How do I stop?

Tripping over what he does. I love him way tooo much I feel. I'm sooo afraid he's going to leave me it affects our relationship. I will always need to here we are okay and he's happy but it puts a strain on us. and we fight over it. what do i doooo?

You stop stressing over the small stuff. How long have you guys been together? Why do you need to hear you're ok all the time? Do you have past problems in relationships?

Also fights may be occurring because he's probably tired of how your insecurities about the relationship aren't going away. To get asked the same question or to know someone you love is alway in turmoil over something that should be natural is disturbing and causes one's mind to wonder over what is really wrong.

So I ask you what is wrong why do you feel this way? Has a past relationship caused a damaging ripple effect for your future relationships? Why do you need that validation all the time? Why do you need to hear it? Can you not feel that everything is ok? To me you seem to be projecting this insecurity of him leaving that you just may end up making him leave you because of how you're acting. If we stress over something so much or always think the negative, more often then not we'll get the result we've fretted over for so long.

You stop doing this by getting to the root of the problem. You try to make yourself better and realize how much of unnecessary strain you're causing on yourself and your relationship.This will take a lot of work and self evaluation on your part. Things won't get better over night and you really need to be open with your boyfriend. You need to tell him how you know that your insecurities are causing problems and that you are trying to fix that. You need to ask him to be patient with you and support you as you do this. Overall you need to be dead honest with him and open up those lines of communication. Regroup and know this will take more work on your part then his.

Goodluck.

Well honestly I have trust issues. Rooting to umm we'll just say early childhood stuff.

And we've been together for 5 months and the reason I'm also insecure is because I've known this guy for 9 years and we dated a while ago and then stuff happened and we broke up. Then about a year ago we were fooling around to see where things went and he pretty much played me bad and would tell me he liked me one day and then wouldnt another. I do realize he's changed now and our love for each other is concrete this time but past things bring up huge insecurities.

Ok,

So there's rooted childhood problems and couple with the fact that this particular person has already abused your trust. That makes things insanely hard to bounce back from. But you can do it.

Fist things first is have you truly forgiven him for his past indiscretions? Dig deep for this answer and truly think about it. If you haven't then this needs to be explored a bit more. There are two problems with saying you forgive someone but not 'truly' feel it inside.

1. This person feels forgiven but now has to deal with this insecurity. To be forgiven means the slate is whipped clean and you can move on. It seems like you're making him relive it over and over again.

2. You have insecurities because of it. That my dear is torture. I have a rule that if someone breaks my trust and I know deep down inside that I can't forgive them, that I need to let them go. Regardless of how much I may love them, I know that if I can't forgive it will not only put myself through a ton of stress and torture, but it would also be put on the person I love. I couldn't put myself through that nor them. It's just not healthy at all.

While you think he may have changed, your conscious clearly things another. If you've forgiven him you have to learn to trust what he says. To have your(his) words questioned all the time "Yes I love you, yes I want to be with you." is frustrating and at times demeaning. Because you (he) begin to feel like what you have to say isn't being taken to heart. So understand what kind of messages you're sending him by asking him this all the time.

I will say that I'm worried about what has happened between you two in the past. Break ups happen for a reason and if the main problem why you broke up isn't fixed before another shot is taken history is bound to repeat itself. So now you have to ask yourself truthfully if you both worked on the issue you had when you broke up to ensure that problem wouldn't cause a future break up down the road.

All in all if you have no trust for him. Which I'll be honest with, it really seems like you don't. Then you don't have a firm foundation for a healthy relationship. Trust and respect are one of the pillars to keeping a relationship a float. Love while it's great to have isn't enough to keep everything going. Sometimes logic and reason must be used even if your heart is saying another thing. Our bodies and minds are such an extrodinary enigma at times. Learn to listen to how you're feeling, reason with yourself and figure out WHY you're feeling as you do. It is never wrong to 'feel' how you do, but you should really try to understand why you are acting as you are. THe question WHy and answering it could really open up your eyes and help you heal.

The other thing is if you have past childhood problems, you should consider counceling. I too had childhood problems. I always said I could fix myself on my own. Truth was I couldn't and I needed help finding my way back to the path I wanted to be on. I was a victim of child abuse both mentally and physically. I Never EVER realized just how damaging and the ripple effects that had on my life as a teenager and even as a young adult. My eyes were opened so so WIDE as to why I'd do certain things and act a certain way. I just thought it was normal. Getting help with my childhood problems helped me grow and essentially slowly start to let go of the past and stop letting it effect my life as an adult. I essentially said enough is enough, I'm a far happier and better person for getting the help I did. Perhaps it's something you can consider as well.

During these sessions 2 or 3 of them my husband came with me. It helped him understand my triggers and understand the hurt in my past. And how some things will cause damaging effects. Such as loss of trust, not loving me, or yelling at me. My childhood was full of distrust, damaging words and physical bruises. He also came to understand what ways I needed to be shown love. Because he came with me I too was able to see into his mind and how he works. I have never known someone on such a deep level as my husband and vise versa. Having your boyfriend come to a session or two with you will do nothing but help things. Topics will be talked in depth and you will both see why eachother feels the way they do.

I think you should take things slow. Lower your expectations (good and bad) and gradually move from their. If you don't have any proof that something wrong is happening then don't say anything and don't obsess about it, take it slow, think things through and wait. Love needs patience. If you do have proof that something is wrong then talk with him, but not too straightforward.

You said you were fighting over it. Instead of fighting/arguing, try talking, think about solutions.