Vamp Contest Poems - Rated R

Vamp Contest Poems
author: Larry Chamberlin the Godfather
status: moderator
date: 2012.10.01 10:43

Here they are!
Judges' scores & comments will follow when they're done.

These range from torrid to "huh?" but why tell you when you can read them yourselves.

1. Seduced

You are that of a fine wine,
our sensual tryst goes past
the depths of my quivering soul,
devour me gently upon your lap
of luxurious masculinity.

I desire the comfort of
strength that lures my
passion, beyond the realm
of titillating fantasies,
my lover.

We shall discover the true
meaning of euphoric travels,
as my finger traces the curves
of your sweet lips, tasting
every inch of your whispers.

---------------------------------------

2. The Masterpiece.

Punch-drunk on the brilliant color of your touch,
a kaleidoscope of sensation brought me to my knees.

Through the crimson haze I heard you breathe my name,
felt the tips of your fingers paint my skin in shades of passion.

The grace of your lips emblazoned on my breast,
the tint you traced with your tongue, pulled me into a swirling hue of desire.

You brushed your hands in long strokes up my thighs,
staining my hips with a pleasurable flush.

Control fraying at the edges,
I relinquished my body, your canvas.

With an explosion of somatic sensation,
The Renaissance of my being is now
the masterpiece of your touch.

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3. Provocative!

A red silk dress
my nightly attire
raven hair
man's desire.

Corset restrains
heaving breast
milky mounds
jiggle in protest.

Black stockinged legs
'neath suspender belt
oozing sex
as hearts I melt.

Eyeing suitors
in a seductive way
victims fall
they're easy prey.

Smiling, flirting
as passions ignite
at midnight I leave
vanishing into the night.

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4. Sameal, (Haiku)

I am Sameal,
Become my lust, my Liltih,
Let us betray God,

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5. Was it A Dream

She laid back into his strong arms
As he caressed her soft skin,
Leaning down to kiss her neck
While her hand slides up his thigh,

Their breathing got heavy
And the night grew silent,
Hearts beating was all they heard
Laying down upon the floor,

Lights flashing and thunder crashed
As their bodies pounded together,
Soft moaning and a loud grunt
Encased their glistening flesh,

Rolling over to look in each others eyes
Breathing heavy in the night,
Realizing they shared the same dream
And even that feels so right

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6. Seductive Poem

The dip between her chin and
collar bone has mouths parted like
lips to oysters, flesh flushed and salty
as the last drip of wax slides down the
oil burner and falls asleep on her dressing
table. She's tangled in darkness, sheets
biting at her thighs as jasmine
dreamscapes perfume the air tonight.

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7. How I Wish ..

I wish I could see you there, friend
Best of luck, as you draw nearer
Even now, time keeps counting down
May you never be left behind?

I promise, this won't cost you much
If only, you could just decide
Life fades sooner than we expect
Heaven at last, have we prepared?

How I wish, your soul could recall
That someday, after all these toil
We surely, would return to soil
At this juncture friend, what's your hope?

By the time the day is over
Moment, it's all been said and done
Concerning matters arising
Would it be, Heaven will spew you?

'God forbid!', is best said today
Right here and now, grace has to stay
When God's judgement, comes to x-ray
Can we say, our roles made our day?

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8. Ripples

The way you gaze;
into my fiery eyes,
lit silent craves,
starting point for,
amorous delight.

The way you touch;
spark stormy desires,
crumbling my world,
in fervent current of,
burning flames.

The way you kiss;
planting succulent lips,
nibbling moist chops,
twirling the tongue,
exciting embed sensuality.

The way you caress;
supple smooth dermis,
stimulates moments,
causing goosebumps and,
tingling sensations.

The way you fondle;
static jelly mounds,
lying rigid softly,
waiting passionately,
for discreet pleasure.

The way you stroke;
my messy tress,
in sensitive rhythme,
I yearn to submerge,
in this waves of affection.

The way you lick;
my carriage of orchid,
erupts moans of euphoria,
of lingering ecstasy,
that yields to climax.

The way we entwine;
gently and smoothly,
graciously in spasm,
igniting orgasmic shades,
of blossoming ripples.

Loneliness ripped off;
soothing my nerves,
unleashing the woman in me,
lights go dim and off slowly,
then it all dawn on me when,
the director says CUT.

