Noura's Contest, Ya'll! [Entries & Judges Comments]

Hello, beautiful poets and poetesses. I really want to thank everyone for participating, for accepting the challenge and doing a perfect job. I was a bit let down that I only had 11 pieces but the quality is what matters, right? ;)

Every poem will have a number, so please save your number. When the results are posted, I won't mention titles, only numbers.

I have three judges. The judging will be as fair as possible. Whoever misused the terms I gave will lose 3 points out of 50. Not so much, as I have been asked. :)

Thanks, judges, by the way!

P.S. Abed, go do as you promised, HAHA.

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Poem number -1-

'The Gull that sat on the Windowsill'

--

When he saw it,
Granddad called it a Liverpudlian omen;
a seagull that perched
on the windowsill like a cawing
reaper, descending from gusty
deadened skies,

'it's not an Albatross, Dad
you're speaking in bloody metaphors
again. You're not Coleridge.' Mother
said to my disgruntled Grandfather,
who sat, shaking next to my wheezing
Nana; muted by the heart monitor
on her left,
unbothered by the bodies
surrounding her bedside -
in the ward around her;
and the Seagull on the windowsill.

The gull, chasing my Nana's
every sullen movement
in the shadows of the cabinets
pressed against the cross of the
windowpane was focused,
ignoring my attempts
to shoo it away.

'It is. It's come to take her soul!'
Granddad bellowed with exasperation,
'only if her soul is a piece of bread,'
my Mother retorted.

The gull sidestepped
across the sill, fluffing its feathers
against the wind, as if it had
travelled here, guided by its
tilted wings, the gust, the
stench of death that seeped
from the hospital exits.

My nana, who had been
apparently unaware of her visitor
turned her head achingly towards
the gull on the window, and smiled
with knowing, with eyes full of un-surprise
and grey.

She shook her head -
the seagull flew,
the clouds enveloped the last
remnants of sunlight,

her heartbeat stuttered and silenced.

--

-----

Poem number -2-

Untitled:

I watched as the blues of the dawn sky
faded in contrast to the red roses that
blossomed amidst the silent jungles.
In the shadows of the trees; I saw
her chasing after her prey with her
sharpened claws and teeth that ached
to be stained with blood.

I thought she was imaginary for my
eyes never laid rest upon a beautiful
maltese tiger before - I saw her as she
outran the darkening skies to retreat
in her lair.

It was only when the rain began to
explode in the sky; I was shook
back to reality and realized that
the women who stole my heart
had eluded me again before
I could even say a single word.

-----

Poem number -3-

Floral

You found me once,
dipped in blue,
like Forget-Me-Not petals
that lost their hue

though I was never a Blue Rose, darling, and I always knew
I may get in trouble someday,
for Bells of Ireland
never rang in my world.

Yet you promised me
with Celandine.

I spilled my breaths
while chasing
Peach Blossom shadows.

I guess I only chased
imaginary skies.

So, Chestnut, my love,
pluck my Lichen and Aloe petals
tonight

then paint my White Lilac
with the scent of a thousand
Primulas
that blossom amongst
your eyes.

I may sound floral and stuff,
but darling, weren't you
the one who taught me
that life is a flower,

and it's for us, lovers,
to pluck the petals?

Symbols of Flowers:
* Forget-Me-Not: True Love
* Blue Rose: Mystery
* Bells of Ireland: luck
* Celandine: Joys to Come
* Peach Blossom: Long Life
* Chestnut: Do Me Justice
* Lichen: Solitude
* Aloe: Grief
* Primula: Eternal Love
* White Lilac: Memories

-----

Poem number -4-

Human Trees
"under blue skies"

Through the Annals of Time,
carved from our minds,
imaginary skies of grandeur.

Where thoughts become shadows,
which hang from the gallows,
whose branches, are searching
and chasing more verse.

We come from petrified forests
of long ago Poets,
where mute bodies are penned,
among words.

Beauty's cliched and deadened,
our metaphors reddened,
like blue roses, we're cursed.

-----

Poem number -5-

Flowering Tobacco

My eyes are closed
for I have exhausted
the last metaphor,
deadened heartbeats
escaped me in the haze
of this summer night.

Still, I linger for the
chasing shadows that
accompany your voice.
Your whispers in my
ears; a thunder born in
the middle of an imaginary
sky that I created.

You planted in me an
addiction to the way
those whisper of yours
delight my ears. I inhaled
them as if they were the
last breath to suffocate on.

But even if I burned
my last breath, I can
still close my eyes and
lose myself in the garden
of flowering tobacco
that seemed to find itself
growing all around me.

-----

Poem number -6-

The tree of Tenere

I can't say you were the easiest person to be around,
but you have been the easiest person to miss
Your presence snapped leaves from their twig
Your touch turned ruby like roses shades of blue-
the same color you sang to the winds

Isolated from the rest of the world,
and sheltered by the driest of deserts
Life was happening by luck, not by choice
because not even your shadow chased water
that'd allow growth to full potential

Bodies around you remained mute,
about the destruction of your own self worth
Which caused any source of company
to leave you lonely and absolute

However, that doesn't justify what happened
that's not an excuse for your life to be gone
I can only hope one day for the man
whose car was controlled by drunken hands,
be buried as far down as your roots go-
one hundred and twenty feet

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Tree of Tenere was the last of a group of trees that grew when the desert was less parched than it is today. The tree had stood alone for decades. During the winter of 1938-1939 a well was dug near the tree and it was found that the roots of the tree reached the water table 33-36 meters (108 to 118 feet) below the surface.

