HG - 1st Round Poems / Results

There is still one contestant who hasn't submitted his/her poem yet. Sorry for making you wait for so long. Now I'll post the 11 poems.

And if I receive the 12th before judges hand in their votes, I will post it, too. But if judges hand me in their results before the 12th poem is with me, then the 12th contestant will be eliminated, and thus, his name will be hung in the Hall of SHAME to be thrown with rotten eggs! (In the former case, 3 will be eliminated. In the latter, 2 only.)

----------------------------------- POEMS----------------

#1 (Syria - The Disaster)

I do have
nostalgia to you,

my only mother's mom,
my poor disaster - SYRIA!

I wish if I were every sweet word
on the tip of your history tongue

I wish if I were the pumper
of Your every street beat

I wish if I were your best sight
ever seen in your great latitudes

I wish if I were the best fulfillment or
tenderness touch on a crying child head

As hundred thousands of people migrating
I was forced to leave but yearn to come back

Leaving ancient mosques and churches behind,
I'd my last heartbreak look at my collapsed home

I became homeless, begging for food and medicine,
in a neighboring country for almost a year and a half

I have visited so many countries but haven't loved any
Whatever you ask you have to pay for, or be a bagger

But I do pray for every innocent blood assassinated
on Syria's pure soil with no face of right or mercy

I do pray for every violated people sanctities
there in the dark with absence of helpers

Which sins have been committed by
places of worship, mosques and churches?

You can't judge who's right unless you be there
Syria was most peaceful. Will it be peaceful again?

* * *

#2 (Nostalgia)

I was forced out of my home
after everything I knew was dead
even inside me somethings had
changed,
I became something I don't know,
just a soulless puppet with two button eyes.

Despair filled my plastic heart
when I was left alone
for these streets to be my new home,
every day I woke up to death
a new victim of greed and pride
and every time I got even more afraid,
I slept not knowing if I will ever wake up again
and some nights, sleep never passed by my eyes
like they were rivals.

I left this cemetery,
I used to call my home
to escape my fears and
run away from my fate
like a little squirrel running
from a hungry hawk,
I thought I could get away but
I didn't know that running was
only making my certain fate delayed.

I have nothing to cry for,
my home was destroyed
and I never knew what love was,
I only have nostalgia for
death I used to see everyday before.

* * *

#3 (Nostalgia)

It's home that I left you
in the darkest hour I'd ever felt,
and I can't imagine looking back
not knowing if I'll ever see your face again

You drench my love upon our
God's knot, a token wrapped around
the mantle as proof we could survive anything,
but we've been forced apart by time
and wishes blown no longer count.

Neither of us wanted to go,
but the last hug that was
ripped apart told me you'd
hold that memory in shadow boxes,
hidden where you'd never forget.

Someday, maybe they'll allow me back -
back into our home and back
into the safest arms I've ever felt,
but until then I'll be sitting here
missing everything I can remember
about you.

* * *

#4 (5 AM Departure)

Tipsy by evenfall
I sprouted on your lavender-
tasting lips while you limned
flickering lanterns to cheeks.

We reinvented love that night,
unaware of it being our last.

Between dusk and dawn
dreams wafted in mid-air,
scribbling on your palm,
awaiting my signature.

However, that morning,
I did not awaken to cyan eyes

and although I mimicked
your moony murmur,
trying to mingle it with mine
I cannot reassemble it.

I cursed at the wind
for making me follow
the river slinking along its banks,
as though I was part of the path
of least resistance.

Even gladioli swirled and
dangled during that wind,
which proves that even though
sunrays are beautiful, there will
always be shadow too.

Death has not touched me
yet - but I will fight, so that
the western culture won't be
dominated by dwarves anymore.**

** "When the sun of culture is low, even dwarves will cast long shadows" - Karl Kraus (1874-1936)

* * *

#5 (Monograms)

I want to lick sleep off the edges
of tire like an ice cream addict, mingle
my dreams together and gulp them down
till they fill up my larynx with drenching
poetry. Perhaps then I would sing a rainbow to
your window and cook a good morning for
your lips; suns like faraway kilns. Only you
could smell its bread as voyaging breeze. Only I
would bake it for you.

Did you behold me in a cloven slab
sometime yesterday? At the rooftop of a
widowed building? It was raining on cemeteries
and I felt weightless - craved to dream
and sucked your fingers. I felt illusive
even more than a believer in politics.

I never trusted speech, darling, but
I promise I always saw words in their
humble gowns and muddy wagons wandering
through crowd to reach you.

I've always called you 'home'. Your bosom
smelt of tangerine and Narcissus, I planted
my childhood there and blustered with delight
and it's a cowardice to blame wind or any other
dimension for uprooting my hands
off you, now, isn't it?

I was required to speak of nostalgia, so
here I go... You.

You.

You.

* * *

#6 (Earth is lifted in Greatness)

Liken me to happiness as a diamond smile...
as between my palms I hold the pathway
similar to the one below my tentative feet.

Behind me I leave emotions of a memory
I'd like to aspire again...
knowing the greatness showered on my soul
will rest for my return
and the eyes that close at night
are as heavy as a turning earth.

The clean crisp air smells my departure
and the sun weeps goodbye to a fine specimen of warmness.

But I will appear in gold,
with petals rested on my head,
only heeded by wisdom and dreaming of this day...

Behind me are many willing my strength
to climb new heights and
for them I shall succeed.

As beside me in company are the rivals
ready to push my every move

* * *

#7 (Undiscovered)

As I lay slumber against the soil and igneous rocks,
reminiscing of how they took me-
my districts unknown hope, their Statue of Liberty
I'm reminded of the secret I bear in my heart
Untold to any soul besides my own

I refuse to miss my mother,
deny longing for my brothers
What I crave more than anything,
is to be diving in that desolate riverbed
retrieving the most valuable information-
nuggets of gold

My principality collapses as the government
tightens the collar around our necks
Choking the voice they claim we have,
cutting off air they say is full of freedom
My people are fatigued, fighting for life
that should be worth living

The atmosphere is crowded
with sighs and scrutiny spoken
"I must survive or we shall fall.
As failure lies in the hands of
those who come bearing cipher"

I have entered this arena boldly,
with the expectation of a better tomorrow
They will try and pollute my mind
with illusions and reminders of home,
but I know what they have overlooked

There lies a body of water behind a forest,
that blanket lumps of wealth
Upon my returning...and I will return,
my district will be overwhelmed with pride
and spoiled in riches

* * *

#8 (The Fire in Me)

So obscure is the cavern
at which my soul now resides.
Not long ago, the sun used
to brighten my daily life

But today, between the
twilight of the rising dawn,
a new fire in my heart
re-ignites ashes
that were left in a closed jar

Those ashes burn with memories
that were left in my homeland
as those people took me away
from the arms of my grandpa.

