Nor & Mel's Poetic Challenge

Beautiful poems guys, I especially loved these 4.

#6, 8, 9, & 13 :)

This is fantactis. What a great way to organize a contest!

LOL @ MIKE, great feedback, it's very helpful! Makes you think when you write again! I love this.. Thanks for the efforts.
I think, this is funnnn

Guys, this is great, you guys are truly great, I LOVED this contest... thank you Nor and Mel :) thank you VERY much. :)

so, no one will be eliminated in the first round? :/

Pleasure is all ours.

4 people will be eliminated the first round.

However they can still enter in the second round if they want to have fun, give themselves a challenge and receive feedback. They just wont accumulate points and therefore they can't win.

Hey Great job everyone ..

And when are the results going to be announced? I'm too excited! xD

Are you picking at something I said, Larry? :D
>>>

No, I'm just delighted how the two of you, half a world apart, mesh so well in something so complex.

^0 Hat's off to you both.

Beautiful, absolutely beautiful results.

Great participation and hard workers (aka Mel and Nor!)

Thanks for all the reviews...I know looking back on mine it will help my future writing....poets here wrote really lasting advice that I know I can apply to many styles.

:)

This is awesome. I'm loving how many people wrote, and ESPECIALLY loving all the participation with comments! Snaps to our two hosts for running such a tight contest so far!

Glad everyone is enjoying it so far.

Larry, Mel is my twin for years now so we get along fine. She's the good twin too. I'm the evil one. Thank you :)

Judges are supposed to send their results today and the next round will be posted tomorrow, so between today and tomorrow the results will be posted. Hopefully.

Until then, I had a few more comments sent to me yesterday. :)

12) Dissolve

''This is a unique piece.The imagery, the word choices and emotional depth speak loudly, waking each reader's personal experiences. Besides the ending really gives this piece an emotive feel. Very impressive.''

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13) Summertime on Bearskin Neck

''I liked the flow and the originality in this piece. The interconnection between sound and feeling here adds an extra charm and enriches this poem, drawing the reader. The writer plays with the words and we dance with him. I really enjoyed the read.''

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''Don't Speak''

''I love how the title command "don't speak" as in the poem it asks the person to listen..to the depth of the silence ..secrets..There emotions are strong, this is not ordinary, simple words but the depth aimed is really there..but it's as if missing. the ending is not satisfying, I love the way you placed the words. Some people might nag about the length of each line, but for me i think it flowed well that way.. As I said just if you expand a bit more! and -i'm finally free, should be I'm

Nice piece!'' -Sunshine

Thank you, Nor! :)

Great stuff. Good job with the contest so far.

So the results are in!

But first I need to clear 2 things about the results. First, one of the judges gave the same place to two poems (Last wish and Dissolve), I left it as is. Second, One of the judges couldn't make it in time so thankfully an emergency judge (third judge in the comments and points) helped filling their place.

***Four people will be eliminated this round!

Results:
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1)Summertime on Bearskin Neck
(17P+ 17P+ 17P) Total: 51 Points

''A breath of fresh air, who wasn't transported with this piece? I loved it whimsical beautiful...Summer!''

"I liked the movement of this piece. The first few lines read like a song, very effective rhythm and rhyme. It adds to the positive air of the poem's imagery. When you read this you can't help but be in a rush to celebrate nature. It's a great way to let your reader participate in your thoughts. It's much like hearing a catchy tune and automatically humming along. I liked the way the poet didn't make use of too many adjectives to describe her view. Adjectives are beautiful but you have to be careful with them as they often tend to take away from the naturalness of a piece. The poet managed to maintain this well, and I have to praise her for that. Not to mention the uniqueness of each image. Dragonflies seem to be overused as of late, so are moons, but to bring electricity in it adds a whole new touch to these classics. I also liked the way the poet slowly worked her way towards something more modern and new. That's by bringing in cigarettes in combination with summer. It introduces a twist and that's surely what we got to read after this line. That way the reader won't be too confused when he faces a whole different view of nature. The quotes add a certain nonchalance to this piece, and I believe the poet intended it to be so, as it is simply a reflection of her own self. This may be a nature poem but I also found it to be very personal, that's the beauty and uniqueness of this piece."

''This is the most fitted title among all the other entry poems I have read so far, summertime should be about being bright, cheerful and high spirited, just like this poem. I felt like I was a ballerina tip-toeing to hip-hop beats. Reading this is like having an expensive complete meal, needless to say, this poet has made conscious use of poetic devices and figurative languages in this tiny piece.''

