Letting off some steam

My entire life, I have been told that I wasn't good enough. No matter how hard I try I just couldn't cut it. I have lived my entire life in the shadows of others. I live in a world of misery and darkness, and see no chance of escape. So how does this effect the mind of a person? I do not value my own life, I am useless. Yes I want to die, but no I can not. My strength only exists to shepherd others out of the dark. So day in and day out, I struggle and fight to free those of this mind crushing darkness.

Today was just another day. A day of failure and self mutilation. How long can I live this way? I can not truly say. All I can say is the longer I try and stay strong in the dark... the more my pillars crumble. I'm worried that one day I might just wake up with no more hope and be lost forever.... and part of me can't wait.

You may be drowning in darkness but theres always a light at the end of the tunnel. nver give up. its not worth it

Well don't wait, fight! Pick yourself back up off the ground and one day you will get out of this dark tunnel you are out of.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GauGhhDISmE&list=UUfm4y4rHF5HGrSr-qbvOwOg&index=2&feature=plcp

that might give you some inspiration

I know how constantly disapproval, how people push you to the breaking point and dont care if it hurts you. Once you break, they yell and hate that you couldnt follow through but they dont see that they are the ones breaking you down. People try to push you to "perfection" which on a humanly level is impossible. The shadows and darkness smother you with themselves and drag you down. There will be days when you want to give up and let go but personally, I think that the one good thing you are doing here is saving others from the darkness. You dont find that in a lot of people anymore. They need you there and what happens to them if you're gone? They get pulled down and end up in the same position you'll be in: 6 feet under the ground. Dont let what other people want get in the way of doing what you need to do to get to where you want to be. I've been in your position, still am besides the self mutilation, and you dont recover from it but what you do do is you fight, you get stronger and you save the lives and souls of the other people who are right there with you. Yes, it may seem like it isnt possible but if you've made it this far, you can keep pushing on.

Try losing a baby! that shit will mess your head up completely. As least as it stands you have the option to sort yourself out no matter how big the hole is you think you're in, trust me I've been there, some of us, we just have to grit our teeth and get through the best we can, at least with the way I feel right now is because of something bigger than myself, Helps as well that my fiancee is going through the same n we're there for each other. my point is, give up, you cant sit there and expect sympathy, everyone has a choice just like nothing bad stays bad forever.