HG - Round #2: Poems

^ LOL - The Title should be: Round #2: RESULTS

Sorry; I was out of town before my judges sent me the results. I should have had 4 judges this round, but the 4th judge couldn't make it, so I will add 25 to each score to make that out of 100.
---------------------------------------------------

#1 (Proceed to Die)

-15 points
At times the alliteration was excellent, while at other times it was cliched ("quaked and quivered"). The poem seems more a simile than actual combat. I get the impression that this speaker hides behind a facade of gentility while backstabbing her targets with vicious gossip and cutting insults. As such it is well done. One phrase should be clarified before publishing: "my breath smelt deadly toxic as I kissed poison on her cheeks." Assuming the speaker carries the poison, this phrase confuses the action taking place.

- Vote: 25/25

I love this poem, it was enjoyable with all honesty, it did NOT bore me, enjoyed the inner rhyme that was created by a double face of alliteration , loved the fact that it was indeed a well written narration, yet was really kind of a thriller lol. I think you accomplished the mission without going over the limit.

- 17/25

The ending of this poem was the best part for me. It was unexpected, brief and quite breathtaking. It emphasized how a murderer would act and feel after taking away someones life - emotionless.
There were just a lot of flaws; grammatical errors (EG. "lay in wait" should be lie in wait) and incorrect use of punctuation, especially the ellipsis, which resulted to a shaky flow.
Although the narration was quite well-done, the alliteration etc., I thought this needs more work with originality, emotion, flow, and imagery.

#2 (Innocence)

- 16 points
Another poem that could be real or a simile of stalking for treachery in the social scene. The alliteration was blended well into the story, bits at a time that still accumulated well. The device of repeating the opening line could have been more effective if each time there was a direct result of this action. Use of an icicle as the murder weapon was a complete non sequitur, as there was nothing to foreshadow it; a shame because I found it to have great potential both as a weapon and as a metaphor for leaving her victim out in the cold.

- 20/25

This was also well written, the structure was a little bit shaky at certain parts, but then it got better then a little bit shaky then better again. Word choice was smart, it all wrapped up the mood needed for such a theme. In all it was a good piece. Good Luck

- 16/25

In this round, the contestants are "required to narrate how you creatively, craftily and originally murdered.."
This poem focused more on "stalking" the prey, the alliteration, repetition etc., that the poet didn't follow the prompt well, which is a shame since this poem is well-written. I would've liked more details, imagery, emotion..
It's too simple.

#3 (Falling Prey)

- 22 points
This is an excellent story with plot and sub-plot, subterfuge and betrayal. The opening incident with the doe prepares the reader for the unacceptable as becoming necessary. This violation of the cardinal rule of sportsmanship, killing a mother doe, sets up a level of distrust such that the later befriending of the girl seems monstrous even while it begins in seeming innocence. The fact that the kill takes place during the greatest evidence of the victim's trust (sleeping in the presence of the stranger) concludes the tale of horror beautifully. I found the alliteration did not particularly help the story but detracted from the horror by injecting inadvertent humor: "forget finding food, friendship and fearlessness to fight. I come carrying carcass for consuming, care to converse?" Even so, the story is excellent.

- : 20/25

I did give a high score to this poem, because in my opinion you did not fail to match up with the requirements and with the narration theme. But if I had to be honest, I was not fond of the opening stanza and some many part, it did not give me this urge to read and enjoy it. Bored me at a certain point but I wanted to be fair, you do deserve the points, but definitely could have been a little more creative. Good luck

- 20/25

This is quite an original way to "murder". The psychological tactic used was great, as Abed wanted. I liked concept of victimizing an innocent little girl and killing her in the end with seemingly no mercy, just for survival and perhaps hunger. The subtle comparison of the mother doe and innocent girl worked wonders for this poem.
What let this piece down, though, were some flaws grammatically (EG. "Still, not a word had been spoken." had should be has. "Its working" needs an apostrophe since it is a contraction here...), awkward wording (EG. "Startled, as she heard the leaves rustle
positioning herself in a stance,
ready for battle." lacks an idea; it is a sentence fragment. It could be re-worded: "Startled, she heard the leaves rustle as she positioned herself in a stance, ready for battle." "I Scope the area for my next victim." I don't see the significance of capitalizing the first letter of scope...) and forced alliteration.
The ending was a little too weak and a little too obvious as well.

#4 (Brumous Nightfall)

- Jack the Ripper visits the Rue Morgue: this would be a good opening scene from a murder mystery. I'm not crazy about some of the alliteration ("pitchy part of Paris") but others flow well and add to the reading enjoyment ("callous city scorning" - double alliteration of "k," triple "s," blended with visual alliteration of "c"). It appears that the victim is a prostitute ("proud woman before life got you weary") which is supported by the fact that she would allow him to approach and kiss her. The murder itself is almost too easy, though, since hardly any tension builds up to it.

