The Most Fun You Have Ever Had In a Contest- Contest

Hello participants, lurkers and the like. Do you love to laugh? Well then this contest is for you... We are going to lighten the mood here at P&Q.
So, Participants send in your poems, Lurkers get down from the rafters and write, and the like...get your fancy pants on, no need to coat it with bull butter, we want to laugh!

There are four things you need in life...and in this contest
A wish bone
A back bone
A funny bone
A serious bone

First Round Rules

1. No length or form requirement. However, you will be judged on spelling and grammar. If your wish bone poem calls for intentionally misspelled words (slang or southern grammar) then state so at end of poem so that no points are deducted.
2.No-one will be eliminated in the first three rounds. There will be an accumulation of points and based on the points you receive in the first three rounds, this will decide if you will move on to the last round.
3. Poems for the first round must be received by March 21st at 6:00 p.m. EST (Eastern Standard Time)
Judging will take place from March 21st 6:01 p.m. (EST) to March 24th 6:00 p.m. ( EST). Please PM your poems to me via the sites PM system including your title for poem.
4. Poems must be new and written for this contest.
5. Poems must not be posted to your account until the end of the entire contest. To do so results in disqualification. We want to keep your identity hidden so no one gets their panties in a wad.
6. There are four judges for this contest that will not be revealed unless they themselves decide to do so upon ending of the last round.
7. Poems will be strictly judged on spelling, grammar, content, originality/creativity, and laugh-o-meter. Deductions will be -5points for each misspelled word, please spell check your poem. The only bonus points in this round will be 5 "boney" points for being the funniest. Extra bonus points if you make a judge pee their pants.

First Round: (Wish Bone)

Write a poem about something you wish....or wish wouldn't have happened.
Here are some scenarios that could give you some inspiration for what we are looking for in your wish bone poem. Your poem does not have to be about one of the following, they are simply for inspiration.

a. bodily functions... Flatulence, diarrhea, burping, post nasal drip...
b. life happens... Toilet paper, animals, parents, teachers, embarrassment in front of friends...
Or anything that you could think of relating to this round that will make everyone laugh.

Remember it has to be funny, the funnier the poem is the more points it accumulates on the Laugh_O_Meter.

The only bonus points in this round will be 5 "boney" points for being the funniest. Extra bonus points if you make a judge pee in their pants from laughing. Poems will be strictly judged on spelling, grammar, content, originality/creativity, and laugh-o-meter. Deductions will be minus 5 points for each misspelled word, please spell check your poem.

This quote should help you in your journey.

To me there are three things everyone should do every day. Number one is laugh. Number two is think -- spend some time in thought. Number three, you should have your emotions move you to tears. If you laugh, think and cry, that's a heck of a day.
--Jim Valvano

Make your poem funny, think about your subject, spelling and grammar. Be moved to tears (in laughter)

Get your buns busy writing, and remember to have fun!

Sounds like heaps of fun:)

Sounds like a lot of fun Kay :)

Bahahahah im already laughing because people on this site are nuts and could totally write a hilarious poem!

Haha, I can't wait to see what all you wonderful poets come up with! I like the idea of poems being funny and I can already tell that I am going to end up laughing really hard at someones poem! ;]

I'm sorry if I didn't read close enough but since nobody is going to be eliminated in the first three rounds and points will only be tallied up... is it possible for someone to enter rounds two & three yet not the first or must they enter the first round to actually participate in the entire contest?

You would need to enter from the beginning. However, I am going to extend the first weeks round, and then the other rounds will be shorter as more are eliminated.

Check for edit in OP.

I only gotten in three so far, the first round poems are due by Monday. In serious search for the comedian of P&Q. Let's have a laugh instead of the serious stuff, poke fun at me, yourself or life's little quirky things. Let's just have fun!

Kay would you extend this a bit? as i had my club well refreshed this week and if you would extend this id like to post it my club,some dont come to the main boards and i didnt think of this idea before now??

Yes I will extend this round til Wednesday so that others may join, however I will go ahead and post round 2 also later this evening, since there are no eliminations in the first three rounds anyway, but contestants must have entered the first round.