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9. The Passion of the Night: The rain

I watched as the rain fell drop over drop
on the asphalt of a dusky street,
and as the lights of the exhausted lamps
of the old neighborhood, flickered ardently
with the sound of two heart beats.

I watched in the midst of the empty road
as the sun slept with the night,
and I saw what my eyes were not supposed to;
the rapturous and desirous, yet amorous eyes
of a dashing man.

I watched... I only watched
as the pavement of the road
became one with the green grass

I watched, I only watched
as the sound of raindrops
scented his skin
during the twilight night.

Yes, I watched. . . and I could only watched
as the fervor of the kisses grew stronger,
and as the lights of the old neighborhood
incited me
to finally give in
to the beating of my heart.

But I only watched...
until I could no longer see any more light;
right where the pavement of the road
became one with the green grass.

So darling,

Shall you be that dashing man once more tonight,
and revive the extinguished lights
that were left back
in the old neighborhood on that rain
during the twilight
of that our fervent night?

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10. Senryu Seduction

I long to tickle
your soft, supple lips with mine
Won't you come hither?

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11. My curves

My curves long for your hands
as they caress each crevice
and satisfy each need

For what's a kiss
if it can't plant
gently

or better yet remain

as a piercing reminder
that your lips were meant
to seduce mine

author: Everlasting
status: member
date: 2012.10.01 12:03

There are a few poems that make me go Huh? And one is mainly for the grammar.

Though, I like how number 6 is written.

author: sibyllene
status: moderator
date: 2012.10.01 16:20

Ahhhhahaha..... icky.

author: Larry Chamberlin the Godfather
status: moderator
date: 2012.10.01 19:34

What a girl.

;8-)

author: Jordan
status: member
date: 2012.10.01 22:29

4&6 are my favorites.

author: Larry Chamberlin the Godfather
status: moderator
date: 2012.10.01 23:02

I'm waiting for a single judge

actually, the judge could be married, but there is only one left to comment/score

author: sibyllene
status: moderator
date: 2012.10.01 23:25

Quivering, flushed thighs, strokes and caresses... I'm all for sexy times, but the overly "romantic" language gives me the heebie jeebies sometimes. Haha!

Of course, that was the point of this contest, and, of course, this is all incredibly entertaining.

author: Samuel Ernst
status: member
date: 2012.10.02 03:03

So larry.... When do we get our equally seductive comments you promised

author: Larry Chamberlin the Godfather
status: moderator
date: 2012.10.02 07:30

It cannot be before the judge's comments, so they are not influenced by it.

BUT FYI

I have already drafted them.
;8-)
author: Larry Chamberlin the Godfather
status: moderator
date: 2012.10.02 22:40

HERE ARE THE JUDGES' COMMENTS SCORES & RANKINGS
Three Vamps &/or Rakes have drunk sopoforics thinking they were aphrodisiacs. They chose poorly.
Eight others got the stuff in the right cups, they chose wisely.

Comments and Scores

1. Seduced Total 207

Judge 1 - (40/50)
I feel quite seduced myself while reading this. And I am sure Larry will be, too, lol. Great job in capturing the essence of the topic. I would've loved to see some bolder sexual gestures, but that was just fine with me. "Sweet lips" - that sounds cliche, how about 'silicone', better eh? :p

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Judge 2 - Scores 42/50
My first thoughts with this is it is very tight. The stanzas and lines within are short and concise. I love the descriptive suggestions in this. 'luxurious masculinity' is awesome.
Sounds like a rare quality. I also love the imagery of 'titillating fantasies' I am sure this was chosen purely because of its suggestiveness.
I can almost imagine someone whispering this as it has so much emotion in it.
The pace is as it should be, slow and meaningful. Very sensual and a great tone.

*********
Judge 3 - Score: 42
I can honestly say that this was elegantly seductive. The tone of this piece is just sophisticated in the choice of the wording, the way it reads. The similes used on the first verse were actually good, I liked the way you said "luxuries masculinity" it gave an idea about the man you are talking about.
Again the tones continued with the second verse as well. Then the way you ended that verse gave me the sense that you are addressing your lover directly?
I didn't really get the whole image in the last verse though, the first two lines felt a bit detached from the rest of that verse.

