Thanks Judges for the efforts, time, and for your beautiful insights.
Congratulations for our winners, Jane; very unique poem!Well done for Mera Luna and for the new face on the front page "Timothy: beautiful poems.
Well done for the H'Ms, and thanks a lot for mine, very much appreciated! The comments meant a lot.
VOTES:
Silvershoes (7+7 +4+7)= 25
Timothy (10+10+4)= 24
Mera Luna for (10+7)=17
Ms Sunshine (10+4)=14
Hellon (10)
Yaki Careless (7)
Lebanese Phoenix (4)
Anna (4)
COMMENTS :
Black Ballerina
By Silvershoes
The title was a contrast, black being dark and ballerina being such a beautiful image. I loved the incorporation of the 3 stanza's, a nice layout and fitting description. I was in awe of the sadness of this piece, but I loved the emotion because it fit
the poem and flowed well. A really intriguing and capturing piece of poetry.(7)
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I thought of someone being observed by someone else.I had both of them in my mind with the intro,"she is spinning" the whole ballet show scenario. I love how this writer gives the darkness of the piece away in the title by adding the "Black" to it.. the tricky part is that you only realize that when you're done reading.
she creates creepy images in the mind, with the dark tone she uses to keep the poem going..
I think what I was most fond of in this write was how the writer changes from the ballerina to herself in the last stanza she does it with "I wonder",which served purpose because it gives you the feeling that the person is full of doubt yet full of hope as she ends with "bring her home again".. I guess maybe its the word "home" that added all the magic to this piece, it must be. that emotion at the end.. that word, think about it.. in your head.. when you hear it ..like a whisper "home" is just does something to you.
silvershoes put on her poetic shoes, and she danced beautifully (7)
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A very well written poem, from a poet who obviously understands the craft. Mature, succinct and full of depth. As to the full meaning, i will leave to the poet, but i think we can all take something different from such a piece, which helps make it so magical. (4)
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An eye catching title matching an equally remarkable verse, written from a protectors (a parent, a sib or a close friend) point of view, very touching. The poetess has projected the anguish of a concerned parent/sib/close friend in a 3rd person, so poignantly.
She's spinning out of control
and it's all I can do not to hold her as she
flies into a thousand shards
of wine-stained glass
and black spilled ink.
^ I like the way that the state of the mind of the subject is captured in this opening stanza using the analogy of a "wine glass" spinning out of control,
about to break up in a "thousand shards" (=pieces), and spill black ink all over (=breakdown?).
Her mood's darker than before the dawn, and she's too fragile, and she's too hard - like translucent glass while she beats against purple fires storming at her back.
^ The darkness and instability of distraught emotions is compared very well here to the fragility and hardness of translucent glass, a dual metaphor. The color "purple" seems to depict the inner fires raging out of control, to the pre-dawn colors of the sky -
another nice simile here to give the reader that feel of the explosive sentiments within.
I wonder as my hands reach to her heart
if she will come back to earth this time,
or if I will have to go hunting in
shadowlands
to bring her home again.
^ A touching end stanza, portraying a protector's anguish, as he/she watches her disintegrate in front of his/her eyes, with a deep concern. Who will not be
troubled, by seeing their loved one trying to commit suicide, by drowning herself in "shadowlands" (=a bar/dark places?). A painfully dark verse that moves the inner core of the reader, in heartfelt sympathy. (7 )
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Petal Gallivanting
by Timothy
they are too many thing to love about this poem,
from the fact that it comes from a new face (atleast I personally have never seen this persons work) to the rhyming pattern there was going on here and there in the poem. it was very cleverly worded.. and the creativity..oh man, oh man. and that title!.
"seeking for something newborn"
so much to pull out from this phrase,
so much room for the reader to create its own perception
see, it could be what it seems on the surface..something just, new.
but when you take the word "newborn" in itself newborns ,to me anyways. represent change, second chances,innocence something still untouched, something that has growing to do..so so many things
its just too cleverly put. that phrase made the whole poem for me.
