Weekly Winners 26/3/2012

Congratulations for you dear winners and H'Ms!

A tie was broken between the following poems:

If Cigarettes Could Talk
Spring in My Pocket
Horrific Anxiety

the vote went for Lioness (If Cigs..)

VOTES:

If Cigarettes Could Talk
by Lioness (10)

Timeless [Terza Rima]
by Melpomene (4+7)

What If
by Kiko (10+10)

Horrific Anxiety (10)
by Lioness

Spring in my Pocket
by Tara Kay (10)

The Occupant
by Lebanese Phoenix (7)

Unforgiving
by Mel (7)

Only In Time (7)
by Britt

Tir na gCroi
by Colm (4)

Late
by Jenni (4)

Uncalled-for
by gIrL aka Meme (4)

You Tucked the Lantern
by Lebanese Phoenix(4)

COMMENTS:

Timeless [Terza Rima]
by Melpomene (4+7)

I felt as if I was taken on a ride through an unknown place which smelled of the things I love. Nicely done in creating the image in my mind and luring me to smell the scents you expressed. Your beginning line was great because it took me to a place in time and set the scene wonderfully. I liked how you broke up "meant" and "to lose" in the end of stanza one and beginning of stanza 2. It added a nice sense of anticipation. When I first read the last line in stanza 1, I thought you were going to say something along the lines of someone didn't mean what they said and I was pleasantly surprised because you took it to a different place and sent me on an unpredictable ride. Your ending was ambiguous but in the best way possible for it leaves the reader wondering of this place that never really was. Formed poetry can sometimes become stiff and too structured but you tackled it beautifully

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My reason for choosing this poem is already apparent in the first few lines. This poem has so much outstanding imagery... from the start, let me break down one of the lines: "your scent bloomed fierce in the corner of a candle shop"... what an awesome way to start! The poet describes scents as blooming, this combination is tranquil and romantic, but when coupled with a contrasting "fierce" the romantic quality becomes instantly heated. But as if that combination wasn't enough, the candle shop location adds another level to the image. Candle shops are quiet, full of scents and wax, I picture dust, I picture an old and serene environment infiltrated by scent-provoked memory. Already, you've tipped me from where I thought the phrase was heading. Love it. The whole poem is built like this... the scents and tastes describes mimic the candles in the shop but they come to life on my palate, and by the time we reach the third stanza I'm practically beside myself drooling over pumpkin pie and longing for the comfort of winter cherry or the flavor of fresh raspberry. The rate at which these scents are thrown at the reader mimics the environment, and I want to clutch at and savor them all at once, just like candles in a shop.

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What If
by Kiko (10+10)

The first 2 lines drew me in like a moth to a flame. I have never questioned God creating the world, so the powerful questions the poet asks us within the first 3 stanzas was almost overwhelming to me. The poet forces us to think in response to his questions even if we don't want to. The final 3 stanzas deliver all the power and passion as the first three, with strong images and questioning that maybe man created God- another overwhelming thought, with great imagery throughout.
Each line flows gracefully into the next with natural unforced rhymes. The content of the poem itself easy to read and understand and could be applied to all of humanity. It was interesting and entertaining. I loved the message inside this poem. I applaud Kiko for writing such a powerful original piece.

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I'm giving this poem first place this week because I have a general dislike of rhyming poems. And yet... this one flows so well from rhyme to rhyme without compromising the meaning (and carrying that meaning, as well) that I found myself nodding along and appreciating the poem as it was. I have to give credit to the poet for using an aabb rhyme scheme as opposed to a simpler abac or abcb scheme. I love the thought of the poem, that contrasts the traditional religious ideas of god creating earth and man, but I love more that this poem is able to contradict that story with a sing-song beat. Epics, morality tales, religious verses... these are works that are so often used with rhyme, such that at times (for me at least) they seem to go hand in hand. But the format given to this poem (again, for me) gave this poem as much lilt and importance as those other works. Aside from the formatting itself, the poem also has some truly amazing couplets. A few of my favorites:
"And God did not create the sky/For seraphim to flutter by?" - I love the inclusion of seraphim here, it gives weight to the poem, indicating that you know more of the religious lore, and have decided to take different route despite it.
"What if God did not create the trees/To bend their crowns toward Heaven's breeze," - The depiction of trees here is priceless. I love that they have crowns. They are statuesque and old, and whether crown means head or golden circle, the idea of nature bending to the sky has me stunned.
"What if Heaven lies below the clouds,/Laid waste and wrapped in toxic shrouds,/And Eden cries out from the trees,/But no one hears and no one sees?" - Here, as a wrap up to the whole piece, you've left the reader with a chance to linger on the poem. You touch on a greater idea, that the earth is heaven and it cries for us to recognize it as such, but we are caught up focusing on getting somewhere else, and don't keep it clean and healthy here. We don't appreciate what we have and take care to keep it here for the next generation.
All in all, I really do love this poem. It hits so many points effortlessly, and even though I hate rhyme, I find myself loving this poem. Good job!

