is found in the creases.

Brain clings to ration, heart, to it's passion, insanity wrapped in skin,
You'll fight and you'll claw, at times you'll withdraw, hiding what you dread will win,
Uncertainty, fear, the things that appear, when you face up to moving on,
Being alone, lost on your own, all you once knew, now gone.

Bitterness wrapped, tenderness trapped, while time sinks like the sun,
Hope waits to rise, sever the ties, of all you won't let come undone,
Let go of regret, the feeling you get, when you're thinking of things as wasted,
Love is a treasure, an emotional measure, we're lucky if we have tasted

poem 7
Here I Am

Sizzling heat, concrete melting
Swinging my hips, humming a tune
Here I am, here I am, free as a bird
Today I broke the shell of my cocoon

Past the safe borders of my house
Wandering into the bright light of day
With a sense of bewilderment
As benevolent strangers nod my way

Dazzled by the complexity of life unfolding
Right before my eyes, exhilarating impressions
I feel, I see, I taste, I breathe, I drink ,I...sense
A richness worth more than all worldly possessions

The caged bird is no more, it flew away
The caged bird fled at break of day
To live in freedom is the only way
Hooray, hooray, hooray!

POEM 8
Captive

Trapped in a never ending circle
I awaken out of this reality
Entering your unseen betrayal
Deciphering your lies like Braille.

Still you you laugh and pretend
That your still on top of things
But the walls will one day decay
Rotting indefinitely away.

Until such time appeas though
I remain a captive to your heart
Feeling nothing but the tears
Wasted over my enlarging fears.

The top will reach bottom
As the bottom reaches top
Uncovering a beautiful landscape
Unveiled from darkened drapes

POEM 9
Boiling Blood

Uncertainty holds me at a safe distance
For it is only a short time to ponder
That your tongue was not benevolent

Boiling Blood beneath my skin
As the foul breath in the air whispers to me
And engulfs me from within

The flames portray the sunlight
But does not show the true beauty of a sunset
As your bitter words betray my sight

Ignorance lies and shields me from naught
As my face turns void
My sensations shall not be caught

The cool breeze brushes the burning power
The windows to my soul irrigates
For my heart has turned to sour

POEM 10
Selene

I watched wishes at war,
stars slain -
too swollen to soar,
they hung

and I sat in rain pour,
with the lady in the moon
singing 'twinkle twinkle'
from my balcony wall.

We ate candy apples
while she sung of lore -

with a pail of rum
perched 'gainst my window,
reminding me how I desired
to be young once more.

I fell asleep
under an empty bellied sky,
dreaming of sheep,
and a time bomb.

Greedy the way that
those sheep would creep
and gobble away the stars.

I woke from a daze
to hear a fraying moon weep,
from Selene not a peep,
as a noose hung,
from her crescent door.

That night I heard her whisper,
"perhaps dreams come true after all?"

Be careful what you wish for.

POEM 11
Cataclysm

She strays from the realm of romance,
capturing love's sculpture with one last glance -
doubts invading, whispering of a lost chance;
for it was under the Eiffel Tower where their eyes met,
tussling emotions of attraction yet without regret -
spiraling, caught within a bittersweet roulette.

A roulette of risk yet one she was willing to take,
as she weaved courage into her dreams before too late,
never knowing it would become a mistake,
'til love was writhed into a symbol of deceit,
meant for some, yet not for a heart - incomplete -
for it was one she was unable to defeat.

POEM 12
When Love Sours

apple blossoms
laughing willows
blissful tears
upon lovesick pillows

future planned
forever and a day
til death do them part
seldom works that way

what once was
shall never again be
tis' a sad day
when love becomes misery.

POEM 13
Losing Faith

Thoughts of freedom left my mind
Awoken by maturity I now have sight

Hypocrisy and wrongdoings surround my eyes
Why so much coruption
Why so many lies..

All I know about the moon,
things I know about the sun
Are stories way to pure to tell my son.

for he has to know about racism
good or bad they'll always be criticism

right or wrong there is no choice
money will always have the loudest voice

All this superficiality,
Have we forgotten about equality?
excuse my brutal honesty
But I'm losing faith in humanity.