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2) I am
(13P+ 15P+ 16P) Total: 44 Points

''At first I wasn't sure if this was in the first and third person but take it to be a reflection of one's self. Were the capitals on some lines intentional? A couple of grammatical errors but on the whole well written, well structured, full of content. A good read.''

"I found it hard to get through the first few lines as they were very monotonous. I had to re-read them a lot of times because my eyes always trailed off the screen due to a lack of interest, but once I got through it I began to appreciate it. It may not be the best way to catch the attention of the reader but it is certainly the best way to carry forth a message. It's quite casual and ordinary, something I believe was intentional. I just got confused when the narrative shifted from third person to first person. It suddenly became personal whereas the first few lines didn't indicate this. It seems like a transition for the next stanza, as it abbreviates on the idea of a sleeve, and still maintaining the idea of birth (Venus and Mars; woman and man). I found it hard to decide whether this was cleverly done or not. It's a bit haphazard but at the same time logical. Same goes for the next two stanzas. They seem random but also cohering. It seems like the poet is trying to maintain his spontaneous behaviour by jumping from one image to another, yet trying to maintain some sort of connection with his ancestors by stringing the images together. It is daring but also confusing. I can appreciate the techniques and the poeticness of this piece, but try to tidy it up. Otherwise, a well-written piece."

''The creative and original images presented in this piece are impossible to resist. For example, a sometimes-smiling Mona Lisa is enough to stimulate one's interest. I love how this poet talks about his/her good attributes before pronouncing on his/her bad. The ending shows how much emotionally involved this poet is to his/her forefathers.''

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3) Rhinestone (14P+ 12P+ 14P) 40 Points

''I found this quite an intense emotive read, It has an edge and harshness that gives meaning to the title. I was drawn in sensing the writers bitter sweet pain. And although I question the structure and line breaks it still manages to flow really well. Well done.''

"The first two stanzas are very clear, so they easily draw the reader in. Wording and emotion are the strongest points in these stanzas. They were powerful and convincing. The only criticism I have is regarding to "protecting your fingers ..." as I can't see why one should protect fingers from forgetting. One would think this person should protect the mind or something along those lines, but that's not a major flaw at all. I am more concerned about the second half of this poem. The poem loses its strength here. The poet throws herself into ineffective repetition and triteness. Whereas the first half of the poem illustrates a clear concept, the second half is too unorganized. Not just its wording but even its structure indicates this. There is certainly elegance and beauty in its metaphors but a good reader is not fooled by prettiness when it doesn't support the message of the poem. I also don't see why this particular title was chosen. When I read "Rhinestone" I am reminded of imitation/fakeness, as the stone can fool someone into believing that it's a diamond. I see none of these features in the poem, neither in the persona, nor the person she's talking to."

''In the first stanza, the poem is already conveying a vivid impression of the depth of her/his feelings of regret towards his/her lover which is unfailing in every stanza. We can notice it by several expressions like, "I was there to lull, I was too intoxicated, I loved you for I needed to replace myself, etc.". Also, we already had anticipated the poet's feelings just watching the words used to refer to the "dying candle." Moreover, I find the effective use of alliteration to be memorable and more pleasing to the ear. This poem has been a very beautiful for me because I could feel the sadness and regret of a poet being betrayed by her/his feelings.''

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4) Dissolve
(12P+ 14P+ 12P) Total: 38 Points

''A lovely poem of love, bitter sweet and exposed. I thought now dissolved could have been left out as the imagery is already there and reinforced with your title, but this is a minor criticism.''

"I love the way this poem begins with a rather overwhelming image (torrent), while it is worded very softly. I can feel this softening effect throughout the whole piece. Be it wording or concept. The poem speaks of one's firm self being pushed away due to emotions, something which is quite natural (when we're in love we tend to forget the things we detest). At first I found this poem to be less emotional due to words such as "solitaire", "valuable" and "vagaries". They evoke a sense of objectiveness, much like terms that would be used by a psychiatrist to describe emotions. So my criticism would be to use less of these impersonal big words. Fortunately, the poet has a great eye for metaphors. The whole poem is very focused on the theme, something which is often not done (well) in poetry. Transitions weren't needed since the imagery of each stanza complemented each other. A neat poem."