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Judge 4 - 45/50
It's just a masterpiece, fantastic poem.
I am in love with this poem, I love that you took
the topic seriously and did not just try to write
any seductive script. It was so deep, and I just love
the fact that your 1st line, is elaborated through
images in the stanza...Very strong piece.

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Judge 5 - Score: 40.
I enjoy the usage of "quivering soul" It immediately made me think on somewhat devlish thoughts about lovers in the middle of passion and yet the word gently managed to bring me a more soft feeling, rather than a naughty one ;)
I like the "beyond the realm of titillating fantasies," This makes me think of fairytales and castles and brings me back into my childhood, therefore enabling the serene feeling to continue throughout.
My most adored part of this is the ending lines, it reminds me of whispered conversations and in jokes and private discussions...all that reserved for two people who are incredibly close. This is beautiful. I would have scored higher had the author expanded more on the second verse as I feel it has potential to be beautfully drawn out with imagery here.

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2. The Masterpiece Total: 188

Judge 1 - (50/50)
I was like.... SHi*. That is pure perfection, and the content reflects the title so well. Note that I said the content reflects, and not the title reflects. IE, this IS a Masterpiece. Whoever wrote that, I will nominate it. Because... it's more than seduction. There is a soul in there. It didn't sound corny, but rather poetically sensual. There was an awesome diction and magical subtle rhymes, too. Awesome. Awesome. This gets a full score by me!

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Judge 2 - 35/50
I love the powerful words used in this piece, 'emblazoned' 'pleasurable' 'explosion.'
The whole undertone of painting is a clever touch, it suggests that you are making a masterpiece together. I am not too crazy about the layout, but the content and atmosphere of this whole piece more than makes up for that.

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Judge 3 - Score: 48
Comment:
I love the way you started this poem, it felt like a song somehow! The idea of using a kaleidoscope to describe a different combination of feelings was brilliant.
Aaaahhhh, then comes the rest of this poem. OMG! I think the writer has just nailed the art of seduction using such words to create those images in the readers mind. Portraying your body as being the canvas of his touch was just so sensual.
It was clever to use different words that imply color all throughout the poem "kaleidoscope, shades, tint, paint brushed, canvas, and finally masterpiece".
This piece reads like a fine painting.

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Judge 4 - 20/50
I found this perhaps less than average, did not sound like
the writer worked on this as hard as the others, that's despite
of the originality that I didn't quiet touch.
I think you need to edit, this line, somehow someway:
control fraying at the edges, I relinquished my body, your canvas.
^
something isn't right with your 1st part.
You do have good ideas for seduction, but not properly written
into a real poem.

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Judge 5 - Score: 35
I very much enjoy the vocabulary within this. The author manages to paint a lovely romantic atmosphere with their word usage without causing the reader to become overwhelmed whilst doing so.
"Shades of passion." and "Swirling hue of desire." I read this several times and found myself becoming more drawn to it each time that I did so, I found that I was fond of these lines more than any others because of the simplicity of them and yet they manage to capture alot of emotion.
Given that I have never heard the word somatic, I had to look up the definition and upon doing so, found this worked wonderfully here. I'm not fond of the closing line, I feel it's somewhat abrupt and leaves the reader hanging, wanting more. I do understand why the author decided to end here, however I feel it was cut short to suddenly.

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3. Provocative! Total 146

Judge 1 -(20/50)
The funny facade beats the sexiness in this. I would've loved to see the black stockings and the breasts in a way that's poetic and not that simple. I don't know if I'm supposed to laugh, but I did. And the topic should be SEDUCE, not make me laugh. Maybe the short lines and the unattractive descriptions made this uninteresting. Still, I can smell some s**t lol. But it didn't make me j**z. too bad :/

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Judge 2 - 44/50

Loved the quick flow of this, the rhyme scheme was very clever unforced and works and compliments the whole piece. I laughed at the suggestion of weakness in men, easily falling victim, we are not difficult creatures to entrap, stanza 3 probably does it or most.
Not sure about the milky breasts part, to me I think pregnant, which is definitely the wrong image for this piece, but you are forgiven for using the word 'jiggle.'
Overall it was very tight and flows beautifully, the whole pace ties in lovely with the context. A real suggestion of mystery and she comes in , does her thing and vanishes.

