When should I do 'The talk'

Hi all

A bit personal this one, however I would be interested in your thoughts;

My 9 year old autistic son keeps asking me how you make babies. Now I could tell him, but he will then probably tell my 8 and 6 year old daughters.
I may be being old fashioned, but I want to protect their innocence for as long as possible. I believe once they know they may view the world differently. Should I just sit them down, or hold out for a while longer?
(My son may not take in the emotional side, he may just think it is rude.)

I don't have kids so I don't feel I can answer properly (one of those you don't know until you get there things)

but I know that when I was a kid, my parents just told me that babies were made when two people fell in love and got married. Of course I asked how they were made and they told me babies were more so.. delivered, to a womans belly to store like a chicken (we lived on a farm so this made perfect sense to me).

I didn't learn the truth until I was 12 and had "sex ed" in school, and my parents better explained to me.

See I think 12 is a better age, my dad sat me down when I was 12 and came out learning more from me, (I was a dirty little sod!!)

I think you could try Brit's story! Sounds really good lol!

Just my opinion.... now a days you can't wait to late to give them "the Talk" because they are learning from their friends at an earlier age (and often learning wrong). I have two girls and gave them limited information until they were about 8-9. Seven is the age of Reason if I am not mistaken, so I waited a little longer. I used the basics of what Britt said but tried to add in little things as they grew older and was suprised that some of their beliefs were based around what their friends had already told them. I know with the Autism it is a little different story and you may have to be a little more delicate with the conversation. Good Luck with it and I hope it goes well for you.

Thanks all for your opinions so far, dixie daisy, girls are a little more mature wouldn't you agree. So maybe wait until the yougest is seven then tell all three some limited info?
Maybe I should say "ask your mother" ; - )

My partner's son is 12 and autistic, and me and his dad have a two year old son together, while I was pregnant he constantly asked how babies were made and wanted to know all the details.

His question was:

How are babies made? Did you want one and you just got one?

LOL

We told him that babies are made when a couple loves each other and want to bring another life into the world (Without going into explicit detail.)

Now I'm not sure where on the autistic spectral scale your son is, but my partner's son was happy with that answer and hasn't asked since.

This will sound immature of me but I have to say it because in my opinion, which always seems wrong but turns out rational at some point, there should be nothing called 'the talk'. I have no idea why old people or ...the so called adults consider children ignorant. Children know it ALL. Really. And the more you try to hide it from them, the less it works. Why not say everything all at once and in a more lovely way as in a joke or something? Uhum, my father (RIP) used to joke about sexual stuff in front of us and my sister and I had known everything already. Before friends make fun of us at schools because we had no idea.
I'm not sure whether this is a debate or just a question or a request for advice so I won't agree or disagree with the peeps above me. But I say... Say it all and don't be afraid of them being insincere in such a young age, because they won't. I assure you.

Thanks noura, you bring up an excellent point, school! I don't want my kids feeling like outsiders because they don't understand what their friends are talking about.

Can I ask the level of autism?

I am waiting for the forum to give us a final answer, i would imagine middle of scale. He is higher than aspergers but lower than the worst cases.

Well....obviously you can communicate with him when he's raised this question right? I'd first of all ask why he has raised this question...what triggered it in his mind etc....I have a friend with an autistic child..well adult now and as teens these kids are no different to others....they still have desires so...I guess the more knowledge he has the better.

Thanks hellon,

Well...I'm no expect Darren but...normally these children have a huge problem communicating and by the sounds of things your son doesn't? My friends daughter can't speak...just random sounds but the family developed some sort of sign language...not the registered one for the deaf..just their own but...comprehension was always a big problem...you could never in a million years explain to her about where babies come from for example and...that's why...when she got to a certain age her parents made the decision to have her overies removed.

Its stories like this hellon that makes me appreciate that my son could be a lot worse. He communicates but everything is black and white to him, there is no middle ground, maybe i need to just discuss the mechanics rather than the emotion to him, my other concern was my six year old daughter. I feel this is too young for this type of discussion. But my other two are hardly likely to keep it quiet.

In a childs life...things start out as black and white regardless...for example a toy works or it doesn't..if it doesn't it's quickly put aside...it may only need a battery replaced but...children can't comprehend that...it's just not working in their mind. Same with a crayon...when it has been worn down and the paper needs pulled down...it's no longer a colour in their minds...they don't comprehend that it can work again.

And something else you may try...I'm not sure if he takes frustration tantums? If he does...try taking both his hands and placing them straight by his hips....then sing to him...autistic children love music I believe?

He is king of tantrums of frustration, this is a great idea, however if i sing it might make him worse!!!

Banging his head off the wall?...yeah that's probably it...on the floor too but....you have to understand the frustration....the flapping of the arms I found with my friends daughter was something she couldn't control but...it gave her some relief when we pinned them by her sides and sang to her...just and idea for you tro try...

It's best he heared it from you, Darren. And not some twisted version from peers. Liz (Poetess) was right when she said kids know it all. They often know vey much about sex, but dare not let you in on that and just want you to CONFIRM what they already know, as to double-check. The way adults keep quiet about it, makes them think it is a forbidden and hazardous subject.

I told mine, when he was about eight years old ( if I remember well) that babies are made when the seed and the egg mix and also how that comes about. He wanted to know the exact details, because he is a very curious boy, and so I gave them to him. I never made him feel sex was something dirty, but quite the opposite: something truly magical, when shared by two people in love.

Don't worry about the innocence of your daughter, why would knowing what sex is take that away? It is all in the way you deliver the message...rather you tell her, then a boy years her senior;)

Only that I'm not Liz, Ingrid, haha.

Oh sorry Noura, I thought I saw Liz (Poetess). Your names are very similar!

I am the Poetess, Liz is a wild Lioness. Don't worry, I have been called Nana, Liz, Andrea, Chels and more on here, haha.

I would tell him that when you become an adult, you can lay down with another adult, naked, and hug each other. When a man and woman have "sex," sometimes their love for each other creates a baby. The woman already has a seed (egg) inside of her belly, but she needs love + sex for it to begin growing.

That's sort of what I was told by my parents. Made sense!

I go with Ingrid. He may be autistic but it seems if he can even talk and think enough to ask a question like that then he must be pretty near nine years old enough to receive honest answers. When I was young you could bull shit a nine year old,, but today no-way. Of course on the other hand keep it scientifically organized and you don't have to give more detail then to satisfy his query. and leave out the graphic stuff as Slivershoes detailed ....also as all knows you don't have to be in love to be able to procreate...spl?

^^^^

Liked your first answer better Donald....it made me laugh and...I spilled my coffee!!!!

I didn't want to offend anyone...its not my nature

I know...still it was funny and...I'm glad I got to read it sweetypie!!!