Grandma could only prayed;
one day, I'll comeback alive,
but I no longer know
if this fire will be the source
that will help me to survive,
or if it'll consume me
from the inside out.

I just know that you both-
Grandma and grandpa-
you both,
are the fire that ignites
this obscure cavern
where my soul
now resides.

* * *

#9 (Untitled)

Never understood the full concept
of prisoner on death row
until morn' approached
to find shackles waiting upon my step
ready to aim, shoot, fire
should I choose to run

Chancing a glance behind at loved ones
Feeling as desolate as the last leaf on a tree
in the coldest winter before it billows
slowly to the ground

Now I know, how gladiators feel
Entering the staging area
How the man on death row felt
as he was ushered into the chair
and the crowd watching
is as silent as a mourner in a graveyard
fear cripples my entire being like
a knife slicing through the gut
yet somehow, I manage to portray serenity.

Never intended to be fallacious
mother did not raise me that way
only now,
I must catch my salmon on the line
reel them in
strike

For as I gaze around this vast emptiness
shadows stalk ever closer
destiny is uncertain and tomorrow may not come
For silent shadows stalk, quietly waiting
To pounce

* * *

#10 (Homesick)

I stare into the dark sky;
never had it looked so eerie.
Even the moon is on vacation,
and the stars remain concealed.

I shiver in the chilly weather; my body is ice.
My surroundings are as plain as a white paper.
I'd rather keep to myself in this place while
I hide myself from the tenebrous shadows.

I dig up the dried pen from my pocket,
and scribble the only word I can think of:
h o m e ...
it is the only place I wish I could be.

The faces of my family still blink in my mind,
I wonder if they are safe and sound;
yet there is no way to know for certain,
as we all were forced to flee separately.

My tongue starts to dry, and I realize
how parched I am - and how I didn't
savor my last sip of mineral water;
I'm left to swallow my own saliva.

Images of my mother braiding my hair,
the nights my father read to me in bed,
all the times I fought with my sister over a toy...
I would give anything - to feel that once again.

Reminiscing all of my treasured memories
was as painful as slitting my two wrists.
Missing my previous life was too strenuous,
and I shoved the last drop of positivity into a bottle.

If only we could reunite under the same moon but
that is a foolish wish, for my existence is evanescent.
I wondered if I ever found my way home,
could I even still refer to it as 'home' ?

* * *

#11 (Live to Rise Again)

I am an ebon starling, I have yet to grow
to mother's size, yet streaks of an
intuitive heart are encompassing
my reticent breast, it reminds me of you.

Mama, you said you unchangeably
wished upon terrenes and rare lands
that I would not be a soldier;
I still devour the words,
the edicts that made your girl
rise to stand like a hawk-
they'll make me a militant, mama,
but they won't gain my heart...

it belongs perfectly to you
without these bloody palms
I know will make their sudden
passage. I need your blessing.

Father and brother, I know I've been here
unravelling memories for seventeen years,
it's time to live them, for you. You both sang
to me when unchained lullabies told a tale
of flying after fear and lacerating
its infirmity.

I'm not here to kill papa, I'm here to redeem
my heart, save the strength, live so I may defy...

Because when daybreak longs for you,
I will bring you morning without the wildness
of holding on to who you are.

I will bring back home like the secret dreamer
we've always been. I've left because of those
drowning, noxious skies who've taught us
to never look up. But papa, we need to face
our destiny, or it will claim what freedom we've won

-------------------------------------- RESULTS -----------

#1 (Syria - The Disaster):
- Judge A: (13/25)
I'm not too fond of the first couple of lines. I was looking for a more powerful beginning and this seemed a bit awkward, like there wasn't much thought put into it. I've never heard of having nostalgia "to" someone, maybe "for" or "about" but not "to".
Although I so love the message, tone and simple imagery of this poignant piece, this just seemed a little too rushed. It has some typos (bagger) and grammatical errors as well as redundancy.

"I wish if I were every sweet word
on the tip of your history tongue"
^You could easily remove 'if' since you used 'I wish'.

The repetition with this "If I wish I were..." became too annoying afterwards and it didn't really do much, I feel.
I wasn't also too keen on the lack of punctuation as it made this flow faster than it should.

"Which sins have been committed by
places of worship, mosques and churches?"
^Sins have been committed by places? Aren't sins committed by people 'in' places..?

"You can't judge who's right unless you be
there
Syria was most peaceful. Will it be peaceful
again?"
^I do like the ending. It is powerful and the question was effective, but it seemed a little too late now.

Great job on imagery and emotion as well as the metaphors and personification. But this needs more work.

- Judge B: (15/25)
At first I thought the author was obvious, but after reading it, I believe someone else wrote it. There are numerous syntactic errors (The conditional "I wish if I were..." is not followed by any resultant consequence. Also: "unless you be there" "nostalgia to you" "violated people sanctities" "tenderness touch.") These lapses hurt the poem and diminish the enjoyment.
As to the content, there are moments of self-pity, but precious little true nostalgia. The series of wishes, if corrected, could provide more build up for the case, but the narrative afterward lacks the impact it should have; for example, people don't migrate from a conflict, they escape, they flee, they run in terror.

- Judge C: (10/25)
The honesty in this poem along with emotions and passion are quiet obvious, alas were not enough to well represent the topic. But did reflect the theme. In other words I think the way you opened your poem weakened it, it is true that we all know the main theme but it would have been better if you didn't start with "I do have
nostalgia to you,

my only mother's mom,
my poor disaster - SYRIA!"

rather than reflecting those emotions through a certain image.
The pain is there, sadness, and longing...but it felt like reciting them, and hence I gave it 10 for conveying the theme, but didn't find the poetic taste that deserves the rest of the 15 points.