The Tree of Tenere was knocked down by an allegedly drunk Libyan truck driver in 1973.

-----

Poem number -7-

For My Ballerina

Lights are stretching over your body
dancing for a cheap melody
swaying in passion
I counted petals resting along your movement
only found the scent of sycamore
painted
and
rinsed for so many times.
O, how does your spinning remind me
of champagne
and lilies.
Innocent and
poetic.
Your dancing.

-----

Poem number -8-

Snowy Owl

Artic tundra, your home,
not by birth, perchance,
but by soul; white yet cold.

The skies, the imaginary of your
eyes; dark, for the absence
of a sunlit hope

Yet, yellow when short summers attempt
to transform your heart's sad cliche
into beauty, with a sunlight of faith.

My friend,

When did you become a snowy
owl, who hunts during the day
and emigrates for its prey?

I know,
Black, not your feathers,
nor your soul, neither
your beak of words.

However, bodies become mute
with your elegance and port,
and the faithfulness for your mate,

Yet, you live in coldness,
and I don't understand.

------

Poem number -9-

Blue Cascade

I've designed
a write of elegance
far beyond a violent sea,
cascaded miracles with a breathless
wind rhapsody, just to hear the flowers
laughter sing with a morning sun.

Traced an outline of an imaginary,
sunrise,
And a blue dawn sky,
Where birds
Sore
Within a freshness
of a captivating dream.

-----

Poem number -10-

Ms Black Widow aka Aracne

She likes to caress the hourglass tattoo
on her abdomen from Monday to Sunday
as transfixed, he sleeps immobilized
in the invisible threads of pleasure
woven around his will and all those
metaphors deadened by her venomous tongue
and intriguing performance.

I heard she is a creature who can't see her crimes.
But despite her poor eyesight, she spotted him
chasing clouds and fishing shadows on the wall
when the pavement was cold and life was a cobweb.
Ms Black Widow didn't attack her trapped victim
so fast. She waited behind her blues and roses
innocently for she has never been an aggressive
specie.

It was with tears in my eyes that I was told
about her sexual cannibalism.
Unfortunately, she is a hungry type:
the one who is never satisfied with simple things
like a pair of earrings, a blouse or a humble man.
And while she keeps feeding his fever,
he is unaware that he is succumbing
slowly wrapped in her silk body
in seventh heaven.

-----

Poem number -11-

Wolf knee minds

I'd fallen on them many times...
they were cracked and bruised
and wearing thin...

I could have muted all the screams...half way above these bodies...

but I let them out like a howling wolf under
a full moon of anger...hatred and catastrophe...

and here I stood chasing shadows on the pavements, lightning minds they were,
kissing the wounds, that still kept hurting.

I crawled on through forest roads and over rocky terrain,
whether I stumbled, tripped or strained my emotions I kept on my knees,
I kept searching for freedom.

and I looked at something that wasn't found, imaginary
skies in heaven where the poetry sounds.

I'd fallen on them, once again.
wolf like and broken, they simply ached to bleed.

LMAO

You got that, you lucky blondie!

What! You wrote that you only wrote that because you wrote that only 10 people will write for my contest and you lost a bet! :( :P

Go delete it, nobody will ever believe you, hahahaha.

I like some of the poems that I can't wait to see them submitted so I could nominate!

Lol, it says entries and comments, but where are the comments Noura ? O_o

I think the comments will be posted by tomorrow,
The 8th.

Really beautiful and creative works of art. Loved reading them.

Yeah, I agree, Dav. Some of them are masterpieces to say the least.

Patience, Meme. -.-

Did Larry take the judge's comments in his briefcase and leave them behind in San Diego? Wasn't he stuck in LAX last night, trying to get back home from SD. He should have stopped by at my house, first. /wink.

I think I saw the comments fly by my port side window on the way east. Looked like they were rising up from the mid-west.

I am sorry for making you guys wait! The comments were being bitten between David and the sir above me. ;P Oh and I am sunburnt. Just wanted to let everyone know. :(

I will put every poem with its own comments & points. Then at the end, I'll write the total amount of points every piece has gained and the eliminated ones.

Poem number -1-

First judge's comment and vote:

At least 3 terms used: deadened/metaphors - chasing/shadows- mute/bodies = no deduction.

Metaphor: seagull compared to omen of death & secondarily to Coleridge's albatross. + 9 points
Well developed plot, although the dialogue was a bit off (grandpa sounds too stentorian) and the conclusion predictable. Still, it carries the reader forward to the end. 35 out of 50 + 9 bonus for the proper use of metaphor = total 44

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Second judge's comment and vote:

What I thought was the most creative part of this poem was the way you told your story. It reminded me of prose, and was written like it was meant to tell a tale of this gull and how it in a way, came for the nana in the end. It also reminded me of the way of fate. That the gull represented the inevitability of death, how it comes like a shadow, and can't be pushed away. And I thought the poet crafted the ending with such care and such a message. It was as if the nana knew exactly what the gull was here for, but did not panic, only smiled. As if her life was well worn and she was ready to be taken. The introduction was unique, how the poet introduced the watchful granddad in a kind of foreseeing way to the reader. It's as if the granddad can sense what the gull comes for, and likens it to a Liverpudlian omen [creative to incorporate the type of it in there]. In a few places, a bit too verbose, like I said it read more like a tale of prose. However the imagery and wording made the poem come alive, and heightened the senses greatly. The meaning of it was well thought out, instead of just involving yourself gazing at the gull from the windowsill, you involved two other stationary characters who had their say and moved the piece to make the reader consider the truth of the gull, and what was to come.

