Nor & Mel's Poetic Challenge [ROUND 2] cont

This thread is for the contest only. Debate over poem #2 has a separate thread. Any posting here regarding that debate will be deleted, possibly with penalties.

Thank you Larry :)

I was informed that the other thread may or may not be deleted so I am re-posting the reviews here.

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Reviews:
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1) Rent

''I fall in love with this poem I guess, I found the pictures projected by this poem are simply magnificent. Especially this line:

"soundless echo's deafen my ears
its ceaseless
seems endless"

I stand speechless as I read it. Well done, and amazingly written.'' -gIrL

"I found it strange that no comma or full stop was used, that made it look weak, though it is a strong piece, and it really impressed me, I was so taken away by the way the writer began his/her poem, a strong beginning indeed, the wording was excellent, the writer used some powerful words that fit the subject, this was by all means poetic, and I liked it. There is one thing that I will criticize, the "i"s should be capitalized, the reader becomes so confused when there is a small letter "i". and "my children's" should be "my childrens". Anyways, I said how much this was impressive, but not without the required editions" -The Poetess

''wow, i'll admit i had to read this more than one time to understand and grasp the meaning of the poem
i think here the writer did an awsome job, the image it gave me was nothing but perfect, the flow went on unintrupted, and the writer manged to fully amaze me with their last two santanz's
a very good job and an epic read again.'' -RSJ (Rabea Jadallah)

''"slowly
reluctantly
subsidence
my children's photo falls, breaks
as babies die, rent upon the earth"

^now this is how punctuation is to be used in poetry, awesome job, the picture was well drawn and shall remain embedded in the readers mind for some time, my only negative for this write is the over usage of the word "the", learn to cut down on them and your writing will seem less juvenile, such fillers acting stagnate the depth......had a problem with the last stanza, I think the wording could have been much betrter, I wonder if this was written by someone abroad....'' -Bob Shank

''With the events that's been going on around the world lately it is not hard to relate to what the author has penned down here. The poem, I believe, conveys the feelings and thoughts of someone undergoing a massive earthquake, it doesn't go on about reasons, into much details or states unneeded information but sticks to the time of the event amd ends with it; which is a plus. I found myself wondering as I read on how many times had that exact senerio been repeated, what others undergoing it must have felt and had they a chance to pen it down would their thoughts be anything like this. It was smart of the author to put themselves in the person's place instead of just narrating from an outsider's point of view. I like how the ''I'' was written an ''i'' it conveyed the feeling of being small and powerless. Also I found myself halting at the part about our lives being rent. The ending was touching, I could sense a change in the tome that almost showed relief and a prayer of sorts that I as a reader could feel. The word choice was unique through out the poem. This write is very much real, true and alive, though it's something I pray no one ever goes through.'' -The Princess

''This piece was probably one of the poems that most evoked emotion in me. I was drawn to the image of the recent earthquakes that the world has been experiencing and while I know many people could write about an earthquake this was personal, the experience was evident and it was terrifying to put myself into the shoes of the poet. I was particularly fond of the second last stanza, it was hard to imagine such images, I wasn't able to comprehend them as i've never been in such a situation, at least not one that causes such damage.. I have no problem that this poem didn't use punctuation as I usually would say it should however I do feel that 'I' should always be capitalized whether it's in poetry, a letter, prose or even every day language. My sense of sound was in over-drive for sound within this piece, with your words of 'deafen' 'rumble' and 'bombs' I found that I was clenching my ears shut if that makes sense, I placed myself amongst the sound and your wording was powerful enough to set the scene and make me feel as though I too could hear what you were hearing. I also like how you incorporated the other senses including vision and event scent in a small perspective with fear saturating your nostrils... in an earthquake I can't image which sense is being effected most, I assume it would be all of them. This poem had a powerful concept, one that I've never read from a first person perspective before.'' -Melpomene.

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1) Evolving Environment

"I think this might be more interesting, if the writer concentrated on one issue, maybe the nuclear chemicals, for example. The rhymes weren't that original, such as "actions" and "reactions", and that weakened the poem, I suggest, the writer can edit it, and it will flow and rhyme much better. Another thing, he/she capitalized the first letters in each line, and that was confusing, and it disturbed the flow, the punctuation wasn't well-organized, lots of full stops weren't needed, and some commas were missing. Nevertheless, I loved the third stanza, and some lines just had a good meaning, though I felt as if I'm reading an essay and not a poem, for there was no poetical expressions found.'' -The Poetess

''This poem was short indeed,
but let me add, it was Stright to the point, the message behind it was loud and clear,
and the rhymes used were anything but forced,
beautiful read, and the flow here was perfect,
i also love the way the writer decided to end his poem with a question,
it made me think twice, and imagine all the senario's possible

dazzled with this poem here, my favorite pick
a full mark'' -RSJ (Rabea Jadallah)

''I do know how to read poetry, I don't need all the reminders (punct marks) to tell me...how many times was "the" used in this poem, Maybe you can change the title to "the" thoughts of "the"...other than that it was terrific, and very well put together, tell "the" I said nice job.'' -Bob Shank

''The rhyme of this poem was one of the first things I noticed, such a smooth flow. Also, I adored your alliteration in the title - definitely worked quite well, as the world is always changing and we must adapt with it; makes much sense with the content of the poem itself. Very thought provoking piece all together, the ending definitely leaves the reader pondering. Though these types of science related things aren't typically my cup of tea, I found this piece to be quite interesting as the writer voiced their opinion & addressed this matter excellently.'' -Courageous Dreamer

