Britt's Contest [Superfreak! Round 3]

*grabs some coffeee*

The one who doesn't have them in yet has the super long comments, so easy! It works out good anyway because I left my book full of the scores and who is who at work, so I couldn't post em tonight anyway haha.

That haha at the end made me bitter..

I could have overlooked the fact that something happened..

but the haha.. now I'm mad.

x0x0

Oh Psht!!

RESULTS! RESULTS!

All three of my judges made the comment that this was by far the hardest round to choose, and they switched up their winners a few times due to the greatness of these poems, so good job for making this round hard for the judges :)

That being said.. here are the winners of this round. Sadly, four will leave us today, I will post those four at the bottom of this post.

Proserpina (60+4= 64)

21 - I had never heard of this character before but reading the poem I got quite a detailed image of her character. There is something angelic about her but also something tempting or dangerous. The use of the word epiphany is effective, as it describes that love at first sight moment well. Also, I quite liked the descriptions of how she makes him feel by filling his thoughts with 'foolishness, clouds and malice.' I think this poem, while obviously about mythology, is not exclusive in its meaning. The way he feels could be the same way any person feels upon falling in love. The punctuation was generally good but in one case, I don't think a comma was needed (in the last two lines). Other than that it read and flowed well. Overall it was a good effort and largely avoided cliche in a topic/theme where it is common.

21 - It was nice to read a poem on a mythology creature I didn't know much or any about. You can definitely see how she is the
deity of life-death-rebirth. You really did a great job incorporating this.. also I saw a bit of how she is the Queen of the Underworld
in this, but maybe not as much as I'd like. This is a strong piece however, very enjoyable.

18 - I've always been fond of Proserpina, perhaps more a familiar with her Greek equivalent Persephone but it was nice to see Roman mythology instead of Greek. What I liked with this poem was the incorporation of the myth and a personal connection the poet had to the Goddess. When given a prompt such as this it can be hard for the writer to make the topic their own, fact after fact are often written and it loses characteristic. I enjoyed how Proserpina became a metaphor for a person in the writers life, from what I gathered a lover. It was a powerful metaphor because it allowed the audience to form an image of this person the poet speaks of. The reference to "she like black butterflies brought death" was clever as Proserpina was known for being a deity of death however on a deeper level the writer was forming the idea that the female was known for being a bit of a heart breaker, bringing death upon those whose hearts she had at "her feet." The first word at the beginning of the poem should have been capitalized and after abruptly in the 6th stanza I didn't feel the comma was necessary. This piece was strong in emotion and strong in metaphors.

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Ghosts Are Empty Things (57 + 3 = 60)

18 - The poet did well in fitting a lot into this poem. It contained good imagery and description throughout, but the line 'haunted by stillborn futures,' is a great one. Stillborn is a great word to use here, it gives the image of an accidentally aborted future, one that will never be carried out. And this is what must 'haunt' ghosts: their ability to be part of a present but not have a future. The cool pillow and extra chair are good images of loss, but 'nobody whispers into,' marks a turning point and changes the validity of these images a bit. The images presented are common ones in that the empty chair is always noticeable by the absence of somebody in it, but nobody seems to notice so it is somewhat of a contradiction or a new way to use the image. The last image of the well is quite a sad and powerful one: the silence indicates that is has no end, wishes and ghosts keep falling further and further from reality. 'Cold, empty, silent' are quite cliche words but they just about work because the poet paints the image (wishes/ghosts in the well) first and uses the adjectives to further describe it when the picture is already in the readers mind. In terms of the contest, I think this poem was one of the most successful in managing to create a poem with the restrictions in place.

18 - I loved this! Quite unique metaphors you used here, really intrigued me. You've written a wonderful piece in just a few words, it speaks volumes. Definitely makes us think of ghosts in a different way - well done, you rose to the challenge!

21 - The concept of this poem was the strongest I read out of the bunch. Often when one writes of ghosts we think of loved ones, those who have passed and spirits however I don't believe I have read a poem where a poet has simply wrote a ghost is a space; that was a powerful message. I liked the eerie presence created through tone, while I'm not sure all would have felt emotion from this poem I sure did, the idea that one becomes nothing but imagination was something to think about. I didn't feel the comma after person was necessary in the first line, in my opinion the piece would of flowed just as well without if, possibly smoother. In my opinion this was the hardest of the prompts to write about because you have less to go off, mythology, fairies and witchcraft prompts form endless possibilities but this is a little bit harder to create something different. Well done for writing a piece that was unique in thought.

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Titania (36+5 = 41)

15 - This was a form I was not familiar with, and it looks quite difficult but have to say the poet does a good job overall. It has an especially mythical feel to it, with references to fauns, queens, moons etc. I wasn't fully sure of the meaning of the poem, perhaps because of its relative shortness, and perhaps the meaning wasn't the most important or developed aspect of this poem. What I didn't particularly like was the reference to 'airy fairy' at the end. The whole poem has a kind of dark, sensual tone until that moment, when airy fairy made me think of silliness and ditzyness. It was strange reading this at the end of the poem, and maybe it is one mythical reference too far. Overall the poem flows quite well, a favourite line was 'Ominous; the sun's dream at dawn,' as it sounded musical and dreamy. I was a little confused in the fourth stanza. The question was a bit too open, I was thinking what should I be insisting but I couldn't find an answer. But maybe that's just me. Also I think it might read better like so: the virgin who's unworn and fresh, perhaps the valiant.' Overall though a well-crafted piece that although it didn't have a huge impact on me as a reader, it was quite well put together and was atmospheric.