VOTING:
Creativity: =10/10
Animals/Tree used: seagull = 10/10
Flow: = 8/10
Three terms: Used deadened/metaphors, chasing/shadows, muted/bodies = 10/10
Feeling: A lot of the imagery portrayed the wonder and awe of the gull, and also the warning that he was going to carry out in the end...=9/10
TOTAL =47/50

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Third judge's comment and vote:

Points: 40
Terms: 8
Creativity: 10
Originality: 9
Likening: 7
Contents: 9

Comments: This is an interesting one. I don't know if this is poem is true, but I thought it was neat that they made it into more of a story. There wasn't really no message here, but it seemed like they were trying to make sense of the death of a loved one. There were three terms used, but some points were lost because two of them seemed like they weren't really connected with the one they were paired with. Originality was very good because it is about a person the poet 'knows.' Creativity was also good because I have never seen Death personified as a seagull before. Along with that, the contents were also well thought out - hospitals are always eery, and the way that the family was talking to each other was quite humorous to me even though they might not have intended it that way. I gave a low score for the likening something/someone to a animal/tree because I wasn't exactly sure what they were likening - was it Death? I think it was, so that was why I mentioned it before.

Overall, I really like this poem. I like the fact that you used a seagull instead of some other dark, creepy looking bird (i.e., crow, raven, etc.) to give a body to Death, if it was indeed Death that you were likening. Those dark birds are so overused sometimes...very good.

This poem is also filled with emotion, because the reader could tell that the people who were in the poem were very afraid to lose 'Nana,' which is understandable because who wants to lose someone dear to their heart?

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Poem number -2-

First judge's comment and vote:

At least 3 terms used: blues/roses - sky/imaginary - chasing/shadows = no deduction
Implied metaphor: either a woman as a tiger or a tiger as a woman. + 7
Somewhat confusing as the story jumps. If the tiger is real, it is chasing prey in stanza one, racing from the storm in stanza two, yet no transition is constructed one to the other. The imagery is good (teeth aching to be bloodstained) and the setting is well described. Put off I was by the six uses of "I" including using "I saw" twice. Minor spelling and number errors (Maltese should be capitalized, women should be woman, jungles should be jungle). A shame that the coloration of the tiger was not even mentioned. The Maltese is a blue hued tiger which could have been contrasted with the sky or the flowers. 30 out of 50 + 7 bonus for the near proper use of metaphor = total 37

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Second judge's comment and vote:

A lovely, sort of mystifying piece. The part that was well-done was the fact that as you are gazing, and before you can even move further, reality shakes you back and you are reminded of the love that 'eluded' you. Brilliant imagery. It gives off a definite feeling of imagination and living on dreams of the mind. I thought there could have been more punctuation in the opening lines, sometimes the words just stretched out too far, there weren't enough pauses or times when the poet broke down a few lines and let it sink in for the reader. I think the structure was fine, there was a lot of consistency, but some words were too continuous and didn't have the right pause or stop. A lot of imagery was packed in this poem, but you know what made me sigh while reading it? The last four lines of realization. That's the heart of the piece, the part where you confess that love in your soul.

VOTING:
Creativity: 8/10
Animals/Tree used: Maltese tiger = 10/10
Flow: = 8/10
Three terms: Used imaginary/skies, chasing/shadows, blues/roses = 10/10
Feeling: = 9/10
TOTAL = 45/50

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Third judge's comment and vote:

Points: 45
Terms: 10
Creativity: 10
Originality: 10
Likening: 8
Content: 7

Comment: I thought that this was a very beautiful poem. This person did an excellent job at following the rules. They incorporated three of the six terms into their poem, and their creativity was astounding to me because I have never heard of this animal (yet I love tigers). However, I have to say that the part that did not astound me was the likening to an animal/tree - the only part that they did do this was at the end, but I would have liked to have seen more throughout the poem. I guess one could say that you did compare it throughout the whole poem, but I still would have liked to know more. It is beautiful just the way it is though.

As I said before, I love tigers. They are very beautiful majestic creatures to me, so when I saw the word 'tiger,' I knew that I was already hooked. I am a bit biased here, aren't I? The fact that I have never heard of a maltese tiger before encouraged me to do some research, and I found out that they have bluish/grey fur color - very interesting. Good choice of an animal. As I read through this a second time, I noticed that your imagery was also spectacular, so excellent job on that as well. As an afterthought, I was a little confused on who you were comparing this poem to - was it woman or women? You have 'women' in your poem, but that didn't seem quite right to me...

For the emotional aspect, I would say that you did really good at expressing your emotions. It seemed like the narrator was in awe of this woman (or women), but she was not the same towards him. This made me feel sorry for the guy, because I get the impression that he feels like he will never be loved. That is just my take on it though...

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Poem number -3-

First judge's comment and vote:

At least 3 terms used: sky/imaginary - blues/roses - chasing/shadows = no deduction
Metaphor: a multitude of floral characterizations of human foibles. +5
Sarcasm in a seed is still too much. Comes across as clever instead of heartfelt. The floral references are more symbolic than metaphor and it doesn't really fit the spirit of the challenge. 28 out of 50 + 5 bonus for the tangled tangential metaphors = total 33.