POEM 14
EMPTY

Non exsistant, empty, is the space you once were
Dancing butterflies, erupting smiles no longer occur
Solitude I lay with an extra spot in my bed
Spoiled memores of you I keep frozen in my head

Empty is the seat next to me at every occasion
Getting me to even go needs determined persuasion
Songs of sweet melody play romantically
As tears rise high, I rush to the door frantically

Empty is this pen I use to hold in my hand
Love letters and poems I can no longer stand

____________________________________________________

HAIKU 1
Frozen Falls

Icicles drip down
forming frozen tidal pools
a snowy retreat.

2)
Hidden spring beneath
Suspended crystals of glass
Frozen for all time

3)
Cool Ice cycles hang
Naturally in the light
Waiting for warm spring

4)
Gallant Ashen

White guards reach deep down;
bare against a sculptured wall;
forever dripping.

5)
Enlighten

Frozen like fire
enticed by contradiction
awaken...collapse

6)
Cave of frozen dreams
Falling tears encased in ice
The soul waits for spring

7)
Spa

Clear water erupts
from deep within the mountain:
multi faced life source.

8)
Falling Snow (triple Haiku)

A frenzy flurry
cascades unendingly down,
whipping and whirling.

Pure engulfing white
mesmerizes green pastures
with a white blanket.

Now plains are erased
replaced with empty white fields
invoked by grey clouds.

9)
Beauty

Snowfall Emitting
On a weary winters day
Beauty does not pale

Water gushing fast
Pounding against the brown rocks
Beauty is unveiled

Sound of the water
Breaking the wall of silence
Beauty exists here

Wind hugging the rocks
Breeze engulfs the pure snowflakes
Beauty inspires within

Shelter from the cold
Underneath the hidden cave
Beauty remains light

10)
'neath sugar snowflakes
slumber lilac wild flowers,
snow angels at peace.

11)
Winter's Tongue

tongue of icicles
fondles quivering waters -
frostbit to the touch.

12)
Lost fragrance

beautiful flowers
devine scents til the frost comes
then they always wilt

13)
Frozen icycles
Cascade down igneous rocks
Shining like crystals

These were tremendous poems and I love the haiku section as well britt. I can't wait to see what the judges have to say. I would like to say congrats to all those who entered this contest and gave it a try! :]

ROUND ONE IS CLOSED ... no more edits will be accepted.

Poems will be sent to the judges and results should be posted by Saturday or earlier.

3 will be eliminated this round

Thanks to all !!!

Great work all! just finished reading the poems and I'm impressed. Some of the rhyme poems weren't what I was expecting and the Haiku's were stunning, I don't know how the judges are going to pick a favorite.

Great poems from everyone!

Suchhh beauties!!!!

They sure are! Can't wait for the results!

The judges were asked to give a vote between 3.5 -10.5 and choose their favorite haiku.
+2BP given to the poem chosen.

+3BP - first poem in
+2BP - second poem in
+1BP - third poem in
+1BP - for submitting a haiku

RESULTS ARE IN
------------------

POEM 1 Novella
VOTE - 9.5 + 9.0 + 8 (3BP +1 BP) TOTAL --- 30.5 POINTS

COMMENT -I really liked how, occasionally, rhyme was used at the ends of the lines, but the flow of the phrases themselves continued past the line end. It gave a natural, conversational feel to the poem, while still retaining that rhyming structure. It has the effect of subtle internal rhyming. I thought this poem was warm and cozy and smart. It held its spot as one of my top picks all throughout my poem-reading.

COMMENT -Nice to read a poem about the love of books. I had no real qualms about this poem, and thought it was a nice touch.

COMMENT - a beautifully, descriptive piece.

POEM 2 Freedom on the Open Road (Ottava Rima)
VOTE - 5.5 + 7.5 + 6 (2BP + 1BP) TOTAL --- 22 POINTS

COMMENT - I felt bad placing the poem on the lower end of the spectrum, because it's so dang innocent and inoffensive. It felt content but like it was put forth without effort. It is what it is.

COMMENT -The syllable count is off in the last line, which has 10 syllables. If you are going to do a form it should be adhered to strictly to the letter. Though syllable counters aren't always accurate, one that I used for this poem actually said it was 8 syllables instead of 10.