******************

Judge 3 - Score: 32
I see that the writer of this piece decided to follow a certain rhyme scheme, problem is I felt that the rhyming was a little bit forced which distracted me a little bit when reading it.
The images where so vividly displayed, from describing the way she was clothed to what she was doing or where she was going. And the ending also gave me a whole image of who this woman really is.

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Judge 4 - 20/50
The wording is a little bit disturbing, also the way you placed the words,
made somehow hard to take, image-though-wise. Also, the structure
was not that coherent. However my main issue was the way it did not
really feel provocative..as I expected it, when I read the title, along with the exclamation mark.

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Judge 5 - Score: 30
First and foremost I wonder if the author was referencing Cindrella in the last verse? That's what it made me think of, anyway. I really am unsure on this piece, I do like the imagery that is created throughout but I also feel that the whole poem is somewhat rushed, too. I feel the plot behind the poem has a lot more potential than the author has allowed themselves whilst writing. I am not a fan of the rhyming, it seems somewhat cliche and I think that better rhymes could have been used within this. I feel I am being picky with this, but this is only because as I said, I feel the author could have expanded more with the storyline they chose to use.

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4. Sameal, (Haiku) Total 168

Judge 1 -(25/50)

WOW. Of course I wanted to see more seduction and romance. The length made me score it a 6 though it's beautiful IMO. Especially the last line "Let us betray God".... this was like SHIT, AWESOMMMMMMMMMME. I can use this as a title, it drew many images in my head... blasphemous/sinning love. like a priest having sex... lol... This is original. Too bad, you made it a haiku. Anyway, Amazing!

******************

Judge 2 - 45/50

I do enjoy a haiku, because you have to scratch the surface to see what the poet was really thinking. Ok first of all I admit I had to look up the word 'liltih' I could only find 'lilith'
A female demon of the night who supposedly flies around searching for newborn children either to kidnap or strangle them. Also, she sleeps with men to seduce them into propagating demon sons.
Not sure about the first part and how it fits, but I think the second part banishes that uncertainty. You have perfected the art of every word punching, 'become' and 'lust' just jump of the page. The final line is awesome and suggests what you are asking for is very wrong. To use such a strong word as 'betray' really hits this message home.

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Judge 3 - Score: 28
I think the writer meant a Senryu not a Haiku since this piece does not reflect a nature element.
Although short poems can be sensual in the way they are written, but I am afraid this one wasn't. Yes the writer mentioned a seducer figure i.e. Sameal but still didn't really affect me as much.

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Judge 4 - 40/50
For some reason, this really was an amazing piece! It was just unique
and really original. LOVED the way you took the theme and wrote this mini piece, that in fact talked a lot more than it's expected to.
I was just wondering whether you meant, Samael ?..
Good luck, anyway :]

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Judge 5 - Score: 30
I am not a fan of haikus mainly because I often feel the form does not allow much in the way to express oneself. That being said, I do enjoy the last line here, even if lust was not mentioned beforehand, it would make me think on the seven sins, lust in particular. And isn't that what causes most relationshps to form? I read this several times and found that it is only because of the last line that I ended up enjoying this. I would have liked a less strict form.

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5. Was It A Dream Total 161

Judge 1 - (30/50)
I liked the simple, unforced portrayal of what Larry gave as a theme. It didn't fascinate me, but it made me feel good lol. The only thing creative was the ending. It make us think whether the warm sex was a dream or a reality that feels like a dream. That was amazing. Maybe if you describe the sex more creatively, you would get a 10 from me! :)

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Judge 2 - 36/50
Ok nit picking first of all, others needs an apostrophe.
(final stanza, each other's)
The first two lines immediately define the roles of the characters, he is strong she is soft.
Not sure if heavy should be heavier in line 5. The atmosphere created in stanza 3 is awesome, very clever use of juxtaposition between inside and outside. Glistening then compliments this with a link to the raining outside. Again second line final stanza, should heavy be heavily? Final nit pick is the only rhyme in the whole piece, I think it should be dropped as it intrudes on the non rhyming context of the rest of this.
Overall a very clever use of atmosphere and tone, just a few bits require a polish.