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If Cigarettes Could Talk
by Lioness (10+4)

The title is really appealing and I liked how you didn't put a question mark after it because at first glance it seems like a question but I like it more as a statement. Your poem was nicely drizzled with alliteration that didn't overpower the message. It was just right. My favorite part of this poem was the structure. It sets up a nice pace and rhythm when reading it which adds to the overall joy of reading. Your word choice was exquisite because it related to smoking but was weaved in a poetic manner into the piece. It made for some nice imagery throughout the poem. I also liked your use of personification like "minds of a chimney" because it added a more relatable atmosphere to your words. Overall this was a wonderful piece that had me thinking of what cigarettes would say about the people smoking them for they do hold many secrets.

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Tie Breaker's comment, will be added as soon as it's received.

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Horrific Anxiety (10)
by Lioness

This poem is hands down one of my favorites to date from this author. What a heart pounding poem!!!!

The title: Powerful title! Anxiety affects many, and I applaud the author for opening up her heart and soul and sharing her struggles, thoughts and feelings about this "plague" upon the mind, Anxiety is Horrific and the title is perfect-

First stanza: The author touched my heart from the very beginning, expressing how she has no control of the images that explode from within. This is a powerful start to a very descriptive poem!

Second stanza: She then proceeds how these thoughts make her feel and I can feel her frustration.

Third stanza: Now I'm feeling the frustration starting to boil-

Fourth stanza: the visuals that she expresses for the ones she loves is heartbreaking and at this point my heart just broke-

Fifth stanza: What a descriptive stanza- She allows me to feel the pain and how it makes her feel, this stanza is the heart of the poem- WOW just WOW!

Sixth stanza: She continues to share a very personal and private pain and how it makes her feel and at this point I am so proud of the author for sharing and how she wrote this stanza is brilliant!

Seventh stanza: excellent closing stanza-

Last line: "I'm done" <------ enough said!

Closing comment: It's not easy, opening up your heart and soul and allowing the public to feel your emotions and struggles, I applaud the author for her powerful expressions within this piece and all I can say at this point is don't stop writing and sharing, for you have touched me deeply with this explosive poem! Well done, Lioness.

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Spring in my Pocket
by Tara Kay (10)

This poem deserves more than an honorable mention for its timeliness, imagery, and flow. My favorite phrase is the sprig of hope seeming to take this poem into another genre.

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The Occupant
by Lebanese Phoenix (7)

What a tragic story you told! Even if someone hasn't experienced the departure from a place so close to them, they can feel it through your words. This left me anxious at the end as to what would happen next. Your opening was great because it set the scene in my mind that this was going to be about someone leaving their homeland. Your reference to being aborted from the womb of a raped mother was heartbreaking. It does feel that way though...leaving our homelands. You use of "ma" and "pa" were great because it added a relatable touch to the poem and more personal to the person spoke of in your words. Your use of imagery and appealing to every sense was great because it captured me as the reader and took me to the place you wrote of.
"...ignorance
contaminated the air, and the
scarcity of hope was pungent."
^how original! I could feel what you expressed nicely because of how you crafted your lines.

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Tiny Little Leprechaun
by Maple Tree; total (7)

This poem is just in time for Saint Patrick's Day sets the tone and deliver's a strong finish. Reflecting the truth within in a myth is a quality I am most impressed with.

