Weekly contest 13 February 2012

Nana is having issues with the internet / computer. Although the site has already posted the winners, Nana will post the comments & scores tomorrow.

Thank you Larry, sorry guys, I apologize for having a very retarded laptop! Though I'm posting this from it now, hopefully the problem is fixed :]

Before I post the comments and votes, there's one judge who had hard times choosing between Karla's poem, and Britt's poem, so I wanted Britt to know we have for you a "super HM" just waiting for the judge to send me his comment, well done for writing such a great piece.

Well done for Karla, that was a very touching piece from you my dear, I was so happy to see it on the front page. I saw a new face again, we have Timothy our 16 years old Teenager with a very unique poem, Glad to read it! And ofcourse Simply, by Melissa, front page lady! Hats off for the three of you.

Timothy (4+10+7)

karla (10+4)

Melissa (7+10)

Ms Sunshine 10

Yaki 7

Lilly: 7

Larry: 7

Everlasting 4

Lonely Rider 4

Britt: 4

Kiko: 10

Cinnamon After Sleeping
by Timothy (4)

In all honesty, I didn't like this poem as much as I wanted to. I find that there is too much time spent on adjectives and description. I didn't get much of a feel for what the poem was about.

That being said, you have a great way with words, Timothy. This is why I voted for your piece. You strike interesting thoughts and provoke the reader (or at least me) to think about how your words connect to each other.

"Silent cries were halted,
like foetus spotlighted and questioned,
embellished in raspberry honey
far from the starlight bath."

This stanza was particularly eye-catching, and insanely creative.

I get a sense of stream-of-consciousness writing from you, which is cool. I just wish it were more accessible at times. (4)

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sooooo..this timothy is rising from some where and meaning some serious business.
I mean, I'm talking about having about 5 poems nominated,all of them being terrific and
me only being able to pick so many, last week this writer made its debut
on the frontpage and this week he dazzles me again..

now, what a title..what exactly is cinnamon after sleeping?
I wanted to find out at the very instant..

"He chuckled to breathe his freedom,"
what in the world..this almost has a sarcastic feel to it, which I'm always fond of
in poetry,because its kind of hard to get your sarcasm across from behind a screen..

"mocking my grapefruit thoughts"

now, when I think of grapefruit I instantely think of Healthy,
so when I think of grapefruit combined with thoughts, could this writer possibly mean
that he was having good thoughts regarding a situation? perhaps. clever symbolism.
there were far too many thought provoking and mind shaking phrases in this..
I mean were does it even come from, it had me pondering and looking for deeper
meanings from the start till the end..

"Silent cries were halted, like foetus spotlighted and questioned"
the comparison here, is so STRONG.god..
not to even mention the images I got in my mind..
honestly, I just want to hit this writer with a pen and scream
"write boy, write!"..

his darkness,his mind.. its..its.. I can't even find the words..
I'm not even fond of dark poetry, but this is almost like a guilty pleasure
I absolutely love it! (7)

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As a first impression ? I truthfully wasn't sure if I will read a poem as deep as it turned to be, the first impression was due to the title. Then I found myself being lost with some of the most beautiful expressions I've seen used in a poem! There is this strong back up within your thoughts, so flowing and so connected, that it was mind blowing to know it was written by a young boy, rather than an old professional poet.
But again, talent has no age. Hats off! (10)

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A song of yesterday and tomorrow
by Karla

A dark verse that drips with sadness in each line, touching the reader's core. To lose someone like a spouse, particularly when there has been deep love between them, is devastating. Sometimes, the degree of subconscious love held for that special someone will not surface, until after their death.....until the flood gates suddenly open up, and grief pours uncontrollably, sometimes in the form of an unending rainstorm of reminiscing thoughts.

She was looking for him in her bed,
in her hair, in her veins, in her despair.
......
Where was he? Where was he?
Did he sleep? Say God he did sleep...

