Judging comments from Weeklies and invitation for discussion (Fr

This thread may sound strange, but as per my earlier promise to maintain complete transparency, of my judging method and experience from the recently concluded judging term (my first) I am posting all of my weekly comments, winners, and top scorers (all who scored > 4.0 on my personal finalist list, in the posts below from Dec 1, 2011 to Mar 4, 2012. (I accidentally erased my scoring for some of the weeks, so my apologies). Many weeks, it was extremely difficult to pick 3 from the finalists, and I so much wished I had 5 votes.

The main purpose of this thread is to invite discussions from writers on their own art and criticisms on my interpretations/misinterpretations from those/anyone who wishes to, for the (not insignificant) time I put in to interpret their poetry. So, I will greatly appreciate if you can put in a few lines of your own as to your interpretation, and art behind your poem, that I commented on, to enlighten us.

Lastly, my apologies to all those who did not make it to the my finalist list and won/HM. As you know there are only 3 that a judge can choose from, and perhaps I simply did not understand your beautiful art enough. So you are welcome to post and discuss your poem in this thread if you would like to educate me and future judges.
And thank you all for giving me the pleasure to enjoy dissecting your poetry. I had a helluva time. :)

Something to do while Ms. Sunshine posts the new weekly winners Monday morning. Go right ahead and penn your thoughts on your poems for me and others to savour and enjoy.

MY TOP SCORERS FOR SUN MAR 4, 2012

Midnight Blue - Palindrome 4.3
by Lonely Rider ( F P C D )

Bleeding rose (Triolet) 4.0
by TJ BECKER Arizona Eagle ( F P C D )

Bygones 4.1
by sibyllene ( F P C D )

Beneath the Tongue of Injustice 4.1
by Timothy ( F )

Fraudulent Lips 4.1
by Lioness ( F P C D )

Cleopatra Statue 4.5
by Maple Tree ( F P C D )

Crux 4.1
by Lioness ( F P C D )

Just a Dream 4.0
by Maple Tree ( F P C D )

The Wounded Healer by Karla ( F P C D ) 4.5

Lonely Mountain 4.3
by silvershoes ( F P C D )

Worry is White 4.2
by sibyllene ( F P C D )

----------------------------------------------------
Cleopatra Statue by Maple Tree 10 points

I read this a few times, each time wondering why the Poetess is using Cleopatra statue, to capture her legendary story. I finally arrived to the conclusion that it is the statue itself that evoked the poet's emotions. She is trying to capture Cleopatra's life and times that she senses from her interpretation of the legend, gazing at the statue, perhaps. The mention of the "thick eyeliner, thick as the Nile" was beautiful. Kohl, the eyeliner not only beautified the eyes of the Egyptian woman of those times, but also disguised the "tears" or other emotions in them.
I have to say that Cleopatra, as seductive, influential, and clever in real life she was, she became even more powerful, beautiful and mystical to us who read history, in her death . The Poetess here is trying to capture a part of Cleopatra not so visible to most of us.... a sense of insecurity that lurked in her perhaps, and to portray her talent to scrutinize people she encountered as friends or enemies with her sharp gaze here:

"Eyes, sharp as an eagles gaze
she glances across the palace
searching for a friendly smile
detached from a world she once knew."

Thereafter, the poem takes a twist, perhaps to a time when she spent in exile in Syria, thrown out by her brother Ptolemy XIII, but then eventually she returns with an army of defectors and mercenaries, to regain the thrown back with the help of Julius Cesar. Though unclear here:

Golden goblets laced with poison
soothing the lost ones souls
petitioning her to lead them calmly
to the promised land of peace.

And then the conclusion, perhaps imaginary, capture the essence of the loneliness she perceives in her statue. As the sun sets and her courtesans say their goodbyes,

"She then becomes a sculpted statue
With tears In her eyes...."

I think this poem captures the persona what the author sees in Cleopatra's statue very well, from an art gazer's point of view. A symbol of beauty, sadness, power and fear and perhaps ? loneliness, which I am unclear, as history does not depict this well. (though the Hollywood version may have.) Nevertheless, the Poetess's vivid imagination using the statue to build a powerful story here certainly captured the reader's hearts. Beautifully penned Poetess. (10)

-----------------------------------------
The wounded healer by Karla (7 points)

A poem that is very deserving for its craftsmanship, a talented write from a master of emotion projections, in her poetry. Using the inspiration from a quote from a famous poet (R. Tagore), and blending it in with a flavor of Greek mythology was very creative, indeed. The Poetess craftily uses the Chiron's wounds from the poisoned arrow myth, and her imagination to inspire a new beginning for 2 damaged souls in here. A compassionate individual that is portrayed here as the person that has been hurt (just like the Chiron), from the losses (wounds) inflicted perhaps from a previous relationship. She then goes on to portray a empyrean love that she perceives exists in the subliminal conscience of the characters, each carrying wounds from their individual pasts, to suggest that this like-minded union, can heal the fatal wounds for both. The flow and the symbolism conveyed in this hard hitting poem were par excellence. The ending was superb, injected with hope, from the story of the mythological Centaur, Chiron:

We learnt how to grow with them though.
Hold my hand and let's share what still
makes our souls bend.
In the end Chiron shall reconcile us
with the same arrow that poisoned
our childhood.

The title "Wounded Healer" captures it all. The take home moral here was : Our own compassion from the experiences of hurt and pain that we endure and learn from, can help people who we love, and those that are in need of "healing". Interestingly, Saturn is associated with the past, and Uranus with the future (in astrology). Chiron, a large asteroid, juxtapositioned between the two planets, symbolically depicts the power to heal the past and transform the future. One can therefore sense why she chose the title, and why the inspiration for the poem was derived from this famous quote:

"When I stand before thee at the day's end, thou shalt see my scars and know that I had my wounds and also my healing." Rabindranath Tagore. (7)
-----------------------------------------

Lonely Mountain By Silvershoes 4 points

It seems to me the Poetess is now getting in competition with our Ms. Sunshine, who writes some of the deepest and saddest poems. So, I could not resist picking this as one of my winners this week. The emotions laid down in each stanza are deeply touching:

It snows down lonely mountain.
Somehow the wind has brought me here.
I try to move, but I cannot.

^ The portrayal of the character's despondent mood to a "lonely mountain", a place where people "brood" will capture the imagination of those who have been there before. The fact that it was most unexpected, is captured in the second line very well.

There spins a heavy ball inside me,
below the chest,
above the navel,
constrained by neither heart nor lung.

^ A novel way to restate that the emotions are "riding a roller coaster" or "churning inside out".

It grows with every inhaled breath.
It grows with steps I almost take.
It's made of all things bad and lost;
things broken, cold, forgotten.

^ And the size of the "heavy ball (=distressed mood) keeps getting worse. Perhaps, the poetess could have used some refinements in her expressions here, and avoided the repetitions that seem to take away some of the beauty of her thoughts projected here. I would suggest some rewordings such as:

It grows within me, with each
inhaled breath and every step that I take
Reminiscences of things gone bad,
lost, broken, frozen and forgotten

It keeps my feet from treading up,
to brave the frosted giant.

^ A state of emotional freeze, nicely projected here

It keeps my path from turning back,
for nothing back is left.
It keeps me still as Death, itself,
a leafless tree, long standing.

^ I would say the expressions are very well conceived but perhaps a little misworded, as "paths" don't usually turn back. Perhaps she meant, "feet" instead of "path" in here, and "left standing" instead of "long standing"

The force that spins inside the ball
that spins inside my weighted soul
will grow and grow
until rocks have melted,
and all that's left is ice.

^ again, minus the repetitions here of "that" (x 3) this was a painful stanza, which will gain sympathy with the readers who have been let down by their loved one. In particular, I liked the was the Poetess used the expression "until rocks have melted and all that's left is ice...", a powerful projection of how emotionally hard hit the character portrayed here is.

Somehow the wind has brought me here,
with nowhere else to go.
It snows down lonely mountain,
but why, I do not know.

A very poignant ending to a melancholic verse that melts the reader's thoughts, in sympathy. Well done Poetess.
Nana watch out! You got some serious competition here! (4)

MY TOP SCORERS AND COMMENTS FOR SUN FEBRUARY 26, 2012

Only When You're Dreaming (7) 4.0
by Melpomene ( F P C D )

00:00 (5) 4.4
by silvershoes ( F P C D )

CupCakes (15) 4.5
by Ms Sunshine ( F P C D )

Casting (4) 4.1
by Colm ( F C D )

Escape (12) 4.3
by Lioness ( F P C D )

Midnight Blue - Palindrome (6) 4.2
by Lonely Rider ( F P C D )

Cupcakes by Ms Sunshine 10 points

Well, well, well....another metaphorical beauty, somewhat of an allegory from the pen of a master poetess. But, this time around she is not portraying vulnerability or sadness, but strength, wisdom and conviction, perhaps from lessons learned. The analogy of a new chef (a rescuer here) cooking/baking a sweet cupcake (seducing, an art that some are really talented at), and lacing it with his favorite frosting (honey sweet words iced with lots of sugar, to get attention) to make it more sweet (vulnerable), really made me laugh all the way. Sometimes, this art may work on a grieving heart successfully, on a naïve soul, but if the rescuee is as smart as the Poetess's projected character in this poem, she will not be that easy to let down her guard. And this time it will have to be a master chef who really understands the exquisite delicacy of this recipe (feelings) and finds the magic ingredients (honesty, intelligence, compassion and loyalty), before attempting to taste the "cupcake". So tastefully presented here:

"But, I'm neither as sweet as you
imagine, nor I'm a drift of breath
to blow with passion into
your kitchen of love.

I'm more than a trend of sweets
that you might find in a cook book,
dedicated to cupcakes."

For, if the chef really wants a delicacy from his oven, he will have to recognize:

"...I'm not a leftover,
not anyone's crumbles
to be stitched, cleansed,
or even redecorated into a
whole new plate.