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Judge 3 - Score: 35
This is so cute, so gentle and sweet. Its kind of dreamy in a way!
I liked how the writer used a narrator like approach to this poem, like reading a chapter in a novel but in a more poetic kind of way. I was waiting for that strong something that would make this piece memorable for a long time but I am afraid I didn't find it in this one. Still I think its such a beautiful and lovely piece.

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Judge 4 - 25/50
Why is the A capitalized in your title ?
I had a problem with the tense shift in your 21st stanza,
laid, caressed, -slides ?
Also the idea, is very cliche, and you should have tried
going with it your own way.
Loved the 2nd stanza, felt more original than the rest of the piece,
however the last line sounded a bit forced, to fix the rhyme scheme.
Good luck.

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Judge 5 - Score:35
What I liked most about this is that while it is obvious what is happening, the author states it in a way that doesn't become too graphic for the reader. It leaves the reader's mind free to visualize and roam whilst reading through the poem. The last verse alters the flow due to that being the only rhyming stanza in the poem whereas the other verses have no rhyme scheme. I am also not a fan of the ending line, it feels somewhat cliche and is definitely overdone in poetry.

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6. Seductive Poem Total 199

Judge 1 - (50/50)
What a masterpiece. Those few lines created a beautiful sensual scenery in my head. I was seduced, and the 'biting' part felt really good, ha ha. I think I know who wrote this. WELL-DONE!

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Judge 2 - 44/50
Oysters, very clever to drop that in there the food of love. And quite suggestive.
Love the alliteration with 'flesh flushed' not something I see used much in poetry on here but really emphasises your point. The whole thing is very dreamy and suggestive, without actually showing us much, which works in this instance.
You can almost smell the atmosphere of this, the burning candle and the jasmine reference help build the atmosphere.

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Judge 3 - Score: 35
I like the idea of this piece, but I wished the writer has taken it to the next level. And maybe played around with some punctuations and stuff. I also feel like the writer didn't do the idea its justice. I wanted to feel more passion, more feelings put into it. But still from what I read I can honestly say that this had an exotic feeling to it which I liked!

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Judge 4 - 25/50
This was an average poem, theme wise, but as a solo piece, it was just well written.
Very coherent and strong. I was not fond of the salt part, it doesn't mean that it's bad.
It just means that we have different tastes, I did not enjoy that part. Felt not as
good as the rest of the poem.

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Judge 5 - Score:45
The imagery in this poem is astounding. Whilst somewhat of a short piece, it creates such waves of vivid imagery throughout for the reader and I am a big fan of the "Like lips to oysters." I also like the "Tangled in darkness." This reminds me of two lovers totally enraptured with each other and lost to the rest of the world. The added thought of including scents within the poem is appreicated as it succeeds in adding such an overall contented feeling for me. Scents are always incredibly powerful and emotional within life and the author captures that by adding that last little detail in.

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7. How I Wish .. Total 100

Judge 1 - (5/50)
This may have another topic in there. I thought of a couple expecting a new child at first. But I think it has a secret in there. I honestly didn't understand. And there was no flirt in there... no seduction... no romance... It wasn't poetic, too. I'm sorry. I wasn't seduced. In fact, you have now stopped my appetite. Damn You. Lol, I'm kidding.

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Judge 2 - 30/50
I am not sure if this fits in with the seduction theme as well as the others, as a poem in its own right it is good, I picked up on 'have we prepared' and 'moment, it's all been said and done'
If I look deeper it could be a poem about risking the wrath of god by contemplating sex before marriage or cheating on one's partner.
Also in stanza 3 I think 'these' should be 'this' and was 'spew' supposed to be 'spurn?'
I do like the x-ray analogy it really shows that god see's everything.

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Judge 3 - Score: 25
Hmmmm, I am sorry! But I honestly don't see how this poem is seductive, I might be wrong you know but I just cant see it!
Aside from the fact that it should be seductive, this is actually a really well written poem, not for this contest obviously, but still it has a good flow, good choice of wording and wrapped up in a very fine way!