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Unforgiving
by Mel (7)

Mel got my 2nd place vote with her awesome "Unforgiving" sonnet. Besides being a well written sonnet it also pulled me in on an emotional level, beginning with the title itself. This poem was not easy to understand but this how I translated it. She is not willing to forgive the subject of her poem, not that she can't but that she won't. The metaphor she uses comparing them to an acoustic city makes me think of a person whom she held in high esteem, a writer or poet perhaps- or even a place of sound or songs
"your rib cage has
a sailors compass and maps modesty
^^^heartless, but knowing what it is doing at all times, acting humble..
your language as unknown as honesty
^^^^^ You don't believe or understand what he is saying?
and fierce like the identity of jazz."
^^^^^ blaring loud and restless.

The mood changes with the familiarity of scent. Makes me think whoever it is may be driven by money or financial gain
" a thirty dollar cottage not for rent-
Housing an avalanche of starving ants - a hollow person or place, even the ants are starving.
Yet home to this sonnet-
I question "home to this sonnet" could be her heart or even this site.
And the beauty of decay in romance...How can decay be beautiful in romance? Only maybe when people pen beautiful sonnets and poems from heartache and sadness like Mel.

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Only In Time (7)
by Britt

First off, I want to say, that in a love poem, sometimes, less is more, and with this poem...it holds true. Beautiful piece-

I was captivated by the author's simplistic elegance of writing within this precious love poem. To me, and in my opinion, each line is so romantic.

The title: I adore the title, "Only In Time" is such a perfect title to this poem, when within a love poem, the title itself captures the true meaning of real love, for in time you still are mesmerized by the person you love.

First stanza: the author touched my heart strings by how she describes the joy she feels for her loves whispers and the eyes, and how she is never disappointed. It left me feeling the love she has for her loved one and it also is an awesome first stanza to convey the message that I feel she is trying to convey.

Second stanza: this stanza says it all in just two short lines! Love this middle stanza because, it really sang true for me, that within true love it is the little things that mean the most and I agree, it seems like society as a whole forgets about the little things, and that is a sad thing.

Third/ ending stanza: I love the fact that her love just being near is enough. That really hit me hard, so hard in fact, that it brought me to tears. It is the little things in life that matter and the author expressed that and more within this powerful, powerful, love poem.
To end my comment I just want to say that when the title, and each stanza impacts the reader from start to finish, making the reader feel so happy for such a precious and blessed love, it's an excellent piece in my opinion, no matter how long or short the poem is. Love this poem! Well done Britt- (7)

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Tir na gCroi
by Colm (4)

This poem caught my attention right from the start because of the title, and the St. Patricks day Holiday. The closest translation I have found for his title is Land of the Heart. I believe this Poet is from Ireland as well so it seems even more interesting to me. This poem is full of Irish legends, history, mythology, and symbolism. The first thing to catch my eye was the Salmon of Knowledge
Legend has it that an ordinary salmon ate nine hazel nuts that fell into the Well of Wisdom. The Salmon gained all of the knowledge of the world, and the first person to eat of its flesh would gain this knowledge. He wants to have this knowledge, who wouldn't!? He wants to be powerful and all knowing.

He goes on with more fantastic Irish imagery with chasing Leprechauns to the end of the rainbow. He wants to be rich too. So he wants fortune and fame
Then he brings in, to wave farewell to the snakes on the shores. Legend has it that St. Patrick charmed all the snakes to the sea and they drowned, Colm is waving goodbye to them so I think he has all plans of staying where he is but is using these legends as metaphors for something even deeper than meets the eye.He finishes up with "but then I met you" Everything changed at this point. Now its not about power or knowledge or money but simply about Love and someone who lives across the Atlantic.loved the imagery he created riding his horse across the Atlantic., and the way his poem made me try to dig deeper inside it. I found it fascinating and well written. It remained with me long after reading it.

