Winners Monday, November 12, 2012

HELLO, congratulationss guys! Well done for those who've made it to the front page, hats off for the H'Ms.

thanks for my HM,
and thanks judges for your cooperation!

We had a tie on 2nd and 3rd place between 4 members.
______
VOTES:

Prayer 7+10+7 =24 points
by Sibyllene

Rumnkoke
By Jordan 10 points

Life Paintings
by: Meme 10 points
____
HM:S

A Glimpse of Life 10 points
by Xanthe

Maneuver 10 points
by Ms SunShine

_______________
HM's with 7 points:

Figment
by Xanthe

The Lonesome Road
By Everlasting

You, You, You.
by Britt
______________
HM's with 4 points

Shades of Grey.
by One Man Clan

Homeless Tree
by Chelsey

Midwinter Blues
by Queen

A Ballad of Aways
by Poet on the Piano

Footsteps in the rain
By Acoustic Odyssey

__________
COMMENTS:

Prayer
by Sibyllene

This is incredibly creative and such a unique way of looking at/thinking about death. Upon reading the first opening line I thought it was going to turn into one of those pieces that fell into cliche category about losing a loved one and the sort of poem that many of us happen to write when we very first begin writing and don't know any better. By the time I had finished reading I was very glad that I was wrong about my initial thoughts and pleasantly surprised by the way the author turned this into something so personal and meaningful.

"death in a peeled orange in
a swallow of wine in
every seventh kiss I
build up credits of death so that"

These are beautifully portrayed-while the idea is the same as previously I find these lines to hold so much more meaning and depth here, simply because the times mentioned beforehand are those that are known to be when someone thinks about death after losing a loved one/when there is a chance they will lose someone close. But these lines really add such emotion here and make it clear that the author does not think about death at random times but at every single moment in their daily life. I also liked how the author states they build up credits of death as I found this incredibly bittersweet and moving.

This is such a beautiful and heart wrenching piece that it is difficult to find anything to critique here and it seems to be incredibly personal to the author themselves. The only thing I noticed was in the closing lines "by" should be my?

The ending again is so moving. We all wish that it will never be that one special person that we hold so dear and the author manages to showcase this perfectly. (7)

---

I hesitated voting for this poem at all because of how personal it feels, then again isn't all our poetry personal? I had to high light this if even for a moment. This is by far such a detailed poetic poem and goes beyond descriptive for me, if that makes any sense. Sibyllene not only brings the poem to life, but she makes you feel as though you're walking this and doing the things she's mentioned. The pacing of this poem is perhaps my favorite part, it felt lingering in the beginning and as it goes on there is a source of panic I feel, the unknown, the waiting in the balance so to speak. This is such an emotional poem that is so well written. I can't help but fall in love with it. (10)

---

First and foremost I am sorry for your loss, this poem was difficult to read for the reality of it was heart breaking. However, the content of this poem was just phenominal. Your descriptions were to a T and all I could picture, was EVERYTHING you wrote. From the beginning to a girl getting ready in the morning, staring at her nails, brushing her hair, I could picture all of that, and here her thoughts which is what I loved about that opening sentence. It set the mood of the character being described so when we picture her, we know her face is filled with sorrow. Perfect imagery. I must say what really bothers me in poetry is lack of punctuation, but in your poem it was absolutely perfect to not have as much. It showed how scattered your thoughts were, how hurt you are, confused , having a hard time in your daily routine. I loved the "jumbledness" so to speak , of this!
Just want to say, my favorite line was:
I can offer up moments in fistfulls
like blank checks,
^^ What an incredible simile. Unique, never used before. Very catchy. Loved this write!

****************
Rumnkoke
By Jordan

Jordan, your poetry always immerses me in a world of sounds. I read your piece many times in a loud voice just to feel your beautiful alliterations dissolving in my mouth: lots of plosives in it. I also noticed some internal rhymes quickening the poem's pace, creating tension, magnifying emotion as the poem progresses to a sad ending. Your breathtaking imagery also swayed me to your poem as well as your title: Rumnkoke
"Bottlenosed creature bellows
clicking, catering to chit-chaterring"
"they play
sleeping with one eye open.
Never losing sight but always
in a slight stupor, brazenly
chasing mates through
alleyway caves."
Your bottlenosed creatures symbolize pretty well the post-modern man as a ultimate hypocrite. Sleeping with one eye open, they are self-indulgent and unruly in their private lives but dictatorial with others.Besides the postmodern life is not real life at all. It is just a illusion provided by Rumnkoke.
Your is poem is a masterpiece Mr Poet.Well done! (10)

*****************
Life Paintings
by: Meme

This is the most beatiful metaphor I have read in a poem in a very long time. Painting is often used in poetry as authors like to compare themselves to painting with words, but this was different. Your opening stanza was nothing short of flawless.This time, painting was used to describe the character in the story here rather than the author herself. I adored that!
"Maybe at some
period of time you were my
favorite painter, but that
was then!"
^ I really enjoyed this line here. The poem started to pick up speed. Your frustration was being shown more. The use of an exclaimation point really shows your seriousness here which I don't see poets use that often and I like that you weren't afraid to.