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Judge 4 - 10/50
This sounded forced in many places, also it was not that strong, I apologize for my score.
But after all, it's a contest and I know you will understand somehow the reasons behind my vote.
It wasn't upto the quality of some other poems, also the structure wasn't that good. I think you could have done better than this

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Judge 5 - Score: 30
The flow is very off for me in this, considering the constant transistion of rhyme, non rhyme. It spoiled the poem for me, as I had to keep going back and re reading, trying to make it flow better. I am not a particularly religious person however, I do find the closing two lines to be my favourite part of this poem, as it reminds me of "Judgement day" and not just God's judgement (Forgive me if that is what this author intended and I sound dumb, but as I said-not a religious person.) and makes me rethink on sins and the way I live my life. I would like to see this become either constant rhyming or free verse and not a mixture of both. I feel one or the other would make it a lot better.

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8. Ripples Total 218

Judge 1 - (35/50)
I don't know why you insert commas after 'for & of...' - that is annoying. But anyway, what's more important is the theme of love. You made an awesome job. Wow... there was sex in there. In fact, you made the plot as a porn star speaking. I loved the 2nd half of the poem so much. I was close to poetic orgasm lol. "Messy Trees..." - that sounds busy :p But... you have ended that with the director's Cut. WHY?!!! I wanna see more... But, actually, that was really CREATIVE. I liked it so much. Original!

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Judge 2 - 43/50
Clever ending to this, and very sensual throughout, I feel the overuse of ';' and ',' made the flow stumble somewhat. Also Goosebumps should be capitalized or two words.
Plus you need to get rid of the 'e' on rhythm.
I love some of the descriptive text in this though 'messy tress' is great, the use of stormy and fiery, but 'blossoming ripples' has to be the best.
There is a whole undertone of eroticism hidden cleverly behind harmless suggestions. 'static jelly mounds' hahaha
Clever write just need to look at the punctuation IMO

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Judge 3 - Score: 45
WOW!!
Short sentences but the impact on the reader is just so strong and fiery! No going around with this piece, the writer knew where his poem was going and what is it that it should deliver. Perfect choice of words, perfect pauses.
One little thing that bothered me, the punctuations were a bit excessively used? I wished if some of them could be eliminated.
Now the ending, I wasn't expecting that to be honest. But it actually made me laugh (in a god way I mean) it caught me by surprise and thats what I like in poems, those with a twist at the end of it!

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Judge 4 - 40/50
fiery eyes, silent gaze, amorous delight...Such amazing expressions to start this poem with. It was just perfect. Got sinking within the mood, right from your opening.
Also I loved how the form of the poem itself, and with that I mean the way you wrote each stanza, and the way you separated them, really rippled !
Loved the repetition of the way, it got me excited, to know what way are you on about now, or next...until I reached your closing stanza, that was not expected. Amazing, original, really well written, and you worked hard on it; obviously. good luck

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Judge 5 - Score: 45
I love how the author starts of each verse with a different action and then expands on them. It makes me wonder what is coming next as I read further on. I really like "Fiery eyes" It reminds me of how much passion we feel when with someone close to us. Seventh and eight verse are my favourite as the author manages to describe what is happening without turning the poem somewhat seedy, it reminds me of a movie scene where two lovers are just about to discover each other and then it fades to black-not because it is rude but because it is something personal to them and not for others to share. ...Given I am stating my thoughts -as- I am reading..."the director says CUT." haha!! I didn't see that coming, which was a nice surprise as I like to have an unexpected twist, but I also found it humorous given what I just said the previous verses remind me of. Lovely.

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9. The Passion of the Night: The rain Total 195

Judge 1 - (40/50)
I loved this mirrored analogy. Your opening was perfect, until I reached the middle where the 'I watched' became annoying. If you chop this poem and trim it, then you would've got my 10... because I got the feeling of love.... the one that's longing to be fervent again. Great job.

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Judge 2 - 40/50
Ok, neighbourhood rather than 'neighborhood'
'fervour' rather than 'fervor'
the atmosphere in this write is very tense, The repetition in this worked well, a lot of readers aren't fond of repetition because in some cases it can be used to add flannel to the poem, but here IMO it is good. Some great adjectives used throughout, shows great knowledge and vocabulary. My only confusion is did anything actually happen?

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Judge 3 - Score: 40
First of all I got to say that I am in love with the title of this poem. Its different in away and intriguing in another!
Now to the first verse, I could hear the drops of the rain on the asphalt. You managed to draw a vivid picture of that place and not just the way it looked but also the sounds that surrounded it. Bravo!
As I read more into it I can feel a beat to this piece, its so melodic with the rhymes here and there and the repetitions of some words. It added depth and more sincerity to the whole atmosphere of this poem.
"as the sound of raindrops
scented his skin"
^^
The contradiction here is simply astonishing! Associating the sound of a rain as it hits someones skin to result in a scent, that was brilliant and one of my favorite parts in this poem.

