Colm's Challenge: Round One ENTRIES and RESULTS

All the poems are in, thanks to all fourteen entrants and best of luck! FOUR poets will be eliminated after this round, leaving ten hopefuls still in with a shout of claiming the spoils and writing themselves into PnQ history.

Judging is taking place at the moment. The results will be posted here on Monday, and round two will comence.

Until then, here are the entries recieved for round one.

(Reminder! This is an anonymous contest, so no revealing of who entered or who wrote what poem. Entries should not be posted to the poets profile until the conclusion of the final round and publication of final results.)

****************************************

Poem 1 - Homeless

At night,
between the vagrant stars,
time chars

as I feel so emancipated
off moments, like I've
never anticipated

yet... still I
espy the vindictive cars,
spattering the slush
over my scars

for a mouthful of my soul
by monsoon was migrated,
to wherever wretchedness
is situated.

However...

I will snuggle within my
desperate beliefs of justice,
of that oneday my wounds
would visit a practice.

- - - - - - - - - - -

Inspired by this picture:
http://www.google.com/imgres?q=homeless+children&hl=ar&tbm=isch&tbnid=90Sr1Ah9of70EM:&imgrefurl=http://fcit.usf.edu/HOLOCAUST/gallery/p126.htm&docid=1pHbLjADdz5LgM&w=472&h=374&ei=tLdDTvO8O4Sk-gbX8Y2tCQ&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=873&vpy=147&dur=209&hovh=200&hovw=252&tx=133&ty=129&page=12&tbnh=160&tbnw=217&start=133&ndsp=12&ved=1t:429,r:6,s:133&biw=1366&bih=508

and this:

http://www.google.com/imgres?q=homeless+children&hl=ar&tbm=isch&tbnid=EwrTF6BxEnRzGM:&imgrefurl=http://www.defence.pk/forums/members-club/45673-street-children.html&docid=x4QhEMhwJ44IaM&w=477&h=576&ei=tLdDTvO8O4Sk-gbX8Y2tCQ&zoom=1&iact=rc&dur=137&page=7&tbnh=157&tbnw=131&start=77&ndsp=12&ved=1t:429,r:5,s:77&tx=77&ty=112&biw=1366&bih=508

*************************************
Poem 2 - Shag Beach

Cormorants
spend their time tiptoeing here.
There.
Miniscule stones tuck themselves between my toes as though
I am their mother -
leaving them for the
first time.

Shaking them off,
I turn my gaze to the horizon.

Heavy clouds strike at the
nerves in my eyes. Chilling
my spine. Static in the air
makes the hair on my knuckles
spark.
It seems as though
there's a storm
coming in.

*note: There is a pun intended in the title, that Shag is another word for Cormorant - the bird mentioned at the beginning.

*****************************************
Poem 3 - Reality's brink

Take my hand, and we'll take a stroll down
the sidewalk chalk border
of my world and hometown.

We'll run from this country
I'll take you to mine,
Where the asphalt and stone
Give way to cloud 9

We'll ride the swingset out back
Stroll the sidewalk in front
While the sunshine beats down
On the grass that springs up

From the cracks at our feet.
We'll follow the trees
That shadow the path
Down to the shore

Of the ocean
We have.
In the land that I think,
Follow me down.

....to reality's brink.

************************************
Poem 4 - Cheerless Air

This morning air stepped inside my heart with
a cheerless flurry, I inhaled disappointment
deep into the awe of my soul.

For instance the world around me traveled
with a pause that passed my tears down for
a shy lump. A breath coated with sadness,
as if born deep inside of me where my
misfortunes dwell still.

Blowing out the miserable temper I've
caught, a burst from my past dashes
infront of my eyes drifting the last stem
of cheeriness I held for today.

Therefore I gathered my wretchedness,
stopped breathing and went back to sleep.
Forever.

***********************************
Poem 5 - A Written Demise

Like a legitimate wanderer,
surreal intricacies
of this vague presence
perplex
my certainty.
(Is the life we're fighting for
nothing but an eternal
dream?)
Never before have I dared
to question my
sanity.

And these voices that
tell me we're but
blind-folded
marionettes
with no strings
attached..
If they aren't my psychotic manifestations,
are they mere reality?

Nevertheless...
Is it worth a breath?
Why do we choose to live
when everything is chosen for us?
- names... sexes... destinies -
Still at the very end,
when bones crumble and
skin wrinkles, we dwell
into black holes of
irrevocable
death.