''I find the title to be fitting well with the poem. The last stanza is the vivid expression of how this author feels about relationship, and his/her thoughts on love, which is clearly emphasized when the vagaries of love is compared to wind's and rain's, such elements of nature, refreshing and can be beautifully personified, yet still, destructive. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this piece for its precise word choice which was picked and executed in an extremely diligent fashion.''

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5)The Glass Ocean
(8P+ 16P+ 11P) Total: 35 Points

''Another poem where the structure detracts from what could be a good write. It almost seems as if the structure or 4 lined stanzas's dictated the poem rather than the poem dictate the structure. Its all there and would flow well with a little more work. Good use of metaphor helped create some lovely images.''

"I like the way everything in this poems flows into each other but rocks at the same time, just like the waves of the ocean. The use of enjambment served the poem well, every image just rolled after the other one. The whole pace is well-adjusted to every memory, it's as if snapshots of life are displayed subsequently. I have to admit that it eyes rather messy, it works even confusing because one would not expect such enjambment in a poem with such a standard structure (mainly consisting of quatrains). But I pretty much enjoyed it because this technique is a rare one and it allows me to get into the right mood of the poem. I read the poem as a sequence of flashbacks that's beautiful but fast and temporary, just like fireworks. One might say that I'm reading too much into it, but if you look closely, the poet has also made use of a technique to keep her focus, despite the several different images that seem to create one big salad bowl. I'm talking about repetition, a tool that's frequently used in spoken poetry to keep the focus on the main subject (in this case: memories). I think this was a clever write with its own unique twists. It is modern yet classical, fluffy yet with a doom-laden ending. The only criticism I have is that the title could have been more involved in the poem, as I still have no clue what the relation of glass is in this poem."

''I find the title to be interesting. At first glance, one would think that is nothing but a catching title and not really fitting with the poem. However, the ocean seemed to symbolize a long journey taken, a journey to the past only to find a beautiful memory, yet has turned into a mess, which was clearly carried at the end of this piece.''

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6) Granite
(15P+ 5P+ 15P) Total: 35 Points

''A very strong poem that improves with every read. It's as if the author intentionally left out any punctuation, but this poem seems to get away with it, to spite us almost. Some great lines, Playful in their ways sporadic. Full of depth and allure, congratulations.''

"I'm usually not a fan of pointing out grammar mistakes in a poem, because I think it's less important, but I have to say that grammar certainly ruined the poem here. The flow is extremely rocky and the message gets lost in odd syntax. Lines like "Playful in their ways sporadic" and sentences like "My God always I can still see her ..." make absolutely no sense. Not to mention the use of a "complicated" word such as sporadic, which does not fit the diction throughout the whole poem at all. The second stanza has been full of vividness (e.g. "footprints like dagger marks"), so why take it easy and just pick an emotionless word out of your thesaurus? I also don't like the title of the poem as it seems like another attempt to appear complicated. "Granite" doesn't say much and doesn't appear in the poem either. Yes, it is a rock, but what does this specific rock add to the poem? None, because the poem is focused on normal rocks."

''This is a beautiful though heartbreaking tribute for a loved one. Granite totally fits to the description of her beauty. I was engaged with the events that took place in this poem, due to its carefully selected and elegant wording. I might not agree with every piece of punctuation that most of the poets use, however, yours without any of it might have been plausible but not in this line "took a walk with her she" then followed by a capitalized line. Overall, great way to end this poem, though I was overwhelmed by the mixed emotions I experienced while reading this piece.''

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7) Muddled
(11P+ 10P+ 13P) Total: 34 Points

''Whimsical yet beautifully penned, short but oh so sweet.''

"This poem is very different from the rest as it concentrates much more on symbolism, I like that. However, for such a short piece it seems to be scattered with too many different symbols. Especially the middle part of this poem is too heavy for such a fragile concept. The images are too forced and therefore doesn't reach the mind of the reader. For example: "for flowers wedged in her mind yearn to blossom yet she falls". Too much action is taking place in only three lines and also from too many different objects (flower, mind and the persona). I also didn't like "scents of romance and tragedy" as it isn't a specific image. Specificity is (usually) the key of success in a short poem, just take a look at the whole concept of Haiku/Senryu. Don't overdo the vagueness. The fact that you're making use of symbolism already blurs the connection between reader and poem. Do not enforce this by blurring imagery as well. "

''The structure of this poem totally fits the title, moreover, with the images that are being portrayed here through these words "clustered mess". This is a short but powerful poem that perfectly emphasizes the lasting and upsetting effects of being lost. I could sit back and relax while reading this but one thing is for sure, this could challenge one's creative instinct.''