- Judge D: (14.5/25)

3/5 Creativity
2/5 Use of metaphor/similes/personifications/
3.5/5 "answering questions"
3.5/5 "prompt"
2.5/5 technical aspects

The poem was quite original in terms of the concepts that were expressed; it revolved around the tragic reality of the ongoing situation in Syria, and around the emotions that a citizen of the country, or anyone with Syrian roots, may be feeling. It employed an excellent use of imagery that helped pushed to poem to be quite creative. However, I felt that it was quite lacking in terms of substance - it could have utilized a different point of view (perhaps from Assad's perspective?), or one of an inanimate object (a well-known landmark, perhaps?) to have earned a five in terms of creativity

The use of metaphors and personification was quite revitalizing however there were little to no similes present. The metaphors and personifications that were used, were done so quickly and had some difficulty carrying on throughout the theme of the poem. If more similes were used, and had the author tightly wove the metaphors into the fabric of the poem, it could have easily surpassed a five in the second category.

The third category will dictate five points on how the author "answers" the questions that were posed in the thread. The author had no difficulty in answering those questions, however their answer to "what destiny do you foresee" was lacking in terms of substance. It was because of that, I had credited only 3.5 points instead of five in the third category.

The fourth category will dictate five points on how the author's poem truly fits the prompt; if the poem has very little to do with nostalgia it will result in a low score in this category. The author did an amazing job shaping this poem to fit the prompt; the only reason why I gave it a 3.5 and not a five was because I felt that it was missing that "something".

The fifth and last category awards to a maximum of five points depending on the 'technical' aspects of the poem; the use of grammar, punctuation, meter, whether it flows or not, and such. The poem could have done much more better, but it was plagued with minor faults that added up. There are some stanzas that have grammar flaws, for instance "I wish if i were every sweet word/ on the tip of your history tongue". Typically when someone states "if i were ________" it's followed by another sentence fragment that addresses what would occur, or what could if they were a _____. The stanza, and the next three that followed lacked that sentence structure. Furthermore in the verse "As hundred thousands of people migrating", it should either be "As a hundred thousand people migrate;" or "As hundreds of thousands of people migrate;" depending on which image you wished to convey. In the verse " I'd my last heartbreak look at my collapsed home", you need a verb after "I'd" like: have, suffer, feel, etc. This is because the contraction "I'd" is I would, and it doesn't sound correct saying "I would my last heartbreak". In addition to that, you'd also need to reword the last fragment of the sentence as it doesn't seem correct. You might want to consider rewording the entire verse to "I'd suffer my last heartbreak looking at my collapsed home" or a variation, or something to that extent. Also, if you meant 'I had" then you would need to change look, to 'looking' as it flows much better. There is also a major lack of punctuation throughout the poem that detracts from the essence of the poem unfortunately.

Overall it was a well-written poem that with a just a bit more polishing could have easily attained a higher score.

• Judges: 13 + 15 + 10 + 14.5 = 52.5
Total Score: (52.5 * 0.7) + (7 * 0.3) = 36.75 + 2.1 = 38.85

#2 (Nostalgia):

- Judge A: (14/25)
This is a simple piece. But perhaps too simple. The imagery, similes/metaphors, word choice are bland; it's a common poem with a distinct dark tone. I really think this has a lot of potential and can be a powerful piece, it just seems a little too safe. I want to see these poets take risks, create something unique and interesting. Step out of their comfort zone.
I can't ignore the grammatical errors and typos as well.
And the ending was weak, I don't really get it:
"I only have nostalgia for
death I used to see everyday before."
^Nostalgia is having pleasant/fond memories; it is a yearning for the past. Someone actually has pleasant memories and yearnings 'for death'? I don't get it. Plus, "used to" and "before" are technically the same.

- Judge B: (20/25)
This effort starts out with glimmers of promise, but is far too vague. Why were you forced out of the home? Why were you left alone? Who was it that had died? At one point the assertion changes, that you were not so much forced out, but ran away. Which is it? What about this death you used to see every day? Were you in a war? Was there civil uprising? In other places you describe yourself fleeing fate - what is the fate? Overall, the imagery was colorful (squirrel running from a hawk; home like a cemetery; sleep a rival to your eyes). I would have liked the poem to hold together better, though.

- Judge C: (10/25)
The structure of this poem isn't as strong as I hoped it would be.
example: The opening stanza:

I was forced out of my home
after everything I knew was dead
even inside me somethings had
changed,
^
the usage of even is not in it's place,
and all cases you need at least one full
stop or a comma splice before "even",

after everything I knew was dead
^the way you used was dead, reflects
a God's will, when I think you meant
they were murdered. SO
you cannot use verb to be in the past
after opening your stanza with "force".

Despair filled my plastic heart
^
the sentence is very weak (syntax wise)
although the meaning is clear, and so
are your emotions, but if it's not well expressed...it won't help.

The rest of poem reflects the theme big time,
it does show the emotions you were asked to reflect,
indeed shows the feelings you were expected to show,
but again in this poem I also did not see the images,
the poetic side that was required, hence I gave
the full 10 points for emotion, but couldn't score
anything for structure.
If you stick with us, and I hope you will, please do
pay attention for grammar and perhaps a twist of metaphors
and more depth would really help. Just my suggestions.
Good luck.

- Judge D: (15/25)
3/5 Creativity
3/5 Use of metaphor/similes/personifications/
3/5 "answering questions"
3/5 "prompt"
3/5 technical aspects

The poem was quite creative; there were many creative notions that were presented in this poem. However I feel that the author had difficulty wording them and thus lead to a low score in creativity - the concepts are present but they are not as polished as I'd like them to be. A little more revision would have easily boosted this poem's score in this category.

The author had used similes, personification, and metaphors as instructed; however they seemed rather superficial and were quickly written just to please the requirement. The author should have taken time to go more into depth about the metaphors, simile and personification; the author mentioned being a soulless puppet, the author could have twisted the entire poem about that while addressing the other notions present in the poem, and the other metaphors and similes.

In the third category, the author did an amazing job answering the questions (what are they leaving behind, etc). But I felt that it was rather rushed and didn't take time to entertain the reader's attention.

The author penned this poem to suit the prompt; however this poem was missing substance as well. The author could have incorporated personal events into the poem that would have made this poem more emotional and thus more memorable. It seems rather generic despite it having many creative concepts.