***************************************

Poem 6 - Miss King Is Fat

Miss King is fat
with flesh, flesh,
flesh everywhere.
When she walks, her bottom goes up
down up
up down.
She bends over our tables, we watch the
weighty sway of her breasts.
A crucifix hangs on her neck
from an invisible chain, engulfed.
She plays guitar and we sing
"All things bright and beautiful,
all creatures great and small..."
Her voice is sweet and her eyes
are watery again, but we don't tell her
she is crying.
Aa Bb Cc
Miss King writes in big, round letters
and no one is going to marry her,
no one at all.

************************************
Poem 7 - Regret

Had I known when we said bye
thirteen months ago,
it would be our last,
I would have hugged you
fiercer.

Tomorrow you sleep endlessly
eight feet underground,
and it's little regrets
I will live with -
for regret is for the living.

************************************
Poem 8 - Lonely Love Poem

Some of them are wordy, others are blue.
My longer poems remind me of you.
Shortest distance between points is a line.
Yet there's no period that will make you mine.
To be committed to being free.
The loneliest circle that could be

***************************************
Poem 9 - Empty skies

The problem with not believing
is the world is plain and grey;
however beautiful the scenery
only you are there to see it
without a god to share the dream.

Fabulous ruins are piles of rock
teeming cities mere hives of men
and were a shuttle to bring you
into the heavens to gaze at Earth
blue marbled white is all there is.

Missing the spark that draws wonder
the sacred is not made real,
the world is seamless, no miracles
give rise to that quivering unknowing -
the seismic naked awe of Beyond.

*************************************
Poem 10 - In the library

In the library, a
gentle hush over
yellowed pages, crinkling,
nearly crackling where
fingers pinched oil
into fiber. Shelves
trimmed with leniency,
an apple offered
at the desk,
and the musk
of moist breath
still hanging from the bind,
slowly melting.
A rustle
gives him away, a warm
disposition cooling in
the corner seat
with Whitman, my captain,
riding literary waves, and
quiet, so quiet,
the sweep of
shuffled steps seeking
enlightenment in the
face of a
million words.

**************************************
Poem 11 - Breath taker

I long to see a sunrise
peek over the snow-capped mountains
while I'm curled in both a sleeping bag
and your arms, the sense of a dying campire
hovering upon us.
It's the quiet mornings with
sleepy heads and unstretched muscles
that I enjoy the most,
all scenes like a painting
forever etched in my playbook I call life.
Every new moment reminds me
of a polka dotted fawn, stuttering
stumbling into it's first steps.
The beauty of my imagination
wraps up it's sleepy reverie,
as I float aimlessly in the dreamworld,
snacking on cozy words and lullabies.

*************************************
Poem 12 - Paperbin

There has to be a thought somewhere
that doesn't sleep in cups
of thick coffee
and flavoured tea,
smell of honeysuckle
or care
whether my palm is
a tangle of roads
or of stars

I've grown weary of phrases
that silently scream
into pillows. I've grown weary
of everything that doesn't shift
my own soils, tear at my grave
and claw.

There has to be
a thought,
that doesn't just scrach the surface,
but buries it's self until the hilt
into my heart.

****************************************
Poem 13 - passenger seat

there's a rush
between the many folds
of my flesh;
like a fast,
upbeat love song
in an afternoon ride.

never ending-
a lithe man inside,
clad in opportunities
and monotony of purpose,
yet still I am,
but a passerby.

contented and consumed
by the passing world-
of flickering, fading
hints of its flight,
as the father time
sits on my palm.

I am learning to exist:
half alive, half asleep
without a sweat in my stride
for someday-somehow
I will dwell like a sun,
dreaming under headstone spires.

Amazing array of poems. So many deal with the same themes! This contest clearly pulled in members writing about many intense experiences.

Awesome entries people!!

I'm so excited to read the results, ughhh. xD

^ Me too! ahh. I can't believe we have to wait to monday!! :p

Till wha!? I thought few minutes and the results will be given......ughhhh I should read the whole posts from now on....:/

WAW @ poem number 12 and poem # 13!!

All the poems are really breathtaking, loved the entries, good luck XD

CAN'T WAITTTTT :D

#1 is my best-est!
# 8 is really awesome!!

:p

Nice picks here Nana.

Well done everyone and judges, goood luck!

#7 is amaaaaaazing!

Great job to all entrants. :D

^ hahah :p yes. So funny and Sad, simultaneously!

Enjoyed reading the poems... some glittered hard, but a few were pure gold.

There were a few amazing pieces and overal a high quality of work.

Good job, contestants!

