Winners 2/17/2012

The week, before the last one! for our dear judges who delicately spent time of their personal life for us all! Thanks for everyone's cooperation!

Congratulations for the two winners Jane, with her unique poem, very eye catchy title and slighte!
Thanks for my win and H'm, flattered me and I truly appreciate it!

Congratulations for the rest of plenty H'Ms!

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Votes:

00:00 by Silvershoes: 10+7
Cupcakes -Ms sunshine: 10+4
Concrete Waves - Slighte: 10+7

^
(the 4 and 7, on my poem and Slighte's are votes from the tiebreaker, the tie was between those two and the following two master pieces):

Yeah Qui-The Kite Runner: 10
Meat -Ronel mccarthy: 10

The Moment you let go - Elicit: 7
Resentful with Nicotine - Ms Sunshine: 7
Pain in pleasure - Manzoor: 7
The Load-Up -Larry: 7

Thoughts Fall like Leaves - Shanix: 4
Pages(Septolet) -Britt: 4
Midnight Blue - Lonely Rider: 4
Portend - Vi veri veniversum vivus vici: 4
Escape - Lioness: 4

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COMMENTS:

00:00
by Silvershoes

What really caught me with this piece was the third stanza

"Because what if I lose this feeling?
What if sleep is the nocturnal beast
with a wolf's grin in a lamb's coat,
come to steal my midnight dreaming
of a better me
in a better tomorrow?"

Why because ive been there, who hasn't had clarity of reason, thoughts we may lose to sleep, then the waking hours. You conveyed this brilliantly. As Karla has said, the paradox of a new day, a frightening concept at times and yes one we are hesitant to unwrap at times. Yet you ask this question of yourself with what it would seem gritty determination that you will go forward. This is a mature piece from a poet that understands her craft. It has been has been wonderfully constructed from beginning to a strong climatic end. kudos
10 points

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An outstanding and poignant piece of art reflecting on life's ambiguities, evanescence, indecisions, and the lessons learned, for those who have faced them.....exposing life's vulnerabilities, so very true. Life and love can bloom but also can wilt really fast, if the gardener does not know how to nurture the delicate flower right. Moments of sky high hopes can suddenly vanish in no time. Just ask the moonflower (aka midnight flower) that blooms only once a year, unfolding its beauty, splendor and fragrance, just for a night, only to shrivel and wilt away by the morning. The author did well to capture this evanesacence in a heartbreak here. Here is a link to see the moonflower's (aka midnight flower) bloom and die cycle, to taste its ephemeral beauty, and fully appreciate the author's opening lines of this poem:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZM7MjqU8YpM

Apprehension reigns in the poetess's thoughts, throughout, that will move the readers, particularly those who can relate. The feelings portrayed here are delicate, just like a silkworm's coccon hanging by a delicate silk thread of a mulberry leaf:

"skeptical on the ridge of tomorrow,
hanging like a silkworm's cocoon"

The poem will strike a cord with all those who thought they had everything in love or life, but suddenly lose everything. An imagery of confusion and uncertainties in life can sometimes be so unnerving:

"What if all I ever could be
is weighing on this moment?"

And the doubts, and the blame on self (though it may not be one's fault)

"What if I'm the same as yesterday,
and nothing changes?"

But, the hope of a new beginning is not yet lost:

"In this unknowing,
a delicate gift of a new day
is begging to be unwrapped,"

Nevertheless, the dubiety reigns, and vulnerable thoughts surface in a evocative ending:

"What if I'm the same as yesterday,
and nothing changes?

Then I will be as contemptible
as the keyboard I've spent the last hour talking to,
(and I'm damn sure it's not alive)."

This poem is deserving to be on the front page for reasons more than one. It portrays the impermanence of life and love, symbolically like the moonflower, and the lessons that are learned from it. However, I strongly believe that each such experience help foster the strength and shape of the individual in us to face a hopeful tomorrow, with greater humility and character, destroyed by our vulnerability or mistakes. The longer the cocoon stays on the mulberry leaf, the stronger and finer (and more valuable) will be its (silk) thread from which it is suspended. (7)
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Concrete Waves - Slighte - 10

I think it can be really difficult to write well about a tragic incident. In some ways, it's "too close" to write about. You've done a very good job of taking something close to your heart and expressing it poetically, without it coming off as laboured. I commend you for that.