''I believe the repeatation in this piece kind of ruined this poem for me and I found the way the autor penned their thoughts down to be a bit confusing. The rhyme was interesting, as usual, though the flow was off in a few parts, ot perhaps it's just the way I read it.'' - The Princess

''I liked the concept behind this, common yes but not spoken about enough. I thought the last two lines in the first stanza were cleverly constructed. Interesting was the idea of nature revolting as though she has had enough. The only thing I didn't like throughout this poem was the over-use of 'the' it seemed like it wasn't necessary, for example the first line in the second stanza, I didn't feel the 'the' was needed before 'warning' without it the flow was still successful. This poem was filled with facts but it wasn't as though I was reading it from a newspaper article. I enjoyed the rhythm and I don't often find myself doing so with a poem that has a aabb rhyme scheme such as this. Not my typical taste for rhyme, I liked the more subtle use you had in the previous poem presented for round one, but overall it was well constructed in a technical sense.'' -Melpomene

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2) Israel, You Fading Lie.

''In the news, nowadays, they
dress Mr. Bashar with null
accusations, and bewail Syria
as if carnages are hedging
the bounds.

^if the Author wants the world to understand his passion, maybe he could learn to convey it a lot better, the fragmented sentence

dress Mr. Bashar with null
accusations,

was a huge turn off here and I didn't even want to read anymore to be honest...sorry, this is poetry not newsweek.'' -Bob Shank

''Well, I can clearly see the determination in this poem, the overall message it reflects clearly shows through the choice of wording used. The flow could have been better its a really good poem.'' -gIrL

''Although it's not really hard to imagine who wrote this, i would love to congrulate the writer on such a peice, being from the middle east, i can wholeheartedly relate to what the writer is trying to approch in this peace,
what really hit home for me is the resemblence of Isreal to a sad comedian, i've never thought of it that way, but it makes sence, the poem to me was flawless, never went out of structure, and the picture she painted for for me is very vivid, good job, and an epic read.'' -RSJ (Rabea Jadallah)

''Living in the middle east this write perhaps wasn't as shocking to me as it were others. One word in the whole poem rang true however; the word ''lie''. I believe we (Arabs) need to stop lying to ourselves. timeless? approaching triumph? null acusations? never crash? It has to be some Arab talent really; false and vain names, speeches and pride. I'd advice the poet to start looking in first before out. But back to the poem, the bit about the comedian wasn't fiting since no one would really compare Israel to a comedian and no one would smile. I'd like to believe very much in the second line of this poem but frankly it doesn't seem to be happening soon considering how things are. This has to be one of the sadest poems I've read in a while.'' - The Princess

''This was an interesting look on the topic at hand. I had some trouble understanding the concept at first as no link was given however after a while I did come to a conclusion and as I mentioned earlier it was an interesting take on such a situation. I could feel this poem was very personal and that was something evident throughout the entire piece. Your tone was bitter but held much power and strength due to the fact the topic is something you feel strongly about and are obviously knowledgeable about. The fact you represented Israel as a comedian was quite a statement, it's hard to comment on something I am not too knowledgeable about but in a poetic sense it was a creative statement. I didn't feel the brackets were needed in the fourth stanza, it was fine without them and didn't really change much while reading. I definitely found myself becoming more interested in the poem itself when I came to the third stanza, it seemed to be where you let your creativity come into play more so than just your thoughts. The first two stanza's were enjoyable, don't get me wrong but they were stiff compared to the last three, I felt as though you were trying to describe the topic in order for the audience to come to an understanding of what the poem was about, this was a good idea however as I mentioned it wasn't as creative as the final three stanzas. Great work from writing a poem from your perspective rather than writing something based on just facts that could of been taken from a newspaper article.'' -Melpomene

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3) Milly's Last Voicemail

''I had no idea what this was about when I first read through it. I suppose that's a good thing, though, because I had to use the link to understand what the poem was describing, which accomplished part of the prompt: learning. My favorite line was at the end: "nor wipe innocent suffering from reflections on Veronica's Veil". There's an interesting pace to these two lines, and I like the mystery of it, how a new story is brought in, so even as the poem ends, the reader leaves to contemplate the story behind it. A few lines were less enchanting. The angry tone is warranted, but I think it could be expressed with more delicacy. "Rotten bloody newsies" for instance, though it gives voice to the victim, doesn't convey the despair so much as toss a bunch of unhappy words in the reader's face. "Bullets of shame and misery" also was a bit unimaginative: shame is obvious, but misery isn't a powerful or compelling word. Considering the depth of injustics in the situation, these simple words read as false to me. Just for grammar's sake, in the second stanza, "you" should be "your" and in the first stanza, "may you writhe in hell between print and page" would sound better than "may you writhe in the hell". '' -Narphangu

''I really enjoyed reading this story and seeing it in poem form. I personally had not heard of this story and all the controversy behind it. I loved how the poet here wrote in the perspective of Milly herself, as though she really was alive, when she was not.This poem held such a distinct voice and power to it. I really adored 'I'd shoot headlines at your heart' - that to me was probably the one part I felt was most poetic out of the entire piece. A way of saying she'd get revenge for invading her life and deleting the voice mails. I so was quite fond of the play on words with 'world of sins' as the newspaper was named 'News of the World' - I thought that was quite creative in a sense, as what they did was very sinful. The links were very helpful and gave more insight to this poem. Writing of a news story is not the easiest task, but I feel as though this poet incorporated a lot of it into this piece and with that, the poem ended up being really intriguing.'' -Courageous Dreamer