The ending was so uplifting. When we lose someone whether it be a friend, lover, or even family member, its difficult, but the way you ended it was encouraging. This piece yelled "Im independant", that you didnt need to rely on someone for your happiness, that they should go find someone else to paint on....Just brilliant. I thought this whole piece was beautiful and the flow of it was obviously great because each stanza had words that related to the opening metaphor..Well written, very creative.-(10)

*****************

A Glimpse of Life
by Xanthe

I'm truly astounded how the author manages to emotionally captivate the reader in this poem without the emotion becoming overwhelming to the point of making the reader want to cease reading, because it is is so unbearably sad.

Those opening lines are hands down my favourite as it makes me question why the author would want to rip themselves apart and why they feel they are already so broken that they simply can not anymore...because one can not rip themselves apart if they are broken before they wish to. And this makes me wonder what has happened to cause this feeling. The analogy of a shredded tissue was something I became fond of immediately.

The use of "Tiny hands" makes me think the author is talking about a small child that is sick?
And when I take the infirmary verse and couple it with the previous line of not having a remedy for the outcome, is the author talking about death here?
I really enjoyed the detail in the closing lines, it is filled with so much meaning especially when the author states how not even humanity's greed could feel the void. This is heartbreaking.

This is truly a beautiful and moving poem and again I adore how the author is able to take such a tragic topic and turn it into a fine piece of art. (10)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Maneuver
by Ms SunShine

This piece was a beautiful display of a lost relationship... It tossed me into a mindset and visual display of a guy and girl lost in the woods... almost like an apparition, and in the mist the girl is gone... It's heartbreaking and yet the author created such a powerful visual... the emotions can be felt the entire piece...

The title intrigues me... Its as almost if the author is saying, toss my broken heart behind your back... when really the broken heart is in front, face to face... Mercy, this was just a very creative and sad piece... Very nice!!! ( 10 )

*****************

Shades of Grey
by One Man Clan

I am fond of this poem however there is one small part that irritated me. "I am the dark part of the dark." I don't like the use of dark twice in such a small period and feel that it could be altered slightly with the wording here. The next two lines however are something that is beautifully penned and I love that the author states about silence after the song ends as I find this relate-able.

The next verse makes me feel like the author is talking about something he was once very comfortable with and had an understanding of, only for it to change so suddenly that it leaves him speechless and at a loss because of how it is stated they are no longer fluent in the languages.

"Someday I'll be the ghost at my own funeral,
and rest in words forgotten from this song."

These lines stay with me long after reading, they really are so heartbreaking and the first line here is so, so sad that it makes me tear up. It really makes the reader think and question, as someday every one of us will be in that situation although hardly anyone thinks about this during their life.

"It's just dumb muscle."

There should be an "a" between just and dumb.

I don't know about the closing, I just feel that it does not hold as much meaning and emotion as the previous lines and as much as it has the potential to. (4)

*******************

Figment
by Xanthe

The second stanza made this for me, especially "thick with the salty,
Spanish air.".. hello, that is beautiful. This poem is so wisftul and dreamy, yet focused in a reality of existance with the ending. I love how so many people can feel so many things from this poem - every time I've read it, I take away a new feeling. The questions in this poem are interesting, typically I don't care for questioned poetry but this has such a longing feel to it, and that ending, my gosh that ending. This poem just oozes beauty. And then I found out the writer is only 15 and it blew me away. Another poem that just needs to be read by anyone and everyone (7)

*******************
The Lonesome Road
by Everlasting

Luce - your piece captivated me because it is thought provoking. It seems so simple on the surface but if we consider the symbolism of a road as a travel through life, we comprehend how deep your poem is.