Results are in! *drumroll* The ten poems with the most points go through to the next round. The second round will be posted shortly. I will post the last set of reviews when they are ready, for now heres the breakdown of points.

1) In The Library - (11) (11) (13) =35pts
2) Shag Beach - (13) (8) (12) = 33pts
3) Miss King Is Fat - (10) (6) (14) = 30pts
4) A Written Demise - (7) (14) (7)= 28pts
5) Paper Bin - (5) (12) (10) = 27pts
6) Breath Taker - (3) (13) (9) = 25pts
7) Passenger Seat - (6) (10) (8) = 24pts
8) Cheerless Air - (8) (7) (5) = 20pts
9) Realitys Brink - (12) (3) (3) = 18pts

10) Empty Skies - (4) (5) (6) = 15pts
11) Lonely Love Poem -(9) (1) (1)=11pts
12) Homeless - (1) (4) (4) = 9pts
13) Regret - (2) (2) (2)= 6pts

1) In The Library - 35pts

'A really nice poem with quite a bit of imagery. I felt like without the title you'd still be able to recognize the scenery of a library as the imagery gives it away quite easily. Maybe a different title would be more effective and interesting? Loved the reference to Whitman; perhaps this is this poet's favorite writer of time and it is them nestled in the corner away from sight reading his poetry. Quite a simple write but really held my interest especially the line 'fingers pinched oil into fiber' which was well worded.'

'Ok, so maybe I'm just in love with libraries. I really enjoyed how the poet focused on the sensations of smell and touch and sound, rather than visual images. It's easy to talk about how a library looks, but this poem captures more of the actual mood and feeling. I liked the concretely physical touches, like skin oil on a page, and the quiet shuffle that people do when they are in a library. I also enjoyed the little literary allusions surrounding the reading of Whitman. The poem feels natural and organic and calm and quiet.'

2) Shag Beach - 33pts

'I really thought the pun was interesting in the title, it made the poem much more meaningful. I'm glad this poet chose to speak of a bird that isn't all that commonly known compared to some, like a robin, finch, etc. Quite an interesting style, though the fourth line could be broken up a bit as it seemed to go on forever. I wasn't quite sure that 'It seems as though there's a storm coming in' was necessary. It is actually quite redundant as you have painted the picture for us already with mentioning the heavy clouds. It's hard to write a poem with less than 100 words, but I thought you did a pretty decent job with the limit here. I had a hard time figuring out why you shifted to the scene of the storm. Perhaps it was just another image you had seen on the beach aside from the birds? It would have been nice to have seen you focus on the birds more with the amount of words you had remaining. I felt that was much more interesting than the mentioning of the storm approaching.'

'This is a good example of how a poem can become completely elevated by its closing lines. The first stanza is charming, and there is a real sense of mood in this piece, but I can see how a less effective ending would have stunted this good poem slightly. No problem here, though. The final sentence is succinct and does a perfect job of closing the piece. This is a good example of how you don't always need fancy words in a poem. It's all about pacing and balance.'

3) Miss King Is Fat - 30pts

'It was interesting to see a humorous piece out of the bunch. It made the reader chuckle from time to time. It seemed like the tone of the piece changed towards the end however. It was a bit soft and a bit more emotional. I thought this was really effective though and worked well. Hard to critique such a poem. It was nice to see this writer take on a topic less serious. With that, this poem seemed to stand out among the others for its originality.'

'A real person, a real place, a real time, a real poem. The choices of details are spot-on. The ending is unexpected, yet very fitting, and it carries the emotional weight of the poem, while grounding all the rich images that precede it. There is a good, natural instinct for writing here that can't be taught.'

4) A Written Demise - 28pts

'Very thought provoking and lovely write! One of the strongest ones I've read in the batch of poems received. You give the reader quite a bit to think about. I loved how you went about the thought of how it seems that our lives are already predetermined. In a way we are all the same, because in the end our fate is the same; death. The questions were excellent and made one stop and think about something that maybe they never really thought about much. I found this poem to actually be quite flawless, it was hard to find anything wrong. Quite a straight forward poem.'

'There is a creative mind at work here, but it's utterly buried by the wordiness of the first stanza. "surreal intricacies / of this vague presence / perplex / my certainty." I think this could be simplified in spades. I want to be swept away by a poem, and here I feel like I'm drowning. I think its fine to puzzle over a poem's philosophical or metaphorical meanings, but not simply over the wording of a phrase. That said, I think the poem improves greatly as it goes on. The thoughts are allowed room to breathe. I like the haphazard effect of the marionette image. Not only is it out of its own control, it's blindfolded, so it doesn't even know it.'