The author could have easily attained a higher score in the last category had they took time to revise; the poem has little mistakes here and there. There are numerous run on sentences such as: "I left this cemetery,/I used to call my home/to escape my fears and
run away from my fate/like a little squirrel running/from a hungry hawk,/I thought I could get away but /I didn't know that running was/only making my certain fate delayed." It could easily split up into two-three sentences with correct punctuation. In addition to the run-on sentences, I feel that the poem could have been formatted a bit better. The stanzas, as well as the verses seem to occur in awkward places; something I'd rather not read. It makes it rather an eye-sore and detracts from the poem greatly. Instead try writing stanzas and verses where natural breaks in sentences occurs. Take the following sentence into consideration: "I went to the store; I bought a hat." You could put "I bought a hat" on a new line because there's a natural pause that occurs when reading. Little mistakes such as the ones I mentioned resulted in a low score.

Overall: I liked reading this poem, and with some more revision it could easily become more memorable (it seems rather generic). I do applaud the author for experimenting with the numerous creative concepts that they addressed in the poem though.

• Judges: 14 + 20 + 10 + 15 = 59
• Total Score: 59 * 0.7 = 41.3

#3 (Nostalgia):

- Judge A: (16/25)
This poem was well-written. However, it was too short, too telling and doesn't leave much to the reader's imagination.
I want the poet to expand more on this, to show more and make the readers think. Describe that home, that darkest hour..

"Neither of us wanted to go"
^Show us how neither of you wanted to go.

What are "shadow boxes"?

I wanted this to be longer with more emotion and imagery. Where are the metaphors, similes and personifications that Abed wanted to see?
Too short and devoid of feelings to move me, unfortunately.

- Judge B: (24/25)
Wow. This poem exudes nostalgia. "I left you in the darkest hour I'd ever felt:" such a simple statement, yet containing a profound expression of your state. "God's knot, a token wrapped around the mantle as proof we could survive anything" establishing a symbol, not only of the love, but of a failed promise torn by forces beyond either of your control. This poem is vague as well, but it does not set up conflicting interpretations, so it actually works. Taking a cue from the video, it is easy to imagine a civil war situation in which the lives of the lovers are disrupted.

- Judge C: (12/25)
Indeed nostalgic, the poem incorporates
the nostalgic feelings toward this person
and the everything related to them,
even the places they spent time at.
However, I am also disappointed in this poem
regarding not working harder on reflecting
better images, and more depth.
I am not finding the creativity I have expected to find.

Moreover, the opening line:

It's home that I left you
in the darkest hour I'd ever felt,
^
using that after home, is not properly used,
if you're trying to use it as a modifier, then
you are supposed to use "where"
It's home where I left you...

that here, the way you used it, is modifying
home, in other words, it's saying:
It is the home that I left, where I believe
you were trying to point out the place.

In all, your longing and wishes represent
the theme and mood perfectly, but for next time
it is suggested to be more creative

- Judge D: (17/25)
3.5/5 Creativity
2.5/5 Use of metaphor/similes/personifications/
4/5 "answering questions"
3.5/5 "prompt"
3.5/5 technical aspects

The poem is creative; however, it revolves around the concept of love (an overused subject). I would have preferred something original but this will suffice. The diction of this poem is what moved me - it's both elegant and personal. However had you found the perfect balance between the two, as well as incorporate more original thoughts, I would have awarded a four or even a 4.5.

The author did make use of some metaphors (shadow boxes, darkest hour, God's knot) but failed to make use of any personification and similes. It saddens me, because had the author used some, the poem would have been much more emotional than it already is. The author could have gone in a little more in-depth on the metaphors they had used, or even added personification to the darkest hour by writing something such as "in the darkest hour that clenched my throat / I left out a solemn cry as I wondered if/ I would ever glimpse at your beautiful face ever again".

I commend the author on answering the questions; unlike some of the other poems, I did not have any follow up questions after reading this poem. It answered all of my questions as a reader such as (what is the author writing about, what is the author feeling, etc). It truly made this poem quite more 'relate-able' as a reader as it mimics that of a story which has a certain manner that it adheres to which captivates our attention and answers our questions, while allowing us to 'join in' on the story.

I feel that the lack of an original subject hindered the author's score in the fourth category, even though they did an amazing job writing this poem. It's an interesting story that plays on people's natural emotions (sympathy, love, etc) but it lacks 'pizzazz'. Perhaps a poem about leaving a loved one and being happy about it could possibly have had that 'pizzazz'.

I loved the diction, tone, and message of the poem. However this poem did have some minor faults such as run-on sentences and some poor word-choices. For instance "It's home that I left you". That verse was quite confusing to read, you may wish to re-word it to "I left you at home" or "I left our home, without you" or something to that effect. All of the stanzas are run-on sentences which should be broken down into sentences. However it is a bit more 'polished' than some of the other poems, but still requires a bit more revision.

Overall: This poem is one of the more memorable poems; however, it lacked that extra 'oomph' to make it worthier of a higher score.

• Judges: 16 + 24 + 12 + 17 = 69
• Total Score: 69 * 0.7 = 48.3

#4 (5 AM Departure):

- Judge A: (22/25)
I like how the ending was loosely based on an inspiring quote by Kraus.
This piece, from what I've read so far, used the prompt best. It described that "nostalgia" really well, making use of imagery although I thought some symbolisims were rather too personal for the reader to completely grasp and understand, it worked, making us (readers) interpret on our own, and that made this stand out.
The transition was nice - answering in a neat and organised manner the questions provided by Abed; who/what they leave, miss, how they leave and the destiny they forsee.
Great choices of words here too; limned-moony-cyan-gladioli.

"Even gladioli swirled and
dangled during that wind,
which proves that even though
sunrays are beautiful, there will
always be shadow too."
^ I liked this but I found the joining of "sun" and "rays" disquieting as well as the singular "shadow". I'd rather it was plural to connect it with 'sunrays' and it seemed awkward like that.

Good piece!

- Judge B: (17/25)
Good effort, but with major flaws. The imagery is vivid, yet groundless. Items are tossed into the poem without connection to the context (sprouted on lips; limned flickering lanterns to cheeks; "mimicked your moony murmur, trying to mingle it with mine;" "gladioli swirled and
dangled during that wind ... [proving] sunrays are beautiful, there will always be shadow.") The sentiments are fine, but they reflect a disoriented mind and fail to tell a consistent story.

