HG - Final Reviews + Judges + All-Time PANEL

--------------- Final Round Reviews from Judges-------------------

#1 (Borealis)

- 20/25

The title set up an expectation of an ethereal display, perhaps to be carried out in the prowess of the speaker. I felt disappointed in that the promise did not find fruition. Rather, the poem was at times meandering, leading inward and only hinting at outward action.

The first stanza implies a respite, but one dealing with shortcomings of the past instead of any regenerative healing from the present. The second stanza confirms that this homecoming was not restful or reaffirming. The use of "easeful," apparently a purposefully made-up word, implies that the other person should be one who could mellow the speaker, but who has already left, even if not physically. This leave-taking is filled with regret - not about the leaving, but that there was nothing to cling to anyway.

Third stanza: two syntax problems. "Succumbed" is used improperly in a transitive form. If the intention is to show submission by the girl to the speaker, add the word "to" after succumbed; use a different word if the intent is to say that the girl entranced the speaker. The word "died" should be "dyed." Incidently, in the fourth stanza, "thitherto" is misspelled, it should be "hitherto, " although still a poor word choice in my opinion.

The imagery in the third stanza is fierce but weak. I realize what the meaning is, but "pounced on diminished living will" is such an understatement. I liked the phrase "mashed up obscurity" and it works well with the yang concept of positive brightness and clarity.

The fourth stanza, I believe, tries to do too much. In the opening lines the protagonist accepts guilt and yet contrives to retain a certain innocence through this acceptance. When the storm enters it is distracting to the purpose and does not seem to fit. On the other hand, I was struck by the inactive phrasing of a most active event: "the wind gave up its rest."

Final stanza, the homecoming. But given the ambivalence shown in the opening of the poem, what sort of expectation could the speaker have? There is asserted loss of what is considered innate to being human; does the person being addressed now have the task of socializing this warrior? If so, it will not be an easy task, and the speaker is not even certain whether it will be accepted.

- 23/25

Even though I wasn't a fan of the way the writer punctuated their piece, I cannot say other than... amazing. I loved the imagery in this entry more than it in the other one. Some wonderful bits, you've got here.

'Musing
about forlorn hopes - I left
with a whiff of You.'

See this? I could quote it forever. Just moving.
I love the wind leaning image and the whole story, the way it was written and the flow.

The ending wrapped everything up and gave it a bit of movement. And I fell for it. Wow.
Will give this ..

- 23.5/25
I'm absolutely enticed by the author's diction as well as the level of imagery they employed in this poem. Everything is tightly-knit together and flows extremely well. I also like the tint of mystery that's added through the use of diction and the author's writing style. I've read this poem over many times in attempt to pick up any mistakes in punctuation; grammar and such but I only find a minor flaw: "I left
with a whiff of You." The last word doesn't need to be capitalized.

- 17/25
Title: Simple yet very enticing. After reading this piece, I think the title is to emphasise how fleeting; how unreal this 'journey' was, perhaps, and that the author didn't know when it would fade away. Everything's unpredictable. I like it.

First stanza: The personal symbolism with 'Jasmine' - assuming it is, since it is capitalised - worked really well. Jasmines may be, for the author, symbolising love; like the rose.
The flow here, for me, was a tad bit faster than it should be. I would've wanted it to be slower, since it is the beginning and you've yet to set the tone and atmosphere for the reader. I'd have placed a comma after return and changed the comma to a semi-colon.

Second stanza: Again, a comma after ago would be better, imo. Beautiful metaphors here, though. The image of the moon in this said person's mouth, I liked. I pictured a lovely full ("swollen") moon that quickly vanishes ("Adieus") and the persona - left disappointed, perhaps because he/she was expecting it to linger a little longer. The persona then, left as well. Very well-thought out, indeed.

Third: I believe there should be a preposition after succumbed. Leant is a past participle of lean, and should be used with an auxiliary verb before it. However, it is used as the past tense in British English, so it's okay, I guess. I still found it a bit awkward, though. And I think "died" should be "dyed".
I like "corvine eyes" as it added a sinister tone and showed a little more about the persona.