^At times, it is even difficult to convince our psyche that he is truly gone....perhaps he is still somewhere, and will be back soon. Acceptance of death is not easy, takes months, years, and sometimes forever... True love does live on in hidden places of our heart and mind....sometimes till our own soul departs for its final resting place, to join and rejoice in the love shared in our lifetime.

She jumped, diving into his soul,
crying, swearing she was whole

I only wish I could read in the poetess mind better here:

His bitter blood covered her in sorrow.
(yesterday and tomorrow)

OR did she mean, (from my naive not knowingness)

His eternal love covered her sorrow
(yesterday, today and tomorrow)

True Love never dies a natural death, it lives on forever, beneath our mortal skin, in a corner of our soul.
Well penned from the sad corners of a grieving heart, Karla. (10)

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I felt that this poem gave a realistic and finely-drawn depiction of grief. Instead of just talking about the external symptoms of grief, like tears, it goes deeper into the feelings of confusion, turmoil, and betrayal that often accompanies a loss. The lines that especially sold it for me were "She was looking for him in her bed, / in her hair, in her veins, in her despair," along with the desperate culmination in "She jumped, diving into his soul, / crying, swearing she was whole."

I am curious about whether the double-spacing of the lines was intentional, or a formatting issue.

The subtle and inconstant rhyming works well, I think. An insidiously powerful piece.

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Simply
by Melissa (7+10)
Could not resist reading it at least 3 times before moving on to the next one..... then came back googly-eyed @_@ 8-], as I could not find a better love poem this week.
Simply (as in the title) worded, but nevertheless arousing and unarguably sensual. Looks like penned when sick with a gut wrenching love-flu, on a rainy day, sitting indoors,....
The choice of words here are from a connoisseur's diction, not overdone, just perfect, to portray the wanton feelings in love that one can imagine, from a woman's point of view.
And to top it all it will make the unattached readers love-sick too, with Valentine's day just around the corner.
Helpful diction for interpreting the magical words of the poetess, for the naive reader...... (from my love thesaurus :)

Wild = a savage in love
Intoxicatingly sweet= dates dipped in sweet white wine
Lilac = a unique color seen only on the cheeks of women, when first in love.
Plump seeds= Seeds from aphrodisiac plants (e.g. elecampane, vervain, and the berries of mistletoe), which balloon the heart.
Ravenous= insatiable appetite like a pigs (pigs can really devour...)....for love
Furious in love= high on aphrodisiacs
Love= an obsessive compulsive disorder, like bulimia, can be only cured by abstinence. (7)

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So very descriptive with fantastic use of metaphors. At times this poem is both sensuous and a touch sexual, with its connection to the earth mother "Its soil freshly plowed, healthy, and waiting to give birth". Its almost like the first stanza outlined scene and the second painted the picture, but what really got for me was the ending which just pulled the whole piece together giving emphasis to the previous two stanzas. Great work (10)

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This write has honestly left me breathless,I can't find words to say..
its almost impossible to leave an insightful comment of this cause its "simply"
too amazing. the word use was anything but complex,yet it was put in such an enchanting way
that took away all the cliche-ness simplicity often brings with it.
there is room for the reader to pull what they want out of this..
my favorite was this;

"I want for love to simply love me,"
from that I gathered the idea that love has been harsh to the writer,
you know how sometimes love just doesn't seem to like you? doesn't seem to find you?
I love the sincerity of this, its like this is what it is, simply..

"its soil freshly plowed,healthy, and waiting to give birth"

I love that too,I don't know if here the writer meant
"birth" as in innocence, or birth as always waiting to bring someting new
but that phrase flowed so nicely..

I just can't find any way to critique or to ramble on about this
its just so damn beautiful.

