Scared and lost....

So I guess what I'm looking for is a little guidance because I'm honestly floundering right now. I've had a lot of heath issues the last month, seeing doctors, being put on med's that I've never been on and under a lot of emotional strain from a lot of different points in my life. They just put me on a birth control pill to try to even out and calm down some of my heath problems, I'm on my first week of taking it and it's not going well. I already struggle with depression and anger and the pill is making my moods and emotions swing so far out of balance it's not even funny.

My fiance that I've been with for almost 4 years is living out of the country right now for work and to be with family but we talk every night online. Last night I was tired and moody while we were talking and I told him I didn't want to live apart from him anymore, he's known how I feel but I want to move to be with him by the end of the summer. I feel I've waited long enough and I'm sick of being alone. He told me that I know why he doesn't want me to be there (he lives in Mexico and is concerned about my safety if I was there and apparently that I'd distract him from the work he's doing). I blew up and ended up spending over an hour outside refusing to talk to him. Normally when we have arguments we have our spat then get over it, we never stay mad at each other long. But tonight I'm still struggling with it and still hurt and upset about it.

He's figuring I'm just so easily upset because of the medicine messing with my hormones and he's probably right since everything upsets me, I'm constantly crying, heck I even broke down in the library today just because a librarian was giving me a hard time. Normally I have my moods under control and this is totally not me. I hate still feeling...resentful, hurt and angry that he refused to see my wants, how much his choices are hurting me even though I tried to explain it. I love him very much and don't want to push him away but I keep thinking maybe it's time to take a break, I can't take the pain and distance much more, there comes a point when I just need the man that's supposed to care for me to actually be here, hold me and help me instead of just talking each night online.

I guess I'm just looking for help on how to cope, ideas to try to level out my moods so I'm not always snapping at my fiance, he doesn't deserve me being hurtful on purpose to him. I just feel like I'm drowning and I can't get him to hear me and I'm tired of arguing with him. Any advice other then leaving him...I'd welcome so much.

No, I'm not going to leave him, tempting at times so at least I stop hurting him because of my hurt feelings but I'm not going to do that. Although a break might be good even though he won't take that well.

I am taking all of it, although some of them are making other health issues worse so I have to go through finding something else that'll work better. The depression part is hard but I'm trying to fight it. Thank you, I attempt to remember I'm a mature woman and have to act like it :P And I have to give him credit, I've been downright nasty at times lately and I'm having a hard time being friendly even towards him but he's trying hard to be patient and understand and not hold my meltdowns and bad moods against me. He always tells me he loves me even while I'm not that lovable. Just...I can't get rid of the frustration, resentment. I guess the medication is just making all my abilities to hold in my emotions and feelings on things to myself anymore :P