COMMENT - Nice form. Good descriptions

POEM 3 Lady of the Lake
VOTE - 4.5 + 7.5 + 8.5 (1BP + 1BP) TOTAL --- 22.5 POINTS

COMMENT - I left this poem with no clear feeling about the nature of the lady of the lake, or what the poem was really about. She's laughing with grace, she lusts greedily, she has mystical screams, she stuns hearts selflessly... I'm not sure what any of this things really mean, and they don't really fit together. It could be argued that perhaps her nature is contradictory, but my impression was that it wasn't intentional. Rather I think the author got bogged down by adjectives that sounded cool, and went for form over function. They obviously have an appreciation for words, so I'd like to see him/her use them with more attention and deliberateness.

COMMENT - Rhyming seemed forced. There were a couple of places throughout the poem that do not flow well. When you mention the Cardinal sins you have left out more than one sin so in fact it should say sins. I felt the rhyme was forced to try to fit with Merlin. The end just kind of melted and didn't go anywhere. It left the impression of good always prevails over evil but not in a very clear light.

COMMENT - Very nice story. Great flow, rhythm and rhymes. It read very easily

POEM 4 Marble Halls
VOTE - 8 + 9.0 + 6 (+1BP) TOTAL --- 24 POINTS

COMMENT - Nice use of rhyme in this one. I got a bit lost in all the dreamy imagery, and I can't decide whether it's in a good way or not. It feels like a bubble: shimmering and hollow and insubstantial, nice while it lasts but you don't miss it when it's gone.

COMMENT -Very nice approach with a hint at the yearning of freedom, the rhyme scheme was not forced and the flow was good. I think it is hard to pull off poems with three line stanzas and make them into a poem that flows well and doesn't stumble over itself with trying to force a rhyme and trying to get a message across

COMMENT - overall, a very nice piece. Some of the words didn't seem to fit quite right.

POEM 5 The Art of Intimacy
VOTE - 8.5 + 7.0 + 8 (+1BP) TOTAL --- 24.5 POINTS

COMMENT - The content of this poem was not groundbreaking, but it was efficiently done. The break from abab rhyming gave a nice breath of air to the poem.

COMMENT -The Art of Intimacy should be so much more powerful than a few rhyming words paired with a few flowery adjectives. Just another love poem with no impact of emotions on the reader.

COMMENT - so much in so few words! Beautiful!

POEM 6 Overcoming
VOTE - 10 + 10.5 + 6 (+1BP) (Judges choice fav haiku + 2 BP) TOTAL --- 29.5 POINTS

COMMENT -Apart from everything else, this poem packed a punch when it came to rhythm. The poet was smart (and skilled!) picking those short internal rhymes in the lines, in addition to the ending rhymes. The effect was fast-paced, frantic, intense, and totally consistent with the topic of the poem. It's a great example of using form to help foster a specific tone.

The redemptive ending was... nice... but it was kind of an emotional switch from the rest of the poem. I can see how it could have been worked in, but before the last stanza there is no indication that a change of heart should come in the end, so it was kind of sudden.

One thing: "it's" ONLY EVER means "it is." In this word, the apostrophe is never possessive. I know, I've done it before too, but I'm just saying.

COMMENT - This poems flow was reminiscent of Annabel Lee. Overall my favorite of all poems submitted. It had a lyrical approach, impeccable internal rhyme scheme, and had a wonderful message to wrap it all up.

COMMENT - I love the words and rhymes, but the light-hearted rhythm doesn't match the seriousness of the poem.

POEM 7 Here I Am
VOTE - 9 + 8.5 + 6.5 (+1BP) TOTAL --- 25 POINTS

COMMENT - Rock you like a hurricane!
I liked the sunny, optimistic voice of this poem. It's clear from the beginning and stays consistent throughout. I pictured it as being put to music or something. I didn't really like the hoorays at the end... not because they don't make sense in the context of the poem, but just because the word "hooray!" happens to come off as a little bit cheesy. Cute, but silly at the end, there.

COMMENT -The first reading of this, I didn't like it and I thought it ended horribly. It seemed as though the rhymes were not creative and then the use of the ellipsis (...) is supposed to allude to an unfinished thought, and in the poem you finished the thought for us. Something kept pulling me back to this poem though. At first glance the Hooray, hooray, hooray!, just didn't do it for me, it seemed as though it was a simple escape for a rhyming word. But, upon reading it several times, it was like a light bulb went off in my head and I realized the magnitude of the expression. I love how the poem alludes to some of Maya Angelou's writings. Subtle hints at the comparison of how the author and Maya Angelou are alike. The title brings an impact that follows closely with the poem.