Thank you for trying to get the contest going. Just trying to loosen the mood around P&Q.

You are welcome :D, and gd idea..if they start working on that already it wil hold better poems, hope more members from the flowing river and moon light join..And maybe am sure they will :p

I know some of you are waiting on this.... disregard the little thingys til I can edit them please.

Contestants- You have done a fabulous job, thank you each for participating. Round 2 is already posted and the rules and deadlines are posted with it.

Round 1 is over! 10 poets have stepped up to see if they fit the bill and see Who will be named the Round 1 Jester? Results will be posted Sunday... Meanwhile contestants will be preparing for round 2 with secret bonuses.
Who hit your funny bone?
***Audience participation for anyone who reads this post. Just post the poem number in your post on this thread that you think is the funniest. If you are a participant in the contest you can even vote, you can vote for yours or someone else. Just vote for who you think is the funniest. There are no secret bonuses or anything. Just trying to get a little audience participation.

The 10 poems are as follows

Poem 1

My Goose

Britt told me to let loose,
be cheesy! so I grabbed a goose.
Laced it with cheddar -
promised I'd make him feel better
and shoved it in a post box today.

Somehow he arrived in Canada,
at a cafe where a goose needs a sweater!
Lu covered him with a blanket
told him "you're going to make it"
and sent him with a sandwich on his way.

By the time he made his way to Bliss,
he was in need of a little kiss.
She offered him cheesecake,
that we all know she didn't bake!
Tying him to a balloon as he
had extended his stay.

That morning Temps woke with a surprise,
it was early, before sunrise.
Her dogs liked cheddar
and were chasing a goose with a letter
trying to make him into a chew toy.

When he went to visit Yaki,
he loved how she was so chatty,
but began wondering where was Britt?
so he phoned me to call me a git
and asked I'd send some postage money
right away!

Once he arrived at Britts place,
he told her about all of his mates!
How he'd flown to see Deana,
Chelsey he loved to meet her,
and how AJ had made him go to the gym!

but when Monday arrived,
I was kind of surprised
as he sat on my doorstep with a ribbon.
He told me he missed me,
wished that he'd never ditched me
and asked why Britt and Jason had guns?

Turns out he got scared,
of the shotgun by their bed
and decided he had to go on the run.
Today I'm jealous by
the way he speaks overzealous
and wish I'd never sent him away!

Poem 2

Toffee Surprise

Little fingers take a sweet,
Wrapper twisted nice and neat.
In his mouth the child does chew;
Sucking, slurping, chewing chews.

Easter Eggs and Rainbow drops,
Sweets on shelves in sweetie shops.

Lemon Bon Bons and Gummie Bears,
Sweets alone and sweets to share.

Sherbet Dips and Jelly Beans,
Sweets taste better than eating greens.

Fudges, lollies, and toffees too;
Sucking, slurping, chewing chews.
Whimpered moan revealed the truth.
Chewed Eclair with embedded tooth.

Poem 3

I've Lost My Ass!!!

I wish I had my ass back
for it was stolen late last night
now there's nothing left to
keep my PJs right.

The cord around my waist is pulled
as tight as tight can be
but still I stumbled over them
when I got up for a pee.

Without a bum my trousers hang
way down past my knee
and the place where my ass once was
is a void for all to see.

I had trouble in my class today
when my teacher had a fit
I fell down on the floor you know
when she told us all to sit.

My friends say "it's good you know,
the junior sale's on at K-mart"
but I'm more concerned in truth
that I can no longer fart.

So, if your ass is big and round
it doesn't matter none a bit
I wish for any shape or form
'cos I'm desperate for a shit!

Poem 4

Who Bought P and Q (riddle)

Like an addict with a crack jones
Janis has sold everything he owns
and that included P and Q
so now here is your clue
the person wrote the rules
for me and you

some may guess a lass who is fine
she may even ask you to dine
it's not even a disgrace
that she owns the place
where you'll be feeding your face

then again it could be that self appointed ass
the one from the lower class
but I doubt he could afford such a site
course if he still had that bank money
he just might

my vote would be a foreigner
but if that were to occur
every forum would be random
with Ddavid and Noir the perfect tandem
to wreck havoc, damn them

so, have you figured it out
or are you still riddled with doubt
the answer will surely make you pout
because he'll be gone more than Janis and Dainz
flying through life by the seat of his pants.