"I LOVED this subject, this choice was so SO smart, interesting and catchy! though I have to say that the wording could be much stronger, I don't know, I felt as if the writer couldn't express his\her thoughts in a poetic way, that was what I disliked about this piece, but other than that, this was a good idea to write about! I LOVED the insertions of "censored and "censured", that was creative. I too loved the last stanza, in all, this is really a good poem that described a creative idea, if only the writer could make it more poetic, and put a metaphor or two, or at least a poetic expression, good luck!" -The Poetess

''This poem had quite some creative and powerful lines yet also others that weren't as creative or powerful. The poet's tone wasn't steady which made some parts sound more outragged than others and made me think if the author had chosen to write as a third party it would have perhaps been more fitting, since the tone, as is, kind of conflict making some lines seem as if the poet is over reacting next to the rest of the piece. Yet I still hoped for a bit more lines and details. There is no doubt however that I found this to be an interesting piece and informative read, also, one discussing a great and serious problem.'' - The Princess

''I hadn't heard about this before and therefore I had to do a little research on the topic so thank you for the links. I gather the poet is speaking from the perspective of the mother, it's interesting when a writer places themselves in the position of someone else's shoes and I think you did a great job in doing so. I enjoyed the first line, a clever play on words, in an obvious sense to me you were speaking of the hacking of her voice, however when looked at as a metaphor voice is a word that incorporates phones and due to the fact the phone was hacked it was an interesting way to present it to the audience instead of just saying 'you hacked my phone.' I enjoyed the alliteration in 'headlines to your heart' and the 'censored' and 'censured' was again clever. I felt more anger in this piece than saddness, I assume that would be the case if someone was dealing with such things though I would of loved to have more of a mention of the child but I do realize this was later news and we asked for more recent. I wasn't too keen on the second line of the poem, the first started interesting and had an impact however the second didn't grasp my attention like the rest of the poem. I felt it was just there, to be there. Apart from that it was interesting to learn something I've never heard before.'' -Melpomene
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4) Siriusly, I'm Gonna Miss You, Potter

''Wow !! You are a fan of Harry Potter .. Well I really think that this was really good. The use of the story characters and places gave it a really nice touch, it showed a lot of depth and meaning. And the choice of words was fantastic, especially the ending, and yes its seems like an era. Well done.'' -gIrL

''This poem definitely spoke for itself. Not knowing much of anything about Harry Potter, after reading the poem I felt like I held so much more knowledge of it. There were many little bits of the series throughout this whole piece I could tell though I have not watched the movies or read the books. At times I felt like the alliteration may have been a bit much, as it was a bit heavy on the poem. Also, some of the words were a bit overwhelming at times, but after reading the whole piece, I'm completely in love with the direction that the writer took and it definitely makes me want to start reading the Harry Potter books and watching the movies. Pretty bittersweet to see this series come to an end, as it was quite popular. It's one of those that I don't think anyone will forget.'' -Courageous Dreamer

"for me? this must be the winner number ONE, this is brilliant and creative! the wording was amazing, so powerful, so well-chosen, I can't comment at the moment, I'm sorry I can't leave a longer comment, I'll only say that this inspired me and put all of my poems easily to shame! the only line that I couldn't actually grasp is: "but instead we slither home,
humming the theme, and seeking
Hedwig in the parking-lot sky." I didn't understand it, though I read it twice, or maybe three times. But in all, this was marvellous. Congratulations in advance." -The Poetess

''This is such a dear write dedicated to a very dear ''peroid'' of all our lives. I must have read it more than 14 times by now. The writer has wrote and potrayed how many of us feel. A beautiful, beautiful poem.'' - The Princess

''This was possibly a favorite written for Round 2 and of course I'm not being bias due to my love of Harry Potter, it was a personal favorite due to the play on words. This piece was constructed cleverly and even in the title you managed to draw me in with a little smirk. The poet captured the essence of childhood for a generation and you added your own personal touches to make the words come alive for the reader. I found myself reminiscing on ideas from the books, scenes from the movies and having my heart warmed by your words as your love for such a topic was evident. For those who don't know much about Harry Potter it could possibly become confusing but this is a poem for the fans and I truly think you did this topic justice. My only possible critique with this piece is that it could become hard to read, the poem had so much in every line, so many creative thoughts and image that it could become blurred with how the format of the poem was structured. Great work with the use of alliteration I especially liked 'muggles modified' sounded almost spell like and the ending was a lovely was to pay tribute to the book-worms and move fanatics around the world.. An enchanting piece and a great choice for the 'media' topic.'' -Melpomene

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5) Pamplona

''AMAZING !!, and that's so little to describe this poem. The theme of this poem is really magnificent, and it shows through the smart choice of words put in it. I loved how it was ended, really hope this one makes it to the next round.'' -gIrL

"It was so useful that you wrote the explanation of certain words because I didn't get them at all, when I read it, I really liked the use of "cobbled" it was very creative, and gave the piece some poetic tone, and I liked the use of "nippling" too. this subject was interesting, made me so ashamed of the subject I have chosen, short but powerful! good luck." - The Poetess

''I had to read this twice to know what it was about. I was so caught up in the imagery I forgot to pay attention to the story behind it. I love "scarves of scarlet snug 'round their necks" for the visual, and then the "clothes drenched in sangria" for the flavor that follows. This poem is short, but for that, all of the words are well chosen. I question "like life roasting on death's flame" because the fire reference comes out of nowhere (though perhaps there's some cultural significance that I'm missing?), but for that, I love the twist to the end... from deadly to festive in under a sentence, what a strange and wonderful turn around.'' -Narphangu

