MIXED FEELING

plz help , my mom has just broken up with her boifrend for good(thank god)i really h8ted him n he was part i of ma self harming for 2 years, but now hes gone mom expects me 2 stop , but i cant i still hate ma self, and just becouse he has gone dosnt mean i just forget things that have happend like that , i now the social will be involved and itll be bad on my moms behalf to have me self harming. but i really dont now how to stop i really truly dont.plus the fact ive been really reallt conciderin suicide latly , atleat then i can cut ma wrists for once with out my mom seeing and nagging me. plus ill be free everything thats happend in my life i wont know, ill be dead gone no more worries ill be god dam happy !!!!!!!!!! ARGH! if anyone has any advice they can give me and i mean any please , ill be sooo gratefull thanx !!! lidxxXxx

i hav no idea wut to say i wish i was some happy go lucky kid so i cood come up with all this advie but i dont have any good luk