"You cannot sense her any more and perfect Petal, 24"
I love it! the rhyme!
I think the fact that the writer wrote the number instead of spelling it out gave it even more power, just an impact when you see the number its more eye catching too. my mind kind of went like "oh she's young"
they are many touches here and there that make the poem quite nostalgic. this writer has captivated me and has me looking forward for more, the kind of poetry we needed around here, it has a spin to it..
certainly original. amazingly done. (4)
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This is, I think, one of the most interesting writes I've seen here to date. It is very quiet...subtle in almost every way. The story that you told was quite simple but you said everything that you needed to say in the length of the poem. Sometimes I found that your vocabulary detracted from the overall feel of the poem, but there was just something so exquisite about the way that you wrote this. I especially liked:
"You cannot sense her any more
and perfect Petal, 24,
Steps perfectly moist, clad in rags
With fuchsia blooming winter odd."
That stanza really sucked me in. Great work! (10)
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A well written, interesting poem from a new poet to the site. This poem is unique, has a richness and maturity which belies the poets age. It has good word usage "Malarkey" and a depth which is refreshing. Loved the title, well done (10)
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Suicide Pigeons
by Mera Luna
A writer who writes rarely these days, but when she does, pens some of the saddest and most complex poems. When I first read it, I interpreted the first half
as a sarcasm, perhaps from an observers (myself) point of view, perceiving myself as the character of the "boy" and some of my lovely (PnQ) attackers as the pigeons. But then, I realized my misinterpretation as the "boy's" character portrayed here is that of a sadist, and not being anywhere even close to it, I grinned to myself, and decided to take a crack it again, and came up with an entirely different interpretation.
While re-interpreting it differently, I found that the poetess craftily penned the metaphorical projection of innocent girls taken for a ride, as "falling pigeons",
the foolishness of these girls whose emotions are played with, as "suicidal pigeons", in the eyes of the "boy" (the central character) who seems to be the one responsible for their plight, and enjoying every bit of the "silver mistake" made my so many, perhaps befitting the character of a "cannibal boy," depicted here.
See the way they're falling, boy,
they're falling just for you.
.......facedown and faceless
.......and you are just a cannibal boy
The cruelty with which the "boy" enjoys "plucking their feathers" and let them fall from the rooftop (=grace) injuring their self-respect and pride is so well captured here:
It's because you took their skin, boy,
you took them alive. Plucked their feathers
and pretended to fly
These 3 lines above, from the 4th stanza when placed on top of the 2nd stanza below, would make interpretation a lot easier, for the readers:
they are,
slices of grey
liver-shaped clay
dolls tumbling from the rooftops
and slicing the air and in your eyes
they're silver
a silver mistake.
And sadly depicted here, nonchalance...... on part of the boy. To him it does not matter, as there are enough pigeons in the sky with aspirations of being a "dove" to be "killed":
It doesn't matter, they say
there are enough pigeons
in the clouds, clouded
with the faint attempt
of being a dove.
The sadomasochism of the character is so well portrayed in the concluding stanza:
And past the walls of air
you can hear wings pecking,
beaks breaking,
but it doesn't matter at all, boy,
just close the curtains.
A brilliantly crafted poem, that will touch the heart of every girl who has been duped in believing that she is the chosen "dove" only to find out that she was just one of the "pigeons."
I am impressed, Mera Luna. (10)
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"And past the walls of air
you can hear wings pecking,
beaks breaking,
but it doesn't matter at all, boy,
just close the curtains. "
Awesome ending. Mera Luna, there was something so amazing about this poem. It is such a grand, detailed metaphor. I didn't see you falter at any point during
this poem - it was very consistent and always interesting. Repetitions in this poem were well paced and never became bland, and the imagery you created was never too much or too little. Excellent job this week! (7)
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Giving up, the ghost
By Ms Sunshine
This poem really stuck in my head since I read it, I found myself talking to myself the ending
"My imperfect wholesomeness...
desires to give up the ghost.
But, in one piece, not three."