Fourth: Great metaphors and personification here.

Last Verses: I like how this told the story of both the persona's struggle as well as the struggle in his/her relationship with this said person.

It is quite obscure and ambiguous. The metaphors, imagery, tone, even the personal symbolisms worked really well. The transition was quite flawed though. First, the persona is "reminiscing" then the narration of what happened "various sallow nightfalls ago" continued.. But this: "Now it is time to go home -" confused me. It's as though it's just happening in the present, rather than in the past.

The metaphors here intrigued me, and I love well-thought out metaphors but sadly, I had to detract some points as I think this is lacking parts of the prompt.
The story is quite shaky. There was no 'finale' (perhaps I was reading this wrong, sorry). There's no ending, but I like the uncertainty and creativity there - points gained there! :) But as I've said, it is lacking. It didn't "retell" your story; the nostalgia, the kill, the collaboration...

Overall, this is a well-written piece. Really well done.

- 17/25
Of course it is a good poem, you have great ideas, and you really do have talent. But does the poem really stand for the theme of the final round ?
-I had a problem with that, to start with.

Also the reason why my vote is not so high, the poem is STUFFED with words. Especially in your opening stanzas,

Various sallow nightfalls
eaky swollen moon
mouth's easeful waters
amidst dandling stars
wistful Adieus
forlorn hopes
^
ALL just in your 1st stanza, how peaky ? how dangling ? why wistful ? I am not interested in what, as much as how and in what way...
It's so like, a package of images but they do not have the bond to strength their relation.

They are beautiful images sure, but they do not serve your first and foremost aim, which is building this enjoyable atmosphere that attracts your reader.

Unlike your 3rd stanza, very well expressed, I love it, it was perfect in fact.

I had issues with how you started with reminisced, I don't direct opening since we were already told what the theme will be about, a little more mystery or an indirect opening would have served you better/ But that's not a problem, I am just elaborating regarding my own taste.

Your 4rth stanza is also remarkable, it's strong, and flowed well, it was much better than your 2nd and last stanza. Though the way you penned your last 3 lines and 2 words was something I am really fond of. I just did not like the 1st 2 lines of the last stanza and the presence of the brackets annoyed me. As if you're making sure readers understood this part, but it would be better without it.

As I said, I am not trying to tear the piece apart, but since I did not give a very high score, I had to point out and explain my reasons. Good luck, and don't listen to me if you disagree, I am just one judge over here, others might think otherwise.

Good luck!

~

#2 (Playing with Fire)

- 25/25
This poem eschews the abstract so completely that it could be a narrative war story around a campfire. It does what was instructed: retells the entire story in a singular manner, taking inspiration from the trailer and putting together ideas from each of the prior rounds.

The first stanza tells of the dispersal - running into the unknown woods, away from the pack. The sound of her own heartbeats illustrates the pounding exertion of the escape. The second stanza is also well done, depicting the paranoiac suffering of the participants. The symbolism of the spreading purple bruise is exquisite.

Recalling nostalgia is not really redundant, at least not when you recognize it as a state separate from what you yearn for. Especially when the thing you most miss is what you never had: "a future that didn't involve the suffering and inequality I live in."

The next stanza directly references the movie, namely the dress Katniss wore in her TV interview. I liked how she crafted that dress and her war outfit into metaphors: the more centered one is on one's flash and ego, the less likely one is to prevail with achieving the substantial requirements of existence.

The following three stanzas focus on the teamwork. The home that never held much hope suddenly is displaced by a more mature concept - home is the heart joined with another.

The final stanza bring back doubt. When the contest is won, the team essentially ends. Taking adulation may involve both parties, but they are no longer working together. The protagonist has time to reflect, to assess the level of dedication she contributed, her disproportionate share of effort. It causes her to wonder if the other would be as selfless. The poem leave the question unanswered, perhaps preparing the reader for a sequel.