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8) Icicle
(9P+ 13P+ 10P) Total: 32 Points

''half- hazard had me tricked for a while, or was that your intent? Icicle, cold as ice, a forbidden love or a love not right. A short but eventful rollercoaster ride, with quite an evocative ending that could go in a number of directions. One thing I was left wondering about is there is where you were hiding, was that intentional as I don't know where there was pertaining to. But still a good read.''

"I can see that the icicle possesses some sort of symbolism, which was vaguely evident throughout the poem, but the reader will never be really sure of this, because the symbolism of the icicle wasn't literally expressed. So my critique is to be clearer with your use of symbolism. Either incorporate it within the poem (by playing with words that can both adhere to a human being and an icicle; by making use of a simile; etc), or don't use it at all (not even in the title), as it leaves the reader confused when you only mention it in the title. I have to say that I was very drawn to the poem, as it holds the elegance of darkness. I liked the way the opening stanza was built up: the first few lines make the reader curious, and then the poet slowly unfolds words that are laden with thrilling emotions. I also enjoyed the "There is ... what force". Its slowness, followed by rhyme, and a faster pace that pulls the reader along with the words. I'm a bit undecided about the "enemies? Well, let's say you had a few". It's tricky to change your tone like that. It either kills the poem or makes it perfect. The line makes it all a bit frivolous, something of which I'm not sure whether it was intended or not. I can see the light-heartedness in this piece due to the ending ("never for long enough"); it is somewhat mischievous. So I think I'm going with liking this change of tone, but I wouldn't have to ponder about it so much if this mischievousness was more evident in the last stanza."

''Having a captivating title is nothing without well-crafted wording content that backs up the promise of the title, without a doubt, this poet nailed it. Icicle seemed to symbolize a person who is rigid, stuck, and resistant to change. This poet captures the right words in the last verse of the whole poem making its meaning quiet positive to change. The subtle alliteration enhances the value of this piece. The metrical structure of this poem is peculiar because it is composed of irregular number of lines in every stanza, but in my opinion, it also enhances its beauty.''

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9) Last Wish
(12P+ 7P+ 9P) Total: 28 Points

''This narrative did not flow, I found myself stopping and tripping over the words and line breaks which is a shame as further editing would have improved this immensely. A few grammatical errors were also a distraction. Still an emotive piece worthy of attention.''

"This poem has potential but it could use a lot of focus as it balances on the verge of directness and vagueness. I liked the opening lines as they were very direct and communicated well. The reader is placed in the moment, he is able to see the gloominess of writing a letter; the hopelessness in the acts of the persona. But then it all jumps to something that can only be known by the persona itself. The persona starts to think but does not take the reader with her. Not to mention the sudden vague descriptions such as "romantic essence� that apparently serves to prove something of which the reader is not informed. The reader is hypnotized by flattering images but he's not aware of what he's reading. Another concern I have is that the way of speaking shifts all the time. The persona speaks softly and seriously but there are times when she suddenly blurts out hysterical sentences. This is caused by the use of exclamation marks, and certainly does not fit the atmosphere of the poem."

''From the title, I knew this would be an emotional piece and I wasn't disappointed. While sifting through each line, I was flooded by overwhelming memories and emotions being conveyed in this piece. "Or to show regret" in my opinion is a clever insertion just so to convey that this poet is going through a love loss. While this poem has touched me in every way, from its portrayed scenes and images through this poet's word choice, I however felt that the ending was a tad staged.''

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10) Fire in the Darkest Season
(16P+ 6P+ 6P) Total: 28 Points

''This poem had me entranced, the word usage was quite mesmerizing and the internal rhyme worked perfectly. Beautiful imagery created in such a short piece. A little gem doing this style of poetry proud.''

"I liked the way the title is a vague image, while the poem itself focuses on the details of this image. It's a clever way of taking advantage of a title, especially because this poetry form restricts the amount of words that you're allowed to use. The poem begins with an almost microscopic view, then it broadens and ends into the expansiveness of a sea. I liked this because the broadness of the zoomed-out ending is coherent with the broadness of the title. It's a pity that the ghosts and trees prevent this idea from going gradually. These two images disrupt the serenity of this piece. The reader is suddenly forced to focus on something compact or unnatural, just to be thrown back into the serenity of the seas and snow. The poet tried to say too much in such a short form. I found it difficult to rank this poem so low, since it follows the rules of the form perfectly, but the downside of following rules is that it restricts us."