You "ought" to touch up
a lady in a better..
not.......in a bitter, cup."

and be someone who has the real character, intelligence and loyalty to match the delicate recipe on his hands, to prove that he is not just another chef who will burn her to "crumbs", in "trying to take advantage of a broken heart, to fix, and call it his own", in the Poetess's own words. So very tastefully baked, with the right amount of frosting to capture the mood of the character in this partial allegory, by our lovely Sunshine "cupcake". (10)

--------------------------------------

00:00 By Silvershoes 7 points

An outstanding and poignant piece of art reflecting on life's ambiguities, evanescence, indecisions, and the lessons learned, for those who have faced them.....exposing life's vulnerabilities, so very true. Life and love can bloom but also can wilt really fast, if the gardener does not know how to nurture the delicate flower right. Moments of sky high hopes can suddenly vanish in no time. Just ask the moonflower (aka midnight flower) that blooms only once a year, unfolding its beauty, splendor and fragrance, just for a night, only to shrivel and wilt away by the morning. The author did well to capture this evanesacence in a heartbreak here. Here is a link to see the moonflower's (aka midnight flower) bloom and die cycle, to taste its ephemeral beauty, and fully appreciate the author's opening lines of this poem:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZM7MjqU8YpM

Apprehension reigns in the poetess's thoughts, throughout, that will move the readers, particularly those who can relate. The feelings portrayed here are delicate, just like a silkworm's coccon hanging by a delicate silk thread of a mulberry leaf:

"skeptical on the ridge of tomorrow,
hanging like a silkworm's cocoon"

The poem will strike a cord with all those who thought they had everything in love or life, but suddenly lose everything. An imagery of confusion and uncertainties in life can sometimes be so unnerving:

"What if all I ever could be
is weighing on this moment?"

And the doubts, and the blame on self (though it may not be one's fault)

"What if I'm the same as yesterday,
and nothing changes?"

But, the hope of a new beginning is not yet lost:

"In this unknowing,
a delicate gift of a new day
is begging to be unwrapped,"

Nevertheless, the dubiety reigns, and vulnerable thoughts surface in a evocative ending:

"What if I'm the same as yesterday,
and nothing changes?

Then I will be as contemptible
as the keyboard I've spent the last hour talking to,
(and I'm damn sure it's not alive)."

This poem is deserving to be on the front page for reasons more than one. It portrays the impermanence of life and love, symbolically like the moonflower, and the lessons that are learned from it. However, I strongly believe that each such experience help foster the strength and shape of the individual in us to face a hopeful tomorrow, with greater humility and character, destroyed by our vulnerability or mistakes. The longer the cocoon stays on the mulberry leaf, the stronger and finer (and more valuable) will be its (silk) thread from which it is suspended. (7)

--------------------------------------
Escape by Lioness 4 points

This one is a perfect example of an Allegory, a narrative story or poem with two meanings, one literal, the other symbolic (an extended metaphor). Titled "Escape", one initially wonders what is the author's real meaning behind the odd looking title to a poem about a keyboard. A little pondering later, and you know she literally means "a near miss". A poem written humorously, personifying the writer's keyboard, it carries a dual symbolism, much deeper, the way I interpret it. Here goes my symbolic interpretation laced with equal humor, from my infinite not knowingness:

I know
just how to push
your buttons.

^ Yes, indeed any woman who knows her hubby well, will :)

In fact, I can
do it with my
eyes closed.

^ Sure, after years of experience, one can predictably push the right and the wrong buttons!

I adore the
sounds you make
every time my
fingers caress
you.

^ Those delightful sounds are heard only if you push the right buttons on your human keyboard :) Is there a Vocaroo link Poetess?

Without you,
I'd have no
words to
utter - I'd be
lost.

^ Sure, as goes the aphorism "blind as a bat", here we can say, "honey, I am as mute (speechless) as a fish (or rock), without you"

You've shifted
me in the right
direction, let
me escape and -
you've taken me home.

^ Honey, you have shown me the path to find my own wisdom, by letting me be free (escape), then brought me back home again. (that must be a really caring hunny!)

You've given me
space when I needed
it and for this
I am grateful.

^ Oui! no loving hubby should ever forget that his loved one needs her "own space", don't ever try to crowd their liberty, or else you may be hit with a "reject (=I hate you)" button! Lucky the keyboard designers, have not installed this one yet.

I know that
sometimes
I've made
mistakes,

^How noble to admit that, who does not?

but with you
my dear keyboard...
that can easily be
fixed just by pressing
backspace.

^ Indeed, but when the keyboard is a real person in your life (love/hubby), you have to really push the right buttons, to fix them! Or else you may risk "deletion" someday!

Whoosh! Never thought that a simple keyboard can be transformed into a real life allegory! No F8 or F10 (reset operating system) needed here, if one can learn from the poetess's wise use of the "Escape" button, before risking "deletion", by the "backspace" key. Kudos, Poetess for this crafty one. You certainly deserve a front page here! For your subtle but masterful art in creating this beauty from your "keyboard" and your loving and understanding hubby! (4)

MY WINNERS AND COMMENTS SUN FEB 19, 2012

Finders Keepers (10) 4.1
by Tara Kay ( F P C D )

Discombobulated (5) 4.2
by Britt ( F P C D )

A letter to my daughter (8) 4.0
by Karla ( F P C D )

Once upon a Moonlight (7) 4.3
by Lonely Rider ( F P C D )

At the Very Sight of You (14) 4.0
by Lioness ( F P C D )

The Clockworks (7) 4.2
by Timothy ( F )

Hollow Men - Glosa (10) 4.0
by Larry Chamberlin the Godfather ( F P C D )

Only When You're Dreaming (8) 4.6
by Melpomene ( F P C D )

For everything you give me. (10) 4.0
by Jenni ( F P C D )

Me versus a Daydream (6) 4.5
by The Poetess ( F P C D )

Soul Rhymer (7) 4.0
by Little Miss Happiness ( F P C D )
------------------------------------------------------
Only when you are Dreaming by Melpomene 10 points

What can I say, a love poem, like none other that I have read, written with a touch of sensuality to an ex- Valentine on this day. Sadness laced in sweet tantalizing luscious words, is like sticking a sharp knife dipped in honey in to an ex-'s heart. It is absolutely killing. Yes, when the heart grieves, in a loss, the pen can really spin out a beauty, from the musings of a poet's heart. This verse is full of honey sweetened words, laced with reminisces of emotions unfulfilled from the inside depths of female sensuality. Amorous, would be the best way to describe such poetic power. A Venetian vulnerability, personified with vernal vivaciousness without voluptuous or vitriolic vulgarity.
I never thought I'd tell you this but
I'd describe my soul as vulgar as a lust driven night,
between the brass tones and barely
recognizable bones, somewhere in my
rebirth I lost my spine.

Dear Valentine,
you'll never read this but I get comfort
knowing my promises linger
on your skin like spilt sugar, that your
breath still dances with mine when you're dreaming,
but only when you're dreaming.
^There may be immense sadness in a loss like this, but when gentle (lusting) words are threaded prodigiously, can even the God of Love resist them? Whether Eros can ever find such a poetic femme fatale, anywhere? We will have to wait and see. (10)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Me verses a daydream by The Poetess 7 points

I think the best way to praise this poem, is to go straight to its interpretation, as it is a difficult one, another metaphorical beauty spun from the creative pen of the Poetess.
How trite it would taste
if I begin to paint you in blue and white
along my flesh, Atlantic
^How imaginative, this poetess is, and not at all "trite (=dull, stereotyped or archaic)" in her expression....is the first thing that bemused me when reading this poem. I would have thought she would have used "novel" (an antonym to trite) here to describe the Atlantic Ocean's beauty. But, then I had to think much deeper to try to interpret this in light of what could be going around her. I suspect that this is just her satirical foreword to the deeper layer painted below, of a picture of the turmoil going on in her lands today.

your sunburnt waves
laving
my matted inside
sunk in salty lotions and furious
interferences. Me, seeking
a dress of relief among your dimensions

^ depicting the harshness of the season in these parts (Mediterranean sea, some consider a part of the Atlantic) that can be scorching hot during certain parts of the year....I experienced it last year. Certainly, laving (=ignited; glowing with heat; burning) and matted (=tangled) insides are unique simile's used here to describe the "furious interferences" (=turmoil) going on around her. I thought the Poetess will also go on to use the myth of the Greek wind god Aeolus, keeper of the winds, corralling the children of Astraeu, that give names to the harsh drying winds blowing across the Mediterranean most of the year, to reflect more deeply in to the state of bedlam too, but she stopped short. Certainly, one has to find a way out, if caught in the midst of scathing heat and winds, (i.e. revolution/civil war) to stay alive (=survive the outcome), as presented here:
or finding myself;
unscathed and sparkling
midway, culminating away
from
death.

But

you're the ocean,
I'm just a passenger
and tigers can never deny their
lines, can they?
^And the humility of being a passenger (=passerby), caught in the vast ocean (=the chaos), is perhaps being reflected here : "tigers (=evil, Satan) can never deny their lines (=ferociousness), can they", as an unrest reshapes her homeland, much to her chagrin. I wonder the title "Me versus a Daydream", could be the same as "Me and my nightmare" .
But, I have a little advice here, if my interpretation is at all correct.....sometimes it is wise to stay out of the tiger's way, as they do not spare their prey, by their size or looks.....to them, you are just a prey, on their dinner plate, when they are hungry. (7)
--------------------------------------------------------------
Once upon a Moonlight by Lonely Rider 4 points

I would repeat my comment here from last week, as this still remains a potential winner, in my eyes.
A beautiful nature poem, painting nature's beauty of the night sky in all its splendor. Stylish, creative and eye-catching, with a lot of appeal to the nature enthusiast.
Undeniably, an eye-catching opening stanza:
Fireflies melt
into moon-eyed shadows
howling lullabies
of nocturne,

Fireflies that melt (=disappear) in moon eyed shadows, with "howling" in a forest, captured as "lullabies" of "nocturne'" (=a beautiful nightscene) is amazingly worded and captures the sounds and sights of a night in a forest, beautifully for the reader. Lastly, the last 2 stanza's capturing the beauty of the night sky in Greek mythology, are superb:
The woods were lovely,
once,

when the night
R
..O
....L
.....L
......E
.......D

D
O
W
N
a blueberry sky,
while Venus kissed
gurgling fountains,
and Sirius picked
wild mushrooms.

A visually pleasing effect ^ "rolled down" as if a curtain was lifted of a theater screen from the night sky, revealing the color of a "blueberry", seems so original and lovely. Venus kissing gurgling fountains reminds me of the extraordinary Palazzo Venus Fountain, in Rome, which features the Goddess of Love with water trickling down from her pitcher and encircling fountains from below her feet, mesmerizing to the visitor. But Sirius, the 2 headed hunting dog of Orion, picking mushrooms (since when did he become vegetarian? )...that one had me laughing all the way! I guess, in a poet's eyes anything is possible :) A heavenly poem that caught my "nature" eye this week. (4)

MY WINNERS AND COMMENTS FOR SUN FEB 12, 2012

A song of yesterday and tomorrow (7) 4.4
by Karla ( F P C D )

Snake (2) 4.0
by Yaki ( F P C D )

Abomination (6) 4.0
by Kiko ( F C D )

Cinnamon after sleeping (2) 4.1
by Timothy

Discombobulated (4) 4.3
by Britt ( F P C D )

A letter to my daughter (8) 4.3
by Karla ( F P C D )

Simply (3) 4.3
by Melissa ( F P C D )

Once upon a Moonlight (4) 4.3
by Lonely Rider ( F P C D )

A song of yesterday and tomorrow by Karla 10 points

A dark verse that drips with sadness in each line, touching the reader's core. To lose someone like a spouse, particularly when there has been deep love between them, is devastating. Sometimes, the degree of subconscious love held for that special someone will not surface, until after their death.....until the flood gates suddenly open up, and grief pours uncontrollably, sometimes in the form of an unending rainstorm of reminiscing thoughts.