''Though the images and word choice are no doubt beautiful in this write, I found it to be more of someone discribing a picture, beautiful but lacking emotion or involvement. I would have loved to see more of everything in this piece.'' -The Princess

''This was an interesting concept, I would of personally never have thought to write about such an idea when given the concept of news and I liked the creative images portrayed to the audience. What I enjoyed most about this poem was the fact it was straight to the point, short and held an impact. I think if you wrote too much more on such a topic it wouldn't of had such a powerful image. I did some research on the internet in regards to this and I was surprised how clearly my images from this poem actually represented the photographs I saw of the festival.. It was as though for a few minutes the poet allowed me to be there amongst the crowds. I liked the alliteration in 'scarves of scarlet snug,' and you incorporated well known objects of Spain nicely throughout - the mentioning 'sangria' spilt over clothes was extremely playful much like the people tend to be so a nice image here. The one thing I will say is that I felt 'nipping' was too soft of a word to be placed next to the idea of a bull who 'charged' through the gates. I know the bull wasn't on a murderous rampage however it just didn't seem to fit amongst 'death's flame' 'skewering' and so on.'' -Melpomene

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6) Behind the Iron Gate

''Behind the iron gate is a poem that made me do a bit of research The free flow and wonderful imagery eventually made me think of the Pirates of the Caribbean with San Miguel spilled gold and iguanas. I ,liked the poem though I must admit it did not make me think of any particular current event.'' -Michael D Nalley

''Very very deep. The metaphors and the various types of images were captivating. "scent blooms - a thousand tropical flowers with petals flung wide" This line was sensational. Perfectly written.'' -gIrL

''On the one hand, this poem explodes with intense imagery and kinesthetic experiences. The sunset spills "spoonfuls of gold" into the ocean, the iguana's skin is molting, the dancers trample up smells "into their skirts," and accompany the dance of "wings of beetles, leafhoppers, spittlebugs, whirring cicadas." Descriptive language like this transports you to San Miguel.

On the other hand, the descriptions are so closely packed that they interfere with each other. Before you acquire full appreciation for the tropical flowers, you're refocused on the moon, then dropped down to the fuchsia and worms in the soil. Before you fully perceive the treed iguana, you are whisked away to the dancers below. This jumping makes for a jumble of images and sounds and smells.

On the third hand, the riotous action is precisely the meaning and substance of the piece. A work like this should be raced through the first time, then reread to savor its living experience. This poem should be sold to the San Miguel Tourist Board.'' -The Godfather

''This poem is so full of interesting imagery; it's almost hard to find a theme. Still, for a Travel poem, the poet definitely entices the reader to visit with descriptions of "spoonfuls of gold spilled into the ocean" and "petals flung wide to enfold the moon like a seed" (these two were my favorites). I find myself more drawn to the descriptions of animals, nature, and bugs than the people, which is odd, I think, but rather humbling, as we tend to think of places by their people, rather than places as environments in which people (among other things) exist. Certainly an unusual poem, and while I think it could use a bit more direction, overall, the descriptions are definitely enviable and eye-catching. Very good write.'' -Narphangu

''San Miguel sounds like an interesting city to travel to. This poem held so much description which made this place seem so intriguing. I really adored the beauty of the sunset in the beginning - 'spoonfuls of gold' left me in awe, such a beautiful metaphor for the reflection of the sun upon the water. Then speaking of it as 'candle flames' extinguishing as it disappears in the night is also gorgeous. It makes the sunset seem so original from any other. I didn't feel like 'as the sun sets' to start the second stanza is necessary -I feel as though you just said this, so I'm not quite sure as to why you would repeat such a line for we realize the sun has gone down completely as it is
'extinguished'. I liked how as the poem went on however; you brought us into a specific setting taking place in this city, a wedding of some sort as people are dancing. Wasn't fond of the repetition of 'under their' in fourth stanza, I would change the second one to 'beneath'. Well done!'' -Courageous Dreamer

''The poem is so beautiful, actually it's so beautiful that I don't know what else to say. A small suggestion however would be to remove ''As the sun sets'' in the second stanza.'' - The Princess

''This poem was stunning, to me it had all the aspects needed to make a beautiful read. Automatically I was drawn in my the imagery which was nicely contrasted against the last two stanzas of the poem. The first stanza does a beautiful job of selling the place to me, if a travel agent was to approach me with such a treat I'd think it would be too good to be true. I enjoyed the alliteration used within the first stanza, the 's' sound was evident throughout and it reminded me of the hiss of the ocean, this also carried on through to the second stanza however it seemed more like the spray of a waterfall in my mind, it wasn't as strong the 's' sound because it was less evident but still there. The metaphors were powerful throughout this. I particularly enjoyed the way you described the bugs, the use of onomatopoeia set the scene and I found this poem playing with all of my senses, even smell was incorporated with the way you wrote of the tropical flowers blooming. I couldn't help but smile at the way you described the iguana, it was playful. It was nice that you incorporated some of the traditional ideas with the dancers, I assumed these were belly dancers as that is what I was picturing although after a little research I began to image fire dancers, enjoyable how this aspect was kept open to the imagination, you didn't kill the poem with detail. I would have never of picked this poem had be written after you were given a topic, it has been the most natural I have read and I can't find a thing I'd personally change. '' -Melpomene

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7) High Society

''High society is a very thought provoking poem about one of the greatest calenges facing the world today.'' -Michael D Nalley

''Really good. The message that was supposed to be deliverer by this poem is clear and concise. And it is very true, it just simply reflects reality.'' - gIrL

''This poet sounds jaded and miserable in his/her life. The work incorporates the major cliches of pessimism yet offers no depth as to causes or solutions; it merely spews gripes like a malcontent ready to go into isolation. Perhaps the tone is deliberately hopeless; perhaps it was written in a bad mood. Regardless, it could use redemption; if not, at least invest some insight.