15- I had not known about this form of poetry til today. Thought it was clever to see you not only one but two prompts within this poem.
You speak of Titania who is the queen of fairies, of which to write about fairies is another prompt. This poem really blew me away -
very neatly organized thoughts, excellent usage of mythology, and very poetic.

6 - First of all a well done for giving formed poetry ago, a constanza does not look the easiest to write after all you have to focus on many different aspects, syllable count, rhyme scheme, the fact that the stanzas should read as independent pieces on top of your usual techniques in poetry. The fourth stanza third line seems to have 9 syllables instead of 8, I counted several times and each time I came up with 8 however the syllable count seems perfect throughout the rest. When I saw this prompt I was curious as to how one would write this, much mythology has been written on Fairies but I liked that you referenced Shakespeare through the title. The idea of the moon around her wrist was clever as Titania is also the name of a moon and I liked that the poet either knew the about the Fairy Queen in the first place or they took the time to actually look into it, this was obvious through the information presented such as the reference the seven sins.

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Origin Of The Fae; Too Fat To Fly (30 + 5 = 35)

12 - I think this was a good effort at the form and had a trace of humour about it. It has a sense of innocence of childhood but on a deeper level perhaps raises questions about the validity of things told to us by adults as children. It also has a sense of nostalgia as the speaker looks back to tales he/she heard when a child. There is the sense of a certain fondness for these tales but also perhaps a certain scepticism about them from the now adult perspective. I think the rhyme flows best at the beginning and perhaps gets steadily worse, but it never gets to the point where it is overly forced. I did however have the sense that the poem was written as a specific form. This is isn't much of a criticism, as this awareness of this on the part of the reader is one which all but the best 'formed' poems cannot hide.

3 - This poem seemed a bit too quickly thrown together for me, as if not much though went into it. It had nice rhythm and flow, but otherwise, I'm afraid it didn't capture my attention as much as the other poems.

15 - Great work on giving a poetry form a go. I can't imagine the Monchielle was the easiest to pull off, again this a poem where you had to focus on many aspects including syllable count, rhyme scheme, and usual poetry technique. Everything seemed spot on here with the poetry form; I couldn't find any errors so kudos! The essence behind this poem was really lovely and I adored the concept. As children we are fed a lot of information through Fairytales and we believe them because we know nothing else. As we get older we have to face the reality that such things don't exist and this piece is wonderful in showing this bridge and the innocence of children. I liked how this poem read like a nursery rhyme due to the tone and the bit of humour in the last stanza made me smile. Well done on writing one of those pieces that was simplistic in its beauty.

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A Mystic Gift (24 + 5 = 29)

9 - While this had positive aspects and was interesting, I thought it was a little inconsistent and overly-dramatic in places. The beginning is adequate and lilac and cotton are interesting references but it would be more effective if the poet showed the reader how she was worried rather than simply tell us that she was. Similarly, later in the poem the poet tells of a 'shattered girl.' It would be more engaging and original if you showed us some sign that she was shattered rather than just telling us that she was. Also, I was a little confused by the statue: It is mentioned and then the poet goes on to talk about the sun and moon for a bit. While these descriptions were good in themselves, I wanted to find out more about the statue but it remained a little vague and unexplained. I sensed it was unexplained in an unintentional way, that the poet presumed the reader knows what she is talking about but I was confused as to who the shattered girl was near the end: was it the statue or the dreaming girl? The poem did have a dreamy tone to it in most places, but it changed a little too drastically when it goes to talk of the 'beast.' The poem was accompanied with flowery language. Some was uninteresting and a little unoriginal, e.g. 'to the melody of her heartbeat,' but a lot was quite creative. I felt when reading it that punctuation could be revised by the poet as it seems to be lacking in a lot of the poem. Overall, it was quite a creative attempt, and had promise, but probably needs to be revised again in certain places.

12 - Awesome job on the form. Another one I have never heard of, glad you chose something that was a bit more unknown than one that is
overused. Loved your imagery throughout the poem, especially in the beginning. Lilac no longer kissing cotton trees - absolutely loved that.

3 - I noticed some errors throughout this piece, 'shreik' should be 'shriek' and 'torturious' should be 'torturous' 'beagan' should be 'began' 'tip-toped' I assume should have been 'tip-toed' and I wasn't sure of what 'stolled' meant in the first stanza of the poem. I liked the fairytale innocence at the beginning of the poem, the use of 'cotton trees' and 'tip-toed' (if that's what was meant) helped create this scene along with the lovely tone. As I read on I was surprised by the turn the story had taken, it went from a light to darker and you were subtle in doing so, therefore it had the element of effective surprise. The ending had that emotional impact you want from the poem and while the idea of one developing wings is often used, I didn't expect the poem to end the way it did. Apart from the errors this was a lovely poem.

