I've never wanted to be alive

Ive never wanted to be alive, i remember thinking about killing myself when i was like 5 n since then its only gotten worse. am 19 now. I know its a really selfish thing to do, espeshialy at the moment because two of my friends have died recently so it would be even harder on my friends than it normally would. But the thing is is no matter how much i try and change my life n make people happy all i seem to do is hurt people. So wouldnt it just be kinder to get it other n done with, i can finally be happy n they can eventually be happier without me once theyr over it.

Honey I tried to kill myself at the age of five too. Hell to this day I get so depress that I will hold a knife in my hand and start cutting. I have tried everything to kill myself and some how I am still here. And I am not that much older than you. I am 23. I have felt the same way that everyone would be better off without me. So I know how it feels. I may not know how you feel to the t but I know how it feels. All I can say is hold your head high. And find a really good friend that you can lean on. Sometimes you can lean on a stranger better but just find someone to talk to.