Bisexuality, what are you thoughts on the matter.

I would like to know how you feel about this subject. Do you feel a person should choose one and forget about the other, or should also give attention to the other feelings they have in their heart?

I find it very difficult to advice people about this, because I feel it will, in time, rip them apart if they decide to have both a male and a female partner in their life and one of those two will end up hurt..or maybe all three will..

What do you feel a person should do if they find out they have feelings for both genders?

I would like to state clearly that I have no problem with bisexuality or homosexuality at all. I feel that as long as both parties are either underaged or adults, love is a beautiful thing..I am just worried about what will happen in the long run if you either ignore that one part of yourself or allow it to surface and maybe end up being hurt, or hurting one of the other parties involved....

I think it's all up to the persons in questions, if the three agree then it's ok, if one of them doesn't then she/he can make their feelings clear, talk it out or walk out. It's their lives after all, hence their choices.

but if you're asking whether I'll agree or not if put in such position, that's tough, I really don't know for sure. There are always exceptions.

I find that I don't feel much threatened with another man like I would another woman. Probably because it's not that possible or common at all here so the thought it self, to me, is weird.

I also noticed that I'm not grossed out with the mere thought. Which is strange concerning what I thought about the whole gay/lesbian/bisexual idea a few years back, which was enough then to make me sick. literally.

so basically the only problem I have with bisexuality is a matter of principle. Call me selfish or whatever you like BUT I'm not at all the one for sharing partners. I'm more of If-I-am-not-enough-for-you-then-here's-the-door type.

''Another part of the original post makes it seem like maybe Ingrid just meant having one male partner, and then later in life having a female partner, for example.''

oh.

The first thought that came to my mind: I am jealous enough when it comes to one gender to keep an eye on both! I CAN'T DO THAT!

but then there should be trust. should be.

So I think it depends if he really likes men or just did it out of curiosity or something of the like. if it's a closed chapter in his life, and I mean CLOSED, then I don't think I'll hold it against him.

The point is that people ask me what to do and I find it so hard to give the advice on this. I am afraid that when they go ahead and have a partner of the same sex next to their spouse, it will create huge problems..but how will they end up when they ignore their feelings all together?

Although I am not against the concept, there is just no way I would ever want to share my husband with another male..or enter into a relationship with a woman next to being married. Even if I am drawn to them sometimes..I would be torn between the two people in my heart and without ever having been in that situation I am just so sure about it...For some reason this subject keep popping up during conversations with my clients, so it feels like I should explore the subject some more with others.

Thanks Nor and Britt for giving your opinion on this:)

If being in more than one relationship is so important it is worth your marriage, then maybe the marriage isn't right for them, and there are more issues underlying that needs to be looked at?

^^
This is where I feel the pain comes from when you are bisexual: you cannot be completely happy with just one partner. I feel it must be a horror when the longing is equally strong for both sexes and you don't want to give in to it, or are afraid to loose your family when you do.

Well, people open up their hearts to me when they come to see me..and I am not even a counsellor yet. They come to lose weight and end up telling me all about their problems. Several people have told me now they don't know whether to give in to this need they feel to be with someone of the same sex..they are so afraid to loose what they have (often husband and several small children)

Do you guys like when I share things from my work with you?

Ok, then I think we will have lots to talk about and you are helping me too. I find it hard to deal with some things I hear in my work. It helps me to be able to talk about it with you and others on the forum.

People in my country are pretty liberal, if you want to, you can do all sorts of things to find out what you want. But you have to take that first step yourself and some are afraid of what might happen. I have a client who is afraid to lose weight because of what will happen when she becomes attractive to others again. I can see her problem..she will be tempted to try things when they get within reach.

My clients are all adults and very serious about this. When you try and hide an aspect of who you are, it can haunt you and start to own you..so I tell them to at least face what they feel, regardless of them acting upon what they know/ feel they are. People need to accept who they are and not try and be something they are not, of that I am very sure..the ones who suffer most are those who have one or more children, they don't want to lose what they have and I can understand that 100%

* yes, I agree with you, Britt. Children depend on you and should come first always.

Sorry I did not read the posts after Nors.
Just thought better shoot my opinion over;

as Nor worded it, regarding my principles I am 100 % against it, and in no way will I accept this subject as a matter of being "opened ..and bla bla"

And it's not even healthy, you can go google these stuff, it has caused some new serious diseases (forget the protection part).

I will not judge others, but I will not accept it.