COMMENT - very nice story.

POEM 8 Captive
VOTE - 4 + 6.5 + 7 (+1BP) TOTAL --- 18.5 POINTS

COMMENT - This poem could have used some work on editing and punctuation. There are a couple of typos, and I think some commas at the end of phrases would have done well to organize the thoughts. The rhyming seems stilted. That may be due to the structure.

COMMENT -Second stanza the word "you" is said twice.
Third stanza misspelled word: appears
Some of the rhyming was a bit unscheduled, which in turn messed up the flow.

COMMENT - the errors detract from the potential beauty of this piece. It is very good, though.

POEM 9 Boiling Blood
VOTE - 6 + 7.5 + 6 (+1BP) TOTAL --- 20.5 POINTS

COMMENT -I was never sure where to put this poem, and it just ended up right in the middle. I'm generally completely fine with slant rhymes like the one in the first stanza, but the rest of the rhymes were so strict that it feels a bit out of place. I wasn't sure what to make of the use of "irrigates."

COMMENT -The rhyme scheme was off. The last four stanzas have an a/b/a rhyme scheme and the first does not. There was capitalization at the beginning of each line and wasn't necessary.
Personally, the repetition of "and", "the' and "my" are distracting, the repetition of words is sometimes necessary in a poem for the impact, however, these did not fit the need for them. Why were the words "Boiling Blood" capitalized internally? Was it just because it was an emphasis on the title?

COMMENT - good ideas, the lines are a bit choppy, though. It has great potential

POEM 10 Selene
VOTE - 10.5 + 9.0 +8 (+1BP)(Judges choice fav haiku + 2 BP) TOTAL --- 30.5 POINTS

COMMENT - I thought this poem outstripped all the others with imagery and originality. The word choice was crisp and evocative. I especially liked "stars too swollen to soar" and "an empty bellied sky." Cliche generally abounds in celestial poetry description, and I think this author was aware of that and decisively tried to avoid triteness in their wording. My one criticism would be for the ending. I think stopping at "as a noose hung
from her crescent door" would have given a stronger finish. The last 3 lines are superfluous, in my opinion, and don't have the strong clarity of the ones I quoted above. Even considering that, though, I think this poem was a definite outlier.

COMMENT -This poem was off to a really great start. I loved the insertion of several unique lines, though I felt the last three lines put off the flow of the poem. Sometimes poetry needs to leave something to the imagination, let us create our own endings sometimes. It seemed as though the author left this poem lying about unfinished on a table somewhere and someone came along and wrote in the last three lines. Perhaps it could have been on purpose but it just didn't end as strong as it started. Still I felt like it was one of the stronger poems presented, therefore, scored it highly.

COMMENT - very nice descriptions. Creepy! Well done!!

POEM 11 Cataclysm
VOTE - 6.5 + 7.0 + 8.5 (+1BP) (Judges choice fav haiku + 2 BP) TOTAL --- 25 POINTS

COMMENT -This poem had some nice substance. It felt like the author had clear emotions that she (?) was trying to portray, but they got a little bit lost in the strict rhyme scheme. This is a case where I'd be interested to see a free verse reproduction of the subject matter.

COMMENT - Based on the unique title I was expecting more out of this poem than what it delivered. This poem just kind of trails off into nowhere. Felt that some lines were re-arranged to force the rhyme.

COMMENT - Beautifully sad and poignant.

POEM 12 When Love Sours
VOTE - 7 + 9.5 +7 (+1BP) TOTAL --- 24.5 POINTS

COMMENT - This poem was brief and light. It didn't have the weight of a solid, masterful poem, but I think its lightness added kind of charmingly to its sweet, inconsequential, adolescence-love feel.

COMMENT - The poem held my attention. I loved the lack of capital letters and thought that it provided a unique touch rather than the same boring every line is capitalized. The poem also told a story within it without going into a long poem. Quick and to the point, effective use of rhymes.