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Second judge's comment and vote:

I thought the symbolism here was well-penned, especially with the idea that this significant other who has either recently or long ago come into your life, will bless you with many joys to come. The opening line was beautiful, and I found a lot of sentiment and romance dipped into this piece as well. That feeling of being found like a lost petal, or a buried seed yet then getting to speak to that lover so closely and intimately. My one suggestion is that in the second to last stanza, that you find another word to join with floral instead of "stuff". It seemed not only mundane but weak in a poem where you were coloring the whole page with these new introductions of flowers...Also, in the sixth stanza, I felt like the poem lost it's strength and it's glow. From the very beginning you state very simply how you were found, promised, and then thought to be chasing only imaginary skies. When you wrote "I guess I only chased imaginary skies" the doubt of this character is revealed to the reader. I feel like more needs to be said as to if he let you down or if you held too many hopes that you could be recovered/healed. I didn't like how you presented the "grief" and "solitude parts". I thought it was not as strong, and was expecting more than just "petals" in this sixth stanza. Give a further acclamation as to why you're still holding on, why this is love and why you need someone to take that grief away from you. "then paint my White Lilac" - I know you wrote below that White Lilac symbolizes memories, but I think it would help bring the poem into fuller lucidity if you mentioned that here. Because no images or meaning or received from this one line.

VOTING:
Creativity: 9/10
Animals/Tree used: different types of flowers with their meaning = 10/10
Flow: 8/10
Three terms: blue/rose, chasing/shadows, imaginary/skies = 10/10
Feeling: 9/10
TOTAL = 46/50

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Third judge's comment and vote:

Points: 40
Terms: 10
Creativity: 10
Originality: 9
Likening: 9
Contents: 2

Comment: I thought that this poem was very neat, and creative. From what I understand they used the symbols of certain flowers and compared themselves, and someone who holds meaning to them, to these flowers. All of the terms were used in the correct manner, and the originality was also spot on because they had to look up the meaning of the certain flowers and use them in such a way that they made sense; the likening was also very good because of this as well. However, this poem does seem a little choppy to me - I thought that it would have gone a little smoother if some transitions were added.

Overall, this is a really good poem. I can tell that you are someone who enjoys nature, or at least flowers. I appreciate that you put the symbols of the flowers at the end of the poem, because it might not have made sense to me if you didn't. Beautiful job. Like I said, some of the parts were a little choppy, but if you would have added some transitions it could have gone a lot smoother.

For the emotional part of the poem, I was a little confused on what the message was. I know that you are talking to your love, but I don't really understand what you are saying. Are you trying to say that you are not perfect? And that the only way that one could be perfect is if someone loves them? That sounds pretty good to me, but I probably didn't get the right message. Anyway, this is still a beautiful poem.

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Poem number -4-

First judge's comment and vote:

At least 3 terms used: blues/roses - sky/imaginary - chasing/shadows = no deduction
Metaphor: several, including humans to trees, but to pick one: comparing embarrassing metaphors to discolored flowers. +8
You can take the terms and work them into the body of the work, but when you focus on the terms to this extent, the poet's voice is muted. Bare cliches have no beauty without the connections of thought to give them perspective. In this work the poet is chasing effort in the shadows of mediocrity. 25 out of 50 plus 8 for the revealing metaphor = total 33

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Second judge's comment and vote:

I thought the "Annals of Time" was a creative way to open up the poem....it presented not just a presentation, but a masterpiece of the skies. Something we remember, more than a painting or a canvass, a part engraved in our minds and remembrance. The idea that clung to me and felt real was where poet showed thoughts becoming shadows. I can easily imagine shadows following others and chasing, but the way the poet wrote it like it was a journey to write more, a search to find more verse for the heart, was intriguing. "deadened" and "reddened" rhymed, and I thought it may have been accidental or not, I was not a fan of having them so close together, I thought it threw the flow off near the end. As for the feeling, I know the poet was talking about overall poets, but I think the poet could have incorporated more unitive images or maybe take memories from their own personal life and relate it to the ending, cursed to what? Why our blue roses cursed?

VOTING:
Creativity: 9/10
Animal/Tree used: Tree = 10/10
Flow: 9/10
Three terms: mute/bodies, cliche/beauty, blue/roses, deadened/metaphors = 10/10
Feeling: 9/10
TOTAL = 47/50

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Third judge's comment and vote:

Points: 39
Terms: 10
Creativity: 8
Originality: 7
Likening: 9
Content: 5

Comment: This was a very short poem, and it could have been a little better. I would have liked to see more imagery, and metaphors. For a poem whose subject was so broad, their poem was very short. This person used most of the terms correctly - if I am not mistaken, they tried to use all of them, but there was at least one that was misused, but fortunately, I did not count that one...This wasn't really original, because I have read poems about 'Poets' before, but it was original in that the person used poets from the past. It almost seemed like they were giving tributes to them.

Overall, this is a good poem, I think. I know that I might have seemed harsh in giving my critique, and I am sorry, but I have read so many poems about poets (and poetry) that the idea is kind of getting old to me. I like it that you gave tribute to the poets that have died in the past - some of those poets were excellent.

This poem plays on the emotions in a powerful way. Most of us who are members of this site are poets, so naturally, we include ourselves. Very well done.