She was looking for him in her bed,
in her hair, in her veins, in her despair.
.........
Where was he? Where was he?
Did he sleep? Say God he did sleep...

^At times, it is even difficult to convince our psyche that he is truly gone....perhaps he is still somewhere, and will be back soon. Acceptance of death is not easy, takes months, years, and sometimes forever... True love does live on in hidden places of our heart and mind....sometimes till our own soul departs for its final resting place, to join and rejoice in the love shared in our lifetime.

She jumped, diving into his soul,
crying, swearing she was whole

I only wish I could read in the poetess mind better here:

His bitter blood covered her in sorrow.
(yesterday and tomorrow)

OR did she mean, (from my naive not knowingness)

His eternal love covered her sorrow
(yesterday, today and tomorrow)

True Love never dies a natural death, it lives on forever, beneath our mortal skin, in a corner of our soul.
Well penned from the sad corners of a grieving heart, Karla. (10)

-------------------------------------------------------------
Simply by Melissa 7 points

Could not resist reading it at least 3 times before moving on to the next one..... then came back googly-eyed @_@ 8-], as I could not find a better love poem this week.
Simply (as in the title) worded, but nevertheless arousing and unarguably sensual. Looks like penned when sick with a gut wrenching love-flu, on a rainy day, sitting indoors,....
The choice of words here are from a connoisseur's diction, not overdone, just perfect, to portray the wanton feelings in love that one can imagine, from a woman's point of view.
And to top it all it will make the unattached readers love-sick too, with Valentine's day just around the corner. �¨_�¨
Helpful diction for interpreting the magical words of the poetess, for the naive reader...... (from my love thesaurus :)

Wild = a savage in love
Intoxicatingly sweet= dates dipped in sweet white wine
Lilac = a unique color seen only on the cheeks of women, when first in love.
Plump seeds= Seeds from aphrodisiac plants (e.g. elecampane, vervain, and the berries of mistletoe), which balloon the heart.
Ravenous= insatiable appetite like a pigs (pigs can really devour...)....for love
Furious in love= high on aphrodisiacs
Love= an obsessive compulsive disorder, like bulimia, can be only cured by abstinence. (7)

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Once upon a Moonlight by Lonely Rider 4 points

Another beautiful nature poem, painting nature's beauty of the night sky in all its splendor. Stylish, creative and eye-catching, with a lot of appeal to the nature enthusiast.
Undeniably, an eye-catching opening stanza:
Fireflies melt
into moon-eyed shadows
howling lullabies
of nocturne,

Fireflies that melt (=disappear) in moon eyed shadows, with "howling" in a forest, captured as "lullabies" of "nocturne'" (=a beautiful nightscene) is amazingly worded and captures the sounds and sights of a night in a forest, beautifully for the reader. Lastly, the last 2 stanza's capturing the beauty of the night sky in Greek mythology, are superb:
The woods were lovely,
once,

when the night
R
..O
....L
.....L
......E
.......D

D
O
W
N
a blueberry sky,
while Venus kissed
gurgling fountains,
and Sirius picked
wild mushrooms.

A visually pleasing effect ^ "rolled down" as if a curtain was lifted of a theater screen from the night sky, revealing the color of a "blueberry", seems so original and lovely. Venus kissing gurgling fountains reminds me of the extraordinary Palazzo Venus Fountain, in Rome, which features the Goddess of Love with water trickling down from her pitcher and encircling fountains from below her feet, mesmerizing to the visitor. But Sirius, the 2 headed hunting dog of Orion, picking mushrooms (since when did he become vegetarian? )...that one had me laughing all the way! I guess, in a poet's eyes anything is possible :) A heavenly poem that caught my "nature" eye this week. (4)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Discombobulated by Britt (Super HM)

The best way to describe my feelings when I first read the title "Discombobulated" was being "baffled". Before I looked up the dictionary for this new and interesting sounding word, I made a few guesses based on the derivation of the word, the poem's contents, the category (sad) and the author's feelings behind writing it. Interestingly enough, when I looked up the dictionary the word means "thrown in to confusion" = bewildered, baffled, befuddled, bemused, puzzled, perplexed, bamboozle, etc. The word derived from "discompose" and/or "decompose", describes well the feelings of "being confused".
Extra credit goes to the poetess in the hard work of putting it together using 1 line from 20 different poems, then blending them together to project her thoughts. A magnificent effort.
My interpretation:
The sentiments that are perceived in here are sadness by a female lover at a crossroads with her love, in the midst of a committed relationship, or perhaps shortly after a loss. The expressions in this artfully stitched together poem are indeed laudable, metaphors that project the delicate facets of a relationship that seems to be temporarily strained (nightmare....I share only with you), a feeling of pleasure mixed with pain (bittersweet insanity), and how it hurts (I hang my head in shame), and so forth.
The moon once held
the importance of life and love
I want to sink from the sun
but you know I won't -
my heart cannot ease your guilt.
^ This one reaches out to the depth of the readers soul, the moon = the female in this relationship, wants to "sink from the sun" (=hide from her lover), but she will not, but instead will stand by her man, despite his misdoings, though her "heart cannot ease your guilt" = forget his misdeeds, that caused the friction. So she is willing to compromise.......

Perhaps a cozy drizzle
can sink in, relax into our hearts
compromise plays a role
how quickly life changes.

^A very honorable thought, realities in life are often built around compromises. The ability to be broadminded, to forget and forgive is what will hopefully bring back the fire in an otherwise deeply entrenched loving relationship, and solidify it further. An admirable take home message to the readers, craftily bundled in a sad love blanket carefully stitched together from 20 different pieces of a torn heart.
This poem tied with my other top choice this week, but unfortunately there was only 3 to give away, a very hard pick for me. So I asked our contest runner to put this one in the same pedestal as the rest of the winners for this week. I only wish I had 2 Gold medals to give away, sadly there was only one. (Super HM, from me).

MY WINNERS AND COMMENTS FOR SUN FEB 5, 2012

IPad (11) 4.1
by Kiko ( F C D )

Deserted roots (8) 4.1
by Everlasting (FPCD)

If only I would have listened 4.0
by Blissful

Black Ballerina (7) 4.4
by silvershoes ( F P C D )

Behind those eyes (10) 4.0
by Karla ( F P C D )

One a day (7) 4.0
by Yaki Careless ( F P C D )

Lily Pads and Bullfrogs (4) 4.3
by Anna Stephens

Suicide Pigeons (2) 4.5
by Mera Luna ( F C D )

Speechless... (4) 4.1
by Matthew Schut ( F P C D )

Suicide Pigeons by Mera Luna 10

A writer who writes rarely these days, but when she does, pens some of the saddest and most complex poems. When I first read it, I interpreted the first half as a sarcasm, perhaps from an observers (myself) point of view, perceiving myself as the character of the "boy" and some of my lovely (PnQ) attackers as the pigeons. But then, I realized my misinterpretation as the "boy's" character portrayed here is that of a sadist and not being anywhere even close to it, I grinned to myself, and decided to take a crack it again, and came up with an entirely different interpretation.

While re-interpreting it differently, I found that the poetess craftily penned the metaphorical projection of innocent girls taken for a ride, as "falling pigeons", the foolishness of these girls whose emotions are played with, as "suicidal pigeons", in the eyes of the "boy" (the central character) who seems to be the one responsible for their plight, and enjoying every bit of the "silver mistake" made my so many, perhaps befitting the character of a "cannibal boy," depicted here.

See the way they're falling, boy,
they're falling just for you.
.......facedown and faceless
.......and you are just a cannibal boy

The cruelties with which the "boy" enjoys "plucking their feathers" and let them fall from the rooftop (=grace) injuring their self-respect and pride is so well captured here:

It's because you took their skin, boy,
you took them alive. Plucked their feathers
and pretended to fly

These 3 lines above, from the 4th stanza when placed on top of the 2nd stanza below, would make interpretation a lot easier, for the readers:

they are,
slices of grey
liver-shaped clay
dolls tumbling from the rooftops
and slicing the air and in your eyes
they're silver
a silver mistake.

And sadly depicted here, nonchalance...... on part of the boy. To him it does not matter, as there are enough pigeons in the sky with aspirations of being a "dove" to be "killed":

It doesn't matter, they say
there are enough pigeons
in the clouds, clouded
with the faint attempt
of being a dove.

The sadomasochism of the character is so well portrayed in the concluding stanza:

And past the walls of air
you can hear wings pecking,
beaks breaking,
but it doesn't matter at all, boy,
just close the curtains.

A brilliantly crafted poem, that will touch the heart of every girl who has been duped in believing that she is the chosen "dove" only to find out that she was just one of the "pigeons."
I am impressed, Mera Luna. (10 points)

----------------------------------------------------------

Black Ballerina by Silvershoes 7 points:

An eye catching title matching an equally remarkable verse, written from a protectors (a parent, a sib or a close friend) point of view, very touching. The poetess has projected the anguish of a concerned parent/sib/close friend in a 3rd person, so poignantly.

She's spinning out of control
and it's all I can do not to hold her as she
flies into a thousand shards
of wine-stained glass
and black spilled ink.

^ I like the way that the state of the mind of the subject is captured in this opening stanza using the analogy of a "wine glass" spinning out of control, about to break up in a "thousand shards" (=pieces), and spill black ink all over (=breakdown?).

Her mood's darker than before the dawn,
and she's too fragile,
and she's too hard - like translucent glass
while she beats against purple fires
storming at her back.

^ The darkness and instability of distraught emotions is compared very well here to the fragility and hardness of translucent glass, a dual metaphor. The color "purple" seems to depict the inner fires raging out of control, to the pre-dawn colors of the sky - another nice simile here to give the reader that feel of the explosive sentiments within.

I wonder as my hands reach to her heart
if she will come back to earth this time,
or if I will have to go hunting in
shadowlands
to bring her home again.