There is a lonesome road
that I have yet to see with open eyes
right in the midst of the empty town
where my footprints await to be erased by the breezes of the air,
where my memories will part with each step I take,
where my eyes will not distinguish if it is black or white
or white and black.

where light will not be bright and bright will not be light
where anything is wrong and everything is right,
where I am me and I am not I.
Your dreamy road point to a destination that will lead you to a personal evolution in the long run but we see your confusion and fear since you feel you may be a puppet in life's hands: "where I am me and I am not I" and above all, because we sense you are not prepared for this journey yet. Everything is and isn't at the same time. Our senses deceive us and our perception of the world doesn't reflect the world as it really is. The world/life is above our apprehension, everything changes fast. Your philosophical poem portrays human existence in a unsettling light and angst permeates your brilliant piece for your state of mind reveals the fundamental nature of human existence on Earth. We are condemned to be free and choose our paths, however, how threatening it is to encounter our lonesome roads and leave our familiar contexts. Your road is an enigmatic presence and all I hope is that your journey might be as beautiful as your poem. Well done Poetess! (7)

*******************

You, You, You.
by Britt

Love is addictive and this metaphoric poem speaks in high volume... It takes love and molds it into a habit forming love itch! I admire a writer who can create such a unique and spirited piece such as this... really a fun and creative poem... Well Done!! (7)

********************

Homeless Tree
by Chelsey

I cant say enough about this powerful metaphoric nature poem... How the author designs, the heartfelt sadness of a homeless and dying tree, and also intertwines the emptiness of her feelings into both is very touching... all around a beautiful and breathtaking poem!!! (4)

********************

Midwinter Blues
by Queen

The Queen has this way of structuring her poetry that is so interesting, something I am jealous of when reading her writes. They seem so effortlessly, yet carefully placed with just the right source of tone and breath to it. She is quickly becoming one of my favorite "read aloud" poets of this site for that. Here she brings such interesting descriptions that usually don't make you feel sad, but comforted, and still it has that breath of sorrow and blues. This piece here: "I miss you in the evening,
Like now, my feet are cold
and I hate the scent
of silence."

I simply love and there is no other way to put it. The scent of silence? Often one wouldn't think there is, but now that I think about it, it seems obvious and stale. As though you're not aware of something until, you are (probably making no sense haha). I really adore this poem and hope to see others enjoy it as well. (4)

*******************
A Ballad of Away's
by: Poet on the Piano

This poem is so interesting. The beginning makes one really think about a simple word, "away"..When we say "away", where is that? After reading this poem about 5 times I'm still questioning. Poems that make the readers thing are spectacular to me.

I sing with what I have no voice for,
there is no melody, no signature key
you could latch onto.
^ Wow, look what you have done here. Brought in your title with a bang. This stanza is just gorgeous, what a way to say youre lost for words, you don't know what to say. This is so beautiful.

My dreams are anxious and
without clothes,
frosted yet unable to surrender....

^ Can we frame these lines please because they need to be showcased. This is such a powerful statement here. I feel like this is your way of saying you still won't give up on them. Regardless if they are cold, lost outside for now, they wont surrender. And one should never surrender when it comes to dreams, always fight for them.

And those last few lines...again leave us analyzing this whole piece....Wonderfully written (4)

*******************

Footsteps In The Rain
by Acoustic Odyssey

I couldn't help thinking of Sartre and the underlying concepts of existentialism as I read your piece. At some point in our lives we are forced to find out who and what we are through life.
Your poem stresses a moment of rupture between past and present and for the very first time the speaker is able to break free from an arbitrary existence and find his true self and true personal meaning in life. Freedom is a delicious word in our mouths, it awakes our senses and makes us responsible forever for our journey in this dimension. Great work. (4)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~!
Ms Sunshine
if I messed anything up,
please do let me know.

Wow!! Didn't expect this one to win but thanks a lot judge X for your amazing comment! And thanks to the other judges and to Nana as well.

Congrats winners and HM's

:)

This week is so special to me :D

3/4+ of those poems above are my this week favorites!!

Congrats everybody.
Beautiful pieces.

Look at sib racking in the points! Awesome!!

Well done to the winners and Hm's this week! (Thanks judge for mine ) :)

Congratulations to all the winners and HM's this week!!!

Thank you for the great, perceptive comments, judges. That goes for everyone who's commented my poem so far as well - all the feedback I've received has been thoughtful and pretty spot-on, interpretation-wise. I'm almost getting tired of praising all y'all.

Congrats to the HM's and the other winners of the week.

Congratulations to the winners & thank you judges for diligence and Nana for continuing to make it look easy.

Congrats to everyone, and thanks a million to whoever gave me those 10 points and that awesome comment.

And as always, great job to to Nana and judges!

Congrats, winners & HM's. Thank you judges, especially to YOU (:

Congratulations to the winners and thank you so much to the judges as well as nana and the mods.

To the judge.. I also hope so. And thank you for your comment and HM.

Congratulations to the winners and thank you judges for the HM! :]