It has a structured rhyme scheme that fails due to the absolute randomness of the meter:

8~a, 6~a, 5~b, 9~b; 4~c, 6~c, 7~c, 11~c, 4~d, 5~d; 9~e, 11~e, 8~f, 8~f; 10~g, 9~g, 9~h, 14~h.

If you're going to go to the trouble of creating structure I believe you should be disciplined enough to carry it through.'' -The Godfather

''As you know I'm not one for a poem that rhymes and at first I was trying to figure out the actual scheme of the poem and I realized you invented your own here which was interesting. I find it to flow better when it's a free rhyme instead of a set scheme.. I quite liked the second stanza's flow due to use of rhyme, the consistent 'aaaa' within the first four lines was great, I would of liked to have seen if you could of pulled it off for an entire stanza or poem just out of curiosity. I enjoyed how your words were straight to the point and brutally honest which is what we need more these days. I didn't feel the need for the word 'Ironic' to be used, I think if you had it 'Society rhymes with sobriety' readers themselves would of been able to gather that it was ironic and a nice little play on words. The last line to me was cheeky even though it had a serious tone to it, it portrayed your opinion on the matter and I'm sure many people will be willing to agree with you that society is indeed blinded or rather they see what they want to see. I liked the concept you chose to write about and I have to agree with you about your thoughts at the ending. Too often the crime doesn't fit the punishment or vice-versa, especially when it involves drugs. Particularly enjoyed the line 'scales of justice are measured by gold' due to the truth that was behind it and I couldn't of said it better myself. Again, a nice play on words with the title.'' -Melpomene

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8) Farloym yingl

''Farloym yingl is a very clever acrostic well written and linked to its interesting topic'' -Michael D Nalley

''I really liked how you taught us something new with the word 'farloym yingl' here, definitely brought a lot of more meaning into the poem also. However, I almost wish as though you would have went a bit more in depth with your poem, I'm not quite sure if this story really would allow you but I was just hoping for a little bit more here. It was simple, and in that aspect, the poem was good, but I was hoping this poem would have swept me off my feet and left me speechless but I didn't really have that reaction after reading. I felt also that maybe the acrostic choice left you a bit limited on what you could have said about this topic. Perhaps a different topic would have been better for you?''

''Heartbreaking, just heartbreaking.'' - The princess

''This is another news event I hadn't heard of and after reading the link I was overcome with a feeling of tragedy. First of all I want to say well done on writing a poetry form, even acrostic poetry can be difficult especially when given a broad topic that you have to write on. I kept wondering to myself why is it that you chose an acrostic, were you have trouble writing or were you just having some fun. The title was an interesting one, incorporating Yiddish language was a clever way to symbolize and create a representation of the boy and article at hand. The poem was simple and yet emotion was strong. I liked that this poem wasn't fact after fact, nothing really was taken from the article, you set the scene yourself. Strangely enough it had a warming feeling to it even though it was terribly sad. I felt as though I could hear a mother chastising her child for wandering the streets without her, I enjoyed that personal touch and this parent perspective which was clearly evident in "still too young to walk alone." I thought the use of the word 'fledgling' was sweet however I kept reading it as 'fledging' which is a similar meaning and different tense however my mind was just play This poem held an impact for such a short piece and it was well written.'' -Melpomene

Re-posting poems as not everyone got a chance to read them earlier.

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Poems

One Rounders and Masked Poets:
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1) Rent (Environment)

Awoken
by a raging locomotive
tossed aside, a mere particle
a miniscule spec
inane as a lifeless carcass
utterly irrelevant
utterly powerless
infinitesimal

as everything buckles inwards
i'm torn in two
i can not run
i can not hide
i can not stand

incomprehension fills my vision
fear saturates my nostrils
soundless echo's deafen my ears
its ceaseless
seems endless
the rumble of a billion bombs

slowly
reluctantly
subsidence
my children's photo falls, breaks
as babies die, rent upon the earth

the last shimmer
for now, calm
pray it sleeps once more
this time longer
heaven and earth
much much longer

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Contest poems:
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1)Evolving Environment

The tide turns, we must accept the actions
That interfere with nuclear reactions.
Nature is not revolting when the world shakes.
Man has no control over eruptions and earthquakes.

Science sees the signs, but may avoid the warning
Of environmental trends such as global warming.
After all this planet has always had to deal with emissions,
Before industrial revolutions and mass decisions.

The fossils of organic matter, fuel the diverse distinction
That life must adapt to the environment or face extinction.
Can there be any doubt that the climate is in our view
Changing for better or worse as each day is new?

This poem was inspired by the people concerned about environmental impacts of greater energy demands.
In my opinion even nuclear disasters impair the worlds natural ability to recover from unnatural chemicals.
Accelerating Impacts from Short-Lived Climate Pollutants Threaten Human Rights

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2) Israel, You Fading Lie.

Their fibs, I believe them not,
nor will God make hatred prosper
for we, the nation of resistance,
never crash, we're timeless
against their desperate attempts.

In the news, nowadays, they
dress Mr. Bashar with null
accusations, and bewail Syria
as if carnages are hedging
the bounds.

Who are they fooling?
us?
those hopeless impostors
mask their faces with
transparent ruses, breaching
their own words.