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Giving up the Ghost
by Kiwi AnD Nana

Glad this one reared its head again. Yes, yes, yes, I'm aware it received an HM last week, but I think it deserves more. It says so much, not only about the person who wrote it, but about humanity as a whole. I love it. (10)
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Changed
By Yaki

Opps see its deleted ?? (7)

[I think Yaki deleted her poem, after the Judge already voted, so when it was time for the judge to leave a comment, the poem was gone, sorry, but if you'd like to get a comment, feel free to send me a copy of it as pm, so I send it for the judge]

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Dawn After the Storm
by Lilly

Stanza by stanza, this poem gets cooler and cooler. The images that the writer has created are weaved together so well. The poet never trips in her words nor does she go overboard with symbolism. The writing is simple and easy to grasp (don't worry, that's a good thing!) but there is no shortage of power and the writer's voice is so sultry I could die. (7)

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Once upon a Moonlight
by Lonely Rider

Another beautiful nature poem, painting nature's beauty of the night sky in all its splendor. Stylish, creative and eye-catching, with a lot of appeal to the nature enthusiast.
Undeniably, an eye-catching opening stanza:
Fireflies melt
into moon-eyed shadows
howling lullabies
of nocturne,

Fireflies that melt (=disappear) in moon eyed shadows, with "howling" in a forest, captured as "lullabies" of "nocturne'" (=a beautiful nightscene) is amazingly worded and captures the sounds and sights of a night in a forest, beautifully for the reader. Lastly, the last 2 stanza's capturing the beauty of the night sky in Greek mythology, are superb:
The woods were lovely,
once,

when the night
R
..O
....L
.....L
......E
.......D

D
O
W
N
a blueberry sky,
while Venus kissed
gurgling fountains,
and Sirius picked
wild mushrooms.

A visually pleasing effect ^ "rolled down" as if a curtain was lifted of a theater screen from the night sky, revealing the color of a "blueberry", seems so original and lovely. Venus kissing gurgling fountains reminds me of the extraordinary Palazzo Venus Fountain, in Rome, which features the Goddess of Love with water trickling down from her pitcher and encircling fountains from below her feet, mesmerizing to the visitor. But Sirius, the 2 headed hunting dog of Orion, picking mushrooms (since when did he become vegetarian? )...that one had me laughing all the way! I guess, in a poet's eyes anything is possible :) A heavenly poem that caught my "nature" eye this week. (4)

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Discombobulated
By Britt

Loved the title... such an interesting write and very apt considering the title. I wonder which came first, the poem or the title? Considering the limitations of constructing such a piece you have done an amazing job. Well done (4)

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The key for a locked life.
by Everlasting

"And so my friend
open up to love
that love will be
the invisible key
to unlock you from
your painful life."

I believe this write deserves to be reconized
just for the tender sincerity,it contains.. just the truth of all truths
neatly put in a few stanza's with some poetic touches here and there..
no tripping over complex metaphors,no stumbling across words I couldn't pronounce
just a heartfelt write full of honesty..

I also love how the way its written,like when you're reading it
you feel as if the writer is directly speaking to YOU.
in such a calm yet adamant tone...
it resonates in the back of my mind after reading .."let love in my friend,let love in"
this is the type of write to memorize,and say over and over and quote over and over again..

this write certainly has the "catchy" factor..
specially the GPS of your love part, I love it!

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Abomination by Kiko

With your eye catchy title, and the depth you achieve while writing, I consider you one of the best sad poetry writer. Especially that most of your recent poems were somehow truthful, writing true events isn't as easy as it sounds to be. But with you, anything is possible. Keep writing. The poem, was very powerful and heartfelt.

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Unoriginal by Larry

Larry doesn't only blow us away with his wisdom one time after the other, but also he makes you believe it's as simple as it sounds to be, when actually there's always more to his poem, than what we read through the lines, there's always great messages "between the lines" that one should pay attention for. You never fail to impress.

Thanks Nana and the judges.

Thanks also those who waited my poem to be a winner to downrate it. It shows that you are too weak to admit that my poem speaks to many people's heartS and somehow it has some value. Besides it was written from my own personal experience.

Suggestion: when you downrate my poems, be honest and say why because it is a cowardice to do such a thing behind the curtains. If I have to improve my pieces, I am willing to know how.

Congratz Timothy bro and Melissa.And above all
congrats KITE RUNNERS!

KITE RUNNERS rule!

You go Karla..You go Timothy :)
Grammy Winners!