- Judge C: (25/25)
Very interesting title!
Perfect, this is the 1st poem I give a high score, infact
I really think your poem deserves the whole package of points.
And hence I will be short, I gave you 25 because:

1)very strong structure
2)very creative and original
3)Not only was the theme well presented,
but also you well portrayed the emotions
using very beautiful images and metaphors.
4) I was really fond of your choice of words,
you did not use big ones to show that you
are smart, but actually you used some
of uncommon words to achieve originality
yet simplified them into outstanding lines.

I hope you win this contest, well done.
Good luck, whoever you are!

- Judge D: (20/25)
4.5/5 Creativity

3/5 Use of metaphor/similes/personifications/

4/5 "answering questions"

4/5 "prompt"
4.5/5 technical aspects

The poem was extremely creative in spite of the fact that it revolved around a generic subject (love). It was full of welcomed diction, vivid imagery, and as well as a natural flow that reads easily. It was nearly perfect - it was however missing something extra, that would outshine other love poems by a great deal.

Though it saddens me, I was forced to award a three out of five points for use of metaphors, similes and personifications. It made of use of metaphors and personifications, but failed to make use of similes. Furthermore the literary devices that were used were not embedded deep enough to the poem; had the author done this, I'm certain that this poem would be much more amazing than it already is.

The author did an amazing job in answering the questions; in spite of the fact that I did not have any more 'questions' after reading this poem, the author still did not go into depth on how the author had left their home. The poem is titled 5AM Departure, and had the author addressed this in a stanza or even a couple of mere stanzas, I would have not hesitated to award 5 points.

The poem fits the prompt of this challenging round; it's definitely one of the more memorable poems. The reason why it was awarded only four points is because I felt that this poem did not discuss the author's feelings of nostalgia enough to whole-heatedly move the reader. Don't get me wrong, this poem is definitely one of the much more memorable ones, but it simply isn't enough to be the one of the more predominant ones that invoke an array of emotions in the reader.

The author did an amazing job in adhering to the simple rules of grammar, punctuation and such. However I did notice the very first stanza was quite confusing to read:

"Tipsy by evenfall
I sprouted on your lavender-
tasting lips while you limned
flickering lanterns to cheeks."

I feel a semi-colon should follow after the first verse. The first verse and what follows after could be seen as two different clauses, and it is lacking a conjoining punctuation and/or word which could be rectified by a semi-colon, comma, or even a hyphen.

Overall: This poem was definitely astonishing in terms of its diction, format and theme but failed to address essential requirements that prevented this poem from receiving a much higher score. I praise the author for writing with such a defined manner of elegance that easily brews emotions within the reader.

• Judges: 22 + 17 + 25 + 20 = 84
• Final Score: (84 * 0.7) + (20 * 0.3) = 58.8 + 6 = 64.8

#5 (Monograms):

- Judge A: (20/25)
I had to read this more than once. I thought there were too many abstract imagery, personal symbolisms and metaphors that the author didn't do a really good job tying them together. At one point it almost seemed like a string of random imagery..
However, I still found this beautiful.
I like the creativity here, as well as the insertion of questions in the middle which I don't find often, and the ending. Especially the ending.
Having said that, there were 'moments' that got me confused..

" Only you
could smell its bread as voyaging breeze.
Only I
would bake it for you."
^ What's "it"? The 'rainbow'? The 'good morning for your lips'? (which may be a metaphor for a kiss) The 'sun'? (which may be another metaphor). I'm not sure.

"I never trusted speech, darling, but
I promise I always saw words in their
humble gowns and muddy wagons
wandering
through crowd to reach you."
^ I liked the personification of speech. I would've added an article before crowd though, or made it plural.

- Judge B: (15/25)
Stream of consciousness poetry needs a central world view to work. Licking sleep off tire is not really connected with being an ice cream addict, not even intuitively (you surely mean "tiredness" or "weariness" - certainly you don't literally mean an automobile tire). The images do not mesh together, so that the bread smelled in the sun's kiln jumps to a cloven slab (of what?), while it rained on cemeteries, Come on! Pull these disparate icons into a true dream sense and you would have a magnificent poem. Remember that stream of consciousness must evoke some non-logical yet intuitive development in order for it to work.

- Judge C: (24/25)
I've always called you 'home'
^
Excellent, excellent, excellent. I am in love with this poem
another poem that really blew me away!
Wonderful word choice, outstanding creativity.
This is one of those poems that I would like
to see again and again.

I am really impressed, I loved how your longing
are for a person, that you consider your own home,
your poem reminds me of my poetry, of my self.
Very sensitive writer, and a very creative one.

I will take one point of your score, for one reason:
like an ice cream addict,
^
I don't like the line, but the image you drew in my
head is perfectly suitable for the point you're trying
to prove. But still, I don't think it's good to go that far
with images, perhaps if the rest of the poem was
written in a different style, I wouldn't have minded it.
But it is a classy piece, so the line is out of place.

Your last words, last line...OMG! I love love love creative people.
Hats off for you....you...you..you

- Judge D: (21.5/25)
5/5 Creativity

4/5 Use of metaphor/similes/personifications/

3/5 "answering questions"

4.5/5 "prompt"
5/5 technical aspects

The poem was extremely creative; it's definitely one of my favorites from this lot of poems. I loved the originality of it; you added the 'theatricality' that Katniss is renowned from, at the end when the author wrote: "I was required to speak of nostalgia, so
here I go... You.//You./You." Had I not seen or read the Hunger Games, I would have honestly believed that it was a directly from the book, if someone told me that.

The author did an amazing job employing personification, similes, and metaphors into the poem. The poem was tastefully decorated with the literary devices that were requested by Abed, however I feel that that their use of personification was not extensive enough to earn the author the full five point.

I was deeply saddened that I had to award a mere three points in the second category; unfortanately I felt that the author was too caught up in upholding the 'theatrical' aurora of the poem that they had neglected to answer some of the questions such as; what future they foresee, how they had 'left', and such. I am 100% certain that the author could have easily answered those questions whilst upholding the aurora of the poem, if they had remembered to incorporate the answers into the poem.

The author nearly did an amazing job at penning this poem to fit the prompt; my only critique is that aforementioned mistake does detract from the poem significantly enough to prevent me (unfortunately) from awarding the full five points, but not to the extent to alter the essence of the poem.

I could not find a single flaw in punctuation, grammar, and etc, and thus five points were awarded.

Overall: This poem is one of my favorites from poems, and I'd love to read more of your work (if I haven't). I feel that had you read over the requirements just once more, you would've easily attained the full 25 points.