^ A touching end stanza, portraying a protector's anguish, as he/she watches her disintegrate in front of his/her eyes, with a deep concern. Who will not be troubled, by seeing their loved one trying to commit suicide, by drowning herself in "shadowlands" (=a bar/dark places?). A painfully dark verse that moves the inner core of the reader, in heartfelt sympathy. (7 points)

-----------------------------------------------------------------
Lily Pads and Bullfrogs by Anna Stephens 4 points

Spellbinding! Is the best way to describe this amazingly well written nature poem that vividly captures exotic summer beauty. From the start to finish the reader is enthralled by the beauty of this a masterly composition. A seemingly effortless work of art, impressing nature's beauty in to our hearts and minds. I envisioned myself in a paradise, as if in a dream, when sipping through the imaginative display flowing from the poet's pen.
This write brought forth memories of some of the past summers to life. The author uses her amazing writing skills and imagination when traveling down a winding path, through horse pastures, serene dogwoods (a tree with greenish flowers surrounded by large showy pink or white petal-like bracts) and red bud trees (another beautiful tree...covered with abundant pink flowers in summer, also the state tree for Oklahoma), on a path covered by a quilt like velvet moss, that leads to a natural pond in a secluded valley, fed by crystal springs....brings back memories of some of the most beautiful nature hikes of my past years.
The best part was the description of a tiny pond, cloaked with pancake-size lily pads that reminded me of a similar pond at my parent's home. Yes, water lilies are the most photogenic of all flowers that I can remember, particularly when in full bloom. ... The bullfrogs sitting on its large pads, so imaginative, sing a tune on summer evenings and nights.....so captivating, of a heavenly place by the author in this concluding stanza:

Stages from which
bug-eyed bullfrogs
belt out
their melodies

The marquee announces
Mother Nature
plays here daily
and the performance
is just
for me

No wonder the poem easily captures the reader's heart. (4 points)

MY WINNERS AND COMMENTS FOR SUN JAN 29, 2012

Beyond the Rainbow by Dixiedaisy 10 points

This poem is indeed the most pristine and immaculate piece of virginal art this entire month that I have encountered, in my opinion, written by someone who really knows how to pen the subtleties of lost opportunities in love, their fading memories, and the attempt to hold on to them, in all their magnificence and splendor. I think I will not do justice if I did not re-quote some of the lines/stanza's here with my simple interpretation next to some of these beautiful lines in parentheses:
Autumn always found me
in pigtails, behind the moon, (depicting childhood innocence)
beyond the rain, (as in beyond the rainbow)
with dreams...
that I dared to dream.
Hoping there was more
than gray skies, (more in life than just dark memories)
weathered paint (eroded wishes/desires)
and locked cellars. (opportunities denied)

Searching for emeralds (emeralds are symbolic for love)
in sapphire skies. (sapphire blue color depicts the color of sadness here)
Without guidance
of saffron paths (perhaps fiery, lit or elegant)
nor ruby shoes. (passion filled love)
I found it...
the golden side of the rainbow. (where the pot of gold lies hidden according to ancient Irish mythology)

Sands of youth
filtered through
the hour glass

^An elegant poetic way to say how my youth slipped away ever so slowly, like sand particles dripping through an houglass, one by one.

And the last stanza, was just superb, poignant and perhaps penned with perfection, in the way it projects to the readers mind that only fragments of those lovely memories remain, to which I clutch on, like poppies (delicate/thin) between fingers and palm....omg so beautiful! Followed by the amazingly beautiful ending lines stating the symbolism of the color green using pines, Bermuda grass and a mossy pond, in autumn/august to the green color of an emerald (=love) that I once sought....... were simply a treat to read.

I could not find a better poem this week to top my charts, perhaps this entire judging season. Simply elegant, brilliant and sublime in many ways and more.... much more deserving than these 3 adjectives, that I could find in my vocabulary today to describe how wonderful it was, as I read this piece of haunting art. (10 points).
----------------------------------------------------------------
Tails by Lebanese Phoenix 7 points

Another superb figurative piece of art by LP, using his creative imagination that once again impressed me this week, both by its content and form. I interpret tails and horns in this poem, as being metaphorical for "display of wealth (or knowledge)" and "arrogance", eking from both ends. It seems to me that his expression "tails dragging behind them" is representative of the ugliness of character or form, by the public display of wealth (or knowledge), an act of showmanship, which I agree would irk many. The concluding stanzas:
There was a time
when I used to imagine
that people would only
develop tails
and drag them behind,

but lately,
they've been growing
horns, too...
impress upon the reader, that not only some people love to display their fortunes/knowledge as "tails dragging behind them", but are displaying their "horns" (= arrogance of wealth/knowledge up front), as an act of intimidation towards others. And, I agree with LP, it is sometimes "sickening." This scenario, of showmanship, is perhaps more evident in the developing and the Arab world perhaps, than in the developed world (Western world) today. The use of tails and horns here in the context used, reminds me of the use of adynation (= Greek origin word, depicting powerful hyperbole in which the exaggeration is so great that it refers to an impossibility). But, as LP has proved time and again, impossibility of expressions is not in his dictionary. (7 points).
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Deer in the Woods by Narphangu 4 points

I found it best to envision this wrap around word salad (enjambment, Narph style :), by breaking it up in stanza's. The concept of wrap around lines is crafty, and perhaps stylish in free verse, but to me is like "spaghetti", as against "waffles" (compartmentalized). I think this poem deserves to have a HM or win, not because some heavy hitters nominated it, but because it exemplifies a certain skill to create wrap around line arrangements, and the challenge it poses to the nimble reader's deciphering brain. So here goes an attempt to interpret from a naïve reader's brain:

The initial 4 lines seem to project the writer's despondent mood, and "helter-skelter" thoughts as hinted by the metaphorical use of dank(=damp) forest with mussed (=messy/rumpled) trees and fussed branches cast askew (=awry) here:

Lately, the forest is dank
with mussed trees,
leaves fussed and branches
cast askew for better air.

I've been tiptoeing here:
hoof stumping a
crunch into stiffening
snow, rutted in
a gangling pattern: homeless
seeking home.

^An expression, stating that I have been hoof stumping (=walking like a deer) in a rutted (=fixed, boring pattern) and gangling (=awkward) pattern, homeless (=without a moral support) seeking a home.

Perhaps it's the sighing
wet (? way) of this world
that's caught my nose,
tempted my tongue towards
the bitterer brambles--

Complexly worded, leading the reader to interpret that the author's sensitive nose and tongue (figurative for thoughts), are being tempted to experience the bitter brambles (Norwegian for "haggle" or "quarrel") of this world. Bramble is also a prickly shrub/thorny bush, like the raspberry or blackberry, but then it would not fit the thought here, with the use of "bitterer" as an adjective.

though the wind is high
in the old oak trees and
the fur of my
neck still stands thick
in the breeze,
I find it harder now,
harder to sink my snout
into something real,

^Seems to imply that it is hard for the author to find something meaningful to interest her (sink my snout), though the wind is high (thoughts blowing crazy in her mind, like the wind)

harder to differentiate
in the substantial smog
where my thoughts awoke.
I breathe in fog.
Or is it smoke?

^Suggesting, it is difficult to differentiate whether the awakened thoughts are truly worthy or just smoke (confused), as there is still substantial smog (pollutants suspended in fog) around.
I will attempt a rewording of the above lines to see if it makes the writers thoughts stand out better:

I find it still hard to breathe
in the smog
that arrests my thoughts
as smoke suffocates
my awakened thoughts
suspended in a fog

The overall impact of the poetic thoughts presented here was "average" to this reader, but the composer's skill was definitely evident here. So I cannot deny that this poem certainly stands out as stylish and unique, amidst a forest of many good writes this week. (4 points)

MY WINNERS AND COMMENTS FOR SUN JAN 22, 2012

Just can't do without you (6) 4.0
by Lonely Rider ( F P C D )

Water for Elephants (7) 4.3
by Lebanese Phoenix ( F P C D )

When Rainbows Clash (5) 4.2
by Lonely Rider ( F P C D )

Mosaic (5) 4.0
by Britt ( F P C D )

In circles (1) 4.3
by The Princess ( F C D )

Time of absence (11) 4.0
by Chelsey ( F P C D )

Vulnerability Of A Dolly (7) 4.1
by Tara Kay ( F P C D )

His Wooden Girl (5) 4.9
by silvershoes ( F P C D )

His Wooden Girl By Silvershoes 10 points

Easily the top poem of the week, to my read. This one comes out as a very deep and a sad, heart ripping write, from the view point of one who is betrayed. The poet so calmly reflects on the jilted characters disbelief on the sudden chain of events, that it draws a most heartfelt sympathy from the reader. The poets choice of words and simile's using the term "hawk faced" to depict the betrayer not only as a hawk-eyed with mesmerizing golden-eyes (eyes more golden than summer wheat and dandelions) but also a matching hawkish character, shrude (cunning), when devouring its prey, at its most vulnerable time, is skillfully displayed and draws in the readers imagination and sympathy. The inner feeling (it's no hardship to grasp the heat that flows between them, reverberating in perfect harmony) seems so well portrayed here, with more than subliminal candid frankness, using a creative imagination:

I do not know if while resting in the canopy of his arms,
gazing up at his winded cheeks like
tall drinks of cool whisky on a swollen day,
she falls drunk as a fool in spells of her own acoustic chords.

The simile using a spell binding captivating acoustic stringing to depict the drunken stupor of a gal in love, depicted here is unique, but I would have imagined "her" to be "him" in the last line above.

The last stanza is a metaphorical masterpiece, and is what motivated me to select this one as my week's winner. Since, I cannot outshine A Lonely Soul's interpretation here (Goddamn him! He plagiarized my thoughts), I am forced to re-quote part of his comment (these were supposed to be mine):

"He the hawk" = a preying bird, that you perceive in this "incoherent blindness" (=confused disbelief) and she
"his wooden girl" (= peasant, simple girl, a metaphor from the matryoshka doll, a Russian wooden nesting doll) who is mesmerized by his "strumming" (= guitar playing or sweetness), who dies in his absence, but feels like she is amongst the stars (pieces of stardust), when he is around, sweet talking to her.

It is indeed a Jane classic, loaded with her "strummings" and reverberating sad acoustics in a master play of emotions. But, I have hope for the character in this beautiful verse, mauled by a hawk and left for dead, to find a true love some day, for as long as she has some love left in the heart, she should be one day, be able to find a better string player to heal and play her cardiac chords, with truer and more skillful "strummings." (10 points)
----------------------------------------------------------------
Water for Elephants By Lebanese Phoenix 7 points

An eye catching title that seems to have been borrowed (probably unknowingly) from the award winning novel/film namesake by Sara Gruen. I watched the film last year and loved it. The story in the novel/film is much different, that of a Vet student who becomes a circus hire purely by accident, falls in love with the circus owner's wife, and then the spin from their on. The film version won the People choice award (People choice Oscar) for Favorite Drama Movie in 2011.

