Here's a Good one for Debate...I think?

Http://sixtyminutes.ninemsn.com.au/article.aspx?id=8546518

This clip only lasts about 15 mins so...it's worth watching.

For those who don't have time, briefly...Sixty Minutes has been following the story of these families for a couple of decades now. Two little boys, born on the same day, in the same hospital were given to the wrong mothers and when they were two years old the error was discovered. What would you do if it was you?...give up the child that you have nurtured, breastfeed...loved.. to have your biological child that you don't know returned to you? Very difficult decision...if you have time to watch...you will see what happened and the consequences of the decisions made by both mothers.....very interesting!

My own opinion...I can never imagine anyone taking my grandchildren away from me...I love them all very dearly. Each of them have their own little quirks that I've grown to love so....my decision would be to keep what I know. I would always wonder, and hope that my biological grandchild was happy and safe...I am honestly torn with this one but...how can you love a child for two whole years and suddenly not...

I think i would give the child back, and get mine, two years is not so long, and although it would affect me, i would miss him, but he would forget me soon, and then my flesh and blood would get to know and love me too, who knows he might heal me up from the hurt the loss of the child i had raised fot two years, and just gave up might cause besides i think the kids deserve their real parents, and common blood is ticker than breast milk.

P.s I dont stop loving the child, î just start loving my real child.

Can I ask you two things Rebirth...do you have children of your own and...although you say he would forget you (which I disagree with) would you forget him?

I think that I'd keep things as they are..continue raising the one that wasn't blood because the bond is already there. Blood doesn't make family-love does.
I'm with Hellon on this one...
Sure I'd wonder and someday onnect with my bio child but I would leave things as they are.

I'm not meaning to scare you off Rebirth...your opinion is important I was just asking you a couple of questions so....don't be afraid to jump back in...there is no win situation in this case...if anyone has the time to watch the clip you will all see that but....after loving a child for two years...thinking it was your own...how could you possibly part with it and say...hey we now have the real Joe....he's the real one...His name is now Samuel l BTW

I give anyone credit for being able to answer this. I don't think I can answer it. I just don't know until I'm in that situation. *knock on wood*.

But, I'm pretty sure I'd keep the baby I was given. I get attached to people easily, babies even more, I had raised them for 2 years as mine I'd hate to put that child through getting to know another mom at 2 yrs old when I'm the one he's known.

Now Hellon I must know, would you ask to get updates on your birth child likes pics,phone calls, weekly visits, etc?.....for selfish reasons I'd want to see what my biological kid would look like. I don't think I'd do visits or anything that may be weird for the child as time goes on, perhaps just pictures...but, I'd also want to know if they'd have any physical or mental disabilities that may run in my family in case I chose to have another baby. Doctors usually ask about your first birth and your first baby and obviously you can't go off one that isn't biological.

I do not think that I would be able to swap back, it would probably feel wrong. I think that if I had seen my baby grow for 2 years with me, then it would be my baby, whether I'm his/her biological mother or not. The relationship would be far too tight to just ignore.

I do think I would be curious and I would probably get in contact too, first with the parents and then maybe see if we could arrange meetings. I would want to be honest and get the chance to be there for the other and learn to love it like the one I've had for that time... without any of us feeling as though we were taking something from one another.... but rather the family growing bigger.
I know it might be naive to think it would work out that well and easily, but I'd certainly try.

I'd want my baby back. No doubt about it. You're all mentioning the bond that would have been created over two years, but seriously is that enough to justify the rest of their lifetime? If I wanted to adopt, I would have adopted. My choice to conceive was because I wanted to raise the child that grew in me for 9 months. I'm sorry, but that mistake has taken from me and my child two years, why waste more time? And what about the poor kid's opinion? Can you really gamble it, hoping that when they are grown they say "Yeah mum, thanks for keeping me away from my birth mother." That would screw my head up.
It's not even about family being family regardless of blood. Sure, I live with a step dad and he raised me well, but that was because my real dad blew his chances. This isn't about non-blood related parents raising their child. It's about two women who CONCEIVED and grew a child because they could. They had a baby as the product of their love for their partner/husband. Why don't we let them have their chance to raise their own flesh and blood?
Understandably, it would be very confusing, for both mother and baby. But realistically, long term, I'd want my baby, that I conceived, that has my genes, that grew in me, that I loved and held for the first time...
I understand giving the cute little button back would be hard, but getting your own baby back surely would be the more natural solution to human error? Otherwise, why don't we all swap babies at birth and raise them as adoptive parents because hey, blood doesn't necessarily make for a happy family...