• Judges: 20 + 15 + 24 + 21.5 = 80.5
• Final Score: 80.5 * 0.7 = 56.35

#6 (Earth is Lifted in Greatness):

- Judge A: (18/25)
I'm not sure about the purpose of the first stanza. Seems weak and unnecessary, plus the ellipsis was not properly used (as was on the second stanza).

"The clean crisp air smells my departure
and the sun weeps goodbye to a fine
specimen of warmness."
^ This is intriguing. It's peculiar that the air smells (instead of the persona as per usual) and the sun weeps (instead of clouds). I really enjoyed this personification and imagery.

I wasn't too keen on the ending as it's not that powerful. I was expecting something more; it seemed a shoved there in the last minute.

- Judge B: (21/25)
Despite minor problems ("memory I'd like to aspire again" should be "aspire to") this poem has strength in narrative. However, it is more inspirational than nostalgic. The sense of yearning for a lost time is replaced with a determination to rise to the challenge again. As such this poem is the natural progression after nostalgia. Nonetheless, it is solid in its construction and gives a great feel for actually being with the speaker ("the eyes that close at night are as heavy as a turning earth;" "the sun weeps goodbye to a fine specimen of warmness; "I will appear in gold, with petals rested on my head").

- Judge C: (15/25)
Well, a well written piece. Creative ? yes ofcourse, that's obvious.
1st stanza is perfect, from all the different aspects;
structure wise, creativity, originality...
I love this poem as a whole package, and you deserve the 15 points
regarding being original and creative, and for paying attention for
the grammar and coherence.
My one major problem with the rest 10 points, the theme is not
well expressed, the poem doesn't really reflect the required theme.
But well done, you deserve to stick around.
Good luck.

- Judge D: (18.5/25)
3.5/5 Creativity

4.5/5 Use of metaphor/similes/personifications/

3.5/5 "answering questions"

3.5/5 "prompt"

3.5/5 technical aspects

This poem was quite satisfactory in terms of meeting the creative requirement; however I felt that there's a certain grimness to the poem that the author delved deeply into, which hindered the poem's chances of being more creative. The author use of ellipses and diction is what detracted me from awarding the full five points.

The author did a stunning job in utilizing all the literary devices that were mandated; they made this poem truly great. I've mentioned this with some of the earlier poems; I feel that the author didn't make a conscious effort to truly weave the literary devices into the fabric of the poem; I believe this occurred because the author was too busy connecting the stanzas naturally.

The author answered most of the questions that was provided with, at the time of the prompt; but I still had some questions as a reader. Some of the questions were; how did you come here, what do you think happened back in your home, and such. I feel that the author was more focused on rather showcasing their determination, they neglected to answer some of the questions which would've peaked the audience's interest in the author.

The poem certainly fits the nature of the prompt; however I feel that it lacked a certain degree of theatricality, as well nostalgia to have earned the full score of five points.

Though the poem was written correct in terms of grammar, and such. I feel that the author's use of punctuation could've been better. For instance, there was no true need for the ellipsis in the first verse of the first stanza; had the author wished to emphasize it, they could've replaced it with a semi-colon or even a punctuation mark provided the next verse was altered just a bit. The author also misplaced commas for instance "But I will appear in gold, /with petals rested on my head,". There was no need for a comma after gold, the author could omit it, or instead use a semi-colon if they wished to make it two separate clauses.

Overall: The poem was lacking in terms of substance because the author had difficulty revolving the poem around nostalgia more, but still managed to write a respectable piece.

• Judges: 18 + 21 + 15 + 18.5 = 72.5
• Final Score: 50.75

#7 (Undiscovered):

- Judge A: (21/25)
When I first read this one, I immediately fell in love with it. I knew I had to re-read it after a while since it's hard judging a piece you really like and I don't want to just praise a poem in this competition.

What I really like here was that it incorporated words/terms from the book itself (district, government, arena..), it made me think that this poet really knows the book.
The tone used all throughout was very powerful and confident. When I think of nostalgia, I think of weakness, but this poet made me think otherwise. Sometimes nostalgia does make us stronger, it makes us want to fight - for our family, loved ones.
Having said that, what really disturbs me was the lack of punctuation. The line breaks worked really well in some parts, but in others, it was unfortunately, nonsensical. And it's really disappointing. Even the smallest details would be taken into account, so I won't let that pass here.

The ending was a little too weak compared to the powerful beginning. And I thought it ended too fast. I wanted more. Yes, the poet seemed to 'forsee' his/her destiny - that she will win, but how? Plus, I'm not so sure about the significance of the 'body of water behind a forest'. I've read the books but I don't remember a body of water. Perhaps it is the poet's twist here, but I thought it seemed awkward.

- Judge B: (20/25)
Here is one who actually incorporates the book into the world of his/her poem. The tangible feeling of forced competition is well done, if a bit less dramatically homesick than I would like. This poem is another case of daring-do and grit instead of nostalgia. It works well as a manifesto and in that token it fits better in the later works of the Hunger Game series (especially book three). To be fair, there are flaws: (" I lay slumber against;" "reminiscing of how;" "a body of water behind a forest, that blanket lumps").

- Judge C: (13/25)
The poem is good.
If I have to suggest, then I will definitely suggest you to
use more living word choice, in other words the way
you penned it did not give me the urge to enjoy or keep reading.
It was a little bit boring, and please understand my honesty.
We are supposed to be honest so that you guys pay attention
for the next round.
It was jammed with words, and ambiguity.
You do have the talent, and the passion but I think you
just need to organize your ideas.

- Judge D: (22/25)
5/5 Creativity

4.5/5 Use of metaphor/similes/personifications/

4/5 "answering questions"

4.5/5 "prompt"
4/5 technical aspects

The poem is one of the more creative poems I read from the lot of poems I've received; it incorporated a balance between

theatricality and nostalgia which is definitely more than suitable for both the contest and the prompt. I loved the vivid imagery that the author used to depict the background - it truly made the poem much more memorable, as well as interesting to read.

The author did not make use of similes, which saddens me a lot actually. The author is definitely has an innate skill for writing and I'm sure that had they utilized a single simile, it would've rippled only creativity and a myriad of emotions throughout the poem.