- : 25/25

I love this one! The opening stanza is very catchy, the poem is very creative, very very original, and you had your own personal touch over this one. It sucked me as a read into the stanzas written, and I really loved everything about it.
The one part that I did not like at all was this one:

hen your lips trembled I couldn't help,
but to silence you with my halothane*
oozing gloves.

^
the rest of the poem just sounded deeper than these.

Well done, excellent piece.

- 19/25

Good imagery here, but I found this poem quite queer. I don't see any motive on killing.? and the idea used of murdering is quite common and uncreative, I wasn't too keen on it.
But as I've said, the imagery is well done. It gave me a misty picture in my mind of what is happening. It just seems like it's lacking something to make it stand out.
I liked the tone though.

#5 (The Eagles And I)

- 12 points
I read and read this story over and over and could not, could not get past the repetitions. They were so distracting that I found myself skipping whole stanzas and had to force myself to go back to them. This distraction is a shame, because none of it served a useful purpose toward the story or the alliteration; it would be a much better story without it. There were other issues with syntax ("prayed" should be "pray," "stabbed" should be "stab," "teamed" should be "team.") The plot twist was as obvious as an eagle's cry and the angst-ridden protagonist was overworked. The story could use some major rewriting before publishing, but I think the end product would be worth it - there is promise here.

- 20/25

Well written, well expressed, but you got lost with your ideas at a certain point, I loved the fact that you was not afraid of writing a lengthy piece. That was interesting, you sound llike brave poet, you used many tools in this piece that I was keen on.
Best of luck.

- 14/25

The prompt was to write about how "you" would murder a contestant. So I was kind of confused when I first read this. But perhaps leading them somewhere dangerous yet safe for you showed how you murdered them? Original, yet I'm not too sure.
The repetition (EG. " huge but huge trees", "animals and animals were being devoured" etc. seemed unnecessary. They were quite distracting and annoying afterwards as I don't see what they add to the poem.)
I'm not a huge fan of the dialogues used in this poem as they just seemed shoved there and "amateurish".

#6 (Predator)

- 20 points
This work appealed to the animal instinct in me to survive. The ending is no surprise as it appears evident early on that this story is told by the predator. The use of "Siberian" threw me off, making me expect a tiger rather than a lion. (Lions have not lived in Siberia in historical times.) Nonetheless, the meandering character of the story seems to match the lamb's halting progress. One can imagine the urgency of the beast waiting in ambush, impatient and hungry. Some of the alliteration was forced ("grabbed garbled and gambled opportunity") while others were balanced and easy to read ("feral ferocious, guttural growl").

- : 25/25

This is my best piece, it was my favorite out of the entire package, something about it got me addicted to it lol, maybe I am evil or something, I just loved the ideas you've created in my head. Despite your impressive usage of the round tools. Excellent job! Hope you score the highest I votes.

- 18/25

The lamb-lion concept, I don't find that original nor creative; it's very typical and boring. And the ending was neither surprising nor impacting. However, the execution was quite well done. The poet almost pulled this off.
Having said that, I do not like the fifth stanza at all. It's an awful attempt at alliteration.

#7 (Substance Abuse)

- 23 points
Personification of addiction as a demonic trickster. Well done. My first read felt conflicted: the story itself is not particularly coherent, but the tale is timeless. Rereading the poem I decided that a story about beclouded minds should not be entirely coherent. Some images are starkly horrible in their beauty ("You near your way to a cliff, demonic tongues leading you to believe there is a safe house hidden below - 'follow the path, leap to salvation' . . . I howl every piece of happiness I ever held in.") Had to laugh out loud at one piece of alliteration: "teaching elephants how to trumpet."

- : 10/25

I don't think this is was you were expected to do, despite that some tools where well used, but I did not feel that you reflected the images and thoughts you were required to.
I did not see the narration I am supposed to see, and although it's an enjoyable read, but it does not fit the standards.

- 17/25

I liked the repetition since it wasn't overdone and it gave this poem its smooth flow.
The had on the second line of the second stanza should be has.
I'm not a hundred per cent sure how this connects with the prompt; "murdering a contestant..." It is a good poem - it shows two sides of a person; one killing herself by substance abuse and the other, with the constant repetition of "I will be the last one standing", highlighted how this person is determined to win.
Yet I'm still unsure about this piece.