Lol I waited for the two judges to understand Timothy's poem. It looks they didn't.

Congratulations Karla, Timothy and Mellissa! Loved all the poems. Wtg kite runners!

Congratulations to all winners & HMs.

Karla, your entry was astounding!

Thanks for the HM, looking forward to the comment.

Thank you Nana for managing this contest.

Thanks Larry. You are kind.

Congratulations to all the winners and HM :)
Thank you for such wonderful comment on my poem. That's very encouraging :)

Congrats Karla, Melissa and Timothy! It was a pleasure reading these pieces.

Great job to the HM's, Judges and Sunshine flower for posting.

AWESOME EVERYONE CONGRATS!!!

The poems were great. Thanks judges and Nana!!!

x

Discombobulated by Britt

The best way to describe my feelings when I first read the title "Discombobulated" was being "baffled". Before I looked up the dictionary for this new and interesting sounding word, I made a few guesses based on the derivation of the word, the poem's contents, the category (sad) and the author's feelings behind writing it. Interestingly enough, when I looked up the dictionary the word means "thrown in to confusion" = bewildered, baffled, befuddled, bemused, puzzled, perplexed, bamboozle, etc. The word derived from "discompose" and/or "decompose", describes well the feelings of "being confused".
Extra credit goes to the poetess in the hard work of putting it together using 1 line from 20 different poems, and blending them together to project her thoughts. A magnificent effort.
My interpretation: The sentiments that are perceived in here are sadness by a female lover at a crossroads with her love, in the midst of a committed relationship, or perhaps shortly after a loss. The expressions in this artfully stitched together poem are indeed laudable, metaphors that project the delicate facets of a relationship that seems to be temporarily strained (nightmare....I share only with you), a feeling of pleasure mixed with pain (bittersweet insanity), and how it hurts (I hang my head in shame), and so forth.
The moon once held
the importance of life and love
I want to sink from the sun
but you know I won't -
my heart cannot ease your guilt.
^ This one reaches out to the depth of the readers soul, the moon = the female in this relationship, wants to "sink from the sun" (=hide from her lover), but she will not, but instead will stand by her man, despite his misdoings, though her "heart cannot ease your guilt" = forget his misdeeds, that caused the friction. So she is willing to compromise.......

Perhaps a cozy drizzle
can sink in, relax into our hearts
compromise plays a role
how quickly life changes.

^A very honorable thought, realities in life are often built around compromises. The ability to be broadminded, to forget and forgive is what will hopefully bring back the fire in an otherwise deeply entrenched loving relationship, and solidify it further. An admirable take home message to the readers, craftily bundled in a sad love blanket carefully stitched together from 20 different pieces of a torn heart.
This poem tied with my other top choice this week, but unfortunately there was only one "10" to give away, a very hard pick for me. So I asked our contest runner to put this one in the same pedestal as the rest of the winners for this week. I only wish I had 2 Gold medals to give away, sadly there was only one. (10 Super HM, from me).

Sorry Nana...I'm confused here...was this a comment from a judge...I'm assuming so? Is this the same judge who gave Timothy a 10 and didn't come back with a comment to back it up???

No, one judge wasn't capable of voting, a cover up judge voted for them, but did not find the time yet to leave the comments, will be added soon.

Britts comment, was from a judge who thought she deserved an HM even if they didn't have a 4rth vote to cast for it, so thought to do that as a kind gesture. Nothing else. [exception] hope it won't be misunderstood. Or anything.

edit: the three comments are up by now.Kiko, Larry, Tim..

edit:

^
Timothy

More confused now..Kiko...gave it a 4...Larry a 7...Tim must be the one to give a 10...who is tim?

Thanks for the comment and the claim for my wisdom, which really is only a side product of a mind crazed by unanswerable questions & a belly crazed by stale pizza.

Was the pizza in the shed ?

I like the idea of this contest. It's nice to see a showcase of people's work with real commentary. Poetry isn't dead, after all.

I am curious about whether the double-spacing of the lines was intentional, or a formatting issue.

Intentional