- 16/25
As a start, I can't like the title. Too irrelevant and cliche.

I like this piece for two reasons: the descriptions and the way the writer ended their story with a question mark. There are many images that caught my attention, and I'll be honest, there are others that couldn't touch me, not even one bit.

'I licked my chapped lips, an attempt to moisturize,
while murky thoughts crept into my mind.'

If I wanted to buy a story and opened it then read this opening stanza, I would put it back. I couldn't find that abstract, breath-taking imagery in it, so much ...let's say clumsy (?) additions to it which weren't really needed, such as 'an attempt to moisturize' it really didn't sound poetic to my ears.

However, that being said, I stumbled upon some beautiful lines where my mind worked up a tad, so did my imagination:

'We controlled our own weapons yet we couldn't shield
Cupid from shooting our hearts with his own bow and arrow.'

So much better than the rest. And I could say the same bout the 2nd stanza.

In all, my problem with this short story is that I found pictures too direct and expected. The flow and word choice, at few places, couldn't seem to be my cup of tea.
I'm sorry, cannot really rate this more than 16 or.. 15...but I will go with 16

- 17.5/25
I liked the route the author took; the plunged themselves deeply into narrating via first person point of view, and the poem benefited greatly from that. However, I'm not fond of the excessive use of "I" because it's extremely easy to get lost from this short piece into a short story or even a snippet of a story rather than a poem itself. But the poem does have many redeeming qualities; the imagery I was absolutely fond of, the author is extremely gifted for he/she made me envision that I myself was in their 'persona's' shoes. There were little mistakes in punctuation (unnecessary use of ellipses, misplaced commas or lack of commas, etc) that detracted a bit from the poem. It was fairly written, and I commend the author on making it to the final round of this incredibly tough contest. I cannot wait for Abed to reveal the contestant's, so I could read more of their work.

- 12/25
Title: Not too original; it doesn't stand out.

First stanza: Good narration. I like the licking of lips as it shows a bit about the persona. However, really poor choices of words here (chapped, murky, intense...)

Second stanza: I like the imagery with the purple bruises and the idea of wounds untouched.

Third stanza: As the narration - this poem progresses, it seems as though it's merely a duplicate of the book..

I'll skip to the eighth stanza because all I could and would comment on the other stanzas is that this lacks creativity, originality... I found the usage of hubris a bit awkward, as well as the phrase enclosed within parenthesis.
I liked the pedestal, crooked crown and question in the end but I feel it's not enough. Imagery, metaphors, word choice are bland and unoriginal, as well as the story. I found a lot of trite and over-used phrases here, unfortunately. And although the prompt was followed quite well, as I've said, this lacked originality.

Overall, it is well-written. Great job!

- 23/25
I think this poem hits the last round a lot more than the 1st poem did. This poem rings my bell in a very good sense. Not only did it, in my opinion, accomplish the requirements, but also, it was enjoyable and attractive. I read it several times, and every time I read it I discovered something new.

1st time I read it, I loved that you were not SO direct at 1st, but hinted about nostalgia then mentioned it in your 3rd stanza in a very creative way.

But as I read again, I found the hidden symbols in your poem and the theme; such as;

I was dreaming of the future to escape the homesickness,

^ brilliant, I love it.

We controlled our own weapons yet we couldn't shield
^
reminded me of the round before the last...when you had to kill, even this:

My mission involved seeking shelter, while hunting to survive,

and the last round, before the final when you had to collaborate, I was reminded of it by the last parts, including this:

Yet somehow - you remained bonded by my side.

In short, this is a winner by all means. I enjoyed it and loved it and really believe that it deserves to win.

My only small issues were that at parts it lost its poetic bond and went somehow astray or not as good as the rest of the poem. I could point them out of you are interested. also the dots here are useless and they added nothing, a comma would have been better.

It was just you and me... and when our shadows intertwined,

^up there XD

I would have also preferred if you elaborated more, regarding this part:

We fought a battle of love, hate, deception, and vengeance,

^how ? since you mentioned it, why not show how ?

