Can I ask...

I figured it had to do with the language differences once I was told what it was. I don't think that was ever explained to me before so I definitely was confused. Dang google didn't help either.

Google is a pain in the ass!

If I want something small, I have to go through a 485209840239840239 lines page, sometimes :p

Yeah... you cannot imagine how English & Arabic are different.

Oh I know, you guys start adding in 3's and 7's like it's freakin algebra and my mind turns to mush lol

I absolutely cannot imagine meeting my groom on the day of the wedding. YIKES.

^ you made me crack up again, Britt! No, it is not the case in 99% of arranged marriages.
The reality is, instead of a friend introducing you to a friend, you are introduced by family, friends and well wishers of the family, after the potential groom/bride is screened for suitability eg, matching education, friendliness/compatability/character, employability status, etc. You then face each other in a family room, are often left to talk to each other alone for a while (kind of funny when you know family members are somewhere in the background), and if the initial meeting is a success you get to go out on your own, sit in a restaurant or such and quizz each other out for weaknesses/compatibility/character. Then only, you tell your family your consent. This way, many girls and boys get to meet 1-10 or even more potentially suitable people without getting down to more intimacy or commitment and often break ups and disappointments. The upside, you get to examine the other person in fair light (haha, meaning when you are not inebriated) and the downside you really do not know if they are a good match to your desires........hey, but you get to love and live with the person you choose to be your soulmate. (And no, I did not have an arranged one, so you folks can't snicker at me that easy, but went through the entire nine yards, and before it experienced the pros and cons of the traditional system without hurting anyone :)

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And Ms. Sunshine, I did not fathom one bit of your lengthy reasoning of how ignorant I am on Islam's teachings. But, I will take your word for granted, that I don't know how to read/interpret what is written in Q'aran transalations, but not necessarily preached in your worship places.

Aha, Aman deepsingh virdi, a "virdi" ...a name that originated exclusively from a tribe in Johal, Jalandar, Punjab. Most are Sikh's/Jats and do not have any issue with beef, as Sikhism, unlike some branches of Hinduism, permits individual choices on these issues. Most Sikh's eat meat, (except Damdami Taksaal and AKJ) but it is never served in Langar (the temple meal) so as not to offend any other religious visitor.
But, a Sikh is forbidden to eat meat derived the Muslim way (halal). Hence, good luck! Sikhs can only eat meat by "Jhatka" (quick way). Sikhism also forbids consumption of alcohol, drugs, tobacco, and other intoxicants, as well as adultery....the last is one of the five cardinal sins, which like Christianity's seven deadly sins, would be a mockery of the person's belief in Sikhism.

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Google is a pain in the ass!

^Hey Abed, you just offended my only real religion, my pillar of wisdom, you PIA.! I guess just like I do not know how to read your religion, you do not know how to use Dr. Google, my most revered mentor, more valuable than my God! haha

I can see how a family-arranged courtship would be handy, in some situations. Like me - I'm really shy, and have never asked someone out on a date. If your family has someone in mind for you, it could take off some of the pressure!

When I was in college for a class we were supposed to interview someone from another country about their country's customs, kinship patterns, etc. The girl I chatted with happened to be from India. When it got into customs, she talked a little about arranged marriages. Her family had lived in America for a number of years and were perhaps more "Westernized," and she said she wasn't expected to go through an arranged marriage. She had friends back home, though, who would meet their spouses that way.

She, like people above here, said that it wasn't a forceful thing. It was more that your family knows you better than anyone, and parents have the benefit of life wisdom, so maybe they would have a good eye for who would be compatible for you.

I'm sure there are some situations that are abusive and forceful when it comes to a marriage arrangement, but from what I've heard that's hardly the norm. It's just another way of getting things done. To be honest, that's basically the way things were done in Europe for most of its history. Even 100 years ago, it would have been stressful to try to marry outside of your social strata/families wishes. But I can see how the idea of arranged marriages grates on our notion of "passionate, romantic love." It's what we're used to. I think western Europe and America in general are way more individualistically oriented then family oriented, so maybe this is just a natural difference.

A 1000 splendid suns....

you must read it cz it has 2 cases of arranged marriages, each in a different manner.

I have read this book and it confused me even more. The oppression of women is quite clear here and yet many on this site have denied it's happening???

Wait... First, it's not a real story.