---

Poem number -5-

First judge's comment and vote:

At least 3 terms used: blues/roses - deadened/metaphors - chasing/shadows - imaginary/skies - mute/bodies - cliche/beauty = no deduction
Metaphor: obsessive attraction to the nicotine of tobacco addiction. +8
At last, a consistent theme throughout the poem. The urgency of attraction is shown to be as powerful as cigarette dependency. It's not pretty (picture the terminally ill lung cancer patient) but it's gritty and holds the reader. 40 out of 50 plus 8 for the metaphor = 48

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Second judge's comment and vote:

I feel like you started out this poem, with a clear image of more than physical exhaustion, of a character who may be losing a reason to live, or go on. The feeling of escaping is inviting and you put so much desire into your first stanza. That yearning is carried on in the second stanza, and I love the abstract feeling of this person's whispers that is like thunder to your own heart. I would have liked to see more creativity in the third stanza, more of an out of the box way, you already mentioned 'whispers', what else do they do to you besides delight you? How often do you rely on them? Also, "those" should either be "that" or you could make 'whisper' plural so it is proper grammar. The last image seems so peaceful, remembering, again, this person and the addiction you have, the part of you that is held to them, and they to you. I thought the flow here was not only beautiful but made the reader see something in your eyes, try to see this garden. I also like how you re-incorporated your thoughts of this garden in the end....how you started to introduce this character and how he makes you feel, and then closed with such remembrance. Would have liked to see a bit more creativity in parts where you describe this person, but otherwise, this was a neat and intriguing poem. It was simple, yet thoughtful with the flowering garden.

VOTING:
Creativity: 9/10
Animal/Tree: Tobacco plant = 10/10
Flow: 10/10
Three terms: deadened/metaphors, chasing/shadows, imaginary/sky = 10/10
Feeling: 9/10
TOTAL = 48/50

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Third judge's comment and vote:

Points: 45
Terms: 8
Creativity: 10
Originality: 10
Likening: 10
Content: 7

Comment: This poem is very original, and very creative. I am surprised that they used this plant, because of the history behind it, but I am pleased at the same time due to the beautiful way that it was presented. However, the terms that were used were not used in the correct tense, so some points were lost. For the other rule, to liken something/someone to an animal/tree, I thought it could have been done a little bit better, but it was still done expertly. The contents were also well thought out in the sense that you used both the 'drug' aspect of tobacco, and the plant.

I really like this poem. As I said before, I am very glad that you used this plant/drug because it shows that it can be used for something beautiful - tobacco is often used for drugs in my country, and so I imagine in yours as well. You used the drug aspect of it along with the plant which is quite interesting to me.

For the emotional aspect, I could tell that the person in the poem was addicted to whoever they were talking about like a smoker to nicotine - love can do that sometimes. The way that you compared the person to a drug was done very, very well. Excellent.
---

Poem number -6-

First judge's comment and vote:

At least 3 terms used: blues/roses - chase/shadows - mute/bodies = no deduction
Metaphor: loss of a loved one to the loss of the Tree of Tenere, both by drunk drivers + 10
Original, creative and worthy of recognition. There are awkward lines caused by forcing the mandatory terms (e.g.: "your touch turned ruby like roses shades of blue") and I think a bit of sandblast editing would have improved it greatly. Nonetheless, the subject is unique and interesting. 40 out of 50 + 10 for the metaphor = 50

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Second judge's comment and vote:

My biggest suggestion would be to rework the poem with inputs of more punctuation, such as in the first stanza, second line, I believe there should be a period. In the first stanza, fourth line, I feel like "roses shades of blue" was too much of a mouthful, and broke the flow. Try to either make "shades" singular and make "roses" into "rose's" OR try "rosy shades of blue". I also feel like in the second stanza there should be a break between "shadow" and "chased". Now, I like how you incorporated this person shadows as to not even go towards the water, move on, grow like said. Whether you make "chased" on the next line, which would be my suggestion, I just feel it is too easy to read it wrong like "shadow chased" is just an adjective to describe water. To the rest of the poem, you completely express that loneliness in such a tangible way....It's heartbreaking, no one approaches this person while they themselves are too not sure of their worth. The meaning in this was incredible, and not at all what I expected at the end. You really bring out this person and make the reader feel their pain and suffering, yet you instill a different sort of encouragement. You put passionately that no matter how worthless this man felt, that it was never an excuse, a way out. You must be strong in life. What a story of this man you told here, and what deep sadness about the man driving drunk and knocking this tree and hurting his own life as well.

VOTING:
Creativity: 9/10
Animal/Tree used: Tree [of Tenere] = 10/10
Flow: 8/10
Three terms: Blue/roses, mute/bodies, chased/shadow = 10/10
Feeling: 9/10
TOTAL = 46/50

Third judge's comment and vote:

Points: 43
Terms: 9
Creativity: 8
Originality: 9
Likening: 10
Contents: 7

Comments: This was another interesting poem, because I have never heard about the tree of Tenere before. For the terms, a point was lost due to one of them not being used in the correct tense - it was misused. Creativity was almost perfect but I thought that there could have been more details to add to it. Originality was also almost perfect, but there was nothing in the poem that particularly made me want to go 'wow' to myself - I have seen things like that before, but it was still really good. For the likening, I was a little puzzled as to what you were likening in the first place...after I read it a few times, I think that you were likening the tree to a human? I might be wrong, but that is my conclusion. If this is true, which I am almost positive that it is, that is a very good twist to me - we humans are considered animals...The contents were almost perfect, but there are some grammar issues that need some work.

Overall, this is a very touching poem - it made me feel sorry for the tree; I cannot believe that a measly drunk driver caused it to be torn down. Was the tree very tall? Because if it was huge, I believe that it would not have been torn down - it would have been scarred, but not too bad to damage it, I think.