5) Paper Bin - 27pts

'It seems as though this is quite common in writers, the thought of writer's block and rummaging through our paper bin of crumpled up pages to find something to write about. In the beginning I felt as though the 'sleep in cups of thick coffee' made me think this poet often finds them self writing in the late hours of night while they cannot sleep. Perhaps this is the time for them that thoughts come to mind. Though the ending is somewhat cliche in the fact that they will find the thought within their heart, it is often true. Poetry normally does and should come from the inner soul. I feel that could be changed is 'it's self' should be 'itself' and 'paper bin' is two words, not one. Other than a few minor things, I loved the concept of this poem. Though it speaks of struggling to come up with something to write, it was written quite well. Sometimes writing about writer's block is indeed the best idea.'

'I thought the strengths of this poem were in the luscious images of its first stanza, and in its final phrase. Those are great places to pack your punch - you want a poem that catches the interest of the reader in its first lines, and you want an ending that makes it worthwhile. My criticism, if I had to make one, would be for the "silent scream" of the second stanza. First, I just feel like I see that phrase a lot, and it's lost its meaning. More importantly, though, I feel like the message of the poem is a search for authenticity and strong feeling. The poet is looking for a feeling that doesn't "sleep," "that shifts [their] own soils." They say that they want something to bury itself to the hilt in the heart (which is a powerful image). I feel that "silent screams" are too dynamic to contrast properly with the search for other powerful feelings. I think it would have made more sense if, instead of screams, the poet chose something dull or trite to be weary of.'

6) Breath Taker - 25pts

'This was a really beautiful poem as it felt quite personal. The simile you used of the polka dotted fawn made everything so much more lovely. Love and life definitely seems like that of a fawn taking it's first steps and how their are little stumbles along the way. Definitely a very 'dreamy' poem that is quite easy to find comfort in. One of my favorites.'

'There are a couple of small grammatical errors here (check those "it's," and there's a missing "f" in campfire). Those little things aside, this simple poem was cozy and sweet. I get the feeling that the poet is experimenting with different ways of describing an image, and that enthusiasm is fun to read. It is simple but nice.'

7) Passenger Seat - 24pts

'The first thing I discovered about this piece was how nothing was capitalized but I. I felt this kind of gave this poem a little edge since it was something I hadn't yet seen in the other poems. This
poem speaks of something that is easy to relate to, that idea of feeling like you're in the passenger seat of life as time passes. Loved the idea of being half alive and half asleep, could be that they don't want to miss anything in life or maybe they aren't sure whether they'd like to be dreaming or living reality? Lots to think about with this poem. I gathered quite a few ideas from it. An interesting piece.'

'There seems to be a conflict here between feeling potential and failing to act upon it. This conflict is set up between the first two stanzas; the writer feels all this energy, and yet has been living as a "passerby," and in the passenger seat, as the title suggests. This is all clearly worked, and I think the wording is fine, but I don't see the issue being resolved or addressed by the last 3 lines. It's possible that I'm ignorant of what the poet means, but without that understanding, it's hard to get a feeling for how the poem concludes.'

8) Cheerless Air - 20pts

'I recognized this poet's style right off the bat as she always puts her heart into each and every piece she writes. Her poems always hold so much emotion and with that her poems are quite beautiful to read as you can relate to almost all of them yourself. I wouldn't have thought there was a word limit with this poem, it felt natural and not forced. I felt as though I could see myself stepping outside on a cold morning, and letting out a sigh, breathing in the morning air, though instead this time the air feels 'cheerless'. It kind of in a way seems unwelcoming to you. The emotion is so overwhelming in this piece, but I absolutely loved it. The poet really pours their heart out here, and I found myself really finding comfort in each and every word, though the poem is quite a sad one. Truly a heartbreaking poem. The ending tears your heart in half. Only thing I can see as a necessary change is flipping 'dwell' and 'still' as I feel it'd sound much better this way.'

'This poem does a nice job of talking about sadness without saying "sad," or "depressed." Some of the wording is a little bit vague, but I liked the consistent association of mood with weather/wind. It definitely ties in with the "air" in the title.'