I haven't watched the video, so that's just my immediate response. Sorry if it's passionate!

^ see this is why I'd have such a harm deciding if this happened to me because I think that's a very valid point!

I think if any of us were actually in the position, we would keep the baby we had nurtured and loved for 2 years. I'm actually shocked that anyone thinks they would do otherwise.

I would want to make sure my biological baby is with a good family of course, and I would request a copy of their medical/psychiatric history.

Do any of you know the pain adoptive parents go through when they are asked to give up their baby? 2 years is a long time. One day is a long time when you are caring for a child you believe is your own creation.
The first 2 years of a human's life are also acutely important and to tear a baby away from a mother they have thought was their own... It's a cruel thought. I find the reasons behind such a decision would be selfish and prideful.
The psychological damage you would risk inflicting on this 2 year old by changing its parents at such a fragile age is incredibly more substantial than the damage "adoptive" children experience when discovering they have a different set of biological parents.
Maybe you lack retrieval memories from 2 years old, but when is your earliest memory? Age 4 or 5? Can you imagine being torn away from your parents at that age to be given to strangers? And you think a 2 year old is much different? Their cognitive abilities are highly developed. Usually 2 year olds are saying "mommy" and "daddy," they can crawl, sometimes walk, they have deep bonds to the mom and dad that have spent the last 2 years with.

I haven't watched the video, but I have studied case studies, which form the base of my opinion.

Why would it have to be a tearing apart? Could the birth mother not slowly but increasingly be introduced into her baby's life, while the non-related mother decreases her involvement? Perhaps the pair of mothers would both do it this way, limiting the distress experienced by the children? It's not uncommon in many countries for aunts, uncles, grandparents all to play a massive part in the early years of a child's life. I'm aware that the first seven years in anyone's life is a very fragile time. But personally, I could never let go once I discovered someone else had my child.
I hope no-one finds themselves in such a situation, and I totally agree with your statement that given the choice ourselves, we may not see things so black and white... But I don't think it would be fair to blame pride for a decision rightfully the mother's own. It's a toughy

I just asked a friend what she would do. She said "can I keep both" hahaha

^ is potentially the correct answer.

Having raised a child for 2 years is a lot to give away. The child's first words, their crawling eventually leading to walking and falling in the process. Then, their method of grabbing onto an object and taking small baby steps. The first time a child walks up to you and falls in your arms. Getting up at middle of the night to change diaper and feed him/her. Singing songs and making faces to feed a spoonful of. . well . .baby food. Enduring the breastfeeding, some children tend to bite hard enough to initiate bleeding.

After all this it would be hard to give away the child a couple raised together.

But it would be hard to not have your own child as well. He or she is the symbol of the love that couple share, the union of their physical love. Their child. How can a mother not want to hold the child she carried and raised in her womb for 9 months? ..and then enduring the labor of child birth. Very painful, very very painful. The dieting, the stretchmarks, the mood swings, the weight gain, doctors appointments, etc. A women suffers all this just for her child. She would definitely want her own child, constantly wondering how must he/she look like at the age of 2, at 4, at 10-12 at 16, his/her first bf/gf, first detention, first car, getting busted for causing trouble and then being grounded.

She will witness all that with the child she has, she will love him/her with all her heart, but a part of her would forever yearn, for her own child, wishing she could raise them both equally. And the other women must feel the same.

In such a situation, it would be nice to somehow convince both the couples to move next to each other. Both the mothers and the fathers could sleep at night knowing that they are separated by a just a wall. Or share a wall, however you would want to put it. This way both mothers would be able to raise both the children together, see them turn into adults. And they could all live happily ever after :P

I like the live happily ever after scenario above, get some sort of a 'Sister Sister' theme going haha

I think this issue was a plot-line in Desperate Housewives at one stage. Not that I watched it or anything. Cough..

Seriously though. It's one of those things where its hard to predict how you will feel about it until you are in the situation. I reckon it'd be very hard to give up the child you have been raising but possibly equally hard to see somebody else raising your biological child, that might have your eyes, your partners nose, etc. There is an undoubted natural instinct to procreate and pass on your genes, its possibly the most basic behaviour in all forms of life. It'd be best for the children if they stayed put, and possibly best all round, but it'd be incredibly hard not to feel curious, sad, regretful about the child that you created and nurtured for 9 months. What if the family raising that child were poor, or underprivledged or neglectful? Then when the kids grow up would they want to know their respective biological parents? Would both families just go their separate ways or spend time with each other, both could lead to more problems. It'd be a tough situation.