Here are a few of my cents:
LP's version of Water for Elephants, does not relate at all to the novel/movie, is one of his classiest, enchanting, and superbly worded poems. Classified as a misc. poem understandably, as it is a sequel to his earlier sad poem Elephants based on Kris Allen' song the Truth. It is really a love poem, as the amorous words in here are an attempt by the male character of the poem to revive the love he has for his loved one, in his own Mot pour amoureux (=words for those in love), laden with LP style superlatives. Here is one:

Darling...

if it weren't for your
lime heavens (never thought I would see these 2 words together)
canoeing my skies, (aha! so serene, equating skies to an ocean, a metaphorical beauty)
I wouldn't have
found the fountain
of youth, (sure, I would like one too, just show me the way to your lime heaven...)

I only have one suggestion:

The flower symbolism in this stanza could have been more powerful, in my opinion, by rewording it as below (trading irises for jasmine):

For iris's and dandelions
only bloom wider
'midst those
lovely jasmines...

My justification: Irises and dandelions can be masculine. Iris's depict valor, hope, promise in love and wisdom. Dandelions represent desire, faithfulness and love me, amongst other meanings. But, Jasmine is typically feminine depicting sensuality, modesty, grace and elegance.

Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, and to me this poem is pure beauty, written from the point of view of a sad lover trying to appease his loved one and revive the love between them. I now see a new name for our LP here (Love Prince) with this poem. So any Jasmine type, if you are saddened and jilted, and need a little healing therapy, just pm him (or join his new club), and I will guarantee you that you would not be disappointed. (7 points)

----------------------------------------
In circles by The Princess 4 points

Another beautiful but sad love poem, I believe miscategorized in the misc. category, crafted with unique vocabulary, by a Poetess who is known to publish masterpieces.

I guess, to you, I'll always harbor
shadows of kohl and light trails

^For a moment I wondered what the heck is kohl, but a little search led me to what I had suspected, it is Arabic for Surma or Kajal (used as a dark eyeliner by Egyptian and Indian/Eastern women for ages immemorial, dating back to 3100 B.C). It carries different significance in different cultures on different occasions, but is largely used as a cosmetic today, to enhance the beauty of the eyes. So to me the author is projecting that she will always try to be beautiful to her loved one. A lovely thought, and noble, very traditional as well.

You'll see me, every autumn, on beds
of reddening leaves, with light seeping into
the darkness of my hair and the sun
in my eyes. Burning,
the same ambers and browns
of your eyes, in my eyes.

^What can I say about this stanza.... Autumn...reddening leaves....sunlight seeping in hair and eyes..... bringing reminisces of amber brown to the lovers eyes.....a lovely and pristine way to describe the expectancy of another season of love, if he returns.

I guess, to me, you'll always harbor
choppy seas of ink and circles
of Zen. I'll hear you everytime
flutes of champagne sing
against my fingers and brushes
whisper - a one-stroke Enso,
staring sightlessly- against
my palm. Locks
of your dark glossy
hair in my palm.

^This last stanza, was the most difficult to interpret. Using the symbolism of Enso or circles of Zen (from Zen Buddhism), in what seems to be a love poem, is crafty and speaks volumes about the poet's imagination. To use "flutes of champagne" (toasting wine cups) and relate them to enso ( a Zen circle) was interesting, but not very clear in its conveyed meaning at the end. I would suggest breaking this biggish stanza in to 2 pieces and rearranging the lines to better convey the implied meaning. Nevertheless, the overall appeal that this poem carried seems deserving to its nomination and possible win, to this reader. (4 points)

MY WINNERS AND COMMENTS FOR SUN JAN 15, 2012

Bleeding Crimson Rain (4) 4.2
by Hellon ( F C D )

Hands 4.3
by Kiko ( F P C D )

When I'm Gone (7) 4.0
by gIrL ( F P C D )

The Muse Of A Beautiful Woman (2) 4.1
by Tara Kay ( F P C D )

Time of absence (9) 4.0
by Chelsey ( F P C D )

In circles (1) 4
by The Princess ( F C D )

Bide deep (1) 4.0
by Schemilix ( F P C D )

A Human Touch (8) 4.2
by Lostlove1 ( F P C D )

Because (2) 4
by Melissa ( F P C D )

Hands by Kiko 10 points

This poem dedicated to Mona Eltahawy and other victims of the Egyptian Security Forces carries a powerful messsage to oppressors the world over and clearly melted my heart. In addition to being assaulted, groped, and knocked to the ground, journalist Elthahawy was blindfolded for 12 hours, beaten, bruised and had broken bones, but her will power made her survive the ordeal and write about it, for the whole world to know. It speaks to the heart and minds in all of us that such brutality still exists in a nation trying hard to rid itself from the shadows of dictatorship with history of human right violations. The poet has done very well in capturing the brutality with his imaginative and creative pen. The poem carries a much needed warning for all of human kind that still behaves in an unacceptable nomadic way towards women and other helpless victims. It therefore, in my opinion is a deserving winner. (10)
-------------------------------------------------------------------

A Human Touch by Lostlove1 7 points

Second week in a row, I find this poem heart melting. It is exquisitely beautiful in the way it depicts the love between a mother and a child, a Disney film story. Built around a story of kindness and love, bestowed upon a destitute child (a songbird here) and her rescuer, who adopts her as her own child it lifts your spirits up, miles high. The ardent appeal in this story is to every soul who has ever witnessed the love between a doting mother and her child. It just warms your insides out! The title could have been a "mother's touch" and the songbird could have been a destitute human adopted child, and the story would have been the same. This poem is well deserving of its nomination, and the hard work put in by its author to bring forth the story of a loving bond between a hapless child (a songbird in this case) and her adoptive mother. The thoughts projected in this lovely poem are heartwarming, when thinking of those loving moments., for all readers like me and all the animal/bird lovers in this world, who have witnessed selflessness in motherly love and protection. (7)
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Bleeding Crimson Rain by Hellon 4 points

I could not overlook this poem as it simply stood out, though the author requested that it not be considered for the contest for this week, as it had earned HM's the last week. It did not win last week because of too many competing good poems. But, this week it just stands out by itself. Hiroshima and Nagasaki are unending stories embedded in our mind. A human made disaster of incredible proportions to remember for generations. What happened then, should and never ever be repeated ever. The calamity of human disaster depicted in this poem, reminds us over again that it was no ordinary event, the blackest of the black days in human history, when entire city populations were wiped out in mere seconds, and a generation of never ending suffering that ensued that should never be forgotten. The poem captures the essence of the misery of the atomic bombing. The last stanza was the most moving for me:

Seventy thousand paper cranes
drift o'er Hiroshima skies
each one carrying a memory
of an innocent who died....

Kudos to a great Poetess to remind us of something which humankind should never forget. (4)

MY WINNERS AND COMMENTS FOR SUN JAN 8, 2012

Exbury Garden (13) 4.2
by Lioness ( F P C D )

Metaphorical Case Love (14) 4.4
by Lebanese Phoenix ( F P C D )

An Eclipsed Sunshine (14) 4.6
by Ms Eclipsed Sunshine ( F P C D )

Elephants (7) 4.1
by Lebanese Phoenix ( F P C D )

The Lost Creak Of Summer (Collab with Tara Kay) (6) 4.0
by Lebanese Phoenix ( F P C D )

Did you become yourself? (4) 4.0
by Karla ( F P C )

Bleeding Crimson Rain (2) 4.3
by Hellon ( F C D )

Unspoken Apologies (11) 4.0
by gIrL ( F P C D )

Nature's Cry (5) 4.1
by Matthew

A Human Touch 4.3
By Losteove1( F P C D )

An Eclipsed Sunshine by Ms Eclipsed Sunshine 10 points

The title and the composition is so original, I knew it had to come from none other than the "Princess of sadness," someone who knows how to project the inner state of sadness so well. Once again, the symbolism using celestial bodies, the sun, and the moon will always get some attention. Most poets use the symbolism of the sun and moon in a love poem, to describe how big, deep reaching or intense is their love. This poem, however, converts common symbolism in a most uncommon way, to project an inner sadness blocking one's "sunshine" (=happy feelings). Use of "Riesling", a sparkling white wine, to describe sunbeams, that are "drunk"; "a river of blue light" to describe the flood of melancholic feelings "while I burn in the shadow of the solar eclipse" are amazingly used here to magnify the personification of the sadness within.
Though 'tis not a planet that is
blocking my sunshine, nor a silvery
coconut that others eyes do hope to reach..
But it is passing recklessly between
me and the earth...
This stanza captures the dark emotions so well, by expressing that it is neither a large body (planetary), nor a silvery coconut (a full moon) as the cause of my eclipsed sunshine. A thoughtfully worded riddle here:
Perhaps it is a world's new black wonder that
won't pass by just like a wandering gray cloud
no, nor will move on as the new moon is born.

It is an everlasting eclipse that will conceal
the love that the fraud beams once
revealed.
The above expressions, presented as a riddle, seem to refer to a sunspot (= a dark spot) that are blocking her sunshine (=warm and friendly nature), evanescent phenomenon caused by magnetic storms that disturb surface temperature, used here as a perfect analogy to describe the sad feelings causing the sunshine to be eclipsed, hopefully temporary like the sunspots.
A lovely ending, to this poem suggesting that perhaps some day a coffee storm (=sun storm) will stir up enough heat to clear the cooled down surface (=sad feelings) to clear the dark sunspot that is blocking her sunshine (=warm feelings) currently. In my personal opinion this last stanza could have been bettered by using "sun storm" instead of the "coffee storm", to complete the metaphorical projection of the energy needed to clear the sunshine, of its dark spot, in the context of this wonderfully sad poem.
Unless a coffee storm hits deep down
my intoxicated core
I, will no longer be bright and wild. (10)
--------------------------------------------------------------
Metaphorical Case Love by Lebanese Phoenix 7 points

A pumped up humorous love poem, disguised as a life poem, by someone who is getting to be a master at metaphorical projections, deserves some fun words of praise. The playful theme strikes the inner core of any desiring lover's heart. If we want love from a person, we often hang around that person until he/she finally notices us, or as LP says 'till he's caught". Any real life criminal would have long departed from a real crime scene, but this is not a ordinary criminal, it is LP (a go getter, dashing Lebanese Prince of words) and his projection of desired love as a "crime". Made me smile, as it is very true. Difficult to let go if we truly desire someone with our heart, sometimes even with a "no". The expression "My case in love..." very much sounds like a "heart sick" patient, googly eyed in love! Funny and lovely! The "attempted to murdering...." stanza to project infatuation is uniquely Abed style :), shocking and eye-catching. God save his intended target if she wants to get away from him! For she may not have anywhere to run, if he decides to throws out his metaphorical knife (=pen) at her. But for now, she is safe, as he hasn't figured out exactly how to "murder" her heart. A "love criminal" who just wants to be arrested "red-handed." I have to say I am just love smitten with your metaphorical case! Worthy nomination, perhaps a winner in many a playful hearts. (7)
-------------------------------------------------------------
A Human Touch by Lostlove1 4 points

