Winners Monday, November 19, 2012

Congrats everyone!

Thanks judges for your cooperation :)
A tie on 3rd place between "Jane" and "8", each with 14 points.
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WINNERS:

All Roads Lead to August
by The Poetess 10 +10+7= 27

Suits You
by: Lebanese Pheonix 7+10+10=27

Progression
by Silvershoes 4 +10= 14

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HMS:

Abyss 7 +7 = 14 points
by 8

Midwinter Blues
by The Queen 7 points

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HMS with 4 points:

I love you, i hate you
by Yaki

When the Haiku battles the evil Senryu
by Darren

Elephants
by: Silvershoes

Blue Laughter
by Tara Kay

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COMMENTS:

All Roads Lead to August
by The Poetess

This is such a heartbreaking piece of writing and I was truly moved by this.

Noura, you pour your emotions out so beautifully throughout this and I could feel every ounce of pain you were describing. The longing you feel to have your father close to you once more really seeps through your written words and the imagery you portray throughout really allows the reader to both see and feel what you yourself are seeing and feeling.

The use of his voice turning into November rain and Winter having chattering teeth was something I found incredibly unique and bittersweet.

Vulnerability, pain and longing all ooze throughout this whole piece and you have managed to turn such a tragic and upsetting event into a wonderful piece of art.

Your love for your father is clearer than anything else in this and I hope within time your pain starts to ease. (10)

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This poem is so raw, so deep, that there is no way to possibly critique it because a poem that comes right from the gut of emotion is absolutely flawless. Your metaphors and the arrangement of your wording pulls the readers into your own personal moment that it can move them to tears, which means this poem is full of life. The grief is shown so brilliantly, that it makes this poem somewhat beautiful although it is heart breaking. I feel this deserves a proper break down, a proper judge comment, but there is no way to describe why this poem deserves a ten, its one of those poems where you read it and you just know. Amazingly written. (10)

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I feel like this is two poems in one - the first half you have more metaphors, more structure, more devices. But then you get into the second half of the poem and it's all stripped away. Your hurt, pain, anger, sadness, frustration... it's all so incredibly raw and vulnerable. The footnote at the bottom should be removed - this is poetry and this is beautiful. The third stanza made this poem for me.. the vulnerability you have, the wishes, the longing. It's heartbreaking and tragic, but beautifully pieced together. This is brilliant. (7)

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Black Suits You
by: Lebanese Pheonix

There's a war zone in your eyes;
barbed wires; and fireflies.

^ Absolutely loved the way this poem started off, its almost so catchy I feel like this should be made into an acoustic song. I wanted to sing it. I felt so in tune with it and it already made me question barbed wires? Fireflies? Very uniquely written to describe a war zone.

There are traces of nostalgia, too,
for sad songs, long driving hours,
and wavering coffee scents

^ If that doesn't relate to almost every driving adult I don't know what does. Theres just something about taking a ride, putting on slow songs, drinking coffee to keep you awake...I loved this..So often I feel like the same stanzas are penned in poetry, creating the same scenes, but this was different. This had such a tint of loneliness that I could feel it as I was reading.

Truth is,
I can see death sailing your chest
like a permanent tourist
planning to rip open his passport
in a quest for refuge

^ I will wrap my comment up with, this right here is what makes you an incredible writer. Such extraordinary poetry comes from your mind I wish I could harvest it in my own brain and use it to write the way you do.. Absolutely amazing piece. The last two lines just brought it together and I love the use of "suits you"! Awesome expression, awesome way to pen it..A job well done. (7)

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What an amazing poem that NEEDS to be seen on our front pages. This is the kind of poetry that brings people together. The images are breathtaking and stark. The storyline/message behind it is so profound. The sympathy and nostalgia... oh it is just heart breaking. I have no critique over this poem, I'm just blown away by it. This is really incredibly and I have nothing more to really say than it needs to be highlighted. (10)

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This piece is mind blowing and hands down a great write.. Powerful piece through and through!

LP has captivated me with intensity and the start of what is seen in through the eyes of a killer perhaps, the darkness of a soul.. the title just started me off and the first stanza got me sucked in...
In the fourth stanza, I almost felt like it was talking about the Bermuda triangle on his chest... My mind was twisted into a dark and horrific tale of the man in black.. this piece was out of this world captivating... well done!!(10)
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Abyss
by 8

This poem is truly a delightful read.
I felt the darkness in the title, but at the end I could sense the light within this life piece.