9) Realitys Brink - 18pts

'This poem was sweet but I found a few faults in it. 'Sidewalk chalk border' was something different and made me think deeper. Would have liked to see a not so strict format here. It seemed as though you were focusing on making four lined stanzas, and with that your flow got a bit rough in places. The punctuation needs work, as I felt you had very little when you could have used more and what you did use seemed off to begin with. Thoughts seemed to be cut off quite frequently with that strict format you were trying to follow. Another thing to point out is that '9' should probably be written out as 'nine'. The rhyme at the very end of the poem seemed a bit forced. While this poem was a nice sentiment and emotive in the fact that you want this person to come with you and share a beautiful moment with you, it didn't really hold anything extremely special for me.'

'Normally I'm not a big fan of this rhyme scheme, but I felt like it was appropriate in this case. This poem had a songlike feel, for all its simplicity. One thing I'd maybe change is the fact that some stanzas are 4 lines, the first one is 3, and the last one is 5. The rhythm makes it understandable, still, but it had me wondering if it was intentional or if just happened haphazardly. I would also delete the period after "down," because of the ellipsis and lower case letter beginning the final line. "In the land that I think" feels like an incomplete thought. Edit: after some more review, the poem might actually flow better without the stanza breaks - a reader might have to "try" less hard to make the changing rhyme scheme work.'

10) Empty Skies - 15pts

'I think this poem, if I'm not mistaken, is speaking of how there is so much above and beyond Earth, that only we can see or believe with our own eyes. There's so much beauty that nobody knows of, so it seems as though we have to dream to imagine it. Or perhaps you could see it as we would not be able to enjoy this beauty if it wasn't for God to create such beauty for us to admire. Without him, the world would be 'plan and grey' as you speak of. Some possible things to improve on would be using a bit more punctuation. I see some, but not enough to make the poem flow smooth enough. As a suggestion, I feel as though 'unknown' would sound better than 'unknowing'? Otherwise a nice expression of thought.'

'The title was appropriate for this poem. It did read a bit more like a personal philosophical statement than it did a poem. It reads as clear and pessimistic, but I think it would have benefited from some evolution of mood throughout, whether towards the positive or not. There is a lot of potential emotion to be used in this topic, so I would like to see it strive to be more energetic and unique.'

11) Lonely Love Poem -11pts

'A simple rhyme here which helped the poem a bit, however, wasn't quite sure the periods after each line were effective at all; it kept cutting the flow off for me and left me stumbling over each and every line. Seemed though that much effort wasn't put into this as I saw in some of the other pieces. I feel you could have taken a bit more advantage of the word limit and added something more to this. It's a bit too 'blah' for me.'

'After seeing periods end every short line before (which probably weren't needed) I was confused by the lack of a period to finish off the poem. I would have liked to see more of a thematic relationship between the separate lines.'

12) Homeless - 9pts

'After reading this poem a few times, I felt like this poet maybe tried too hard with this one, and as a result I don't feel it had the impact I was looking for unfortunately. It seemed to me a thesaurus was being used to make this poem seem fancy, when really simple wording would have been much more effective. Also, it seems too many different images were being used. The poem was constantly jumping around and never really stayed focus on one thing. 'Spattering the slush' seemed quite off to me personally. It's obvious this poet was trying too hard to get this poem finished and submitted. Needs a bit more work, I think the vocabulary made this poem complicated enough that I could not feel the emotion you were trying to portray. Images are not needed either, the title speaks for the poem itself quite clearly. A nice try though this piece needs a little improvement.'

'This poem had a couple of nice images. I enjoyed the wording of the first stanza, and the hint of a different rhyming scheme. Some of the wording was a bit off, though. I felt like the effort to make the poem rhyme took away from its flow and power. I actually think if the rhymes would have rhymed more accurately, it would have read better. Since they are mostly slant rhymes, some of the word choices like "practice" feel a bit awkward. This writer had a clear inspiration and passion, but I would like to see this poet consider writing a/the poem in free verse, and see how it's different.'

13) Regret - 6pts

'I had a difficult time really getting into this poem, as I felt it was a bit short when more could have been expressed. I liked what you had, but felt a lot was missing due to the lack of words. It packed some emotion, but not as much as I had hoped. I think this poem had a good beginning and ending, but was missing that inner core - the middle of the piece that really brings the poem together. As I was reading for the first time and reached the end my exact thoughts were 'That's it?'. One little thing to mention - it's should not have an apostrophe. I was hoping to read more from you.'

'This poem has some heavy emotional potential. I would have liked to see it expanded upon. What exists in the poem right now is two mere statements, and I think there is a lot more that could be worked with.'

Thanks for the reviews!! :D
this contest seems really amazing and interesting :)

Good reviews. This is certainly bein g run smoothly.

Yes, good reviews..

Colm, it was an amazing contest :)

I am sure everyone did the best they could, especially the judges.