A beautiful and simple poem, a story of kindness and love bestowed upon a destitute child (a songbird here) and her rescuer, who adopts her as her own child that lifts your spirits up, miles high. The ardent appeal in this story is to every soul who has witnessed the love between a doting mother and her child. Just warms your insides out! when you watch these loving moments. The title could have been a "mother's touch" and the songbird could have been a destitute human adopted child, and the story would have been the same. This poem is deserving of its nomination, and the hard work put in by its author to bring forth the story of a loving bond between a hapless child (a songbird in this case) and her adoptive mother. The thoughts are so heartwarming, this time of the year. A very touching write for this week, amongst friendship/life poems, for all mothers and animal/bird lovers alike, to appreciate. (4)

MY WINNERS AND COMMENTS FOR SUN JAN 1, 2012

And I pull away by Ms. Sunshine --10 points

Yet another very touching piece by a "master poetess" of sad poetry, Ms. Sunshine (a more appropriate screen name could be "your eclipsed sunshine"). The poem has a certain feel to it that pulls the reader in to the projected sadness in this break-up, when leaving someone once dearly loved. The metaphorical depiction of planting a garden of evergreen fruit bearing trees to project the love once held, is so emotive. Each stanza reverberated with touching emotions. These were in particular, deep:

but I fell for you (did you mean fell "of you"?)
like a yellow leaf,
with an autumn heart
that passes by
only to leave.

The use of words in here to bury the spring revolution (love), with a heartfelt apology conveyed to the lover for the break up, was so different from most others who experience a heartbreak, and blame their lover for the break-up, brings home the point that there are still a breed of humble people (I know one other, another master poetess of PnQ) who do have the ability to take self blame (even when it may not have been their fault), though it may or may not be their fault alone...so well penned here:

And if I love, I walk away
so forgive me when the spring
revolution I provoked in your
heart finds a grave, or try to
forgive me after today.

The use of the phrase "wintry legend" inventively projects the emotional ambivalence/indecision as the reason to walk away from a relationship, was very thought provoking. But, it seems the last line left a ray of hope to this "frozen" relationship, a chance to thaw, perhaps in the Arab spring :)

For I'm freezing into
a wintry legend
that comes with a season
that doesn't have to end.

Perhaps then, I (will) stop pulling away.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Strange Fruit by Melissa -- 7 points

Another amazing nature poem, with a hidden tone of a love poem, that needs another "master" in this art to craft. The strange oblong fruit, my best guess is the purple core passion fruit, native to New Zealand. It is indeed "fuzzy" with a "purple" belly, as against the yellow bellies of its Hawaiian cousin. What makes this poem stand out is the personification and symbolism given to the "fruit" with purple insides:

a beating heart at your core
I heard it thump once
and the rest of nature fell into the soft repose
of Winter (repose = peaceful, calm, tranquil.....so wonderfully used here with "Winter"!)

and then the equally beautiful choice of words that follow in its flow, enticing it to leave its "limping stem"/ mother branch, to be caught in another's loving hands to explore love, is so heart-melting and emotive:

but you cling on to that half limp stem
as though it held a map of every possible dream
in the palm of its branch

Let go, dear, feel the uncertainty of air
just fall,
for my love has so many hands
and I won't let you bruise, darling

In my opinion it is a winner. Perhaps, the poem belongs more appropriately in the "nature" section than "miscellaneous". It is indeed a tender, touching piece of art written with a loving symbolism given to an otherwise odd looking fruit, which will touch the heart of any passion fruit grower or lover.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Silver sleigh by Kiko -4 points

The most heart-warming poem that I have read in the past 2 weeks, one of an unknown child laid to rest beneath a cross, on a hiking trail, under a Christmas tree. Reminds me of the tomb of the unknown soldier in D.C., where many of us, even those who have a hardened heart, break down....I know I did, and I was only a foreign visitor then.
The story here is so heartwarming, something that can only come from a poet's pen:

I think of how you'll not grow old
like other little boys.
I think of all the pain, untold,
from still unopened toys.

Painful, and very thoughtfully crafted words, which will echo in many a parent's hearts, who have lost a little one, to an untimely death.

I long to see your silver sleigh
come gliding down this path, (4)

MY WINNERS AND COMMENTS FOR SUN DEC 25, 2011

And I pull away by Ms. Sunshine --10 points

Yet another very touching piece by a "master poetess" of sad poetry, Ms. Sunshine (a more appropriate screen name could be "your eclipsed sunshine"). The poem has a certain feel to it that pulls the reader in to the projected sadness in this break-up, when leaving someone once dearly loved. The metaphorical depiction of planting a garden of evergreen fruit bearing trees to project the love once held, is so emotive. Each stanza reverberated with touching emotions. These were in particular, deep:

but I fell for you (did you mean fell "of you"?)
like a yellow leaf,
with an autumn heart
that passes by
only to leave.

The use of words in here to bury the spring revolution (love), with a heartfelt apology conveyed to the lover for the break up, was so different from most others who experience a heartbreak, and blame their lover for the break-up, brings home the point that there are still a breed of humble people (I know one other, another master poetess of PnQ) who do have the ability to take self blame (even when it may not have been their fault), though it may or may not be their fault alone...so well penned here:

And if I love, I walk away
so forgive me when the spring
revolution I provoked in your
heart finds a grave, or try to
forgive me after today.

The use of the phrase "wintry legend" inventively projects the emotional ambivalence/indecision as the reason to walk away from a relationship, was very thought provoking. But, it seems the last line left a ray of hope to this "frozen" relationship, a chance to thaw, perhaps in the Arab spring :)

For I'm freezing into
a wintry legend
that comes with a season
that doesn't have to end.

Perhaps then, I (will) stop pulling away. (10)
--------------------------------------------------------------
Strange Fruit by Melissa -- 7 points

Another amazing nature poem, with a hidden tone of a love poem, that needs another "master" in this art to craft. The strange oblong fruit, my best guess is the purple core passion fruit, native to New Zealand. It is indeed "fuzzy" with a "purple" belly, as against the yellow bellies of its Hawaiian cousin. What makes this poem stand out is the personification and symbolism given to the "fruit" with purple insides:

a beating heart at your core
I heard it thump once
and the rest of nature fell into the soft repose
of Winter (repose = peaceful, calm, tranquil.....so wonderfully used here with "Winter"!)

and then the equally beautiful choice of words that follow in its flow, enticing it to leave its "limping stem"/ mother branch, to be caught in another's loving hands to explore love, is so heart-melting and emotive:

but you cling on to that half limp stem
as though it held a map of every possible dream
in the palm of its branch

Let go, dear, feel the uncertainty of air
just fall,
for my love has so many hands
and I won't let you bruise, darling

In my opinion it is a winner. Perhaps, the poem belongs more appropriately in the "nature" section than "miscellaneous". It is indeed a tender, touching piece of art written with a loving symbolism given to an otherwise odd looking fruit, which will touch the heart of any passion fruit grower or lover.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Silver sleigh by Kiko -4 points

The most heart-warming poem that I have read in the past 2 weeks, one of an unknown child laid to rest beneath a cross, on a hiking trail, under a Christmas tree. Reminds me of the tomb of the unknown soldier in D.C., where many of us, even those who have a hardened heart, break down....I know I did, and I was only a foreign visitor then.
The story here is so heartwarming, something that can only come from a poet's pen:

I think of how you'll not grow old
like other little boys.
I think of all the pain, untold,
from still unopened toys.

Painful, and very thoughtfully crafted words, which will echo in many a parent's hearts, who have lost a little one, to an untimely death.

I long to see your silver sleigh
come gliding down this path,
Whose tiny frame, in pieces, lay
beneath your cross of lath.

This ending stanza, is a deep and somber Christmas tribute to a lost young child that will fill many a sad hearts, even those who are non-believers, with solemn belief at this magical time of the year.
----------------------------------------------

For You by Narphangu - 4 points

I think it is a rarity to see a love poem from this Poetess, I wonder why? She specializes is writing humorous, and complexly worded life and misc. poems. So when I looked back to check her account, this is only the 3rd time in her collection of 84, that she has penned a passionate love poem! I will choose to interpret with some humor, though it can be interpreted as a very passionate and touching poem from the muse of a heartbroken.
Here are my distorted interpretations:

I've been
waiting by the dip
of your smooth neck, (how about "salty"!)
icing my tongue (it would be really fun to substitute "spicing" here)

I've been
carving skeletons
from our closets, nodding
dry skulls, (To this reader it could mean fishing for love memorabilia)
reenacting
in a desperate spittle, (= salivation, an action associated with a passionate kiss, amusing!)
an impossible future.

I've been
hanging like a bead
broken from a charm, (=heartbroken, as once a charm is broken, its power has been usurped)
how many times those
rollicking waves (=frolicking, lively, joyous)
have broken my dusty
bones, (made me laugh again, as I was imagining the "passion" depicted in waves, like convulsing! I find this very funny, as a metaphorical description.)
or how many times I've sipped
heat from dreams,(another metaphor for passion in the act of love)
though you're never real
in the morning. (alas, all in the dreams, ha ha!)

I love the imagination here, a big jump from the last time the poetess defined love as "abominable snowman's evil aunt" way back in 2008! so it does not surprise the reader that this poem is indeed a fictional piece with a play of humorous words, in the "love" section.