The author did not answer some of the questions such as; what future they foresee and such. But I understand why, they may have omitted it due to there being a restriction on the length of the poem, and them not wanting to omit part of the poem to incorporate it in. Even if it was answered briefly all the questions within a mere stanza or even two verses; I wouldn't have hesitated to give it a higher score in this category because I know the author is much more than capable of conveying a deep meaning within so few words.

The only sole reason why I did not award the full five points is because in spite of how amazing this poem is, I feel that it still lacked that "something" extra. I'm not even sure what it is myself, perhaps if the author incorporated just a little bit more emotion into the poem, I would have reconsidered.

My only single critique of the technical aspects of the poem is that it lacks correct punctuation throughout the poem (mostly seen when ending verses) - though I understand this is qin uite common in writing, I still feel that the poem's flow would have greatly improved had there been a period here and there.

Overall: This poem is definitely a favorite, and I can't wait till Abed reveals who wrote which poem so I could read more of your work (if I don't already).

• Judges: 21 + 20 + 13 + 22 = 76
• Total Score: 76 * 0.7 = 53.2

#8 (The Fire in Me):

- Judge A: (19/25)
This seems different from what I've read. The setting is the cave where the protagonists of the story hid and rested. It's interesting and unique.
I liked the sincerity and innocence that radiates from the use of "Grandpa" and "Grandma" as well as the ash-fire imagery that's been repeated.
Perhaps what bothered me most was the grammatical errors. (EG. "Grandma could only prayed", prayed=pray)
Also, I wasn't too keen on the repetition of "that were left" in the second and third stanzas as it weakened the piece.

- Judge B: (22/25)
This poem avoids the problem of the resolute; it stays in the nostalgic moment, even if it occasionally leaps forward to assert determination. The theme of rising from the ashes is good and develops without falling into the obvious cliches. There are a few problems: (you would reside in a cavern rather at it; "Grandma could only prayed;" "one day, I'll comeback alive"). On the balance, though they do not detract too much and are easily corrected.

- Judge C: (13/25)
What a title dude, reflects very strong longings.
Lovely opening, theme well portrayed.
Not a very strong piece if we have to talk about
creativity. I found a very slight taste of originality,
as you worked on factual happenings and emotions
more than depth.
Good luck.

- Judge D: (16/25)
3.5/5 Creativity

3/5 Use of metaphor/similes/personifications/

3/5 "answering questions"

3.5/5 "prompt"
3/5 technical aspects

The author took an interesting approach when they were writing this poem; the end result was a creative poem that was lacking a bit of substance from missing key requirements, and in a general sense as the author could have easily expanded the length of the poem as well as all the ideas that were expressed in the poem.

The author was lacking some of the mandated literary devices such as similes and personification. However the author did a decent job in employing metaphor that I feel that it did offset the absence of the two literary devices.

The author's overall score was hurt by this category; the author did not speak of how they were brought to the 'war zone/battle' and what future they see occurring in their homeland. In addition to that, I feel that the author did not go deep enough into answering what/who they're going to miss and why, as the poem does appear a bit bland at times as it seems to lack a 'nostalgia' feeling to it.

The poem met the expectations of the prompt, and slightly outdid the expectations actually. However I feel that the author's lack of overall 'substance' has hurt all the author's scores in each category and this is no exception. I truly wish to credit the author a four, but that would be unfair of me.

The poem has its share of things to be revised; more punctuation should be utilized, as well as correct some of the existing punctuation. For instance, "Grandma could only prayed;/ one day, I'll comeback alive," 'prayed' should be 'pray' and you don't need the semi-colon as the following verse is not different enough to be classified as a separate clause (semi-colons are typically used to join two separate clause that have some inherent 'bond' to one another, and I feel that it is not necessary here, it could be omitted or even replaced by the word 'that').

Overall: This poem could easily have earned a higher score had the author took time to revise once more, and adhere to the requirements.

• Judges: 19 + 22 + 13 + 16 = 70
• Total Score: (70 * 0.7) + (14 * 0.3) = 49 + 4.2 = 53.2

#9 (Untitled):

- Judge A: (17/25)
This piece needs punctuation.

Although the tone was obviously dark, I was more confused most of the time whilst reading this piece.

"to find shackles waiting upon my step
ready to aim, shoot, fire
should I choose to run"
^ How could shackles aim, shoot or even fire? I didn't like the use of upon as well, I'd rather it was just "on", and step might be better changed to "doorstep" or something. I would also appreciate some punctuation.

The third verse of the last stanza should read "shadows stalk ever so close", I believe.

I kinda liked the ending as it wasn't like the other poems; the poet showed uncertainty and maybe a bit of hopelessness

- Judge B: (20/25)
This one taps somewhat into the Hunger Games, if not specifically. I like the similes ("desolate as the last leaf on a tree in the coldest winter;" "silent as a mourner in a graveyard").On the other hand, using the death row simile twice was once too many times and fallacious is also misused. The sense of doom is built solidly into the work: "silent shadows stalk, quietly waiting To pounce."

- Judge C: (13/25)
Very good piece, the ending was my most favorite,
it made me think and made me ponder with thoughts!
I love the way you chose to express the topic by
your own special ways.
I do not love the organization of ideas and the way
you punctuated, it was a little bit bothering how
there isn't any means of full stops or pauses
in the 3rd stanza and the, even the 2nd.
Other than that, you just need to pay attention
to the way you shift from 1st to 2nd-3rd person.

Good luck.

- Judge D: (17/25)

3.5/5 Creativity

4/5 Use of metaphor/similes/personifications/

3.5/5 "answering questions"

3.5/5 "prompt"
2.5/5 technical aspects

I loved that the author decided to experiment a bit with this poem; the author employed a narrative point of view when penning this piece and I feel that it really did pay off for the author. It was extremely interesting to read, and was a fresh of breath of air as it differed significantly from some of the other poems. However, I still feel that the author did stray a bit too much from the theme of nostalgia to be awarded the full five points.

I loved the fact that the author used all of the mandated literary devices; it made the poem much more captivating. However had the author just delved a bit deeper and tied all of them together, or even to the the theme of nostalgia just a bit more, I would have not hesitated to credit the full five points in this category.

The author did not spend much time answering the questions; but did answer a good majority of the questions. Had the author took time to answer the questions more in depth with the narrative point of view they enlisted, or abandon the narrative point of view and answer the questions poetically and creatively, they could have easily attained a higher score in this category.