Unless you have lived through it, it's hard to realize how long the effects of things like natural disasters can linger on. You just assume that by now, everything has been fixed up and smoothed over. Your image of "concrete waves," 12 months later, shatters that illusion. The people who live through these disasters can't simply survive that first day and call it a win - they have to survive the day after that, and the day after that, with constant physical and emotional reminders. In this case, there is also the underlying fear that another aftershock will occur: a tension that you aptly described in this piece.

The ending is superb.
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tiebreaker's comment:

Ghastly, crazy - your stark image of the concrete torn upright like a frozen wave conveys the surreal terror of the quake and its aftermath. The one thing you believe you can always count on suddenly explodes from under your feet. This work depicts the betrayal of earth and its impact on real people so well that you cannot help but trust the resilience of the protagonist, even though you can understand that it will take much longer to come back

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Cupcakes by Ms Sunshine 10 points

Well, well, well....another metaphorical beauty, somewhat of an allegory from the pen of a master poetess. But, this time around she is not portraying vulnerability or sadness, but strength, wisdom and conviction, perhaps from lessons learned. The analogy of a new chef (a rescuer here) cooking/baking a sweet cupcake (seducing, an art that some are really talented at), and lacing it with his favorite frosting (honey sweet words iced with lots of sugar, to get attention) to make it more sweet (vulnerable), really made me laugh all the way. Sometimes, this art may work on a grieving heart successfully, on a naïve soul, but if the rescuee is as smart as the Poetess's projected character in this poem, she will not be that easy to let down her guard. And this time it will have to be a master chef who really understands the exquisite delicacy of this recipe (feelings) and finds the magic ingredients (honesty, intelligence, compassion and loyalty), before attempting to taste the "cupcake". So tastefully presented here:

"But, I'm neither as sweet as you
imagine, nor I'm a drift of breath
to blow with passion into
your kitchen of love.

I'm more than a trend of sweets
that you might find in a cook book,
dedicated to cupcakes."

For, if the chef really wants a delicacy from his oven, he will have to recognize:

"...I'm not a leftover,
not anyone's crumbles
to be stitched, cleansed,
or even redecorated into a
whole new plate.

You "ought" to touch up
a lady in a better..
not.......in a bitter, cup."

and be someone who has the real character, intelligence and loyalty to match the delicate recipe on his hands, to prove that he is not just another chef who will burn her to "crumbs", in "trying to take advantage of a broken heart, to fix, and call it his own", in the Poetess's own words. So very tastefully baked, with the right amount of frosting to capture the mood of the character in this partial allegory, by our lovely Sunshine "cupcake". (10)

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tiebreaker's comment:

This tasty diatribe levels Nana's potent talent against those predatory wolves who seek out the heartbroken only to use them for their own nefarious purposes. There is no other poet here who is better equipped to carry off this challenge while speaking in sugar sweet terms. Who else could make such a 'recipe' sound so appealing while baking the object of her derision a rare offering from the dark side of sunshine.
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Yeah Qui
By The Kite Runner

This poet can always write such amazing poetry and this was no exception, this piece was inspiring and well writtem with a smooth flow, I was intrigued by the title and loved the wording which was creative yet simple, this is an outstanding piece of poetry, very deserving of the full 10 points(10)

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Meat
by
Ronel mccarthy

RONEL MCCARTHY! This is a great piece right here. I have yet to see better use of a simplistic form of poetry. This was about as short and to the point as you or anyone could get, yet it's deep as an ocean. It's based on an age-old topic and yet you somehow give it more life than most people could, using just 15 words! You deserve more than 10 points for this piece of art...unfortunately 10 is the most that I can give you. I seriously can't give this enough praise. Congratulations! (10)

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Resentful with Nicotine
By Ms Sunshine

This is one hell of a poem! The title was definitely very intriguing and creative, as was the content, to say that you are full of hot air and others always puff there smoke on you is a great image, it was really well written, with amazing metaphors and wording... a really good piece that deserves a win this week. (7)

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The Moment you let go - Elicit - 7

This poem grabbed me from the first sentence, and cemented by attention by the second. The idea of love as a fistful of feathers (soft? fragile? scratchy? hard to hold?) was fresh and interesting, but then I loved the abrupt pause brought on by "I didn't know that." The poet sucks us in with an intriguing poetic image, and then pulls us right back down to earth. It's kind of a breaking of "the fourth wall," and I think it's really effective here. This method is repeated throughout the poem.