This poem shows that you actually cared for that tree - probably because it was either beautiful, or maybe there was some significance to you? Whatever the reason, you did not make this seem like an ordinary tree at all. You made the reader sympathetic to nature, so now I want to go out there and do something about all the trees that are being torn down. Very moving, at least for me.

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Poem number -7-

First judge's comment and vote:

For My Ballerina
At least 3 terms used: none (body but not mute) = -10 point deduction
Metaphor: dancing ballerina to wine +4
Short and simple praise, asserting the intoxication of the dancer to the admirer. Even if it's an old theme, cliched in every sense of the word, it has a certain beautiful charm. 35 out of 50 plus 4 for the metaphor = 39

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Second judge's comment and vote:

In the fifth line, I believe putting "and" before "only" would help the flow, since you are not saying you are "only finding" but you are writing "only found", therefore I think adding a transition before it would help a bit. Just my opinion. Also, when I read this many times over, I found myself pausing for a bit after "poetic" but not making a complete stop. I think it would read better if you added "....." or a comma to furthermore connect the ideas. I know you probably meant the "your dancing" to stand alone and separate, let it speak for itself, show itself, but then I suggest adding a line in between that and poetic if you want to do that. Overall, I believe this has the potential to be a very graceful and classy kind of poem, if you had incorporated the three terms you would have had more points added. I loved the subtle yet kind of entrancing images, the kind you create with a lot of unique touch, but don't overdo it. 'champagne and lilies' was gorgeous, and to think that this ballerina emits that when she dances is very passionate and warming. The other term that was a bit startling was "cheap melody"....I guess I've always thought of melodies as rich and soothing and deep. The way you put it, it's like there is an instant melody, and that this woman/girl will dance for anything, even if it's just a brush of wind. Great creativity here with such brevity too.

VOTING:
Creativity: 10/10
Animal/Tree used: Flower = 10/10
Flow: 9/10
Three terms: No terms = 7/10
Feeling: 9/10
TOTAL = 45/50

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Third judge's comment and vote:

Points: 28
Terms: 0
Creativity: 9
Originality: 6
Likening: 10
Content: 3

Comment: Part of the rules of this contest were to use three different terms out of the six given, and this person did not do so - I was not able to find any of the terms so they automatically lost a good portion points. For creativity, they used well known plants and an aspect of trees that, to me, were not very interesting. For originality, they wrote it, so there has to be some originality there right? However, there was nothing there that WOWED me, I have seen it all before in other poems that I have read. The rest of the poems were earned due to the fact that the person did liken something to a tree (sycamore) and plants (petals, lilies).

For a personal comment, I like this poem. I like the fact that they decided to take a certain skill that someone has, and compared it to flowers, trees, and champagne. It was very creative, but unfortunately, you did not apply all of the rules to it. Also, it did seem a little rushed...I would have put more time and make sure that you fit all of the requirements. It seems to me that you wrote it in a matter of minutes - if you would have taken a couple hours and looked over the forum, you would have realized that you were missing a good deal of things. Like I said, I like this poem, but it could have been better...I am sorry if I am offending you, but I am not happy that I gave you such a low score.

For emotions, I could tell that you loved this person, and you appreciated their dancing. Very beautiful.

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Poem number -8-

First judge's comment and vote:

At least 3 terms used: imaginary/skies - mute/bodies - cliche/beauty = no deduction
Metaphor: the friend to a snowy owl, characterized as a curious predator + 6
The instances of stilted syntax jar the read (" the imaginary of your eyes"). On the other hand, this piece attempts to draw a consistent theme about the character of the protagonist. Interesting and easily readable. 35 out of 50 plus 6 for the metaphor = 41

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Second judge's comment and vote:

I was pleasantly surprised by the soul in this piece, and the challenge of likening this owl to someone else. I love how homely you made this piece in the beginning, saying that this person was made to live there, not just born there, but has a soul there.
"The skies, the imaginary of your
eyes; dark, for the absence
of a sunlit hope"
- There was so much in these three lines that I loved. Your structure was incredibly creative, and the images....like the sky is your dreams written there, the part of your eyes that you imagined. Yet it is dark for there is no presence of hope or any light in it. Beautifully said.
I love how you transition next into the times when the sky is yellow because of the sun and the truth that you try to make of your heart, the real beauty that lays more deeper. I like how mystic you make the next part. The reader knows you are talking of a friend, questioning this person and seeming to be close to them yet not in full understanding of why they live where they do. The "bodies become mute" was thought-provoking. It made me think that this person not only lives a loyal life but has become fine with living in the arctic, and has not even thought of change or speaking up about something more. At first, I thought the ending was too vague, but the more I read it, the more I like those two lines, for it gives the reader the same sense, that this person is far from being made to understand. Really unique and a lot more meaning than I am seeing into.

VOTING:
Creativity: = 10/10
Animal/Tree used: Owl = 10/10
Flow: =10/10
Three terms: = imaginary/skies, beauty/cliche, mute/bodies = 10/10
Feeling: =9/10
TOTAL = 49/50

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Third judge's comment and vote:

Points: 42
Terms: 8
Creativity: 9
Originality: 7
Likening: 10
Contents: 8

Comments: Beautiful poem. The owl is a beautiful, wise, majestic creature, and the snow owl is even more beautiful than its relatives - good choice of an animal in my opinion. Points were taken off for the terms, because I felt that they were not used in the correct way. If one would like to know what actual words that I am talking about, 'imaginary' and 'cliche' are the ones (they were not used in the way that I have been taught to use them). The creativity and originality were almost spot on, but a point was lost for creativity due to the fact that the snow owl is an animal that is well known. Three points were lost for originality, because the poet/poetess did not use any aspect of the owl that was very intriguing to me except maybe the loyalty to it's mate, which I did not know about. The likening it to a animal/tree was very well done, because they fully compared their friend to the owl through the majority of the poem. Contents were also very well done, but I felt that there could have been more.