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Drakania Lamia (24 + 4= 28)

6 - I read the John Keats poem years ago and read this poem a few times before glancing back at the John Keats version. I don't think comparisons should be made or poets should aspire to write like Keats but I think this poem stood quite well on its own. I felt this did flow quite well but I have seen poems that flow a lot better. The rhyme was pretty consistent but didn't particularly add a great deal to the poem. Like many of the poems in this round, perhaps the best aspect was the dark, moody atmosphere created. It told a story but in saying that, it was a little hard to connect to the reader. It seems a bit too far removed from the readers world to have a lasting impact I found. I found a contradiction in the start of the second stanza: The stars silent as music filled the air, I wasn't sure what to hear or not. Also the end was ambiguous: On one level 'closed - wide open' is a straight paradox/contradiction, but it got me thinking, that probably the eyes wide open was the symbolism for knowing. This reminded me of Oedipus a little. Overall I thought it was good in what it did: describe her and tell her story. I don't think I may have gotten all of the meaning and symbolism in this piece, other readers see it more clearly. With a little more grounding in the readers world and editing to smooth off the edges this could have the makings of a good piece.

9 - I really liked your inspiration for this poem, I thought you did a great job translating his poem into something a bit more understandable for us to read. Excellent job with the rhyming and flow throughout, lots of wonderful imagery also.

9 - I've always loved the mythology behind the Lamia, the story is always seen as dark but I read it as tragic more than anything. I liked how you wrote this poem, it was written more as an epic tale, something you could read in a mythology book next to the description. I enjoyed how this piece was filled with facts and yet it all flowed together nicely, it didn't seem like they were overpowering your words or your creativity. Not usually a fan of rhyme especially not when writing in a common scheme but it worked well here because as I mentioned earlier it reminded me of an epic tale that was turned into a poem and often they're written with a rhyme such as this. The only part of this poem where I was distracted by the flow was when I noticed you rhymed 'stone' 'thrown' 'sewn' and 'blown' together, not sure what it was but when I read the line that ended in 'sewn' the flow faltered for a second, throughout the rest it was perfect however.

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Aware - (21 + 1 = 22)

3 - This had a sense of a modern Frankenstein/Robocop type story. One thing I didn't like about the poem was the contrast in tone between the first and other verses. I the first, you are aware of everything and had total knowledge, and this carried a tone of confidence. However you start asking lots of questions later in the poem, and you become doubting, which I found to be a contradiction as you were supposed to be all-knowing. I thought the poem overall was, pardon the pun, a little mechanical. It doenst really grasp or engage the reader like it should. You paint an image at the beginning which was a good simile too, but then went on to list the senses without making the reader feel them in some way. The third stanza was a little deliberate and sounded slightly awkward e.g. when you refer to 'moving your vision,' it sounds like you are making your hands into eyes, not just looking at them. The last line was a good one I felt, it was assured again and makes the reader think about our future. The creature for want of a better word isn't fully explained, which is a good thing as it leaves it open to interpretation as to what it is exactly. Overall though, it was a little too inconsistent to score highly I'm afraid.

6 - Very thought provoking piece throughout. Liked how you revealed what you were speaking of at the end, worked great. Could have been a bit less repetitive with 'soul' in the second stanza, it was a bit much. However, a nicely thought out piece. I always love poems that make me think.

12 - This was another one of those intriguing pieces, from what I gathered this was about the transition from life to death, and what comes after it. Obviously the concept is neither right nor wrong because it's unknown but I liked the journey the poet takes us upon and I also like that the poet didn't give an answer, the audience was left to answer what exactly they were. I wasn't sure of the often repetition of words such as the use of 'soul' three times in the second stanza. I feel the word was repeated too often in such a small place and it began to lose its effect. You also repeated 'every' quite often in the first stanza, while I personally didn't feel it was necessary I did end up enjoying the repetition effect the more times I read this poem. In the third stanza second line I think you mean 'Shiny instead of 'Shinny'. The ending had a powerful punch and was something to ponder.

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TOTAL POINTS:
Murk and Murder / All Is Bright / Ghosts Are Empty - 159
Kofi / Decemeber Comes With You / Prosperina - 140
Winter Escape to Barryessa / An Old Woman's Christmas / Origin Of The Fae; Too Fat To Fly - 119
Lonely December / Eve's New Moon and the Soul's Dream / Drakania Lamia - 113
Breezing Along With The Breeze / Rudolph The Orphan Reindeer / Titania - 104
Farm / Maessa / Aware - 98
Succumb / Potpourri / A Mystic Gift - 94

ELIMINATED:
Drakania Lamia
Titania
Aware
A Mystic Gift

*Congrats to those moving forward - you all had amazing poems. As you can see it's anyones game - the points coming up for the next round have the opportunity to change it all :)

HOLY COW

I edited my results, it seems I can't add first thing in the morning..! lol Winners did not change.