That image of feathers is continued. The poet related them to flight, to lightness... there's a good play on the idea of physical and emotional gravity throughout this poem. Another way it's expressed is, again, inthe constant tension between the poetic images and the "interrupting" voice of the author. Overall, the poem is effective, interesting, and sophisticated. If I had to make a critique, I think the ending could be pumped up a bit.

This poet is a newcomer on the scene, and I'm excited to see more.

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Pain in pleasure
by Manzoor

A powerful poem that I may have scored higher save for a coupe grammatical errors, in fact I normally discount poems for the weekly contest if they have such, but I found this poem quite unique in the way it has been constructed, it's almost like they were planned ,adding to the character of the piece intentionally or otherwise (other than suchthoughts). Yes the purists may disagree, but in this instant I bask in the purity behind this poem..
7 points

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The Load-Up
by
Larry Chamberlin the Godfather

Twice since last week, Larry has turned up in the mix of contest nominees and twice he's given me reason to read your entire collection here on PnQ. This was amazing.

The first half of the poem was intriguing to me - I've never grown up around livestock. You did well to write the poem this way.

You described the atmosphere/scenario so well in terms of what was going on in the 'real' world. There's more, though! This heartfelt little side story connecting your daughter to the animal, which turns out to be the real story in the end.

The contrast between the reality of what you're having carried out versus the importance of the relationship between Jess and the sheep is phenomenal. Like a perfect black and white balance - incredibly rough, but with so much tender emotion tucked underneath.

Congratulations on having written such a great poem. (7)

Portend
by
Vi veri veniversum vivus vici

I'm going to be honest. I really liked this poem because I was enthralled by your use of vocabulary. I've read some of your other word and find your voice to be a bit muddled by too many fanciful words, but this one was spot on methinks. (4)

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Midnight Blue By Lonely Rider

Bravo, a difficult form executed wonderfully well, the theme and imagery created resonates strongly within both stanzas. I think you have captured the heart and soul of what this style of poetry is all about. If I have one criticism, as mentioned by Larry, its the with the word "encore" maybe this could be changed somehow? Other than that well done, a fascinating poem
4 points

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Pages(Septolet)
By Britt

As a poetess that rocks short poetry, the author here did a fantastic job on this one, I usually don't find septolets too catchy but this poetess changed my view, with this amazing piece, it was creative yet funny, yet full of emotion... A very deserving piece of formed poetry(4)

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Thoughts Fall like Leaves - Shanix - 4

This poem has some of the best imagery that I've seen lately. Fruit without teeth? A branch like a withered lip? This is one of those poems that made me jealous of the mind that came up it.

This poem had the interesting task of trying to describe what a thought is like. Appropriately, the only way the writer could do this was to compare thoughts to objects, and in the next breath to contrast them again. It's fitting, for the ethereal, intangible nature of thoughts to be both like and unlike, and never anything at once.

This poet had two poems on my "short list" this week. I'm excited to see what they bring in the future.

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Escape by Lioness 4 points

This one is a perfect example of an Allegory, a narrative story or poem with two meanings, one literal, the other symbolic (an extended metaphor). Titled "Escape", one initially wonders what is the author's real meaning behind the odd looking title to a poem about a keyboard. A little pondering later, and you know she literally means "a near miss". A poem written humorously, personifying the writer's keyboard, it carries a dual symbolism, much deeper, the way I interpret it. Here goes my symbolic interpretation laced with equal humor, from my infinite not knowingness:

I know
just how to push
your buttons.

^ Yes, indeed any woman who knows her hubby well, will :)

In fact, I can
do it with my
eyes closed.

^ Sure, after years of experience, one can predictably push the right and the wrong buttons!

I adore the
sounds you make
every time my
fingers caress
you.

^ Those delightful sounds are heard only if you push the right buttons on your human keyboard :) Is there a Vocaroo link Poetess?

Without you,
I'd have no
words to
utter - I'd be
lost.

^ Sure, as goes the aphorism "blind as a bat", here we can say, "honey, I am as mute (speechless) as a fish (or rock), without you"

You've shifted
me in the right
direction, let
me escape and -
you've taken me home.

^ Honey, you have shown me the path to find my own wisdom, by letting me be free (escape), then brought me back home again. (that must be a really caring hunny!)

You've given me
space when I needed
it and for this
I am grateful.

^ Oui! no loving hubby should ever forget that his loved one needs her "own space", don't ever try to crowd their liberty, or else you may be hit with a "reject (=I hate you)" button! Lucky the keyboard designers, have not installed this one yet.

