All Cutting/Self Harm Issues, This Thread Only

Im trying to stop but I just cant:/ Its so hard to do escpecially when you have tons of crap going on:/

This will probably be the last post i make on this site.
Why even type one - i guess to make myself feel and think i have had some sort of closure.
I have been weak for a long time now, self harm and self damaging behaviour. There is only so much i can change and ive been changing them gradually. I made a plan and have been sticking to it. Now i am at the point where if i want to move on from all of the pain and reminders i have to erase a few more things from my life. this account with the hundreds of poems i uploaded, shredding everything that i have written so far has made me feel a small achievement..im hoping that when i delete my account i will feel..achievement and resolved feelings. the life i had before i was openly dark, my dark times, my first love times, the way different people in my life picked me up and broke me down - all of the life poems..now deleted. the laughter, the smiles and the tears..will now just be history..along with the memory of my writing.i have lost interest in many hobbies and now my writing is the last to go and i understand i will probably be a robot for a while, but right now that's what i need if i want to survive. just wake up, do my job and then sleep. as little as possible and maybe one day i will want to pick writing or drawing or anything back up again, maybe one day i will start to feel enough again to want to try.
i hope all the s.h's out there will seek help if they can or conquer there triggers and vulnerabilities. i wouldn't wish this kind of life on anybody. just keep holding on and one day you may find that you want to try..try and stick around for that day so that you can wake up and live.

peace, love and hope to you all.

I started cutting almost 2 months ago. The most I've been clean is 6 days. I told the love of my life and he freaked out but didn't leave. Told my friends I could trust and they're helping me. I'm almost a week clean and I have scars- which I think are beautiful. I don't know how much longer I can take though. It makes me feel alive again, when I've been numb for so long.

Its a great one....youre clean....im happy when you say youre alive now...just be strong...=)

I just feel like crap,everyone claims am being mean to them, am not even sure what they frigging mean by that, cos i do try to be nice, and as respectful as i can be, but i really do hate the frigging box they are trying to shove me into, for gods sake, it takes my all to not start screaming every time people start talking to me, worse when i now have everyone nagging me, yelling, and trying to tell me how to live my life, every thing i stand to loose, and i cant frigging speak up cos apparently every time i complain i break everyone's heart, well i haven't cut myself in few months now cos, well i taught i owed it to someone, and i didn't wanna hurt him by doing it, but right now, i am not sure anymore.

You have to live the life you want to live. No matter what you have to make you happy. There is only one life and you have to try and live it the best way you know how. Don't cut either. It's not worth anything either and don't let anyone get you down. If people make you feel like crap ignore them.

Does it ever end?

That's a hard question. I think in time it does yes. But I think we all have to make strides to be happy.

,.

Eventually, and that end will be the start of something new. Like a phoenix, I guess.

And since I have posted here, I may as well stay on topic. Myself... I have not wanted to self harm, but what may have become a desire to cut is instead violently expelled outward at those I care about. Sometimes I wonder if it would be better if I could redirect that emotion to myself.

Sometimes. It is better to start over. But is hard to be sober