If the other family is poor, encourage them to sue the hospital or do it together. If they are neglectful or otherwise abusive, file for custody.
If they love your biological child and are doing the best they can, let it be...

I'm not saying it wouldn't be painful. My god, it would be, but do what's best for the kids. Don't cause them pain just because you think your blood is worth more. How could you explain to the kid you've raised for 2 years that you're trading them in because blood is more meaningful than a 2 year bond?

Ugh.

Yep, I've seen all of desperate housewives and I think the show did a decent job depicting how complicated something like this is.

After viewing the video, I have to say it was a mistake for the moms to try to meld the families together and create a relationship. It was too confusing for the kids and did more damage than good. I understand wanting to find your biological kids to see if they're doing well, and wanting to contact their "adoptive" parents to see if the child you've come to love as your own has an important medical/psychiatric family history... but that's as far as it should go. Don't try to blend. It'll be a mess. I stick to my guns that it'd be selfish.

Oi. What a heartbreak. When your kids are grown up and have established themselves as independent, reflective adults, then tell them. Not before. And make sure they understand that love is what makes families.

Hmm .. I have a question and this one goes to those who are moms... I have always been curious

Can you recognized the cry of your baby after they are born?

Oh my gosh luce I'm no mom but have babysat a number of new borns, as well witness first births...hard to tell on the first day id say...but seriously, when the baby develops more, they have their own little cries! Totally different, its so cool.

Chelsey to answer your question further up...I think medical records would be important for both families to know for obviously reasons. I'm not really sure about photos although, I have to admit I would be curious. Phone calls, meeting etc..honestly I don't believe they would be a good idea for anyone facing this situation. These two families tried to be friends and the boys played together but as they got older it just complicated thing more.

Ok, can i trow a question to anyone who might answer
can anyone tell me what you wore on your 2nd birthday, your favorite food when you where 2, who always yield at you for going close to the pool, who changed your diappers, who potty trained you and how, common if you wheren't told these things you wouldn't remember. Those kids are just two, ans they would forget, or let me put that more nicely ''you would fade to the back of their mind real soon'' you are the one old enough to remember the kid, kids get adopted by 2, and if they aren't told they aint your real parent, dont usually know. Like are you gonna pass up the opportunity of raising your own child? Besides, i think it's the right thing to de, and i also know it's not easy, you would get over it sooner or later....

P.s to your question dear, i aint got kids. Got younger siblings :p

I know you develope emotions for those 2yrs, but you develope even more complicated once as you grow up, i think at 2 was a very good time to make that swap, and it would have being easier. I don't even think it's selfish, or maybe it is, but moving together or close by, and then seeing your kid everyday being raised by someone else while you raise another, he gets a bruse and in your presence goes to meet someother lady to kiss it better, or you migh linger long enough to maybe even go for his soccer match, and then he goes to hug someother lady after scoring a gole, or you might linger even longer till his matriculation.... I'm sorrry to say, but that is just fuc*ed, like screwed up, no matter how close you live to the kid, you might have just given birth to him, but you are not his mother, till you take him. And you can make things nicer by seating both kids down, and going '' you know i love you crap, but i had him for two years already, and that was why i didn't swap back, you are 16 now, and i expect you to understand, i didn't wanna hurt you'' honestly i think you just didn't wanna hurt yourself, cos at that age you are the one it's gonna hurt more, but there you are using the kid as cover up.

My opinion ''just saying''

They are valid points Rebirth...like I said it's a very hard call....can I just add...one of my grandsons is not quite 2 yet still he knows me...he knows my car...he knows heaps of things related to me and...I'm not his parent so he know's a lot more about his mum and dad...I would just die if someone took this little boy away from life as I know it now....

Can i also add if you leave him now, or if you dont see him for the next 1yr, when you show up, he would ask his mom who you are, or lets say 5yrs. You are the one with the more concret memory, and so it's you it's gonna hurt more, it would be easier on the kids after a few months ( if it takes that long) and how would you feel if you where to see your mom everyday, and knew she didn't take you back, cos she had raised someother kids for just 2yrs. I'm sorry, if it was me i wouldn't really like her trying to be much part of my life, if she choose to not take me back at that early stage.