I know that
sometimes
I've made
mistakes,

^How noble to admit that, who does not?

but with you
my dear keyboard...
that can easily be
fixed just by pressing
backspace.

^ Indeed, but when the keyboard is a real person in your life (love/hubby), you have to really push the right buttons, to fix them! Or else you may risk "deletion" someday!

Whoosh! Never thought that a simple keyboard can be transformed into a real life allegory! No F8 or F10 (reset operating system) needed here, if one can learn from the poetess's wise use of the "Escape" button, before risking "deletion", by the "backspace" key. Kudos, Poetess for this crafty one. You certainly deserve a front page here! For your subtle but masterful art in creating this beauty from your "keyboard" and your loving and understanding hubby! (4)

You deserved it Nana!! Congrats to you and the other winners and HM's, Fantastic pieces of poetry

So proud of you all :)

Thanks, judges! And thanks to those who nominated my poem.

Congratulations winners and HM's. I love Concrete Waves and CupCakes. Proud to be on the front page with such powerful poems by talented authors.

Congratulations to all those winners and HM's!!!

So well deserved!!!

Ty as well for the lovely comment on my poem Escape :D

Congrats to Jane, Rania & Slighte! Well deserved.
Congrats to the other HMs as well.

Thanks for the HM & the comment.

What would be great is if the contest manager could attach the judge's comments to the poems. That way the judges are not revealed, but these great comments are not lost.

Congrats all :D

Your wishes, my command Larr.. Larrry, Done! Loved the idea, all comments copied to the original poems.

allow me to copy you tho.. :P

"What would be great is if" judges could leave the link of the poem under their comment when they send them to me! Would be a huge help, rather than me searching each title to find the poem/or/author Lol :P

Congrats all and thanks as well! :)

Congratulations to everyone :-)

Congrats to everyone! :D

Congrats all involved :)

Abed: Do I see a Molotov cocktail in your hand. Is that for the winners or judges? ha ha!

Congratulations all winners and HM. Do not forget to discuss your complex poetry to educate the naive readers, please.

Congrats to all! Hahaha looks like the judges couldn't agree on anything this week! That's okay, though, because now we can be exposed to even more great work. :D

Congratulations winners and thanks again judges for the outstanding work. :]

Congratulations ! A job well done :)

I'm in love with all three poems. Such delightful reads, everyone. Congratulations. Thanks to the judges for their efforts. :D

Congrats to winners and HMs, 00:00 and Cupcakes were wonderful reads (: [feeling slightly unworthy next to them.. ahaha]

Thanks judges for your comments, you continue to astound me with the effort you put in every week. Yay!

For neither.. :p

it's for dictatorship.. cruelty.. and home raping.

^ Where exactly. There are quite a few places that have anarchy, but nomadic times are fading and may be gone by the time your generation becomes 40. Education outstrips ignorance and oppression. Dictators and anarchists thrive on violence, as they see an excuse for not having a democracy. So best to stay incognito, for a learned man, and until the time is right. Raising a voice is better than raising an arm. History respects those who bring about changes through wisdom than those who show militancy, don't you think? Maybe the Arab spring revolution will spread to these places as well. And then perhaps they will see what the West really stand for.

The language of democracy in Palestine is extinct.

Well, that is sad. For there is always hope when no one believes in hope.

Hope never abandons you, you abandon it. ~George Weinberg

Hope is patience with the lamp lit. ~Tertullian

Congrats to our winners, Jane, Sunshine and Slighte. Gorgeous reads.

I enjoyed the many HMs this week. Nice diverse range.

Thanks judges & Nana for the effort week after week.

Excellent choices wtg winners

I'm not saying Nana doesn't do a wonderful job because...obviously she does week in week out but..how did she get there? Don't remember there being a vote going on? Did I miss this??? Britt did it....then she didn't..Nana took it over...Why????

They offered. We accepted. And what excellent jobs they have done!

At least I think that's how it went down. I don't know. We don't vote on EVERYTHING, haha. That would take eons.

What's the matter, Hellon? Struggling to find ways to stir the site up these days? :P

I asked a question Jane....nothing more. Everything else seems to require a vote/nomination these days...just thought I'd missed this one.

I did it while modding so I offered to do it again when they all had a lot on their plates. It's an easy thing to delegate. I stepped down when I got my new job and did not know if I would have the time to do it. :)

Lol @ Janey