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Judge 4 - 35/50
You have some good new ideas, love the way you twisted this, I had a little problem with the repetition, but then I felt like it actually served your poem! It was exciting, and felt like watching a movie.
Loved the word choice, all got me into the mood of your piece. Loved the fever kisses line, felt just so different. And the dashing man...it was just a different poem. Very well done.

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Judge 5 - Score: 40
I guess it is obvious by now given my previous comments that I am a fan of alot of imagery. And with that being said, the imagery throughout this poem I find to be just beautiful! It makes me picture someone waiting patiently, not caring that they are getting soaked from the rain, barely even noticing it, as they are too focused on the person they are watching, too wrapped up in their own emotions. It reminds me of how love will prevail. I am not a fan of the constant "I watched," however. I feel it was okay to begin with but nearing the end it became too much. I would suggest maybe rewording some of those.

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10. Senryu Seduction Total 170

Judge 1 - (10/50)
You entitled it Seduction. Where is it? The 'lips' to seduce is so overused. Seduction is not only about lips. A hand gesture can be seducing... an eye blink, too. 'Lips' are overused. I didn't find it creative much... it hit the theme, but it didn't hit home for me. I needed more. I think if you said 'cum' instead of 'come' I would've raised your score. :p

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Judge 2 - 45/50
Ah a senryu one of my favs. What a great way to describe kissing, 'tickle'
This is genius and adds humour to the poem.
The 5,7,5 is spot on,
The first line shows us your desire, the second your fantasy and the third your hope.
Clever job with so few words.

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Judge 3 - Score: 40
A sweet seductive request is how I view this little amazing piece. Few words but when said in such a way with such words just give you this cute tingling feeling. I love it, and I love how it reads and how straight forward it is. It delivered the message it was meant to deliver in a poetic way.

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Judge 4 - 40/50
GOD, this was my top favorite poem, although it was the shortest, form wise! But it honestly left a very huge impact, I stared at the lines with a very sexy smile :), I love this poem, it's just so fresh and different. And although others might agree, I feel like this should score the highest! Amazing

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Judge 5 - Score: 35
This is another form I am not keen on, for the same reason I am not keen on haikus-I find it to be incredibly restrictive and that it does not allow the author enough time to expand on what they want to say. With that being said, I find I do like the word "Tickle" (Although...wouldn't it be Larry's mustache tickling the author? ;) ) and the last line did succeed in making me giggle. It was humrous and light hearted and leaves the reader smiling.

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11. My curves Total 178

Judge 1 - (20/50)
The title shows that there is SEX awaiting. Where is it??? I didn't see sex at all in these. I am disappointed :/ There are hints of seduction, yes, but I want more... I mean what happens AFTER seduction lol. Lovely opening only... the end, I wasn't too keen on it. It didn't leave a bold impact in my head... just lips... the same overused thought.

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Judge 2 - 48/50
Short and very sweet, and a poem with the word crevice has my vote.
There is a great suggestion of eroticism in this, love the feminine word 'curves'
Satisfy is always a good choice of words with this type of poetry, but the conflict between stanzas 1 and 2 is amazing.
Stanza 1 being so erotic yet 2 is a reminder to step back and pause almost, This poem shows that you do not need to over complicate to tell the same story. I love the use of 'seduce' in the final line. A great ending.

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Judge 3 - Score: 35
I found it confusing to read this poem to be honest, somehow the pauses lacked some punctuations which if provided would actually make this piece read a lot more better. The idea was ok, but I wished more for it to have a WOW factor!
Still I enjoyed reading this piece, and I think the middle part was quite good with the choice of wording put into it.