The nature tones in the first stanza are a wonderful way to start the poem off and then
lead into infancy and lessons learned along with seeing backwards, the memories of childhood.. Its haunting in a sense and truly gripping piece from start to finish.. Very nice! (7)

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What drew my attention immediately to your poem.
was Nietzsche's quote. I was eager to find the relation between it and your poem. But when I saw the division between the past and the present, I understood that it was about a double-edged sword of free will. The first part of the poem presents us a man who 'escaped infinity by unclosing his eyes". Maybe infinity was his mother's comfortable womb. He was immersed in bliss, but "the soul ripped itself from its shell" and he lost forever that moment to experience the birth process which is neither pleasurable nor peaceful. He travels to light but darkness was more comfortable because he was in total communion with his mother, sensing connection. He felt protected and safe. But he had no choice: he had to come to this dimension and "the soul looks back in pity." It is his memory of birth.

Then the second part of the poem portrays a different environment: "beauty and fertility" are everywhere. It is an inspiring atmosphere, however, our man is now old and sad. He couldn't find bliss and can only encounter infinity when he escapes to his mind and sees himself as a faded memory, as something lost in time. His being is what he was and not what he is. Maybe he stared too long at the abyss, forgetting the abyss was in him. Maybe he longed to be in the abyss because it symbolized his primeval mother's womb. The abyss robbed him of meaning and turned him into a memory. I also thought about death. When we die, we become memories and " the soul divides itself into nothing". In fact, what are we but nothing? We will die and who will remember our existence? Just those who have our memories but they will die too and we will disappear forever into nothingness.

I loved your poem. It offers us so many readings. Well done! Excellent work. (7)

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Progression
by Silvershoes

I love the journey - beginning from the past, to the now in the moment, and then passing off onto the future of how you will feel, what you will do. The title is perfect, naturally. That first stanza is what hooked me into this poem, and I feel it tapered off a little bit, but finished again strong.. perhaps thats a personal bias because the thought of rats freak me out :). I love the ending with the ghosts fleeing not long ago, but too long ago. The contradiction makes the ending fresh. My one critique is boarders ... I think it should be borders. I've been trying to connect it otherwise and couldn't. (4)

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This poem hypnotized me because it is a powerful interpretation of an anxious-depressed mind since the anticipation of future is a central component of depression and anxiety disorders. We feel the poet's depressive state of mind permeating this piece as she uses chronological time to expose feelings and offers the readers three possible futures/ alternatives which are the developments of her pain and sadness. The poem also reflects the poet's loss of pleasure and inability to react normally when confronted to her fears. We feel her powerlessness before her mind in each stanza:

"Yesterday
I was haunted by fingerprints
on my spine and breath (...)

Tonight
I write lies to appease
a troubled mind (...)

Tomorrow
I rise with good intentions
to resolve this treachery (...)

Tomorrow
I ride to meet my shadow(...)

Tomorrow
I cross boarders into madness (...)"

Andrew Solomon wrote in 'Anatomy of Melancholy':

"When you are depressed, the past and the future are absorbed entirely by the present, as in the world of a three-year-old. You can neither remember feeling better nor imagine that you will feel better. Being upset, even profoundly upset, is a temporal experience, whereas depression is atemporal. Depression means that you have no point of view."

It seems to me that the poet is immobilized and trapped by her self-obsessive thoughts/madness:" this treachery/that eats at my insides/like a rat in a cup /with a flame to its back", and forgot that every single day we have twenty-four magical hours to live. Life is what is happening now. Yesterday is over and tomorrow depends on today. But I assume that the poet is building up courage to confront her mind, burying forever "those ghosts/ that fled not long ago/but too long ago/to reclaim" to start a new life. If this poem is an extension of what is happening in real life, I have an advice: Keep your chin up.

I would also like to leave you an excerpt from The Noonday Demon:

"Depression is the flaw in love. To be creatures who love, we must be creatures who can despair at what we lose, and depression is the mechanism of that despair. When it comes, it degrades one's self and ultimately eclipses the capacity to give or receive affection. It is the aloneness within us made manifest, and it destroys not only connection to others but also the ability to be peacefully alone with oneself. Love, though it is no prophylactic against depression, is what cushions the mind and protects it from itself."

Brilliant work Jane! I absolutely loved your poem
(10)
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Midwinter Blues
by The Queen

I was captured by this title immediately-it's so beautiful.
I found the longing behind the written words to be emotionally overwhelming-the author really knows how to portray their want and pain for the loss they are experiencing and the way the author phrases their thoughts allows the reader to relate and sympathise with them.