PS: this tends to have a relation with hormones and problems related to these stuff, not just bout having feelings to both genders; I believe

I think we labeled ourselves from experiences other than our deepest desires. Some people like to have multiple experiences, and never ever think of choosing, because they think why should they chose when their situation is so cool, but they ignore the essential. We are living in a world where the media have a Hugh impact on our perception of how the world should be, so lots of people confused fantasies with the reality, and stand up strong and proud to say they are bisexuals and both sexes are appealing to their eyes. I'd say if this is so, have they ever fallen in love? Because real love can make anyone made decision beyond their own beliefs or thoughts. Someone who love both sexes, thinking they cannot feel complete without both in their lives. We all have aims, some aim to multiply and explore, if this is the aim, then i would say if that suits you, then it's your life, but i dislike how loosely the word love is used, because i don't believe you can love both at the same time. I believed that choosing to love both is just for a matter of time, because there will be a day when you have to make a decision.

"I will not judge others, but I will not accept it."
I have to ask, do you accept homosexuality? Do you accept heterosexuality? If you believe that homosexuals have as much right to love another human being regardless of their gender, then why should it be different if they love both men and women? My feeling on this is that you can't choose to accept one format of love and not acknowledge the rest. That's not fair.
I agree with the above poster on the ultimate decision of who you are with, and yes, love is tossed around like nothing these days, but I don't think that one eventually leaves bisexuality due to a relationship and becomes either straight or gay. You don't leave heterosexuality or homosexuality just because you fall in love. It's a basic attraction, and it doesn't go away. If you're attracted to men, or women, and you fall in love, I guarantee you will still be attracted to men or women.
I remember finding it daunting when a bunch of students at my high school announced they were bisexual. I thought it was more of a fad than anything, like a slap in the face to anyone who tried to label them... I mean, really, the all-inclusive love. How much more "I don't care what you think" can you get? It was frustrating at the time, but if I really think about it, it makes sense. They were open to experimenting with both genders, and because of that, they weren't going to pin themselves down on one side of the fence. In my honest opinion, everyone is slightly bisexual, only most people have enough of a preference that they choose one or the other. As far as relationships go, aside from the obvious reproduction, I think love is about a person, not a gender.

Tri-sexual, huh? Haha, what is that? It sounds like an attraction to men, women, and hermaphrodites... but maybe that's omni-sexual? ;)

Thanks for your input, ladies. I am truly grateful:)

The people that come to me are past thirty already and most are married. They have a hard time ignoring a part of their feelings, maybe for as long as they live. Unless you have been there yourself, it may be hard to understand how that really feels. People do not choose to come into this world as either heterosexuals, gays or bisexuals, you are born that way, this is my deepest feeling about it.

I agree with above poster that all people are slightly bisexual, by the way, and sometimes there is a thin line in a friendship between the two emotions one could have for the other.

The reason why I posted this thread is because, basically, I want to know if you feel a person is better off choosing one side and ignore the other part of what they are completely, or give in to it and maybe risk losing all they have, including the respect of our more narrow minded fellow earthlings.

No matter what type of person you are attracted to - male, female, black, white, short, tall... you should always enter a relationship in which both people (or all 3 people?+) are aware of what each wants and what each is looking for in a relationship. If you are bisexual but want a committed relationship with one other person, then that is what you should stick to, and I don't think you're suppressing half of yourself by only being with that one person who represents 1/2 of the genders you are attracted to...

My boyfriend is Indian. Just because I'm with him doesn't mean I'm not attracted to Caucasians, Africans, Latinos, etc., but I don't feel like I'm hiding parts of myself by only being with a Punjabi man and not being with men of other ethnicities that I'm attracted to.
Being attracted to different types of people doesn't change the fact I want a relationship with one person.

I have a couple friends who are bisexual (but prefer to be called pansexual). They all seek relationships with one person, not a person from each gender.

Wanting a relationship with 2 people does not go hand in hand with being bisexual. You can have any sexual orientation and fall into the category of wanting a love triangle. Lol.

As a counselor, I try not to judge other people for who they are, they are entitled to their own feelings. It depends on what else they want out of life, sexuality is just one aspect of a person...there have been many men in my life that I found attractive but if I wanted a stable life with kids, and a home and family, then I chose only one of them. It is not denying a part of yourself to make a conscious choice to be faithful and leave the others behind. I think it is the same whether you are leaving other men to be with only one or if you are leaving both men and other women to be with just one person. If you want both, then I think you should stay single.

I am not stating what's fair what's not, I am one..an individual and my opinion won't affect how the world sees it; I only said I can't accept it (personally for MY self) but I won't judge others. It's a way of living and principles I believe in. Others can do whatever they want but I won't accept it for myself.
--

Jane said something very important here:

Wanting a relationship with 2 people does not go hand in hand with being bisexual.

(LIKES)

You can have any sexual orientation and fall into the category of wanting a love triangle. Lol.

(LOL)

and Lady D :

If you want both, then I think you should stay single
( I agree)

As a counselor, I try not to judge other people for who they are, they are entitled to their own feelings

^^
yes, that is true. When you see things from the point of a professional helper, there can be no judgment, only observing and trying to help the other person cope.