COMMENT - how sad! very well written. Love the quick, short lines

POEM 13 Losing Faith
VOTE - 7.5 + 6.5 + 5 TOTAL --- 19 POINTS

COMMENT -I would have liked to see more specificity in this poem. There was emotion behind it, but I think the poem itself would have profited by using some more interesting examples to show injustice, rather than just saying, basically, that the world is unjust. As it is, it comes off as a general rant.

COMMENT -I enjoyed the poem overall but there were too many grammar and spelling mistakes to make this score highly.
There are a couple of places in the poem that have questions as lines, only one has a question mark, the other has a period and the other has an ellipsis. Very undefined use of grammar.
Corruption is spelled with two r's not one.
"Are stories way to pure to tell my son."
^^Grammar usage incorrect, the first "to" should be too.
"good or bad they'll always be criticism"
^^The conjunction used is incorrect grammar, it should read there'll which is the conjunction for "there will" The author used they'll which means they will.

COMMENT - very good content. This errors and inconsistency of the rhythm and rhymes takes away from it.

POEM 14 EMPTY
VOTE - 5 + 6.5 + 5.5 (+1BP) TOTAL --- 18 POINTS

COMMENT - Off the bat, this poem could use some spell checking. Ignoring those for the moment, though, I think the poem could have profited by an editing of some of the adjectives. I get what "erupting smiles" is supposed to portray, I think, but here it sounds... messy. I did like the emphasis on the empty space that the lover used to inhabit. It's not entirely novel, but I always think its interesting when a writer focuses attention on a lack of an object... something not there at all, and what that means.

COMMENT -The flow of the poem was off. The rhyming seemed forced.
For example "As tears rise high" Tears do not actually rise high, unless you mean your tears were welling in your eyes. Also the flow of the second line in the second stanza leaves something to be desired, "Getting me to even go" is redundant. "Needs determined persuasion" is lackluster and forced for rhyming.
Misspellings: existent and memories.

COMMENT - again, errors spoil the potential beauty of this poem.

JUDGES FAVORITE HAIKU CHOICES

1) #11 "Winter's Tongue."
tongue of icicles
fondles quivering waters -
frostbit to the touch.

2)# 6
Cave of frozen dreams
Falling tears encased in ice
The soul waits for spring

3) #10
'neath sugar snowflakes
slumber lilac wild flowers,
snow angels at peace

POEMS/POETS TOTALS RANKING HIGHEST TO LOWEST

#1 --- POEM 1 Novella 30.5 POINTS
#1 --- POEM 10 Selene 30.5 POINTS

#2 --- POEM 6 Overcoming 29.5 POINTS

#3 --- POEM 7 Here I Am 25 POINTS
#3 --- POEM 11 Cataclysm 25 POINTS

#4 --- POEM 5 The Art of Intimacy 24.5 POINTS
#4 --- POEM 12 When Love Sours 24.5 POINTS

#5 --- POEM 4 Marble Halls 24 POINTS
#6 --- POEM 3 Lady of the Lake 22.5 POINTS
#7 --- POEM 2 Freedom on the Open Road (Ottava Rima) 22 POINTS
#8 --- POEM 9 Boiling Blood 20.5 POINTS

ELIMINATED
------------
#9 --- POEM 13 Losing Faith 19 POINTS
#10 --- POEM 8 Captive 18.5 POINTS
#11 --- POEM 14 EMPTY 18 POINTS

Congrats to the poets of the poems Novella & Selene for placing first this round !!!

Thank you to everyone who participated in this round.
Sadly 3 of you must board the plane ... you are going home.

Snips red wristbands from everyone.
#1 - #8 here are your new sparkly blue ones ....

Get ready ROUND 2 is about to begin soon !!!!

Good luck to those remaining for round 2!

Nice word to the judges for some really indepth comments, I think they did an excellent job.

Thanks Lu for posting, can't wait to see what round two holds for the remaining poets! good luck to you all.

LOL, did you pay for the plane ride to send them home Lu? or not part of the package.

Thanks guys
The 3 judges are awesome !

LOL, did you pay for the plane ride to send them home Lu? or not part of the package.
^^^
Nope not part of the package Mel but ... I did buy some lovely souvenirs and packages from a few people ... lol
Snuggles in warm fur coat - faux fur that is ... lol

Round 2 coming up soon ... stayed tuned all

This is really great, it is very clear and organized.

Well done Luanne!