I am unsure if this is about the death of a loved one or a lost relationship but either way the words work wonderfully and manage to captivate the reader into wanting to know more.

"are the nights
when these pillows are
soaked and sulking"

This was my favourite part as I found these lines really spoke to me emotionally (And I'm sure they do to many others too.) as it is something so relate-able and it's very easy to feel the author's emotions here.

"Scent of silence" "Vanilla waffles" I found I was very fond of this as the added flavour to the waffles make a slight personal touch and I enjoyed the subtle alliteration of scent of silence.

Lovely poem. (7)

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When the Haiku battles the evil Senryu
by Darren

I'm not a fan of either haikus or senryus as I feel a lot of the time the forms do not offer enough leeway to really capture the readers attention or allow the author to really delve into their subject but I was pleasantly surprised by this and found it very creative and had to smile at the title.

The imagery the author portrays here is simply astounding and I am a big fan of the vocabulary used within as I find it to be quite beautifully worded.

I really enjoyed the transition between each verse from light to dark as I was unaware of where the author was going to take me next and he succeeds in leaving my own thoughts and emotions in quite a jumble from the constant change.

"petals fall and rot quietly"

Quietly has three syllables, making the syllable count off here.

Other than that I really enjoyed this wonderful work. (4)

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Elephants
by: Silvershoes

I stared at this poem for a good long 15 minutes, trying to think how I could describe the beauty of it. How I could break down the parts that really stood out to me, but truth be told I'm a little taken back that its hard to comment properly. I'd like to comment as a whole starting with the title. The title was so intriguing. One can say its "simple" all they want, but how often do we see the word elephant in a sad poem? Then, as you begin to read the piece you see the constant use of the whalebone metaphor, which is stunning because again, how often does one see that?!?...To tie in the elephant then make it your title was just brilliant really. Your detail to this piece was so thought provoking, such a good read for an analytical thinker. When you break it down, you feel completely and utterly sad, lost, lonely. You have done so much to the reader with this write, you have touched them, you have got them thinking, you have got them wanting more...I wish I had another word for unique, but honestly, that's the only thing that fits this. Just incredible. (4)

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Blue Laughter
by Tara Kay

Even when sorrow sings within your soul, to be able to break the monotony with laughter is breathtaking. This poem sings hope.. and simply dazzles me with all the nature tones throughout.
I adore this poem and applaud Tara Kay for this piece; it shows strength and is a very classy piece! Well done! (4)

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I love you, i hate you
by Yaki

Your honest poem reveals the complex nature of love as it becomes bitter and sour: a crazy fertile ground for hate. I suppose many people can relate to your words for sometimes separation and connection are simply impossible to achieve. This dissonance is part of a strange game which is difficult to understand because we all want to love deeply and above all, because it is inconceivable to love and hate at the same time. But love is not a bed of roses as my mother uses to say. It requires a lot of emotional investment and sometimes people only want short-term pleasures. I do think that a love-hate relationship is very dangerous. It is not healthy and it kills us gently because we still think that love can cure everything but it naturally dies if its source is not replenished as Anais Nin observed. Now tell me Yaki: how many times are you prepared to forgive the one who hurts you? How many times do you want to be forgiven for your rage, boredom, questions, and insecurities? Think about that. Great work (4)

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MS Sunshine,
If I messed or missed anything, please do point out.

Congratulations to all :) and thank you for the HM

Bloody syllable counter I thought quietly was 3 but it wouldn't have it, it kept telling me it was 2.

should have gone with my gut instinct.

anyways, quietly has been dismissed from this poem, it's place has been taking by quickly, (that way I only had to change a few letters)

Thanks for the HM once again.

Now that made me think...

Thank you judges for your time and comments. It's the first time I get 3 votes on a poem!

Congrats all.

Congrats to everyone! All poems mentioned are just incredible.

Yeah yeah yeah, representing the Club! Good job, warrior women!

Thank you for the comments. I'm flattered by the first comment on Progression, and blown away by how much effort the judge of the second comment put into giving me a personal response. Thank you for understanding Elephants (to the judge who gave me a lovely comment on it).

It means a lot.

Congratulations!! All poems highlighted this week were beautiful!

Congrats everyone!! Awesome work XD

Congrats to all. I'm fond of all three winning poems this week.

Belated Congrats guys awesome writes!!

Congrats to all. Darren, I am proud of you, man.

Congrats, winners and HM's. Thank you, judges and Nana.

Very good work, poets, judges & Nana.

Well done Jane and Nor great work guys