I really, really like this poem. You played emotions perfectly, to me, which is one of the things that I always look for in poems. I felt the helplessness in here as I read it - you were worried for your 'friend' which I thought was very heartbreaking. Comparing him/her to a snow owl was a good indicator of what his personality turned into - according to the poem he was never that way before. Beautiful poem, in my opinion. I hope someday that he reads this, or she.

Also, as a side note, first line of the poem 'Artic' is supposed to be 'Arctic'.

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Poem number -9-

First judge's comment and vote:

At least 3 terms used: imaginary/skies - blue but not roses = - 6 point deduction
Metaphor: the poem for the scene described in the poem. + 3
This is a pure image poem with very little purpose other than the stringing together of connected images. It gives me no feeling of depth or significance. 25 + 3 for the metaphor minus 6 for only using one third of the mandatory terms = 22.

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Second judge's comment and vote:

What the poet accomplished here was a well-crafted ability to make the penning their own creativity, and fuse together words that seem they are born to be next to each other. In the opening lines, I like how you take this piece and seem to mold it along as the reader gets into it. Elegance is definitely something I feel here, with such soft and classic words that seem to overcome any angry feeling or any sense of hostility the reader (or you) might be enduring. I believe there was a grammar error in the fifth line; "flowers" should be "flower's". I also didn't see the need for the comma after "imaginary", as it makes more sense to me that you are saying that the sunrise is imaginary. Lastly, unless you intended it to be this way, "sore" should be "soar". Soar would be the verb whereas sore is the adjective, and I think it was just a spelling mistake here. I took three points off of the category for "flow", as I believe you can edit and make the poem read more smoothly with these few changes. I did think this poem would have an added strength if you included more personal feeling, like in the beginning. I wasn't too sure if if it was you or the sun who "traced an outline", I feel like that is kind of left hanging. Overall, I thought this was a intriguing short poem, especially with that pondering last line, but without the three terms, I did have to take there points away.

VOTING:
Creativity: 9/10
Animal/Tree used: Bird = 10/10
Flow: 9/10
Three terms: None used = 7/10
Feeling: 7/10
TOTAL = 42/50

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Third judge's comment and vote:

Points: 34
Terms: 5
Creativity: 8
Originality: 8
Likening to animal/tree: 10
Content: 3

Comment: This poem is a neat, short little poem, but there are some things that could have been better. For the terms, there were not three that I could see, only two and a half, so the points were low. For originality, since they were likening their poem to the ocean, flowers, birds, I thought that was interesting, but I would have liked to have seen something more specific - a certain flower, a certain bird, a certain something that I could relate this to, but unfortunately all of these things were talked about in the general sense which caused the person to lose even more points. I did not want to seem too harsh, so I gave them the benefit of the doubt and gave them a good amount of points for likening to something to an animal/tree because they used quite a few.

This poem needed quite a bit more work. If they would have payed attention to the rules, it could have been a masterpiece. I really enjoyed this short little poem because it had a lot of things that intrigued me - emotions, and imagery to name a couple. The one thing that I liked the most is that instead of likening 'someone' you likened 'something' which was your own writing - I thought that was really creative...I have never seen that done before, but I might have been missing out.

For the emotional aspect, most poets think highly of their poems because they come from within their hearts. No one likes receiving negative criticism, because it is like they are telling you that you are worthless. This poem shows that you appreciate yourself, well done.

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Poem number -10-

First judge's comment and vote:

At least 3 terms used: deadened/metaphors - chasing/shadows- blues/roses = no deduction
Metaphor: the femme fatale to a black widow spider +7 points
Well done diatribe of a gold-digger. Creative phrasing ("sexual cannibalism" & "despite her poor eyesight, she spotted him") giving flesh to the metaphor, building it nicely. 40 out of 50 plus 7 for the metaphor = 47

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Second judge's comment and vote:

You bring to life this spider and weave such a tale with it that is both something new to me and something enthralling to read. Beginning with the first line, I like how you take into considerations her taste and the things she touches as well. "hourglass tattoo" was beautiful as she is on the move all the week. The mystery of the "he" was great, like he is just as fascinated by her crafting as the way she may move or seem to talk through her movements. The way you wrote it so carefully, I believe this spider can be devious and definitely a charmer, but I don't believe she intends to bring harm around the person she is with. I loved the next line, it was so inventive, and it makes me wonder if she not only has crimes but if she realizes it at all. I think it goes beyond her bad eyesight- she waits for her prey. I liked the chasing descriptions you gave next, innocent yet doing what all her specie do. The term "fishing shadows" was a bit chilling but also made me smile, definitely a hunting image in my mind. My suggestion in the last three lines would be to use punctuation after "succumbing"....but the way you wove this together at the end was a twist in my eyes. You put it bluntly, never satisfied, always looking just like this woman who can't be bought but once she is with a man, keeps trapping him again and again. Well-crafted and very clever imagination here.