Other than that, I love it

Good luck!

---------------------------- Final Round SCORES------------

#1- Judges Score: (20 + 23 + 23.5 + 17 + 17) = 100.5 / 1.25 = 80.4

Total Score: 80.4 * 0.7 = 56.28

#2- Judges Score: (25 + 16 + 17.5 + 12 + 23) = 93.5 / 1.25 = 74.8

Total Score: 74.8 * 0.7 = 52.36

------------------------- Judges ----------------------

In this contest, I had 4 FIXED judges:

- Larry Chamberlin the GodFather
- Xanthe
- Ms Sunshine
- Senyru

And in the 3rd round, I got assistance from:

- Meme

And in the Final round, I got assistance from:

- The Poetess

* So Thank you all. I am really grateful for your awesome, hard work. Without you, nothing would've been accomplished :) MWAH!

---------------------------- Hunger Game PANEL----------

> 1st Round: Nostalgia

1st - Jenni: Poem #4 <5 AM Departure> (64.8)
1st - Sarah: Poem #10 <Homesick> (64.8)
2nd - Noura: Poem #5 <Monograms> (57.35) << Quit the contest
3rd - Mary Anne: Poem #11 <Live to Rise Again> (56)
4th - Chelsey: Poem #7 <Undiscovered> (53.2)
4th - Lucero: Poem #8 <The Fire in Me> (53.2)
5th - Tara: Poem #6 <Earth is lifted in Greatness> (50.75)
6th - Britt: Poem #3 <Nostalgia> (49.3)
7th - Frosty: Poem #9 <Untitled> (46.9)

8th - Max: Poem #2 <Nostalgia> (41.3) <<< Eliminated
9th - Khalid: Poem #1 <Syria - The Disaster> (38.85) << Eliminated

> 2nd Round: Narrating a Murder (Cumulative)

1st - Sarah: Poem #8 <Vengeance> (133)
2nd - Jenni: Poem #4 <Brumous Nightfall> (128.1)
3rd - Chelsey: Poem #3 <Falling Prey> (120.1)
4th - Tara: Poem #1 <Proceed to Die> (112.35)
5th - Frosty: Poem #6 <Predator> (108.5)
5th - Mary Anne: Poem #7 <Substance Abuse> (108.5)

6th - Britt: Poem #2 <Innocence> (107.1) <<<<<<<< Eliminated
7th - Lucero: Poem #5 <The Eagles and I> (102.9) <<<<<< Eliminated (She returned to the game for being able to guess correctly who wrote each of the Winning poems of the 2nd round.)

> 3rd Round: Collaborations (Cumulative)

1st - Sarah: Poem #3 <Seeking Shelter> (187.6)
2nd - Jenni: Poem #2 <Ensnared Phoenix> (182.98)

3rd - Chelsey: Poem #4 <Savanna> (179.18) <<<< Eliminated
4th - Tara: Poem #4 <Savanna> (171.43) <<<< Eliminated
5th - Mary Anne: Poem #2 <Ensnared Phoenix> (166.98) <<<< Eliminated
6th - Frosty: Poem #3 <Seeking Shelter> (163.1) <<<< Eliminated
7th - Lucero: Poem #1 <The Orbit of His Life> (156.38) <<<< Eliminated (Lucero wrote her poem with me.)

> Final Round: Mosaique (Cumulative= {1st + 2nd + 3rd + Final} Rounds + Bets)

Winner - JENNI: Poem #1 <Borealis> (239.26 + 6 Bets) = [245.26]

Runner Up - SARAH aka PinkyPrincess: Poem #2 <Playing with Fire> (239.96 + 2 Bets) = [241.96]

--------------------------------------------------------

Congratulations JENNI. You did an awesome unexpected job in beating the top contestant through all rounds SARAH (PinkyPrincess).

Thanks for all PnQers who voted and placed Bets.