''I find the wording to be elegant. I could tell that this poet has carefully selected and arranged the words to portray the beauty of flushing snow, thus referred to be the "fire in the darkest season
". Despite the strict rhyme system being observed by this poet, it did not prevent him/her to render such a sublime and beautiful piece.''

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11) Achilles' Heel"
(10P+ 9P+ 7P) Total: 26 Points

''Although a cleverly rhymed poem it didn't flow as well as it could have and seemed somewhat disjointed and I had difficulty tying it altogether. Yet I felt the truth staring me in the face I just couldn't quite grasp it, but then thats it, we all have our own Achilles heel.''

"A lovely Villanelle, I am impressed that the poet managed to keep up the rhythm with such a restrictive rhyme scheme. Most people found it hard to rhyme too much on the same word, so they end up twisting sentences around and sacrificing rhythm for rhyme. This poet didn't do this at all, so kudos for successfully writing in this form. I also liked its content as it had a nice balance of written facts of the myth and an own personal touch. The poem can be seen as a short form of the myth, but also as a message to the world with Achille's story as metaphor. I loved the references to the past, the future, and destiny. It made this poem a bit more magical. The only thing I have to criticize is the line "Like a myth of history that would become real". I found it ineffective to make use of a simile that involves the idea of a myth, while the poem itself is based on a myth. I also didn't like the line "A calf is a muscle, a god is surreal". I think the reader could have easily concluded this himself, so there's no need to emphasize that. I feel the poet did this for the sake of filling space."

''I'm not sure if this is a formed poetry, though it looks like one, and this poet is to be commended for a job well done. There is not a single rhyme that went off, and having a perfect rhyme in a poem means having a faultless flow. However, the poem may have a perfect rhyme and meter but if it doesn't mean anything, then it is flawed. While reading this, I felt like I was chewing a sweet but not a bubbly gum.''

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12) Even ugly can make beauty
(6P+ 8P+ 8P) Total: 22 Points

''For some reason this entry made me think an Apple never falls far from the tree, of course not the authors intent. But thats what it made me think, somebody must have loved this Ugly plant at some stage to have produced a seed that bloomed into beauty, but that is just being picky. How good did this philosophy on life translate into a poem? I thought poem and the poets intent Ie the attached comment seem slightly at odds with each other, and I would prefer that intent to shine through within the poem without the comment. Still this poem had a certain edge that I quite liked, yet maybe another verse or two rather than the abrupt ending.''

"I enjoyed the fairytale-tone of this poem, while its language is rather modern. It's an effective mix which can be seen in the first line already. "Once upon a time" reminds us of old-fashioned fairytales that teach us something wise with a magical twist. Changing this into "Once upon an eon" makes it more serious and modern. This effect carries on with classical imagery ("drunken lillies") and rather aversive imagery ("horse dung"). The poet keeps playing on different sides of a coin, which is a subtle way to complement the title, as it questions ugliness versus beauty. Most people found it hard to make a connection between title a poem, but this poet has certainly made title and poem "one", which results in a clear concept for the reader. Since this concept was so clear, I felt that the repetition of the words "ugly" and "beautiful" was unnecessary. The second and third stanza are very dull and not as vivid as the first stanza. I know the poet is trying to keep up the tone but he/she could've also done so by not repeating these abstract terms. As I read these stanzas, I kept wondered "how ugly is ugly" and "how beautiful is beautiful"."

''This is a nice story-telling kind of poem that explores one's self-worth despite of the inherited instability and failure from those whom we called parents. Despite the fact that the subject is nothing but ordinary, the knowledge and wisdom contained by this piece is well thought out. There's nothing really striking with its wording but highly appreciable and commendable for its smooth flow and consistency of the theme being portrayed.''

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13) Survival of the Vagrant Hear
(5P+ 11P+ 5P) Total: 21 Points

''Beginning middle end.. I enjoyed the first two stanzas and where the author was leading me only to be confused by the ending therefore the true meaning of the piece. Good word usage structure and imagery. I think we could all take something different from this poem be it different from the author's intent.''