Israel reminds me of a comedian
that no one used to watch,
a comedian who knows not how
to drill a smirk between the cheeks
(who is certain that in the end
of this feint, we will all laugh
wholeheartedly)
a comedian who makes fun
of his own self.

Israel, you fading lie,
erase your bounds, by yourself,
before we black you out with
our approaching triumph.

---

3) Milly's Last Voicemail

You hacked my voice
you claimed my soul;
rotten bloody newsies
may you writhe in the hell
between print and page;
be censored and be censured.

I wasn't some foolish starlet
or mom who killed her kid;
yet you perverted concern,
tortured my family,
fueled false hopes,
just to sell out editions.

If I could move I'd shoot
headlines at your heart -
bullets of shame and misery;
it'll never cleanse your World of sins
nor wipe innocent suffering from
reflections on Veronica's Veil.

___________

hacking into the voicemail of Milly Dowler by News-of-the-World operatives:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2011/jul/04/milly-dowler-voicemail-hacked-news-of-world

NOTW muddies the water with London Evening Standard editor Veronica Wadley:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/greenslade+veronica-wadley

---

4) Siriusly, I'm Gonna Miss You, Potter

In 2007, I became Hermione.
Fried hair frazzled, eyes crossed,
twisting limited pages
into an endless rope to freedom.
Now, with new momentum,
we book-worms barrel back to childhood,
seeking the invisible platform
and tumbling, red headed,
onto a filmmaker's British paradise.
Oh, if we were only muggles modified--
worthy of wielding parseltongue snippets
or whispering wand tricks at whittled sticks...
Instead we watch, petrified, totalus,
stocked and stacked in theater seats,
mouths agape and gorging,
as if with chocolate frogs,
on a fancy that never truly faded.
We inhale lines like starving flobberworms:
lips curling draconian in indignation
or, when the tea leaves strain victorious,
triumphant as time turners.
We, the fantastic youths since '97,
the face painted, polyjuice parched
Lestrange impersonators,
and the pillowcase-clad creatures,
who lovingly cling to dirty black socks,
come to open ourselves at the ultimate close.
Tonight, Harry's besting his boggarts,
and though we're fortune attuned,
we convulse with the crucios and fall,
once more, for a sniveling staggered speech
and a gentle gleam behind half-moon glass.
Now even Voldemort's looking teary,
silver face smudged, betraying the inner human,
and it feels as if we've taken a jelly-legs to the heart.
We leave, longing to pull a Lockhart,
and forget we'd seen it end,
but instead we slither home,
humming the theme, and seeking
Hedwig in the parking-lot sky.
And this is how we end an era: glowing,
patronused in the moonlight, with two fingers raised,
idly itching paint from foreheads:
the lightning scar, saluted.

---

5) Pamplona

The chupinazo breathes
smoke 'tween her lips
through cobbled streets of daredevils
with scarves of scarlet snug
'round their necks -
clothes drenched in sangria,

as bulls charge through gates
nipping at their heels,
skewering arms upon horns
like life roasting on death's flame,
though nothing less of
a festive tradition.

--

Chupinazo - a rocket launched signifying the opening of the San Fermin festival
Pamplona - city in Spain

---

6)Behind the Iron Gate

Nighttime in San Miguel is teeming and rich
and swirling with twilight. The sun fades
in spoonfuls of gold spilled into the ocean, shrinking to
candle flames scintillating over wavelets, shrunk again,
extinguished.

As the sun sets, scent blooms -
a thousand tropical flowers with petals
flung wide
to enfold the moon like a seed.
Snake-green stems and
fuchsia buds crushed and rotting
in soil writhing with worms
and clicking with the wings of
beetles, leafhoppers, spittlebugs, whirring cicadas.
They rattle their dances on tin roofs.

Castled in a tree, an iguana
with its
flaking skin, mottled tongue, curled claws, roving eyes
watches dancers assemble in the square.

Smells are whisked up into their skirts,
tapped under their wingtip shoes,
buried under their wedding bands.

Their hands are frail, their eyes
are thick with the steadiness of decades.
The walls are thick with grime and graffiti.
The air is thick with smoke, laughter,
the sound of trumpets, shimmering.

---

7)High Society

Ironic that society
rhymes with sobriety
yet they must be drunk
to believe this democratic bunk

"Land of the free"
though not for you, nor me
only the powers that be
experience the true sense of liberty
we play the fools
following their rules

scales of justice are measured by gold
verdicts belong to those with a fat billfold
parenting, a thing of the past
and the seniors have been outcast

declaring wars under false pretenses
hopefully we'll come to our senses
maybe I'll see it before I die
or maybe society will continue to be high.

Here's a thought, the war on drugs is a joke, they lock up small time dealers for little quatities, yet the big boys get community service.....then again the worst drug in america is Alcohol, and we all know who distributes and controls its sales....The government...

---

8)Farloym yingl (acrostic)

Far too early
Another fledgling gone
Relying on memory and courage to
Lead him back to home
Only seven blocks from safety, still too
Young to walk alone
Mothers wander streets in fear
Yiddish talk is heard
If only he was lost
Not knowing the way
Gullible and naive
Leave an empty nest

farloym yingl is a Yiddish word for lost boy

http://www.thejewishweek.com/news/new_york/missing_chasidic_boy_found_murdered

Results are in, first of all I'd like to apologize for the delay. We have had many problems occur, you will notice we have 4 judges instead of 3 this round, simply because a judge was unable to attend and so 2 people took on the job for us..

As we mentioned previously, points are being accumulated, therefore if you went great this round and not last round you still have a chance to be eliminated. 2 people have been eliminated this round leaving 6 remaining. Congrats to all those who participated, it was a pleasure reading what you came up with.

