Crawling back after you have walked away

How many times does a woman pack her bags and leave a relationship? Take a vacation on love and sit on the beach with other single women to find herself drowning in their own tears, trying to bury their memories in the sand, and wash their internal screams of the agonizing thought of crawling back to the man she left with a Sex on a Beach alcoholic drink, only to find herself wearing out her thumbs, breaking her newly French Manicure nails to text her “ex”-boyfriend to get his attention, you await a response, yet you haven’t heard your ringtone since the break up hang up, for those that don’t know what that means let me remind you. A “Break Up Hang up”, is when a person in a relationship yells everything they can possibly can say before running out of reasons why they can’t be with the person, then they hang up. As ridiculous as it sounds, we all have our moments of breaking up with a person, whether its over the internet, via email, text message, or as I mentioned the “Break up Hung up”. But once you walk away, there are many women that crawl back, hands and knees to the man they had so many cons and reasons why she couldn’t be with him. And ladies, we aren’t the only person in the relationship that crawls back, Men crawl back also, but we will leave that topic for my blog about Forgiveness.

Stepping out of a relationship, turning your back on the one you once said “You’ll be by his side for the rest of your life”, can be pretty difficult, matter of fact, it’s ugly. First, we feel confused, being around him seems dull, while spending time with him all you can think about is escaping. Then once you finally get the strength to pick yourself up by your boots and march out, you “Hut One, Hut Two”, into a battlefield you didn’t see ahead of you when you were ready to let the past be the past and start on a new journey.

Love wars are never easy, it sometimes is a battle we think we could never win…Until the next man comes and we think we won with victory, until he is soon to have his name on the “Ex List”, or should I say enemy list. But since we are discussing crawling back, I will shortly skip the bombs, love threats, grenades, “I Hate you’s”, and some exchanges of words that can be deadly to love relationships. The “Crawling Back” stage is the forfeit of the war, throwing in the towel in a boxing ring, the compromise in the breakup.

Personally, I am in a relationship with my first love, at one point in our relationship I was ready to give up. I told him that our love was unconditional, that I would be with my boyfriend regardless of what we go through. For those that know what a final straw is, I hold an infinite amount of straws, and there is no amount of weight that will break the camel’s back. But at a given time, I did not want to see what the final straw stage looked like, so I told him I was done even though my mind kept telling me how much he completed me, blocked his calls, and as the days went by each day I found myself hesitating unblocking the phone, writing him, basically “Crawling back”. Although it took him going out his way to meet me on the journey I already started traveling, I still understand how crawling back feels.

For those who have questions or particular concerns about the “Crawling back” stage, Here are some common questions.Note: These answers come from my own point of view.

Is it weak for someone to “crawl back”?

Strength is not measured by how much you are able to endure from the one you love, nor is it tested by how you are able to walk away from a relationship. As a woman that provides an holistic view within my writing, I am humble enough to allow my readers to relate to my words, but I also want to provide a side that may be within them but they don’t want to admit it, even when they stare int he mirror and see their characteristic in the mirror. There are many women, maybe even men, that have had that “Weak in the knees” effect from their man or woman, when they feel like the love has taken over them, their partner completes him or her, you believe your significant other gives you strength, fulfillment, and some have even noted that their mate gives them a reason to live. When someone is truly this deep in love, there is no way I could call a woman weak when she considers going back to her man, because it takes a lot of strength to pull your feet out of the cement blocks, and your heart out of the cage its been locked away in for years.

I must add, that I do not recommend a woman crawl back in a relationship and plea for the man’s return, nor will I ever advise a woman to crawl back where to an unhealthy, unsafe relationship. There is a reason why people break up, whether it is because of lying, cheating, disrespect, the reasons for breaking up runs long. I do believe that people are able to change, but they have to be willing to change, I advise my readers not to return to relationships with a list of things they expect for the relationship. Telling your man or woman to “Do This, Do That”, can be very overwhelming and can cause your forfeit of the breakup to have the other person throw in the towel and give up with their efforts. It is wise to discuss with your partner what made the relationship turn sour, sometimes everything is sweet in the beginning, roses delivered to your job just because it is May 23rd, Tuesday, or as a “Thank you” for being in my life, then as the months go by, no more dates, the phone calls is more like a check-up appointment instead of a “deep conversation”, but leaving and coming can either make a relationship stronger with the comeback, yet their are times where the other person can think you really don’t want to be in the relationship if you left.

I’ve seen many partners walk away, yet only testing their partner and leaving to get a reaction out the other person. This is a very unhealthy way to try and fix the mistakes that you are tired of having to deal with. Try talking out what has been negatively impacting your relationship without giving an ultimatum, For example: “If you cheat one more time, I am officially done with you, and I am never coming back”. Although this is exactly how you feel, giving this type of ultimatum sometimes only reveals YOU are not what YOU say. I was always taught to mean what you say and to say what you mean, so if you pull out the last straw and get ready to toss it in the haystack of mistakes, remember after the last straw is tossed, there are not any more straws left, right?

When you give an ultimatum to your partner, leave, then you are the one crawling back then that lessens the value of when you say it the next time. Your mate will stop taking you seriously and when you threaten that your relationship is going to end, the beg for your forgiveness may turn into a shrug of the shoulders, because he has it in his head that you aren’t truly going anywhere. Mistakes may continue, and he believes that you will never stop forgiving him, you believe that if you love him you’ll keep taking him back. Truly a lot of this is wrong thinking, when two people both have wrong thinking, how could one expect anything to go right? You end up at dead end, u-turn, dead, u-turn, getting dizzy off the circling and when you finally do fall out of love, you feel too weak to crawl back, and if and when he is the one crawling back, your laying there helpless, careless whether you and him stay together or not. This type of relationship is not strong, it is very feeble and many look at it as marching in place, the relationship just exist without any contents left.

As to whether when it is acceptable to return to a relationship, as I stated before I believe its foolish to return to a relationship where a woman is physically or verbally abused. Women have to stand up for themselves and get what they deserve, if a woman is able to get out of such a situation safely, it is unsafe and is damaging to her own well being to navigate herself back to the relationship with the thinking that “He is all that I need”, “I Need him back in my life”, stop making excuses and realize your blessed to have made it out alive and I give you recognition for actually walking away, that takes a lot of courage. Truly ponder on the reasons why you left, sometimes the finally straw was lost by a petty mistake, but it was still the last straw, you start to build your house with his mistakes, living inside a straw hut, these homes are not strong foundations. In most cases if your relationship is fixable, some may undergo counseling, or trying something new that can positively impact their relationship that leads to progression. Never walk backwards in life, if you feel that after a breakup you get further ahead, even if its a couple steps ahead, you should not walk backwards, make a left turn that steers you in another direction of where you planned on going in life, or a right turn that may seem like a compromise yet truly your just giving in and its more defined as a sacrifice. Remember there is a difference between sacrifice and compromise.