"I can see that the poet is trying to be "poetic" here with his/her title, and although it is impossible to imagine, I do enjoy the thought of it. It sparks many images in my head; hints of wilderness and wanderlust. The fact that the title is already able to capture my attention is very promising. I was a bit disappointed when I started to read the poem, as I expected something from the perspective of the heart, a sort of personification. After all, that's what the title depicts. By choosing such a title you're objectifying your emotions and jeopardizing a persona. The poet didn't carry the impression of the title in his/her poem; he/she lost focus and that's how a reader loses focus as well. Fortunately, this is compensated by a powerful ending. Although "Day showered me with winds of dance" is a very forced and vague image, the next few lines were very impressive. It was as if I was standing there watching a hopeless child carrying all that's left above his/her head. It reminds me of poor children carrying water jars on their head, for the sake of survival. That's what I like about the following few lines, that they describe a specific image that can be connected to several other images. Just like the title."

''At first, I find the title, over dramatic but after reading the poem, it fits the wording with sort of a little bit of exaggeration. The execution of every verse complements the growing scene which is noticed through every first line of each stanza, however, writing a poem is not just telling a story or sending a message to the readers, the intervention should be avoided in order to get the right message through. I find the pacing here, too hasty; as a result, I was left meditating of what has occurred in between each phase. Although I know for a fact that pacing for intervention sometimes are effective, though not in this piece.''

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14) Persephone
(2P+ 4P+ 4P) Total: 10 Points

''Thanks for the link enabling greater understanding to your poem. Though upon first read I was a little disappointed as it was more narrative than poetic, lacking any real emotive content. The potential is there for sure but wasn't fully realized. I found it slightly disjointed lacking flow and meter. I must say I was surprised by your use of the word Gnawing in the last stanza, would the Goddess use such terminology? The bare bones are there and the topic a good one but feel the execution needs more work.''

"At first glance: a neatly written poem. The first stanza possesses an intriguing mix between abstract and concrete imagery. The juxtaposition of a narcissus and the underworld is even hypnotizing. However, the reader is soon to be awakened from this hypnosis due to the sound, tone and flow of this stanza. In poetry, these are entwined in terms of effect and that's what the poet fails to take advantage of. For example, I was not such a fan of the word "abducted" because its harsh sound ruins the effect of sibilance in the word "Innocence", which in turn ruins the flow AND the tone. The stanza becomes hard to read and its tone is too robotic. This would have been a minor flaw if the concept of this poem held more than just a summary of the myth. I feel like this poem could've been more evocative instead of story-telling. If I had wanted to know about the myth of Persephone then I could've googled it. This poem is just a solid display of the myth. I cannot feel Persephone, the poem is very impersonal. Where is the horror of her abduction, the gradual love for Hades, the fulfilment of power, the grief of Demeter, etc? The poet surely tells us about it but he/she doesn't show us. The poem lacks personality, which is worsened by the sound. A plus point of this poem is the presence of interesting phrases such as "goddess-napper" and "pomegranate offering", which add a wisp of creativity to the poem. I would've loved to see more of these twists to keep up the sense of otherworldliness."

''The title is clearly showing that the poem will be going to be about a mythological goddess, and it can be assumed that the principal topics of the poem are about power, beauty, and immortality. However, as I have been able to deduce the topic, I was a little bit disappointed of the tone of this. I don't mind the plain wording here as long as they are able to emphasize original if not different aspects of Persephone.
"Underworld" already paints a dark picture here, hence, "darkness" is already too obvious to tell. "Beauty and grace", and "a Queen" are the common terms we all use to describe a woman, clearly not mythological if not exceptional. There is definitely a lot of beautiful images being portrayed here but there's really nothing of brilliant impression left for the readers to ponder about.''

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15) Don't Speak
(3P+ 2P+ 2P) Total: 7 Points

''An interesting poem that im struggling to judge as im still trying to fully understand it, as the unexpected ending takes you in a different direction. Having said that I still liked it.''

"This poem has a unique pace. It makes you breathe slowly, as if you have to focus on a whisper, and then it makes you breathe faster again, with the motions of birds, cars, thunder, chaos. This was evident in the first three stanzas. The fourth stanza seems like an appendix which I can't quite connect with the previous stanzas. It's as if someone wakes from a dream, realizing that all that's happened wasn't real. It's an anti-climax. The whole eeriness and terror that has gradually been build up by the previous stanzas, were just thrown away by this last stanza. It left me very disappointed, and made me realize that the previous images were just a clever play on tone, not on imagery. If the poet did carry on with this tone, then it would've made a better impact on the imagery of the whole poem."