(try to guess the three people described )

Poem 5

Politically Correct

Pocahontas is too sexy, and tinky winky is gay.
None of us believe this, though that's what they say.
The laws have been passed for our marriage bonds.
I have no contempt for the rules, or legal blondes.

I won't ask and none you people have to tell
If you think the government has us under their spell
Must we refudiate the right to scream "drill baby drill"
While we pass around the buck after a major oil spill?

Yo mama's so fat that when she farts Albert Gore
Declares a global warming emergency and more.
We're still searching for yo mama Bin Ladin you know.
Yo daddy is our best friend. but you are our foe.

The environment is not fit for men nor ducks
But we still owe China and others over a million bucks
Emily Litella was fired about the time Glenn was hired
You don't have to do a moon walk to be admired

The peasants are revolting while politicians cast blame.
It's enough to make Martin Luther want to take back his name
None of us seem to get along, and we agree it is a crying shame.
But you have got to be politically correct to stay in this game.

We elect our government officials and then we reject,
The will of the people and it is now politically correct.
It is enough to make school teachers want to strike
Political bias ,capitalism, and the right wing alike.

Poem 6

Stinky Feet

I once had sweaty feet
the odor was a tricky treat,
scornfully sour, never sweet
gym sock trashed in defeat.

This would be my demise
seeing the watering of friends' eyes,
silently snickering from their cries
a stink not welcomed, what a surprise!

I've since showered, no more smell
the feeling of cleanliness works well,
it'll happen again, only time will tell,
and then we'll sniff the funk from hell!

Poem 7

Surprise! (Double Limerick)

Looking at the stars above,
in the forest making love.
When out of no-where,
I had sensed her glare;
She knew I forgot the glove.

With a baby on the way,
there's nothing to do but pray
he won't be a bug
nor will he be smug,
and please don't let him be gay.

Poem 8
To Be Nonsensical

You need 9 lives
to kill your wives,
and there's no other way
to brighten your day

Lick the dish
then make a wish,
only this way
you can twist to a fish.

You need no spoon
to crash a cocoon
use your fingers
and they'll stink so soon

Clean the fork
to eat the pork,
that's how your pals
distinguish the dork

Read my pain,
don't read again
only this way
you can save your brain

I am smart
And I learned to fart,
and If you too start
I will baptize your part

I know how to stink
And I know how to lick,
I know about life
And all about wives
I know, I know
I know about pain,
And If you vote for me
I will write again

Poem 9

Crazy Journalists

Headlines scripted
on newspaper speak of rain
yet pavements are covered in
snow,

oh no!

Makes one wonder,
are all journalists blind
or are they drunk?

You say we're lucky the rain
isn't snow, yet if you look around
you will know...

a death has been reported
because of ice,
slid off the road and into the ditch,
isn't that a bitch?

We'll wake tomorrow morning
searching for coverage on this
devastating story,
but what will we find?

Journalists reporting on
Japan's earthquake with reports
of no deaths,

or something ridiculous
for that matter.

Oh wait, let me guess.

Republicans and democrats
in Wisconsin will finally agree
and there will be no more
controversy?

As much as we wish you'd
get your stories straight,
your sarcasm is great!

Keep us laughing,
you're doing a wonderful job!

Poem 10

Keith Richard's Lament

The longer I crawl this earth
the more my pleasures shrink;
I cannot hit the night life 'cause
I hit the bed at just one drink;

No keeping time with ladies if it
means dance or even playing;
now it's more than I can manage
to figure what they're saying

I wish for a drug that would make
my moves flow like Niagara,
If it were I'd leap to put
my body on that Viagra.

Poem 1 LOL <3

Poem 7 has to be my favorite although they are all really funny! Great job everyone!

# 3 or 5 for me!

Poem number 1,hahahahaha OMG. LOL,.