MY WINNERS AND COMMENTS FOR SUN DEC 18, 2011

7 Checkpoints (9) 4.0
by Lebanese Phoenix ( F P C D )

The Color Ivy (5) 4.3
by Mohamed ( F C D )

Until We Collide (4) 4.0
by Britt ( F P C D )

Shape-shifter of Emotions (10) 4.3
by Lioness ( F P C D )

Hibernation for Death (2) 4.0
by Maple Tree

And I pull away # 2 (3) 4.0
by Ms Sunshine ( F P C D )

Of All The Things You Could Be (3)
by Melissa ( F P C D )

Colors of an uncut diamond (7) 4.3
by Everlasting ( F P C D )

Meet Me When the Sun is Dark (3) 4.0
by Narphangu ( F P C D )

Silver Sleigh (4) 4.2
by Kiko ( F C D )

I'm Wearing A Ring (8) 4.0
by gIrL ( F P C D )

Christmas Time At The Wilsons (3) 4.0
by Tara Kay ( F P C D )

Butterfly (3) 4.2
by Yaki ( F P C D )
-----------------------------------------------------------
Colors of an uncut diamond by Everlasting 10 points

This one again struck me as the outstanding poem of the week, very uniquely crafted, in the way the poetess used the symbolism of "colors" to metaphorically depict the changing moods of a girl recovering from heartbreak. The blues (depression) are gone, "the pink abounds" (feelings of love are back), though there is still a "tiny bit of black" that remains (some doubts/suspicion remain) presumably from a prior relationship gone sour. Then she goes on to project caution (the color green) when entering a new relationship with a desire to retain self-control (a whole lot of grey) rather than plunge headlong again in a relationship, which may or may not work out. It is really a well thought of poem, presented as a riddle, to project those delicate emotions in a way that only a girl can imagine, with a finesse that a good writer needs to have.
The concluding stanza is again a brilliant piece of art, the way she etches the lines "a raw diamond without shape" (i.e. uncut diamond) waiting for that diamond cutter (right lover), who can give her the "shape" (love again). This poem, by combining the color symbolism to reflect the changing moods of a girl who has just recovered from a bruising loss, and ready to love again, truly won my heart. (Copied from my comments from last week). (10)

------------------------------------------------------------
Shape-shifter of Emotions by Lioness 7 points

A very sad poem that bares open unvarnished emotions out in the open. Using the symbolism of various fruits to metaphorically project a fast bruising relationship. Lemons, to depict bitterness and sourness; and fallen apple to denote the break up in love, which was once held in high esteem....lips that tasted like strawberries, was unique. The intensity of hurt in this souring relationship is projected using "a thousand knives piercing through an open wound." The picture of how easily love can be metamorphosed or destroyed when not nurtured tenderly by the gardener, who tends to his garden, is very well painted here. So in my opinion this is a deserving winner, as it so well projects the anguish and despair, in a woman hurt from the callousness of her lover. The ending is the most heartfelt of all:

I challenge -
your scrutiny to see beyond the possibility
that I may in fact
be more than just a fallen apple from a tree

but...

for now I will take off my mask -
though your distorted view will still leave me
where I've always been -

Beneath you

Superb job, Lioness, in penning darkness of our heart, so well. (7)

-------------------------------------------------------------
The Color Ivy by Mohamed 4 points

This poem echoes a revolutionary's voice (Egyptian) seeking true liberation (democracy), from suppression, first by a dictator and now his henchmen (military). The 2-line stanza's carry the hidden sentiments very well. The poem seethes through your mind, and stands out because of the strength in the desire to breakthrough oppression.

Oh don't you color my voice with colors of ivy
imprisoning me in my own room

I interpret it as ...don't you suppress my voice ...colors of ivy could be interpreted 2 ways: as a poison, or as the bright red colors of the Boston ivy (fall color Ivy), with red depicting blood as in more bloodshed. Imprisoning me in my own room.....depicts stifling in some form, in one's own home=country.
The ensuing stanzas depict the intense anguish that builds within, with the desire to be free ...to be liberated from tyranny spanning decades.
Very well portrayed throughout.

The ending stanzas powerfully portray a revolutionary's thoughts and strengthening voice:

Stones can't kill
Words can't kill
Bullets can't kill
Bombs can't kill
Lies can't kill

You can't kill an Idea, sir!
You can only torment an Idea, sir!
To grow fiercer and stronger, sir

And a superb ending rhetoric to the military rulers:

You can only color my voice with colors of ivy
Dashing to ravish yours in my own room (4)

MY WINNERS AND COMMENTS FOR SUN DEC 11, 2011

Colors of an uncut diamond 4.4
By Everlasting ( F P C D )

An Old Photo Album (20) 4.1
by gIrL ( F P C D )

Thistle (3) 4.3
by sibyllene ( F P C D )

Souls of the Conquered (7) 4.1
by Senyru ( F C D )

Your Natural Disaster (12) 4.2
by Lebanese Phoenix ( F P C D )

Soaked with Dust (2) 4.2
by Ms Sunshine ( F P C D )

Our Winter (13) 4.3
by Jenni ( F P C D )

Liquid Ash (7) 4.1
by Lady Nik ( F P C D )

She Is No Juliet (6) 4.0
by Jessi ( F P C D )

In there (3) 4.0
by Everlasting ( F P C D )

Perfecting the art of losing (7) 4.0
by Chelsey ( F P C D )
---------------------------------------------
Colors of an uncut diamond by Everlasting 10 points

This one struck me as the outstanding poem of the week, very uniquely crafted, in the way the poetess used the symbolism of "colors" to metaphorically depict the changing moods of a girl recovering from heartbreak. The blues (depression) are gone, "the pink abounds" (feelings of love are back), though there is still a "tiny bit of black" that remains (some doubts/suspicion remain) presumably from a prior relationship gone sour. Then she goes on to project caution (the color green) when entering a new relationship with a desire to retain self-control (a whole lot of grey) rather than plunge headlong again in a relationship, which may or may not work out. It is really a well thought of poem, presented as a riddle, to project those delicate emotions in a way that only a girl can imagine, with a finesse that a good writer needs to have.
The concluding stanza is again a brilliant piece of art, the way she etches the lines "a raw diamond without shape" (i.e. uncut diamond) waiting for that diamond cutter (right lover), who can give her the "shape" (love again). This poem, by combining the color symbolism to reflect the changing moods of a girl who has just recovered from a bruising loss, and ready to love again, truly won my heart. (10)
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Our winter by Jenni 7 points

Another deserving poem, by Jenni, this week, who seems to have mastered the art of sad poetry, in a very short time. The poem's title "Our winter", so aptly describes the wintry emotions between lovers, using "November's wounds" to capture the emotionally "bleak December". The choice of words using wintry feelings to symbolize the frozen relationship is astute, and you as a reader can feel the emotion laden chill deep within. The outcome, "that our winter might last", and poem ending note, "but to be honest I do not miss you any less", is uniquely written, suggesting she is going to truly miss him. It is difficult to select just one stanza that stands out, as each is well thought of and the poem as a whole has a great flow and does so well to capture the gloomy sentiments of a break-up. This stanza particularly stands out to me:

With tears freezing
upon your heart
I ponder, wondering
whether you and me
is all we'll ever be
or if it might turn
into us.. again.

The hopes of an "us", is what can bring true lovers together, and rekindle love again. The "you" and "me" is what will snuff out the embers again. A very "affective" write, deserving of a win, in my opinion. (7)
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Thistle by Sibylline 4 points

Another brilliant nature poem, craftily written, on nature's beauty (thistle flower) that comes with its thorns (protectors). The flower, a delight to look at, is unlovable (unlikable), and is best left alone in its natural environment (weeds). The thistle flower though lovely, come with its 'thorns", for which the poetess has done an admirable job of depicting its beauty and the blight that will even make the Scottish envious. Deserving nomination and possible win, for a talented write. (4)

MY WINNERS AND COMMENTS FOR SUN DEC 11, 2011

Pleiades (1) 4.8
by sibyllene ( F P C D )

Beneath My Cotton Skirt (7) 4.1
by Tara Kay ( F P C D )

Our Winter (12) 4.3
by Jenni ( F P C D )

Daniela (6) 4.2
by The Prince ( F P C D )

Lines (2) 4.1
by Yaki ( F P C D )

Tidal (3) 4.5
by sibyllene ( F P C D )

Tiny girl with a golden hair (3) 4.1
by Everlasting ( F P C D )

Writing Cows (3) 4.0
by Adreamer ( F P C D )

Awash (2) 4.1
by The Prince ( F P C D )

Lord, I pray..too (1) 4.2
by Ms Sunshine ( F P C D )

Liquid Ash (1) 4.0
by Lady Nik ( F P C D )

Thistle (3) 4.2
by sibyllene ( F P C D )

Your Natural Disaster (8) 4.4
by Lebanese Phoenix ( F P C D )

Tonight (7) 4.0
by Liliana ( F P C D )
----------------------------------------------
Pleiades by Sibyllene (10 points)

This poem caught my eye, and it never left. It has the piquance of 10 on my Scoville scale of 1-10 (a scale used to rate the hotness of various chili peppers). I guess I have a special weakness for poetry that uses Greek mythological symbolism of the constellations to spice it..... It makes you look at the sky in awe. Though classified in "nature poems". it probably fits in the category of love poems, perhaps unfulfilled.
The title Pleiades denotes the constellation of seven sisters. The description of the seven sisters...sizzling, hot and blue ...is what gives it the 10/10 on the spice scale. The middle aged is a little anti-climax in there...could have been omitted. Sips of ....cocktails with wisps of nebula garnishes...deliciously painted. Flirting with Orion....I would not, he was an animal slayer and supposedly raped Oenopion's daughter, Aero or Leiro, because he could not marry her. But does it matter in love poetry? He was also a great warrior, a hunter and perhaps many fair maidens fell for him. There is a left over feeling of unfulfilled love here, as the poetess leaves the thoughts incomplete, but again the chosen words and the imagery of the constellations in love is painted so vividly. So, it does invoke those butterflies for the reader, but leaves it to the reader to fill in their thoughts. (10)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tidal by Sibyllene (7 points)

This poem reaches to the very insides of every woman in love who has waited patiently for this moment to arrive, but was disappointed. The expectation of some day to be proposed to by her lover, for the ultimate in fulfillment. The images painted here ...waiting in frigid weather, by the banks of a dark river with flowers on our icy breath, feeling the chills of "love", and yet that expectation unfulfilled that day....as the approaching wave (of expectation), raises immense expectations
There, for the first time,
you see the water rising
like fate in my eyes.
but the wave (the moment) simply passes by and breaks on the rocks with a great roar. Riveting, from the insides of a master poetess! (7)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Your natural disaster by Lebanese Phoenix (4 points)

This poem really is really humorous and electrifying! Explosive in temperament, from beginning to end, it matches the inner youth of LP, breaking through ....... (just have fun filling the blanks here, if you know what I mean). Though long, each stanza keeps you thrilled, as if riding a roller coaster of natural disasters. From, a hair raising scenario painting a volcano (of poetic lava) filled with bubbling magma (flow with outrageous line breaks and excessive ellipses), ready to erupt from its deep chambers (to melt your insides) and the ash cloud that would engulf your sky (drown you in with choking thoughts), to a 9.88 earthquake (on his poetic scale), with accompanying aftershocks and tsunamis (to relieve your scorching pain....I have to assume that this event is the next cataclysm he planned, after we have already experienced the volcanic eruption (of poetic lava and buried in its ash), and survived, LP says if you are still alive (unfulfilled) you may need more of "me", maybe in the form of Katrina (the category 3 hurricane that devastated the Gulf coast of the US in 2005), as his mighty pen was "born to be your natural disaster" (not a sirens song). A poetic thriller painted with a calculated degree of arrogance to grab the reader's attention, brilliant and most envious.
The only misplaced lines (4-7), in my opinion, would look more appropriate if placed at the end as follows:
for men shall no longer
speak with a floral pen
or a written tongue
of feminine tendencies
my pen wasn't meant
to be a siren song
It was born to be
your natural disaster. (4)