#8 (Vengeance)

- - 22 points
Something out of Swords & Sorcery, but well told even if cliched. The payback scenario holds true throughout the work making for a good comprehensive story. The image of digging her nails to draw her own blood in order to relieve the rage is actually error: no warrior would blood their own palms, it weakens your hold doubly: the pain from the cuts must be overcome to hold the weapon and the grip is diminished because blood is slippery. Still, it was a visceral image. I enjoyed his deliberate unhinging by her body: "she uncovered his weakest spot and flaunted her curves to distract him." The alliteration was a bit more subtle than other poems: "she could smell the fear in his sweat." Overall it is a good telling of an age old cry for vengeance.

- 25/25

Excellent opening, it was very catchy. Love the idea of the parentheses, as if wording scenes in the mind of the reader, it was very clever of you!

the piece is original and creative, despite that you have a way with words that excited me to think of what's next!

I love the fact that your ending was not predictable, a very satisfying poem. Well done.

- 24/25

This poem has just about everything the contest prompt required - the narration of the murder with vivid descriptions and imagery, the terror/horror/thrill that the persona and his/her opponent went through, the psychological tactic, the need to survive and hunger exuding from the persona in this piece is evident..
The enclosure of phrases with parentheses gave the readers another angle and point of view to see and feel the story and emotions - I thought it was brilliant.
Good use of black comedy here as well (wild donkey).
What made me deduct one point was that the murder (with a sword) is not as original anymore. And I thought said in the last line would be better as say.
Good piece, though.

~ 2 contestants will be eliminated this round according to accumulated score through both rounds ~ We will be left with 6 contestants. ~ Results + Second Round Will be Posted Within 2 Hours Max ~

---- ROUND #2 SCORES (Including: Votes & Hellon's Tomatoes) --

#1:: Judges Score: (17 + 25 + 15 + 25) = 82 * 0.7 = 57.4
Total Score: 61.6

#2: : Judges Score: (16 + 20 + 16 + 25) = 77 * 0.7 = 53.9
Total Score: 57.8

#3: : Judges Score: (20 + 20 + 22 + 25)= 87 * 0.7 = 60.9
Total Score: 66.9

#4: : Judges Score: (19 + 25 + 20 + 25) = 89 * 0.7 = 62.3
Total Score: 63.3

#5: : Judges Score: (14 + 20 + 12 + 25)= 71 *0.7 = 49.7
Total Score: 49.7

#6: : Judges Score: (18 + 25 + 20 + 25) = 88 * 0.7 = 61.6
Total Score: 61.6

#7: : Judges Score: (17 + 10 + 23 + 25) = 75 * 0.7 = 52.5
Total Score: 52.5

#8: : Judges Score: (24 + 25 + 22 + 25)= 96 * 0.7 = 67.2
Total Score: 68.2

--------- CUMULATIVE SCORES (2nd + 1st Rounds) ----------------

#1:: 61.6 + 50.75 = 112.35

#2: : 57.8 + 49.3 = 107.1 <<<<<<<<<<<<< Eliminated

#3: : 66.9 + 53.2 = 120.1

#4: : 63.3 + 64.8 = 128.1

#5: 49.7 + 53.2 = 102.9 <<<<<<<<<<<<< Eliminated

#6: : 61.6 + 46.9 = 108.5

#7: : 52.5 + 56 = 108.5

#8:: 68.2 + 64.8 = 133

Oh thanks for being so organized :)

Well done ladies...damn this was a very tough round...
:S

:D

:O

:E

So were there only 3 judges this round? I'm confused

Yes!

The 4th judge didn't send me the results for personal reasons.....

so each last '25' was added to make the judges score out of 100.

Makes sense. Thank you :)

1 more questions. I'm confused at how the best and voting worked. For those who used their votes this round, isn't that additional points?

So I've tried to say congrats three times and it won't post... so if this shows up multiple times, I apologize lol

Chels,

The TOTAL SCORE includes the Votes.

---> Here is how the things went behind the scenes.

(Judges Score * 0.7) + (Votes * 0.3) = Total Score

Cumulative Score = Total Score of Round 2 + Total Score of Round 1

Thank ya muchhhhh :)

This is just so freakin interesting I want to see round 3 lol

:D

Finally Abed, finally! :P

Hopefully he's learned to never leave while hosting a contest lol

I am excused because I was on holidays.. haha :$

they are like Christmas for you..

No excuses...you should have left someone else in charge. Like larry. Lol

Thanks Abed for posting the results! And thanks again to the judges for their comments :)

Chels: "No excuses...you should have left someone else in charge. Like larry. Lol"

No way!

A judge keeps control at all times
even when they're out of control.

Congrats everyone!!!