It is about a certain feeling the person has and not the same as choosing between races or even something as trivial as hair color, etc.

I feel people who are bisexual are worse off then the ones who are either straight or homosexual, because people in general will say they just want to have the whole pie and will have difficulty understanding the problems you face when you have to ignore a part of who you are.

I wish someone would be brave enough to join in and tell about how it is to them..but I can understand how frightening that may be. I am sure there are those who feel this way reading this thread, to those I'd like to say: you are not alone in what you feel and if you need someone to talk to, you can send me a pm, or find someone you trust at school or at work to help you cope.

From the point of view of someone who was raised around homosexuality and bisexuality, there isn't a single thing wrong with expressing yourself if you have a preference for both genders. What makes you happy is whats important long as it doesn't cause harm to others and yourself, but by harm I mean more physical harm because there will always be someone upset at a person's sexual preference.

From a future psychiatric student's point of view, I would say definitely don't hold it back as well. Some may not think so but it can be very damaging as you are probably aware. Never hold back that kind of feeling because it can lead to horrible issues down the road emotionally, mentally and sometimes physically :) I would support any choice you made but still suggest taking your desire of both genders and going with it. Theres nothing wrong with it and people who love you will accept you no matter what.

A long time ago I saw this band and found them horribly attractive, they looked like really hot girls, however after I used the overlord google, I realized every single one of them was a guy xD. This could be considered bi behavior even if I didn't like them in a sexual manner but just an attractive I like prettyness aspect. I have 0 problem admitting it but I still classify myself as straight, I've never wanted a male in a sexual manner, just appreciate the beauty of the human figure minus male genitalia o-o. Hope this helps somewhat.

Joe I like your example..
interesting..

I tried to give a decent real life example, I like the beauty of both for the most part but no sexual attraction to both, that being said at a gay pride parade (my mother is a lesbian so I support by going to them here and there, they are quite fun), I almost got grinded on by 5 guys at the same time xD. It was hilarious but not awkward , however no attraction like I said.

As for that choice factor, I think its partially a choice but there really might be a gene that makes you more inclined as scientists are currently studying the "Gay Gene". Some studies also show the more older brothers you have the more likely you are to be gay, this can be proven by research but isnt always true. :) Hopefully they will come out with a sure thing study to settle the debate soon. Not sure if the older sibling thing effects lesbians or bisexuals though, I've only seen the study involve males.

The last few posts really made me smile, thanks for taking the time to post here and I agree on all that is said. People are born a certain way, I totally agree on that. This world could be a paradise, if all people could be as understanding as you two:)

Anyone around who is actually bisexual and would like to voice their opinion?

I do tend to think it's odd when people are in open relationships, bi or not. From what I generally here, most bisexual people don't want BOTH a man and a woman at the same time. Rather, they are attracted to either, but focus on an individual. To say "I don't want to be just with a man, because I like women too" would be like me saying "I don't want to JUST be with my boyfriend, because I find other people sexy, too, and I'm crushing myself by not being with all of them."

That said, as long as all parties are legal and consenting...

Yeah its a major mistake, everyone thinks bisexuals are always having threesomes or something silly. Only means that they like both genders. People just perverse it :( Gives them a bad name. I have several bi, lesbian, and gay friends as well as family members.

A relationship with both a man and a woman at the same time? Welll. Can that be compared to a man having two girlfriends, or a woman with two boyfriends? I think we need to specify if we're talking about relationships or attractions here.

^ I agree, because relationships and attractions are two different things.

Three completely straight or gay people can have a threesome as well.

And bi-sexuals can be in a relationship with two people at the same time just as equally as someone straight or gay can be in a relationship with two people at the same time (a man having two girlfriends, a women having two boyfriends, a man having two boyfriends, a women having two girlfriends or a man/women having both a boyfriend and a girlfriend).

Neither of those things, and a few others I've seen brought up, adhere to just one group (in this case bi-sexuality). As Nano said, it depends on the person (not their sexual orientation).

I will post more of my thoughts about this later in regards to bi-sexualality in general and in regards to what Ingrid is asking, I've started writing about what I'm going to say but it's still a work in progress, still reading everyone's comments. I will also say this, I agree with Jane, with Sib and with Ingrid on just about everything they've said.

Im not saying they dont, just its a sterotype to think thats ALL they do :P Sorry for the confusion.

^^
But people do in real life, sweetheart..they do and there is so much pain in the hearts of those who are "abnormal"or fear that they are. I get to hear their stories and with it, I get to see myself too. I find myself being less and less judgmental because of my work and I think it's a good thing.

Thank you all for the way you are adding to this discussion:)