Butterflies

What happened with that feeling?
To have something new?
Has it grown out of me to love someone?
Does everything change when you grow older?
Cause there was a time that I felt love and the butterflies. But after that time I never felt the butterflies again. I cared about every lover I had. But Im just so scared that everytime its not enough... I never hold on any longer that a few months. And that first one is still here in my heart. But he is not the one I will have again.. And I have a lover now. I share everything with him. We have our fun and fights.. I guess he really cares about me. I see him almost every day.. But I just dont know. Im so scared to commit I guess?

Butterflies are a byproduct of 'newness'. Many mistake the butterfies being gone as a signal that you don't care as much. To me it is the opposite. It means you've had time to grow and that your relationship has matured past 'initial feelings'. Butterflies will come and go but you truly know how you feel in your heart. I don't get butterflies when I'm with my husband any more, or rarely. I love him more then I did when we first started dating 7 years ago the butterflys were present then but my understanding and deep love for him wasn't.

A wonderful book that I think anyone should read weather your in a relationship or not is "The 5 Love Languages" They have a chapter dedicated to what happens when the 'newness' wears off. What that truly means and how it's not always a bad thing.

Never worry about those butterflies being gone, they aren't an indication of how you feel. I can tell how much someone loves another person by how they smile with thier eyes. People who love their SO have this glow to them, you can sense a bit of pride in who they are with. Love is soo much deeper then butterflies I promise :) Don't think that because their not there that's a bad thing. It could actually mean a good thing, signaling that your relationship is reaching new levels of maturity and deepness. Arguments happen even with the most level headed couple, don't let that discourage you.

Some things change as you get older but the concept of love doesn't. As you get older commitment becomes more and more of an issue. WHen you hit my age 25 many of you friends will be engaged if not already married. I think also as you get older you learn to be a lot less selfless and learn how to live as a couple over living for yourselves. It's now about the person your with, you have to take their thoughts and feelings into account with some of the things you do. I found love as a young adult to be inspiring, hard and a true adventure where I learned so much about myself through my husbands eyes. I found that young adult love to be by far the most rewarding and fulfilling experience. Still is to be honest.

Commitment takes time and it doesn't happen over night. Commitment is about giving yourself 110% to someone else. Giving your heart and TRUSTING that, that person will treat your feelings with the utmost respect. The fact that you KNOW that you don't hold relationships longer then a month tells me that part is psychological, and perhaps a switch in your head things "This is too good to be true." Sometimes the things we think will happen, we end up Self-Fulfilling those worst fears. Meaning if you think it long enough sooner or later it'll happen. This is why thinking positively is so key, if you think the worst will happen then if you think it enough times it probably will. That is a huge obstacle all of us overcome at one time or another. (Some actually never reach the point of being able to commit). But you have to give yourself time and if you still want to be single then it's great to realize that now. It means your just not ready to add one more to your party of one :) And thats OK! :) When you're ready to commit I promise you'll know. Commitment has it's risks though nothing is 100% for sure and sometimes fall outs do happen. But without the risk what do you have to gain?

Goodluck hun.