''I find the lively pace of this poem to be interesting. It made me stop from whatever I was doing/thinking and focus on the roar of the birds, cars, thunder, etc. Yes this poem is tuneful; however, it simply seems to lack of depth or substance. This poet resorts to tricks such as repetition and imagery but failed to come back skillfully.''

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16) If you had never forgiven me
(1P+ 3P+ 3P) Total: 7 Points

'' The structure and line breaks made this a difficult poem for me to read affecting flow and I struggled to follow the gist of it. Yes there is the pain of losing someone but that was about all it conveyed. Incorrect word usage didn't help the flow either ie the past tense left not leave in the 6th stanza. The words Conflate and labyrinthine didn't work although I understand what the author was getting at.''

"Structure, tone and diction were very coherent in this piece. The words just slipped smoothly into my mind due to its simplicity, but this same simplicity has made me doubt the quality of this poem. I would love to like it because we human beings are attracted to things that are familiar to us, especially familiar emotions. That's why these kinds of poems easily connect with the reader. But when you forget about the familiarity in this piece, I wonder what's left of it as a poem. I surely enjoyed the twist of the oh-so-cliche "if-only-concept" (when people say "if only" they usually wish for something positive from another person, not something negative, e.g. punishment instead of forgiveness), but besides that I could not find anything that truly held my interest."

''I'm not a huge fun of the title and the word choice but I must admit, the emotion behind this piece is growing on me. While the stanza divisions are uneven in length, I find it to be creative, only without those unnecessary lines in between. I find other phrases interesting but overall, it has a poor word choice. One of the keys to the poem's success is its simplicity only if conveyed precisely.''

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17) Not Just a Rock
(4P+ 1P+ 1P) Total: 6 Points

''I liked the first stanza even the slightly Cliche ''they say the good die young'' but found myself tripping over the rest of it, picked up on the reference to war and children and Islam but struggled to tie it all together. I also found the structure somewhat messy some of it is almost song like a rap maybe considering some off the threads of late? And I don't understand the last line ''as a horn on a drone''.

"The main theme of this poem is already clear in the first few lines. I can see the grief caused by war and the hopeful glances of the unfortunate. Sadly, this is all that I gathered from the poem, as it runs into too many different directions. I felt like the poet just dragged on with the subject even though there was nothing much to say about it. Surely he/she has been led by raw emotions but by letting his mind go loose he/she has lost structure. It's much like an essay where someone keeps defending something of which he's already forgotten what it actually is about. Although the first few lines were quite understandable, as I read on I noticed more and more separate lines that were just mashed together without any meaning. The rhyme makes this worse as it's all over the place and forced. Another thing that got me confused was the constant chance of perspective. First the speaker is talking about children throwing stones, then it's himself who's throwing stones, then the speaker compares himself to being a stone ... I can't even name it all. This would definitely have turned out better if it were less lengthy and more to the point. "

''While this poem typifies a patriotic intention, there's nothing else that strikes a certain chord in the thick of me except for that constant almost yelling tone throughout this piece. The danger of lengthy poems is that they tend to be repetitive, in other words, boring. This poem contains too much repetition or redundant language, for example, rock and stone dome and home, (which by the way are appearing to be almost alike), life, storm, bird, young, grown, etc., in my opinion they are not apparently necessary or essential for the entire meaning of those phrases. Some of those stanzas were rather arbitrarily taken or structured to refer to previous scenes, which I found out of place. However, looking on the positive side, the default cadence was well placed, clearly noted and was easily picked out.''

This is amazing, actually, truly amazing, thanks for Nor and Mel for their efforts ad thanks judges, awesome comments! :)

That's really amazing, different view of points, and comments that one shall benefit from!

Thanks Mel and Nor, and seriously thanks for the viewers and judges.. I am enjoying this a lot

Thank you, Nor :)

Just wanted to say congrats to those who will be progressing through to the next round and also thanks to those who participated. Judges, lovely work and much appreciated.

Round 2 will be posted in a matter of minutes.

"The flow is extremely rocky"

Hahah. Rocky used to explain the flow in a poem about rocks? You'd almost say it was intentional or something!

Fantastic contest and congrats to all who made it through. I can't say enough good things about how well this is put together. Best I've seen yet.

Gonna guess you wrote the poem, Jordy-pants :)

100 posts, must lock. Sorry gang.