--------------

Siriusly, I'm Gonna Miss You, Potter (Media)
8 + 8 + 7 + 8 Total: 31

"Where to begin with this masterpiece? A clever write, to say the least. Its wordplay and alliteration are the brightest technical aspects, but I also appreciate the way this poet took something so objective and managed to make it personal. You don't even have to be a Potter-fan to appreciate this piece, because the poet takes you into a magical journey full of frogs and wands. Nothing much to say, as this poem leaves me speechless."

"Had I not know who Sirius Black was; I would have been criticizing the word by now, interesting title, to say the least. Another fantastic and knowledgeable poet who knows how to play with poetic devices and figurative languages, from alliteration to metonymy, imagery to symbolism, etc. A very enjoyable read, well sourced and fitting into most potterheads experiences."

"I've never read nor seen Harry Potter, but this poem makes me wants to actually read/watch it. Pieces of it seemed absolutely ridiculous (names of 'things'), yet I realize it's part of the idea behind it, which, in turn, makes me want to know what the heck this person is talking about. Very interesting read!"

"Oh wow! I'm really glad I read this. I just recently finished Harry Potter, it was great. This sums up the entire series perfectly! I loved the authors choice of words and the way they tell the story. Although, the poem could use some stanza breaks. other than that, excellent! I loved it. I might just share this with my Harry Potter friends haha."

---

Behind the Iron Gate (Travel)
7 + 7 + 8 + 4 Total: 26

"Nice perspective between title and poem. If this were to be posted on the poet's profile, then the reader would have literally stepped into a whole other world after opening the gate (clicking on the title), so to say. Anyone reading this piece will be enchanted by its vividness, it's truly like a magnificient painting. There's poeticness and naturalness in this piece, which is a combination that's often lacking in most poems. I have to admit that I didn't quite had the patience to go through some lines that just listed a few things. Such as "beetles, leafhoppers, spittlebugs, whirring cicadas". I felt like they didn't add to the overall atmosphere of the poem."

"Normally as a reader, I tend to look first at the beginning line of every poem I read. My first thought was about a heaving and prosperous nighttime behind the Iron Gate and it did make me want to know what's going on. As I tried to sit down and read through, the promise of the first line was impeccably carried through in the rest of the poem. The imagery of the sunrays like candle flames is astonishing, actually, never thought of it before. I like the personification being used here to describe those insects like those of John Keats' poems. I love this poet's use of colorful language and the accessibility of the ideas to the readers."

"While I have no idea what the news story is behind this poem, it was definitely my favorite. It appealed to all of my senses and felt the most 'poetic' with the thought and feel to me, rather than reading a news story or poem about it. The images were sparkling and vivid and the meat of the poem was just slam-wow!"

"There's some repetition here that does not make the poem as unique as it sounds, plus I think the writer could do better with the structure. There are unnecessary page breaks that made me stop when I shouldn't have, but the poem is great! :) I loved the opening line."
---

Pamplona (World)
6 + 6 + 3 + 7 Total: 22

"This poem differs from the rest because it concentrates on a zoomed-in view of the subject. I like the way every detail is carefully placed in each line, slowly setting a thrilling mood. However, I felt like the poet didn't know how to take advantage of this, as the last three lines suddenly become abstract and aren't interlocked with the previous lines."

"A very intense and well written piece though the ending lines could have been more focused with the city itself and not on its festivals. Reading this piece is like reading a short but action packed story. The imagery of the first two lines corresponds to the raging crowds, colorful event and furious bulls. I liked the vividness in this poem, however, as I mentioned above, I find this piece to be lacking of ideas about Pamplona, except from the gist of the crowd being gathered for a bullfight. I don't want to be misinterpreted here; this is already a powerful piece, a very good poem actually but fails to accomplish the requirements for this category (world) compared to other two poems."

"This poem gave a nice image but that was about it. The news around the world holds so much, and this had no 'meat', just imagery that fell short for me."

"I did not know some of the words in this piece, nor did I understand most of it at first haha, but dang! The word usage is amazing. I always say not too many adjectives, but the writer did a great job here."

Milly's Last Voicemail (Media)
5 + 4 + 6 + 1 Total: 16

"There's sharpness in every word that's used, as if the poet is spewing hate. This is evident due to the use of fierce verbs such as hacked/censored/killed/tortured/shoot, and I love the way this diction is in such harmony with the poem's content. It's very interesting to see how some of these verbs are combined with words that reduce the actions to something mental instead of physical. Hacking a voice, or shooting headlines at the heart, are certainly something more affective to the mind. It's as if the poet is trying to bring sense into the culprit instead of taking revenge, although this sense of revenge is supported by tone. I like the way this poem can be interpreted through a physical and mental perspective."

"I like the allusion at the end of this piece, which is referring to Veronica's Veil. I also find the homophones to be interesting, "censored" and "censured". I could list all the poetic devices being used here, alliteration and metonymy for example but I won't exaggerate much, as this poem is obviously written by a knowledgeable poet thus, a powerful result."

"While the structure and layout wasn't my favorite, it held a lot of power in the message. Very strong, stern and emotional, as though this poet knew how the violation felt."

"The writer uses a few filler words which were distracting to me. I think the last stanza is my favorite, but the other two, it seems like they could be better worded."

---

High Society (Society)
2 + 5 +5 + 2 Total: 14

"Sarcasm and rhyme go hand in hand in this piece, it creates some sort of ironic tone. The message behind this piece is strong, but I don't think I would've figured that it's about drugs if I didn't read the note underneath the poem. I can see disagreement with the government, but I can't see the details that refer to drugs. Of course there are faint indications, by using words such as "drunk" or "high" but it isn't well emphasized in my opinion."