Second, the circumstances of both cases forced both Afghan women to marry the same abusive person.

Mariam, the 1st girl who lost her mother, was the fruit of an illegal marriage. She had no one alive except for her father who had several legal wives. Her father's wives insisted that she shouldn't live with them since she is a 'harami' (illegitimate child), and then locked her up in a room until the husband came and married her, while the father didn't say a word.

The writer totally imagined this story; it may happen of course, but still, there are causes behind the forced marriage.

-

The second case was about Laila, whose parents died because of a rocket that fell in their house, and she blacked out, finding herself in Mariam's house. Mariam's husband weaved a credible game to let her be his 2nd wife. He didn't force her this time. She was gullible and had to marry him because she had an early embryo in her uterus.

Now this story, I don't think it may happen.

Yes, there WERE forced marriages like this (note the WERE part, since the story was in the 20th century.... and in Afghanistan, there was war and hunger and droughts....)

It doesn't matter if it was real or not...it's just the impression it gives to others and....it didn't leave me with a very good one. First of all...Mariam is illegitimate which...made me wonder to start with given the fact that everyone has mostly agreed that sex before marriage is a big no no and....supervision/chaperoning seems to be normal when young couples are courting so...can we discuss this first?l

Laila is also pregnant and unmarried so....

Oh David, I am sure you did not, :) , and with that, I am not surprised. Doubtlessly, not preached anywhere near you.

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Aman is from Punjab, and in fact not Halal, nor quick, at his part, they don't eat meat at all.

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Hey Abed, you just offended my only real religion, my pillar of wisdom, you PIA.! I guess just like I do not know how to read your religion, you do not know how to use Dr. Google, my most revered mentor, more valuable than my God! haha

^

Poor Abed, stop making jokes, not everyone gets it, told you jokes are serious thinngs.

however...
no body said you cannot read religion, I said, you guard your words with links talking about a holly book, without being sure if it's accurate. Do you know the Quraan more than me ? I guess not, so accept the fact that the link your provided by Dr. Google, is something written by someone who also doesn't know what he's on about, or perhaps he knows but for some reasons is trying to mislead, people like you who do not accept being told, that what they said, is untrue. However feel free to interpret, and add more links, lol it does not affect me really, I enjoy it.

The guy in the advert says....as long as it's halal....what did he mean there???

Sex before marriage is considered a sin in Islam, yes. But... that doesn't mean it's not happening... I don't get your question very much?

Why is that...you recommended a book that had the two main characters with children out of wedlock and you don't get my question?

The reality is, instead of a friend introducing you to a friend, you are introduced by family

^ Paraphrasing : Instead of friends, parents hook you up :P

ALS, what you wrote is true. Usually relatives recommend suitable partners to the families. But the main reason for recommendation is based on the family background and values. Knowing that the girl/boy belongs to a good family, well educated, can provide, free from bad vices and such. Of course different families have varying limits for vices. It is then up to the individuals to decide the compatibility. I have received quite a few proposals, do not have anything in common with anyone. Usually families try to seek an upper class family. Not money wise, but by caste. I belong to the upper most class family, Brahmin. The honor is different, somehow. Although I do not believe classes should be considered. Castes should be eliminated all together. Upper, middle, lower caste, we are creating division.

And what I have noticed, is that the lineage of a family is taken into consideration. My Grandfather, great grandfather and so on, were honorable men. Thus I get proposals on the basis of being from a good chain. Good parents passing on good values to their children. I get alot of attention back at village. Most people know me even though I do not know them. The respect I get is on the basis of my forefathers and not on the basis of my character. Which is disturbing. I'd like respect for my individuality and character, however little.

My point is, a huge number of individuals find suitable mates due to a good screening process, which further assures longevity of a bond. Although I do not like the engagement ceremony. They make it look like a wedding. Exchanging rings with relatives and guests in the same room, exchanging gifts, and a minor reception. I do not like how proposing has been cut out. Getting proposed by man on his knee, is what women cherish. There are emotions in the moment, tears of joy, anticipation, one lover describing how precious is the other lover to him/her. Or may be, I am the only one who thinks proposals are extremely romantic. And I don't like Indian weddings being 3-4 days long

Gee...G...when I gave you that name...I never knew you were Clooney material!!!!

Having had my joke...I'm wondering why you made no reference to the suggested book as reading material???

