Abed's Contest: Round I - Results & Reviews

<<<<>>>>NEW!!!!<<< READ EVERYTHING>>><<<>>>>

- Out of '8' members in Round ONE, '3' would get eliminated.

Here are the poems that were sent to me, and which I forwarded to two pairs of judges for assistance.

>> The poems are posted without the names of who have written them, and even when the results of this round are out, you CANNOT post your poems. You need to wait till the final round ends! <<

= There were '4' assisting judges in this round.
BUT, every poem has 3 votes: mine, a random judge, and another random judge.

In this way, there would be a variety in votes and taste because of this randomness of the two assisting judges.

>> Judging was made by two steps:

- The poem was voted on (by me only) according to the '50 points' of the RULES REQUIRED.

- Then, the other '50 points' of STRUCTURE & CONTENT are voted by me, a random judge, and another random judge, to which this total is divided by three.

- Finally, the two out of 50 points are added, to make a grade out of 100.

----------------------THE POEMS-----------------------------

#1: Signals

I chase his name
upon a railway,
where daises sprout
in miss-you crushes...

I find the code
for dependable passion,
no longer trudging
in a destructive
abyss.

He echoes scent
upon faint arrivals...
I awaken and dream
of his Old Spice
flickering;
I'll be tender
for limitless moons.

#2: Tenderness

This loathsome feeling of lust and passion
This sin feeling while losing my innocence
This burning and flickering attraction
I imagine happiness and brilliance

The scent of Giorgio Armani aftershave
I can picture fresh blooming daisies
Making me wish, beg and crave
Giving me nothing but abysm and frailties

#3: Deceit

Under the lovers sky
we once did lay,
between fields of buytercups and daises,
where the sweet scent of my gucci fragrance,
lingered upon your skin.
You took me on a journey,
along the railway to heaven,
where you did nothing
but defraud my senses.
As the flickering stars smiled,
I lost all knowledge of who you were,
and what my dreams had become.

#4: Bridges

Flickering upon the water ways.
Loathsome fires,
lick across watery graves
Bubble and blister;
battered and brused,
Walk along red railway tracks,
...don't wear any shoes.
Bridges are burning,
straight to hell.
When they push you,
they did not miss,
Everyone fell,
into a firey abyss.

#5: Diary of the freak

She tows her lingerie
stargazing at her
queer fruits, dabbing
flickering gewgaws
that hold Givenchy
scent...

(mixed with loathsome
flavor of contempt.)

She weeps by
everyone's pride,
nibbling at her own.
Knowing of the
burden years hurled
upon her chest.

All blame her as if
she's the one who
turns off the stars
when daylight
prevails, and swallows
the daisies everytime
Autumn defrauds our
dreams upon the sky.

For she's the freak,
she's the weakness that
makes us feel strong.

#6: Captured

You're laying in that
flickering candle light
and Diors smell still lingers
on your restless skin,
adorning your purity.

Loathsome defrauds
brought us together,
you whimper but our
silhouettes entwine to
tranquilize you with
an immortal kiss,
that will capture us
in abyss.

#7: Salvation

In her abyss
-flickering-

Pure and safe
from the one
waiting for me
outside,
to vanquish my mind
for a journey
leads to race.

(where dreams are crushed, like daisies in yardley under the loathsome steps)..

#8: Tracking

Freed of loathsome town we stalk befogged tracks
following flickering taillights of the receding railway
which carries tanks of petrol and ranks of Civics
to all the good consumers trapped in marital play,
except for us gypsies: we skirt the social abyss,
pledged to others, cleaving together evermore.

-----------------CHECK OUT ROUND TWO---------------------

-----------------------RESULTS-----------------------------------

Calculation Formula:

Total = (Rules Required points) + { [ (My vote) + (Judge 1or2or3or4) + (Judge 2or3or4) ] / 3 }

-------------------------------------------------------------------

#1: (39) + {[(41)+(48)+(49)]/3} = 85

#2: (36) + {[(38)+(30)+(30)]/3} = 68.67

#3: (34.5) + {[(36)+(39)+(29)]/3} = 69.17

#4: (37.5) + {[(38.5)+(38)+(35)]/3} = 74.66

#5: (34) + {[(44.5)+(48)+(44)]/3} = 79.5

#6: (34) + {[(39)+(49)+(45)/3} = 78.3

#7: (34) + {[(36.5)+(44)+(28)]/3} = 70.17

#8: (35.5) + {[(43.5)+(45)+(47)]/3} = 80.67

----------------------------------------------------------

= REVIEWS:

#1:

<This write hit home for me, it was unique! the writer is really creative with his/her words. I don't know what else to say, except that I took 2 points away because of this expression: "destructive
abyss." it wasn't creative at all, contrary to the other expressions in this piece.> [Judge 1]

<This is perfection. Wording ,flow , content and structure flawless in this humble
opinion.. Usage of words was choice and clear. No suggestions can be made to
improve this piece!> [Judge 2]

#2:

<I disliked the count of the words, it was as if the writer removed fillers so that they can get the 5 bonus points? Well, they got the 5 points but lost 20 points for originality and creativeness! I'm sorry I couldn't find anything interesting in this piece.> [Judge 1]

<In the second line I think sinful would work better.
-I imagine happiness and brilliance- this really doesn't fit
with the feeling of lust and passion. Overall a mix of tenderness
and lust which is conflicting. Content wasn't consistent.> [Judge 2]

#3:

<where the sweet scent of my gucci fragrance,
lingered upon your skin.
^^^
the same exact thing was found in the previous piece (meaning: many poets use similar ideas and metaphors), not original.
I guess most of it was cliche and not creative, the usage of words was forced clearly.> [Judge 1]

<Some errors in spelling and all the commas were very distracting.
content was pretty cliche but usage of words was done very well
Spelling and punctuation I would have to deduct the overall points> [Judge 2]

#4:

<Interesting write, the morbid thoughts are consuming and straightforward, but would have liked more intrigued or mystery. Flow wasn't as smooth as could have been but your adjectives were strong and -red railway tracks- appealed to that fiery sense of being somewhere like Hell.> [Judge 3]

<The author managed to set a vivid scene yet some images have been stated more than once for example the fact that there is fire. I actually miss the depth in this piece because the author describes everything really detailed and does not really leave any space for own interpretations. Therefore I think that the idea is original and that this poem flows well. > [Judge 4]

#5:

<Great verb use, it created impact and the images you use of this girl's emotions and actions are intricately woven. Beautiful and elegant writing with a twist that makes us ponder the mask she must be wearing at the end.> [Judge 3]

<This poem is full of images that encourage the readers mind to think and the words portray a vivid image. The author is not stating the obvious but slowly describing a situation that is not only original but also really creative. The stanzas flow smoothly and captivate the reader.> [Judge 4]

#6:

<I liked the second stanza so damn much, the words count was excellent, 5 points given and the usage of grammar was good as well, the 1 taken point was because of the cliche expressions in the first stanza, there was no creativeness in it, like: "flickering candle light" and "Diors smell still lingers" We have always read about a flickering light, right? especially the candle. And for the smell lingers" is something really over-used.> [Judge 1]

<Steamy content, even though it's not an entirely an original idea
it's done very well. My only suggestion would be to change
-loathsome defrauds- it really doesn't work well with the rest of
the lines below it.> [Judge 2]

#7:

<Very simple piece yet thought-provoking phrases. I liked where you went with the daisies as if this place has been twisted, and going outside of your mind will be a dramatic exit. Nice personal touch of -in her abyss- haunting and left me wanting more about the character. Nicely woven-in title.> [Judge 3]

<The author probably had a specific idea that he wanted to transfer with this poem but what came out is a bit vague and does not really give the reader the possibility to imagine the scenery. Some grammatical errors caused more confusion but the flow was quite good. The choice of words makes it obvious that there is more behind it than what's mentioned which makes the poem reach a specific depth. > [Judge 4]

#8:

<The usage of the given words were never forced, I couldn't see anything forced as well, I guess this writer has so much talent to show but he/she over-punctuated this, so, I felt like I'm reading an essay! However, I kind of liked the content of this poem.> [Judge 1]

<The first line doesn't read quite right. -Freed of loathsome town= A loathsome town maybe?
The content was very original
and profound in its own way.
I loved the last two lines. it pulled the poem together and gave it impact. Nicely done.> [Judge 2]

To the SECOND ROUND:

1] Signals (85)
2] Tracking (80.67)
3] Diary of the freak (79.5)
4] Captured (78.3)
5] Bridges (74.66)

Eliminated:

6] Salvation (70.17)
7] Deceit (69.17)
8] Tenderness (68.67)

-----HARD LUCK TO THE ELIMINATED, AND GOOD LUCK Round One WINNERS----

Its okay ,,,next time ,,,i will wait ,,bro...thanks a lot for the invitation..