VOTING:
Creativity: 10/10
Animal/Tree used: Black widow spider = 10/10
Flow: 9/10
Three terms: deadened/metaphors, chasing/shadows, blues/roses = 10/10
Feeling: 10/10
TOTAL = 49/50

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Third judge's comment and vote:

Points: 43
Terms: 9
Creativity: 10
Originality: 10
Likening: 10
Content: 4

Comments: This was a very interesting, creepy, dark poem. I know that the black widow is a deadly spider, so it affected my intake on this poem immensely. There was one misuse in this poem, so they lost one point. The creativity was very beautiful, but I would have like to have seen something that was less well-known, but I guess it doesn't matter because this still worked out very, very well. The likening to an animal/tree was vary apparent - I could tell that they were comparing a black widow to a murderer which is also very true in the physical world as well because they are poisonous spiders who can kill.

Excellent job! I really got into this poem - I stumbled through it the first time just skimming it, but as I read it a second time it was really dark, and creepy which I imagine is the effect that you were aiming for? I have never thought of spiders as seductive creatures, so this was turning over a new leaf for me - it made me look at them a little differently.

For the emotional aspect, I felt terror, and I also felt suspense until the last stanza. I felt terror because I did not want this imaginary man to die, which is exactly what happened.

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Poem number -11-

First judge's comment and vote:

Wolf knee minds
At least 3 terms used: mute/bodies - chasing/shadows - imaginary/skies = no deduction
Metaphor: the suffering of spiritual devotion to the pain in knees used in prayer +8
I've read the poem several times and can neither confirm nor deny that it describes a spiritual journey However, it seems to establish the niche for devotion well, regardless of the ambiguity. 30 out of 50 plus +8 = 38.

Second judge's comment and vote:

I thought the introduction could have captured the reader more. Not necessarily in a visual way, but in a more curious way. While "Wolf knee minds" was certainly intriguing, I wasn't sure of the meaning of it. "minds" as a verb or a noun seemed out of place here, and wasn't really further explained or portrayed. I did like the image of "kissing the wounds" and how no matter how many times that may have happened, the hurt was still there in remnants. What stood out in this piece the most was the personal touch you had, not just because it was in first person perspective, but because you put your emotions into it....not only your physical attacks but the hunt for freedom, that desire. Another creative aspect was incorporating the moon into it, which definitely ties in with the presence of the wolf. I have never once thought before of a moon being full of anger or looking down with repugnance, it always seems at peace and serene to observers. The simile you compared yourself too was really radiant through this poem, you, like the howling wolf, you letting go of your screams, releasing them like the moon releases it's bright and raging light.

VOTING:
Creativity: 9/10
Animal/Tree used: Wolf = 10/10
Flow: 7/10
Three terms: chasing/shadows, imaginary/skies, muted/bodies = 10/10
Feeling: 9/10
TOTAL =45/50

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Third judge's comment and vote:

Points: 37
Terms: 10
Creativity: 8
Originality: 8
Likening: 8
Contents: 4

Comments: This is a very...odd poem to me, which is a good thing. For the terms, all of them were used correctly. Creativity was very well done because of the way that you combined an animal and a human. Originality was also very well done due the fact that this is something that I never would have thought of. Likening was also good because I could tell right away what you comparing, but at the same time it was confusing...I will explain later. The contents, I gave a low score because some of the stanzas were a little choppy for me - the flow was not particularly great, and some of the wording could have been more descriptive.

Overall, this is an interesting poem. As I said before, I never would have thought of something like this. The part that confused me the most would have to be the title, because I did not really understand it - when I first read it I thought, is there brains in their knees or something? The title needs to be worked on in my opinion. I get the idea that you compared yourself (or someone else from their point of view) to a wolf, and that you were in pain - usually when someone falls to their knees, it is not voluntary. I would not have given knees brains though, because that just seemed plain odd to me, but it is creative.

You played on the reader's emotions, because at one time or another, we all want to 'lick our wounds,' or at least I know I do. Sometimes we are all just animals looking for comfort. Very well done.

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So, I will post the total points for every poem and the eliminated poems in a second post.

1)

44 + 47 + 40 = 131

131 / 3 = 43,6.

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2)

37 + 45 + 45 = 127

127 / 3 = 42,6.

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3)

33 + 46 + 40 = 119

119 / 3 = 39,6.

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4)

33 + 47 + 39 = 119

119 / 3 = 39,6.

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5)

48 + 48 + 45 = 141

141 / 3 = 47.

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6)

50 + 46 + 43 = 139

139 / 3 = 46,3.

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7)

39 + 45 + 28 = 112

112 / 3 = 37,3.

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8)

41 + 49 + 42 = 132

132 / 3 = 44.

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9)

22 + 42 + 43 = 107

107 / 3 = 35,6
.
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10)

47 + 49 + 43 = 139

139 / 3 = 46,3.

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11)

38 + 45 + 37 = 120

120 / 3 = 40.

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Soooo, I am not good at maths and of course, I'll be having millions of mistakes and if I am please do send me a PM or notify me here. :)

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Eliminated pieces:

Piece number 7 and piece number 9.

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Do NOT submit the poems to your account until the contest is fully over. Thanks!

Awesome job getting all points together. I love reading through the comments, can't wait for next round :)

Noura, thanks

And thank you to your judges
Look at their thoughtful comments given on all those poems.

Thanks guys!
I'm going to post the next round this afternoon so be prepared. :)

Some really great poems, nice work all!

Can't wait to see what next round is.

You better have something fatty! :P

- Oh btw, thanks for the judges. What you are doing is really making this website alive.

Great work! Thanks to you Noura and for all the judges :-)

Abed, wtf! Don't stress meeee. I'm already damn stressed, lol.
Yes, indeed, thank you, judges. I appreciate it so much. I got lucky picking the perfect people for such a hard job!