And Thanks for all contestants who decided to try something new and thus joined us in this game of destinies. You made an awesome job:

Britt
Noura
Tara
Chelsey
Khalid
Max
Sarah
Mary Anne
Frosty
Sarah
Lucero

THE STORY HAS ENDED NOW.
But The Hunger Game will ever remain in your hearts. :D

YAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
WOOOOOOOOOOHHHHH
HHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooOOoO0o0o0O...

THE RESULTS THE RESULTSSSS

T
H
E

R
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S
U
L
T
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T H E R E S U L T S!!

WAY TO GOOOO PEOPLE! I had noooooooo IDEA who wrote what, for God's SAKE! I loved this final round, was so damn challenging, but you guys were really GOOD!

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qeafsjkasfjksdjfkhwsdjfjwesfjkqesfjahsdtjfkhsdfklhsdjghfasdkxcnjsdnfvc

ABED you are SO organized

Congrats Jenni! Thanks all the judges and LP, this was fun!

AND oh my Sarah you make me proud, the princess wandering around the river, as once upon a time, the god father said.

Congratulations Jenni...and a well done to all that participated and THANK YOU ABED for a creative and challenging contest that I really enjoyed participating in.

Congratulations Jenni!!! It's an honor that I somehow made it to be up against you! =)

Thank you so much Abed for coming up with this creative contest... I thank you for inspiring me to write poetry since I haven't in a long time!! =D And like Nana said, you are super organized and are great at hosting contests!! =D

Judges - thank you so much for your time and effort.. and for writing out detailed comments for each poems! I really appreciate that, as I'm sure the other contestants do as well! :)

And Nana - thank you darling!! I needed a challenge!

I can't believe the end is here already!!!

Ah Congrats Jenni! I'm so happy for you :) You are truly one breathtaking poet!
Congratulations Sarah too for being runner up!

Thank you Abed and judges for everything. It looked like so much work and things to keep track of but you kept us on our toes and thought super creatively. Really unforgettable contest~

You are welcome all...

Seriously, I want to thank my judges for the million time :P

---

- Larry:

This man is visionary! He gives every line its value and he incorporates deep wisdom in his comments!! :)

- Nana:

I like how Nana is really honest and has a totally distinct taste! ;)

- Xanthe:

This teen poetess has awesomeeeeeee talent. I have high hopes on her, and she has judging skills like wow!

- Senyru (Mark):

This guy may be behind the scenes, but his talent is immense! He is also visionary and when he judges, he invents his own techniques! Amazinggggg job, Mark!

> while for Meme & Noura, I liked to have from them a little assistance, and they showed great cooperation :D

Thanks AGAIN and AGAIN.

---- Everyone of you can post his/her poems.

JENNI MY BABBBBBYYYYYYYYY YOU WONNNNNNNN!!!!

I'm so proud of you ommggggg.. I knew one of us would win it!!

Congrats to the runner up. And a job well done to everyone who participated in this hard a** challenge.

Now we are free to kick abeds butt for bringing this stress upon us.

Yes I must say I read all of the poems for every round and I loved them all! Everyone did an amazing job =D

Woo hoo!

Thank your to the judges for those amazing comments, and also Abed for hosting this challenge.

and Jenni! congrats on your win.

P.s.. do you know how hard is to write a collab with Abed, he doesn't even say hi. lol

Wow, I am floored, amazed and so very proud of the winner & runner up. Looking back at the poems you wrote, I feel the work you two turned in each round were astounding.

Jenni: you are a master.

SARA: You are elevated from Princess to Queen.

Abed, you make me blush.

Hahahha Luce :P

omg.. I'm not like this hihihih...

Thanks a lot guys! :)

Thank to the judges for liking my poems and giving so indepth comments!! :) Also huge thanks to Abed for hosting this!

All of you were tough competitors! :)

:):):)

Congrats Jenni!

I loved reading all the work the contestants put forward, and as this was the first site contest I joined I also had a lot of fun, too, and I enjoyed the collab with Sarah! :D

Thanks LP for hosting such an original and challenging contest!