MY WINNERS AND COMMENTS FOR SUN DEC 4, 2011

Vulnerability. (11) 4.3
by Courageous Dreamer ( F P C D )

Seasons of December (9)
by Lioness ( F P C D ) 4.1

Illiterate Bilingual (3)
by Ms Sunshine ( F P C D ) 4.0

Markers. (3)
by Britt ( F P C D ) 4.2

Dolorosa II (13)
by Michael D Nalley ( F P C D ) 4.1

Destiny Stretches Her Distance (8)
by Meena Krish ( F P C D ) 4.4

I'm Not Fine, Winter. (4) 4.1
by The Poetess ( F P C D )

Ex Power (7)
by Ms Sunshine ( F P C D ) 4.1

Lady's Slipper (4)
by Lebanese Phoenix ( F P C D ) 4.5
at 2011-11-29

Sound Asleep. (3) 4.0
by Pulse For My Beloved ( F P C D )

Round and Round (4) 4.4
by Lofallenve ( F P C D )

Deafening Sounds of Heartbreaks (6) 4.0
by gIrL ( F P C D )

Half Caf Coffee (4) 4.1
by The Poetess ( F P C D )

Daniela (3)
by The Prince ( F P C D ) 4.2
---------------------------------------------------------
Lady's Slipper by Lebanese Phoenix (My rating 10)

Unusual and thoughtfully drafted is the best way to describe this poem. The flow, the metaphor's and the vocab is probably the best in this week's poems. The poem is one of the best nature poems ever written with a romantic mindset, that I have seen here. The metaphors at every turn are just amazing.
Alluding to capricious (=whimsical) ma ch�©rie (feminine) = my love, or beloved, was a very unique way opening stanza. If there was not the last stanza to give it away, it would have been easily passed as a love poem.
Each stanza's/lines is loaded with interesting metaphor's, e.g......
"I have wandered the two hemispheres (implying the entire world) to find you, but when found still could not place you under my arid (=dry) pillow", is very heartwarmingly romantic.
"So haughty for a first world-er", alludes to the metaphorical arrogance for a "first world-er" (I think LP probably meant a "third world-er"= someone not living in US, here). As this unique flower of the orchid family is found mostly in the Northern hemisphere (US, Europe), is also the State flower for Minnesota. Hence, using the phrase "I'm no more than a Minnesota punk in your pink kingdom", is so apt - took me on a research trip to figure this out.
"though I'm no more than a Minnesota punk in your pink kingdom" , was another one which was crafty, and so well placed line. Minnesota punk rock, for na�¯ve people like me, is a unique style of rock founded in the mid-1970's, with heavily distorted guitar amplifiers playing high volumes, a signature sound for many punk bands of that region.
"Lady, you have slipped between my coverlets and dreams... , so romantic!
"And lately, all I could taste is your pouch-like lips drizzling their honey-syrup".... Aha, the perfect climax, to a very romantic love (masquerading as a nature) poem. But, beware LP, if you do try to taste the honey of the pouty lips of this plant, you are likely to get a big-time allergic reaction. The plant is known to cause a severe skin reaction on the hands and face. Beauty comes with its poisons for the unsuspecting! (10)
---------------------------------------------------------------
Destiny stretches her distance by Meena Krish (My rating 7)

This poem has a unearthly appeal, to the romantically inclined. To compare one's love to the planets, the sun and the moon is always so very exquisite in the language of love. The poet has used, Jupiter and Venus here, and perhaps also the Sun. I have to sigh, jealously hold my heart and utter my ooohs, and aaahs, when someone describes the vivid imagery of love set in the ethereal world. I wish, I only wish, (and bet you all do too!)....that I can have something like this in my dry life! The interpretation was somewhat difficult when the poet switches from being Jupiter in the first stanza to being Venus in the last, but then one has to keep with the flow that love can assume any form, to please the lover. The metaphorical depiction of love using the celestial bodies is what makes this poem stand out. There is not one stanza which is better than another. Each one is passionate, some more than others. But the two best for me were:
Grand you look with captivating colors and gossamer ring,
how I yearn to be the one queen for you oh mighty king.
Holding me in your arms I want to ride on your windstorm
as we revolve in passion around planets both cold and warm.

So in my opinion, Meena has written a definite masterpiece here, for those who can take their love for each other to an empyrean level, something out of this world. (7)
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Round and Round by Lofallenve (My rating 4)

This love poem is another very well written and uniquely worded verse. The title seems to be from Selena Gomez's album Round and Round, but has been used so effectively here that it outdoes the lyrics themselves!
Spin me round and round,
On your web of mendacity--
I'm your little fly caught up
In these sweet little stories,

The word which stands out here is mendacity = lies. Depicting oneself as being in love despite the lies, reflects a deep affection, very forgiving, despite the shortcomings of the lover.
I'm your little wasp,
Attracted to your honey words,
Drowning in the jar of sugar water.
These lines are so sweet, .....honey sweet, what can I say.
In the light of your grandeur,
I'm your little moth,
Drawn to the body embracing flame,
Burning to a black ash,

A moth in the light of "your grandeur" (=greatness) who is drawn blindly in to the flame, only to burn away to ashes with its love for the flame....penned so lovingly!
Just to feel your strong arms against me.
Suspend me up with pins and needles,
I'm your little butterfly,
Like a child with a magnify glass,
I'm your little ant,
Writhing in your scorching sight.

Who would not want someone like this, who is willing to endure the worst pain, to be with his/her lover. So touching...I am blown away!

Like a sick little puppy,
To its abusive owner,
I keep coming back,
Round and round.
A really beautiful ending to a superb love poem, written by a relative newbie to PnQ. Envious choice of words, throughout. One of the best, simple love poems that I have read from a feminine point of view. (4)

Amazing work, David.
Honestly, I knew that you were a judge because of your known style in commenting, so elaborate (this is really needed in judging), and you combine great wisdom and knowledge of real life. I knew it was you, many times :)
----
Anyway, very nice step you did here.
----

My poems you voted on:

1) Lady's Slipper

(This was written for Nevi's site contest about any flower, but you have to incorporate the scientific meaning of the flower, too. The flower I chose is from the thread that GIRL aka MEME in LTFR made, once. I never knew this flower before but its name enticed me, so I researched for this flower... I found it to be a lovely flower. It represents Minnesota. It has pouche-like lips.... It's found in the northern hemisphere mainly. So I combined all of these information in a poetic piece, imagining that the flower is a lady who I can never get because of her haughtiness... so I only imagine her.

2) Your Natural Disaster

This, too, is written for the final round of Nevi's contest. The prompt was write about a natural disaster. I felt that I should combine several natural disasters in my piece (tsunami..volcanic eruptions.. hurricanes..earthquakes) but in a n original idea. The idea was that I know some people who think that poetry is only for women. I mean 'romantic' poetry. I know there is Shakespeare... etc, but there are 'some' people that feel romantic poetry is feminine. So, in this poem I opposed these thoughts by saying when I write romance, I write disasters....

3) Metaphorical Case Love

Well, it's obvious from the title. About approaching the lover I killed through the words.

4) Water for Elephants.

This is a sequel to the poem Elephants. The first part talks about cold relationship between couples, and how they think that they're living a happy life, while the truth is not. The sequel came to showcase the reasons of this cold love. The reason I chose was that the woman cannot conceive (There are wombs that could bloat with a thousand splendid suns, but no eyes could bring me stomach elephants the way yours do...) so she thinks her husband doesn't love her anymore, and that she became old, and not shining the way she did before getting married...

5) Tails

This poem is about people who are ass kissers. They grow tails (abnormal parts in the body; ie, fake personalities); they grow horns. They don't show the real them.

----------------------------- Your interpretations are 90% similar with the real meaning of all those pieces. Amazing work, once again.

Amazing job!! :D

Thanks for posting all of your comments.
And for taking your time in writing so many good feedback.
As well as for that 10 on colors of an uncut diamond. That means a lot to me. Whoo. Great work.

I think it is quite remarkable that you have went to extremes with showcasing your comments and have left them up for critique. With that being said, I do believe from the looks of it, you were a very fair, honest and forthgiving judge. I still don't like the idea of 5 votes, but thats just me. I had it figured that you were more than likely a judge just based on the amount of knowledge you bring to the table in general posts and comparing it with some of the comments given of winners.

As for my poem you have critiqued and voted for on one of the weeks, I would like to say Thank You.
In my poem "Beyond the Rainbow" you actually ended up getting the whole picture so to speak, there were little things that I added in conjunction with my favorite movie "The Wizard of Oz" ....for instance instead of saying yellow brick road in the poem I alluded to it by saying saffron paths, because Saffron is a very expensive herb and when used in making things its color is yellow. I don't think anyone really got the meaning of my last lines when I said "each of us green as green as the emeralds I once sought" ...was referring to being naive. I don't know if it is a southern colloquialism to say "green" using it in the tense to describe something new or naive, but that was my intention. I thank you for the very indepth comment and loved how well you perceived the poem. I would appreciate it if you would leave it on the poem itself.
Great Job and I believe it is your kind of dedication and thoroughness that is called for in judging.

What a lot of work went into this..wow * applauding* awesome

Thank you Lonely Soul X 2 for your lovely comments and votes on my poem A Human Touch. I was challenged by Colm to write a poem from the viewpoint of an animal domesticated by humans. This was a true story/poem and I really did raise that little bird...so it was easy. It used to chase blueberries I'd roll across the floor and take down a canadian nightcrawler in 2.5 seconds that I bought from the gas station. It was just a little blob when it came into our lives.

It was an awesome experience for all of us.

Thanks Again :)

David, you rock. Your interpretation is 99% correct on my Daydream poem!

I was able to recognize your comments on my poetry... a tribute to your detailed, lengthy, and insightful responses. You clearly put a lot of time and effort into them, so thank you.

Hey guys: I almost forgot to thank you all for gracing the thread. I had put it up primarily so you could all interpret/discuss your complex poetry yourself, winners/HM's and all who cared to educate me and the rest of us better. But, it turned out to be something else.

Regardless, I deeply appreciate all your comments. My heartfelt gratitude to all of you who took time out to pen in my little visitors book.