Yes...I understand what you're saying and the mothers in the video clip admit they made a mistake....what was also interesting was that one of the boys now also has a son and he admitted if this child ended up not being his (same circumstances) then he wouldn't want to know. The boy he has now....is his son...as far as he's concerned.

This is a no win situation, which is what makes it brilliant for discussion.

Personally, I'd set up a meeting between the two families somewhere neutral. There are too many important things to be discussed for just one side of the issue to just decide.

I would probably move towards placing the children with their natural parents. This might cause some short term upset to everyone involved (especially the children) but so long as each child has been raised properly up to that point (love/attention) they shouldn't really suffer any long term problems.

Jane mentioned how important the first two years of a childs life are, and that is true from a developement point of view. The thing is, so long as those two years are normal and healthy and the following years are normal and healthy with the biological parents there is no good reason the children should grow up with issues of a psychological nature.

Sure, when they are older they'd probably need to be told and that might cause some drama, but better that than a whole life of deception followed by a big reveal when they are old enough to understand.

The two families could even change their living conditions so they were close to each other so each set of parents could be involved in the other childs life in some way.

Yes Kevin...It is a no win situation...for the families and the children involved...I just couldn't do it....unless you are a parent you probably don't fully understand....you just can't...watch the video when you have time...living close..meeting up....it just didn't work...

I wouldd keep the child that I raised, but I would try to become friends with his/her biological child and have them grow up together if posible. Many of my friends parents love me like their own, and vice versa, so both children would be in my life and in the life of the other parents as well. and when they are old enoph to understand, I, along with the other parents, would sit both of them down and explain the situation and let them make the choice of who they want to live with. IF the other parents made the oppisite choice, of course I would surrender my child and accept the new one, but request that we stay in very close contact with eachother and raise our children to be friends. I wouldnt want someone I have already fallen in love with just torn from my life like that, and I think its safe to say that not alot of people would. That would be my prefered outcome. Emotions and what not cannot always be predicted, so it could become much more complicated Im sure.

So those are my thoughts.

If i where the child, i doubt i would want you as my frien, or want you close, and if we have to live like neigbours, i would go to a college so far. And when(if) you finanally get me to sit and pick, i most definatly wouldn't pick you. You would mess up the child more psychologically if you let him grow up, and then one day tell him you just couldn't change him, and you might even go ''you know i love you bud'' 2yrs is a long time, but not as long as 10yrs, and time heals, and its easier to heal up at an early stage, than when the kid is like 16, at 2, you are the one getting hurt, as a teenager you both get hurt, and i think the child hurts even more than you, cos i would think it's cos you didn't love me enough to take me back, and most probably if i had gotten missing, and you have another child or sometthing like that, yoou wouldn't look for me.

Ah, but could you really sepperate with child who as grown to love you and you them? By this time the child as already formulated in his or her head that Im dad and that my wife would be mom. You cant change that bond. Love is love. And to be honest, if I was the child and that was the only big issue I had with my father and mother, I wouldnt think too much into it. my whole life they raised me and cared for me, played with me has a kid, looked out for me, punished me when I was wrong, it wouldnt make a differnce really. Just becouse they wouldnt be my biological mom and dad dosnt mean I wouldnt love them any less. Sure as a teen, it would hurt, Id be confused, but I would eventully relieze that these two people loved me enoph to keep me even when they found out the truth. A parent is a parent regardless of who gave birth to me. Of course I would be interested to know the truth, who are they, and if they where the parents of my best friend, then all the better, spending time on both sides is already normal. Of course confusion, some bitterness, but overall, love is love is love. I love my step dad and didnt know he was my step dad untill I was 14, never resented him or my mom for it, hes still dad to me.

These are all good points guys and...please keep them coming! Can I just throw this in as a thought....what if the child you thought was your own for 2 whole years was suddenly discovered to have some sort of genetic disease/illness would you still be as willing to keep them..while your biological child appeared normal ?

Of course you would love the once that took care of you, and that's the ish, what about the biological son they didn't take in, if you where him, how would you feel?

I always say i'm gonna make the switch, and even when it is my biological child with the genetic illness, i would take him.

Great point, Hellon. I also thought of this. Ok, so both parents decide to keep the child they have. You continue to raise this child but maybe when they reach 6...7? They develop a condition, illness or disability. Maybe temporary, maybe chronic, maybe fatal. Wanna swap back now? Oh if only I had kept my own healthy baby. Pretty harsh hey? But it could happen. Hopefully, anyone with a heart would commit to their child whether sick or not. And by that time, there'd be no turning back anyway.