"Land of the free" almost a synecdoche, though represents a complete opposite idea of this piece. The irony in the first 2 lines is enough for the readers to comprehend that this poem is going to be about a discontentment planted in the heart of this poet. I find the rhyme scheme easy to follow though the "outcast" and "past" seemed to be a bit unnatural due to its different stress. I love the arresting use of language in this piece, the voice is energetic and lively, the tone is enthusiastic and eager, overall, a very provocative read."

"This poem speaks the truth of America. Can't say much more than that."

"Great message. Although there is one line in here that has the same rhymes as the previous two where as all the other lines, there's 2 that rhyme together instead of 4 that all rhyme, if that makes sense."

--

Evolving Environment (Environment)
3 + 2 + 2 + 6 Total: 13

"There's strength in the voice of this poet, and his message impacts the reader. I like the way this poem begins with total directness, to indicate something revolutionary. Rhyme and flow enforce this feeling. Global warning, nuclear reactions, they are quite the "environmental trends". When we think of a poem about environment, we'd probably expect something that is supposed to wake us from our selfishness, something that wants us to save the earth. This poem is the same, and I must say that, poetically, this continuous preaching becomes stiff. Every other stanza seems the same, there's no liveliness in it."

"It's true, environment keeps evolving and it only makes sense that human will keep evolving , too, resulting to some unavoidable environmental impacts. The message behind this piece was sent successfully while the ambiguity of the poem's ending, however, made it more complex. The simple words and perfect rhyme scheme within this piece has enabled to achieve its easy flow, which added to the tranquility of this piece."

"Some of this poem doesn't really rely on true facts, but those that the main stream media spin, so it would have been nice for facts to be included as well."

"oh wow, I loved this one. The rhyme was great, although the syllable count exceeds in some lines than it did in the previous, but the rhyming was good. The message was clear, and the writer did a good job on drawing us a picture of it. :)"

---
Israel, You Fading Lie. (World)
4 + 3 + 1 + 3 Total: 11

"There's certainly bitterness seeping from each corner of this poem, and to personify the country in question makes this bitterness even stronger. The poet has managed to express himself successfully, but I think that he might have lost focus due to his emotional state. The first two stanzas are clear, but it seems like the poet just rushed to the end, leaving haphazard traces of the central message. I also don't think that the repetition was very effective in this piece. Surely it stresses the bitterness, but this is taken back by side-thoughts (words between brackets). Therefore the repetition will be seen as dull and distracting from powerful phrases such as "drill a smirk between the cheeks". The ending seems like a faint attempt to refer to the title again, too sudden, lacking transition."

"The poem has a clear structure and most of the stanzas are progressively matching, however, I still find some lines unnecessary. While they appear to be intended, they seemed to be too telling, thus, over-exaggerating. For example, "we're timeless against their desperate attempts" could have been omitted, if not placed in brackets. Also, "us" could have been worded longer and better though I understand the intention of this word. As the title suggests, it presents reasons against the accusation though I find it to be a flimsy claim, not because I am against of its contents but due to lacking of evidence presented in this piece. Nevertheless, I find this write to be poetic at its best."

"Personally I don't think a poem with this ideal should be allowed on this website or this contest. While some people may not see the racist hatred throughout this poem, one must know, Israel and it's government and people are one. The nation is strong and they are God's people. Just a thought."

"The poet did an excellent job here. I love the words he used, and the way he made the poem into a sort of narrative for his point. I don't have anything negative to say about this."

---

Farloym yingl (acrostic) (Society)
1 + 1 + 4 + 5 Total: 11

"Interesting title, as it's foreign to most of us and creates this feeling of distance, which is exactly what this "lost boy" was feeling. The first half of the poem was most powerful due to its rhyme and easy flow. The second half of the poem suddenly lacked a rhyme scheme and therefore it didn't read as smoothly as the previous lines. I also think that this acrostic was forced by the use of enjambment. The piece certainly held precise emotions but it's not captivating enough."

"Captivating and intriguing titles draw readers every time, and this is one of those. I find it to be very creative; it made me think of some sort of Chinese characters. I love the use of symbolism here, "fledgling" to a "boy". This poem contains only 53 words yet exemplified precise emotions and thoughts on the subject being portrayed. One of the keys to writing good acrostics is by using precise words whereas writing acrostics also encourage interesting line breaks. I find the line breaks here a little unexpected, if I were to read this according to each abecedarius (initial letters), then its meaning would be totally different. However, we already know that there are variant forms of acrostic, it can be observe from middle letters or final letters of lines and there is also prose acrostic, which I believe this is intended as one. Overall, a well-crafted and powerful piece."

"I realize this was an acrostic, but each line beginning with a capital really threw this poem off for me. I think the breaks were a bit forced, but the message and idea by the poem was strong. I hadn't heard of the story, and this definitely intrigued me.

"This is really good! There was a line in it that I think should be cut and apart of the line that's below it so as not to sound like there's an unnecessary pause, if that makes sense."

--
ELIMINATED:
Evolving Environment (Environment)
High Society (Society)

Congrats to those who qualified and to all those who took part and gave their 100%. :D

Yay! If the top two poems aren't from THE CLUB or its alumni, I'd be intrigued.

Thank you, Mel! for posting the results. :):)

congratsssss to those who stayed:):)

Congratulations to all who took part.

Solid comments from the judges. Thanks for your time, judges and hosts!