I'm a bit conflicted on what to credit the author in the second last category - the poem was quite original and did fit the overall theme of the prompt. The reason is that the poem is written a bit differently from the poem and thus did lack a little bit of substance. The author had to work with a length-restriction and with a first-person narrative point of view, it allows the writer to ramble on a bit so the author did balance the best of both worlds, but there is room for improvement.

This poem needs a bit more revision, it requires more punctuation throughout the poem. The existing punctuation for the majority, may need to be altered, as well as incorporate more punctuation. I advise that the author use commas and periods much more throughout their future writing, as it truly helps with the flow of the poem as well as dictate to the author when its time for a new stanza and help organize their writing a bit more.

Overall: This was an interesting read; I applaud the author for experimenting a bit with this challenge.

• Judges: 17 + 20 + 13 + 17 = 67
• Total Score: 67 * 0.7 = 46.9

#10 (Homesick):

- Judge A: (17/25)
I thought this poem was well-written. I liked the spacing out of "h o m e" as it makes it stand out and it emphasizes the nostalgia seeping from within that simple word. The flashbacks and reminiscing was nice, but bland and unoriginal.
Redundancy and nonsensical phrasings here was a let-down.

'My surroundings are as plain as a white
paper.'
^ Bland. Why choose paper when there are a lot of white things more interesting to compare to?

'The faces of my family still blink in my mind,'
^ Although I completely get what the author is aiming for with this, still, this made me laugh. Faces blink?

'Reminiscing all of my treasured memories
was as painful as slitting my two wrists.'
^ Two wrists? It's obvious one has two wrists. Treasured is too telling. Reminiscing is such an empty word here; this lacks emotion.

'Missing my previous life was too strenuous,
and I shoved the last drop of positivity into
a bottle.'
^ I'm wondering, why "strenuous"? I liked the idea of shoving positivity in a bottle though. The conjunction should be "so".

I liked how you said that your existence was evanescent. It shows how the hunger games is tough, how you'd stand so strong in one second and in the next, you're on the ground. I wasn't keen on the wrong tense of the last couple of lines although the question was powerful.

- Judge B: (23/25)
Lonliness and despair seeps out of this work like pus from a painful wound. "Even the moon is on vacation" leaving the speaker not-home alone. The use of "tenebrous shadows" stopped me cold, since I had to look it up; although it fits, I doubt if the vast majority of readers would know it. The nostalgia factor is in abundance, with that twinge of hopelessness that goes with it: thinking of her "treasured memories ... was as painful as slitting my two wrists." I had a little trouble wi

Thanks Abed for posting and all your hard work!
These are breathtaking!! I can't even begin to say how much I love reading each one....this will be intense

<3 ...omg

So many great poems! I'm trying to guess who wrote what and am having a hard time on a few for sure!

They are all worthy of continuing to another round, those judges will have a tough time...
awesome work, really enjoyed reading them...

By they are all worthy, you mean just mine right Tara :P LOL jk

I don't know how judges do it!

Haha Chelsey, I loved them all, and I have no idea which is yours, I know two and that is my own and the obvious one

Our 4 judges were chosen from the priviliged PnQ Gods & Goddesses.

Wow! All of the poems are amazing! It's so nice to see how everyone was inspired differently and what they ended up with!

Amazing poems everyone
wew Judges are going to have hard time choosing some poems to fall out lol

Edited: I can't wait to see Judges comments and results

oh btw that reminds me
will you post the comments or just the rates and who is going to be out??

I will post comments and rates!

I still have the comments of one judge :)

Are you EXCITED?

I am calculating now the results! wow it takes a long time :P

Abed you're a slowpoke :P

We are not patient people here lol

He's probably trying to calculate your and my points with his hands, not realizing he'd need like 20 hands each lmao

Just kidding. I know I am impatient, but calculating numbers should be fast. :P

We are not patient people here lol

C'mon Abed. Let me know how deep is my grave, hahaha. Everyone is nervous because it's a boiling situation in everyone's feelings.

Wow, your judges were fast.

NOW HURRY UP. WE'RE NOT PATIENT ENOUGH TO BE TOLD YOU HAVE EVERYTHING AND ARE NOW TALLYING.

You must lie to us! lol

Edit, I'm clearly cap-happy.

Cap happy lmao

No no, caps are good in this case it helps him move fast!

DO YOU FEEL THE PRESSSUUREEEEEEEE :)

Say cap happy three times fast. It sounds like ca-pappy.

I'm clearly going insane waiting for these results, LP. PLEASE STOP THE INSANITY!

Judges, Abeds slow ass is ruining your fast, good and very-appreciated work! :)

Thanks thanks thanks already. :)

LOL Jenni. He's probably sitting here with results doing an evil laugh seeing how dumb we all get lol

Yeah you're probably right, he wants to see us suffer lol.

Hahaha I can picture him...grinning....but picture this...chelsey busting him upside the head with a pillow

Move it buddy, I'm ready :)

A pillow is too soft, there's no motivation there!

Lets steal the tomatoes he threatened us with and throw that at him lol

I was really afraid to say a frying pan because I didn't want to be an a-hole, but since you went there....

*grabs frying pan* lmao

Bahah YES. I'll incite PnQ cyber-violence to get results. I'm clearly a terrible person lol.

Jenni that's probably safer, and then less tomatoes for us, yes?!

I can't believe how bored I am that I'm even discussing all this, bahaha.

LMAO -

Oh YES, I am grinning!

I just finished... woah.. I swear I'm tired!!!!!! :P

Count till 10

FINALLY! ;)

If I get ousted first round after all this I'm gonna be pissed. lol

Come on Abed, I told him last night to get himself moving...and posting LOL and he still makes us wait, what a beephole

:) Hurry up, I cannot wait!

Yeah I thought so too Britt!

Come on Abed, you'll make a lot of women happy at once, the dream of all men lmao

Ahhh feeling the intensity here!!!

RESULTS ARE POSTED ABOVE

2 POETS WERE ELIMINATED THIS ROUND

since "Taka" was killed in an earthquake (12.5 Rechter Scale)

--

Edited, we had 4 beautiful judges this round from different age categories.

Judge A
Judge B
Judge C
Judge D

^ Thank you all. Really. You are awesome.

What the hell?

The post is so long, it wasn't posted!

They Are Down there:

---------------- Mods, Please lock This -------

CONTESTANTS, Ignore the results above.

I couldn't post the whole Reuslts Post, so I made another thread. Go see it.