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Late
by Jenni (4)

I've read this poem through so many times. I've looked to the comments to see if there are any explanations. Man, I gotta tell you, this poem is hard! I don't know what you are writing about, I'll be honest, but I do know that I get a strong feeling of woe when I read this piece, and I think (since the comments I read for it didn't offer descriptions) that everyone else is likely responding to a similar radiating emotion. This poem is so slight, it's delicate and every word has a place in it. I think of a woman going though menopause. I think of a womb that's lost the elixir of life, of a woman who looks at her hands and knows she isn't "mother" anymore, she isn't fertile. I see eyes that have no sound, and I see an emptiness that makes me grieve for my own inevitable end. The last few lines rub me and make me wish I had emotion to cry, because that is what this poem is for me, it's a rough sob that can't be expressed as harshly as it should be, and the beauty is in the quiet lament that takes its place.

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Uncalled-for
by gIrL aka Meme (4)

When I read this poem for the first time, I was blown away by how I felt afterwards. Everyone has had a visit from Loneliness and can relate, but the way the author of this poem creatively wrote this was breathtaking.

The title: When I choose a poem, the title needs to grip me in some way, and when I read the title, my first thought was "Uh oh, somebodies going to get a chewing out"!, as I started to read, I was hooked on this poem immediately!

First stanza: What a powerful first stanza, she's talking to loneliness and questioning as to why for so many visits, and I found this a unique approach and I could feel her frustration.

Second stanza: I loved how she then proceeds to call out loneliness about deception with the "serenity of a new moon in a dark night" I really loved this ending line of the second stanza!!

Third stanza: Oh my heart weighed heavy on this one... and I felt like crying, taking me back to days of my dreary loneliness visits. The ending line again made me smile, letting loneliness know that it will not be missed!

Ending stanza: At this point, the first few lines really did make me cry, and I wanted to hug the author letting her know I truly understood and when the poem ended I had a pile of tissues piling up on my lap top!

As I close my comment I just want to say, what a unique and creative way of expressing the sad emotions that are felt when loneliness visits! Powerful poem, well done gIrL aka Meme (4)

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You Tucked the Lantern
by Lebanese Phoenix (4)

The strong emotion delivered in this poem touched me in a way I cannot fully explain, though I felt it enlightened me I admit it was a little over my head.

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Thanks for the Mods, for keeping up with everything related to this contest.

Congrats again, everyone.

Congrats to the winners and thanks for the HM :)

Also thanks to Nana and the judges :)

Congrats to all the winners and HM's

Thanks again for a second HM on my poem...

Liz (Lioness) deserved greatly to win the tie vote...

Wow thank you judges for your votes and awesome comments. It means a lot to me, really.

Congratulations to all the other winners and HM's!!!

I feel so honoured and again thank you!!!

Nana you're wonderful - thank you.

Tara - you're too kind x

x

Congrats Winners and HM's

I will try and leave an explanation of my poem tomorrow, since it did not seem to be clear :) but it's almost 11 pm so I prefer to do it tomorrow.

GUYS if there's anyone, who I didn't copy their comment to their profile DO send me a pm XD

I haven't read all, but the 3 winners and a few HM's were brilliant. So congratulations all winners and HM's. Each time I read your beautiful works, I feel pressured to quit writing, as I am no poet.

Well done all involved :)

Thanks for the judge who voted for my poem, you got it pretty spot on, even made the St. Patrick's Day link too :) The riding off into the Atlantic was a reference to the myth of Tír na nÃ"g: an island where one would be forever youthful. When returning to Ireland, one could not set foot on ground (hence riding on the horse). Just thought I'd leave that explanation because you got a great grasp of the poem, and thanks for the comment!

Congratulations to the winners!! and all of the Hm's wonderful poems and thank you very much for my hm :-)

Thanks alot for that comment "Judge", the way you interpreted my piece was so deep and precise. And I hug you back, hehe :P

Thanks again.

Thanks for the excellent critiques by the judges, and congrats to the other winners and HM's!

Congratulations to the winners & HMs.
Nice work judges.
As always, Nana, you take the difficult & make it simple.

Thanks judges for the win & HM, I appreciate your really thoughtful comments.

Thanks everyone! & congrats to the other two winners and all the HM's.

High 5 to Nana.

Congrats to everyone..

Congratulations, 3 well deserved wins.