Geeezzzz I'd love to hear your thoughts before this thread gets closed ????

^ I am no Clooney material. It is the name that my family has created throughout the years and the fact that I belong from the upper most caste. That is all.

I havent read the book. Not familiar with the synopsis. It would be wrong to judge prematurely. Going by the posts you and Abed are discussing. It does not seem like the kind of book I would read. I am more into science fiction and super heroes, a little of mystery, zombies, etc. Lord of the Rings, Hyperion, Sherlock Holmes, Pattern Recognition, Day by day Armageddon, Cryptonomicon, Plague of the dead, The God Themselves, Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?, Watchmen, etc. . . .I prefer such books. Do not with to be emotionally moved, rather be exalted mentally. Really sorry.

Read any of the above? ..

Hellon, may be we should have a thread on Sarcasm :P

Would love to see a battle with humor as weapon.

Err...think we may have sarcasm in common George but not much else going by your recommendations.....I'm not a lover of Sci Fi...I did Like Dr Who and what was that TV show with Captain Kirk and Spok....but then it got way out of hand...must admit I did admire the technology used when they made them into movies but...my head does not get in this place....I've watched all of the Lord of Rings movies but...the books sadly gather dust on my bookcase...I love crime novels...Harlen Coben and Ian Rankin are among my favourites although...I'm finding them a bit repetitive now...to be honest...I'll read anything ( or at least try) but sci fi...no...

..your prompted me to think of a movie I watched years ago....Day of the Droffods...what was it called?...I know my spelling is incorrect but...it was a good movie!!! Troffods...cant remember

Captain Kirk and Spock, is from Star Trek. The franchise began in 1966 with the Star Trek: The original series.

Harlan Coben includes multiple twists. Tell No One, gave him the spot light.

I know Ian Rankin from Hellblazer, he worked on an issue or two.

Read enough from a genre and the books within the same genre become predictable, thus repetitive, dull in conclusion. No matter who the author. I take up graphic novels for entertainment. I would recommend Watchmen, contributed largely on a personal level.

And of course we should have a thread on sarcasm. My sarcasm comes in to play, only when I am comfortable, I take way too much time to open up. But you are good with humor.

Random Jokes;

"Ah, yes, divorce ... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet." - Robin Williams

The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's
there to appreciate it.- Franklin P. Jones

^ Anything that can make us smile is permitted. What better debate than humor?

Edit - Is it "The day of the Triffids" ? It is a post apocalyptic novel published in the 1950's. Came across the book in the past. Read the plot, not the book.

OMG^^^^ George...where have you been hiding I love your humour!!! Seriously...are you feeling comfortable now...enough to joke...brilliant!!!!

Yes...Triffods...huge flowery things...

I'll find you some scottish jokes because...I'm pretty sure you will get them haha!!!

^ Please do bring on some joke, all kinds. Love em.

I'll open up soon enough.

I know this thread will be closed soon and...I've looked through all my jokes that have been send...none of them are clean enough to post (us scots/australians heads belong in the gutter haha) but...have you heard of Billy Connelly...I could send you so many funny links by him?

^ Was he not in the movie, The man who sued god?.

Familiar or not. Lets do it. =)

And of course gutter jokes can be delivered via a pm. I am open minded.

OMG You know that movie...Bloody Brilliant...never thought to mention that one about the drama but....here you go...I have many others but Billy Connelly on Incontenance...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RGNMeR-BOis

^ Watched the video. Pretty Hilarious. Will watch other videos from him. His comedy isnt limited to just speech, but extends to physical as well.

He is very funny....I don't know if you noticed but that clip....there are many famous people in the audience...The Crusifixion is good also....I might add...if anyone decides to watch this one...the man himself went to the same school as me...making his upbringing at least of catholic origin.

^ Did not recognize many. I think I saw Micheal Sheen. Not sure. The guy was covering his face.

Right now I am buffering the video of Billy telling Celtic fans to get a grip.

There's some polys in there...Barbara Dickinson...a few comedians that were popular back then...yeah...why would I even expect to you recognise them..my bad...He lets loose on all creeds...no exception...dare I suggest you look at the one about the suicide bombers.....

Billy Connelly has to be my favourite comedian
... ever see the clip where he goes to the quack to get his prosrate checked...

Hey, I'm going to lock this thread for length. Feel free to start another about comedians, or whatever!