During the day, and this ending gave me hope that maybe my ghosts will be laid to rest in sometime near.
The Poetess always incorporates amazing imagery into her poems, this piece was no excreption, if anything I really felt the poem more than I usually do,
The emotion but the strength was so refreshing, so saddening yet so humble, I loved it to pieces. Deserves a win in my eyes. (10)
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First, let me bring to everyone's attention this excellent stanza,
the entirety of which is an oxymoron:
"My soul; an airship-
empty but heavy,
pulling me down to earth,
though hauling me into
the depth of unkind skies."
YES.
Alright. I really liked this poem (obviously). Mind. Heart. Soul. Three of our most cherished belongings. It is frightening when we find these three things of
ours to be out of alignment. You took feelings which are so accessible to all of us and put them into words which we may not otherwise have thought ourselves.
I especially liked the end, where you want your heart, mind, and soul to remain together as one regardless of the differences between the three. Very intriguing! (4)
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Catch the wind Hellon (10)
this is beautiful, as soon as I saw the title "catch the wind" I instantely thought about trying to do the impossible
"as its final flash ripped the smile from my frozen face"
waw, just waw. this line strikes so hard, you can almost feel it inside, that final flash..that shake when reality strikes and it strikes you hard. I love the use of "ripped" it makes it so raw and brutal..like the writer was not seeking poetic ways just explaining what that "flash" did.
I was amazed by "devastation in its wake" it was a very clever way to illustrate the arrival of bad days..
oh man, oh man.. Hellon is everything but a one trick pony, she knows what she does when she does it.
and this write, well I was holding on the walls of my room cause I was blown away. That sadness, that..that vulnerability at the end of the poem.. "seconds of uncertainity" Its like the whole slipping in denial kind of thing just slighty for a moment there hoping the devastation wasn't true. so touching. (10)
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One a day
by Yaki
A strong, captivating, well worded poem that hits the mark from beginning to end. The plot is laid before us, but in such a way that makes this poem wholly
believable and emotive, capped off with a strong ending. You can feel the poet standing within this poem. Well done (7)
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Anklet
By Lebanese Phoenix
It was the imagery that really stood out to me in this piece, for it was a beautifully vulnerable image of a woman walking barefooted baring an anklet upon her ankle. Lebanese Phoenix has a way with words that makes me feel I am in the poem, I could hear the rattling anklet described so clear. Loved this one so much! (4)
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Lily Pads and Bullfrogs
by Anna Stephens
Spellbinding! Is the best way to describe this amazingly well written nature poem that vividly captures exotic summer beauty. From the start to finish the reader is enthralled by the beauty of this a masterly composition. A seemingly effortless work
of art, impressing nature's beauty in to our hearts and minds. I envisioned myself in a paradise, as if in a dream, when sipping through the imaginative display flowing from the poet's pen.
This write brought forth memories of some of the past summers to life. The author uses her amazing writing skills and imagination when traveling down a winding path, through horse pastures, serene dogwoods (a tree with greenish flowers surrounded by large showy pink or white petal-like bracts) and red bud trees (another beautiful tree...covered with abundant pink flowers in summer, also the state tree for Oklahoma),
on a path covered by a quilt like velvet moss, that leads to a natural pond in a secluded valley, fed by crystal springs....brings back memories of some of the most beautiful nature hikes of my past years.
The best part was the description of a tiny pond, cloaked with pancake-size lily pads that reminded me of a similar pond at my parent's home. Yes, water lilies are the most photogenic of all flowers that I can remember, particularly when in full bloom. ...
The bullfrogs sitting on its large pads, so imaginative, sing a tune on summer evenings and nights.....so captivating, of a heavenly place by the author in this concluding stanza:
Stages from which
bug-eyed bullfrogs
belt out
their melodies
The marquee announces
Mother Nature
plays here daily
and the performance
is just
for me
No wonder the poem easily captures the reader's heart. (4)
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Thanks for reading, Judges; if I missed a comment or anything, please shoot me a pm.
NaaaaaaNaaaaaaaaaaaa
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