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Judge 4 - 35/50
My curves! Loved the title, it's seducing by itself. I also love the fact that you used plant, for kiss, and was so fond of your 3rd stanza. It seemed for me, as if the shortest poems in this round reflected the best feelings. It was short and to the point, yet with this sweet sensation. I dislike your 1st line, because it did not feel any special, nor catchy, being the opening of your piece. Other than that, good luck :)

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Judge 5 - Score: 40
I'm not a fan of the kiss planting gently, simply because in my own opinion kisses are the most initmate of all acts and therefore have a very strong meaning to me, and hold alot of power, emotion and meaning. It is for this reason I find kisses to be strong, and not gentle. Of course, this is just my own thoughts on the particular wording here. With that being said, I find I very much like the closing lines, as they remind me of two people who are meant to be, who will find each other no matter the cost and overcome all life throws at them. It's inspiring.

Ongoing Vamps and Rakes
8. Ripples Total 218
1. Seduced Total 207
6. Seductive Poem Total 199
9. The Passion of the Night: The rain Total 195
2. The Masterpiece Total: 188
11. My curves Total 178
10. Senryu Seduction Total 170
4. Sameal, (Haiku) Total 168

Victims of Love Lost
5. Was It A Dream Total 161
3. Provocative! Total 146
7. How I Wish .. Total 100

ROUND TWO WILL BE ANNOUNCED TOMORROW!

author: Lebanese Phoenix
status: member
date: 2012.10.03 03:25

Congrats for those preceding to the next round, and hard luck for those who didn't.

At first, I thought that this isn't a contest lol... just a small challenge to satisfy Larry's needs.

author: abracadabra
status: member
date: 2012.10.03 03:37

Oh my goodness. Perhaps I have been working a government job too long, but I find this bordering on inappropriate. And this is coming from a rampantly sexual person who like to flirt and have fun.

It's just odd. Sorry, Larry.

author: Yakori Mohammed
status: member
date: 2012.10.03 05:26

"And this is coming from a rampantly sexual person who likes to flirt". I believe everyone will agree with me that, poetry is an art with endless ways of broadening ones dexterity. You can't judge people by merely challenging their capabilities to write intricate sexual art in poetry.

If it doesn't appeal to you, its as simple as saying you can't be part of such challenge because you find it repulsive. Going further to discredit another's form of keeping the aura within this community, spicy, is uncalled for.

Hope am not misunderstood? Tread cautiously always with how you present your opinions. This is poisonous to you, however, its food for another. 'One mans food is anothers poison.'

author: Meme
status: member
date: 2012.10.03 06:02

Ohhh my Larry your responses were mind blowing, lol!
I think you gave all the participants a run for their money ;)

And I too thought its a o e time challenge, but it seems Larry hasnt got enough, lol :P

Congrats to those who managed to survive the heat, and hard luck to the others!

author: abracadabra
status: member
date: 2012.10.03 06:10

Hi yakori, nice to meet you.
Oh, I am all for sexual freedom, freedom of expression and spicy times. I am usually up to more mischief than most, I think a few people here can vouch for that. That is why I'm more surprised at my reaction than anything else. I am normally opposed to most kinds of conservative thinking and would gladly have offered a superior poem of seduction myself. But some things about this contest don't sit at all comfortably with me. However I am reluctant to go into detail for fear of harming harmless people. I shall invite any further discussion through PM and won't participate here unless things get out of hand.

author: Yakori Mohammed
status: member
date: 2012.10.03 06:19

@abracadabra, fair enough with the little sneak peek. Nice to meet you too. Always wondered the facial of the the red and black abracadabra.. ;-) ..

Congrats to all those who made it, thus far. Hard luck with the least desired.
WOW Sir Larry with your response, its off the limit. Sets ones mood off to cloud nine.

Can't wait for the eventual run in the next round. All the best to all. :) ..

author: Samuel Ernst
status: member
date: 2012.10.03 06:31

Round 2.....?

author: Maple Tree
status: member
date: 2012.10.03 07:48

Larry! Your poems are fantastic!!!!!!!!!

Congratulations to everyone, this is a fun challenge and a different one.....makes me giggle.. :-)

author: Chelsey
status: member
date: 2012.10.03 08:57

Uhmmmm seriously, I am in LOVE with these poems!!

author: Larry Chamberlin the Godfather
status: moderator
date: 2012.10.03 12:19

Actually, I just figured it was a good way to get a new contest going, since there was a slack.

It seems to me that the poems skirted the explicit border fairly narrowly, but such things are by nature subjective.

The next round will be just as challenging, but perhaps with a bit more decorum.

I moved the existing posts to this thread in order to insert a disclaimer on the thread.