Please Help

I'm having these really bad suicidal thoughts right now, and I really don't know what to do, does anyone know any good ways of coping with these feelings when they get really bad?? I seem to have completely run out of steam :-(

Ok I'm going to try and give you the best advice that I can. Believe it or not I know how you feel. I've been there. Still there at some times... I'll tell you one really good thing for you to do is express anything you can through poems. It helps me get through a lot. Do you have anyone that you can talk to? A trusted friend? Or maybe a counselor? It's important for you not to keep these feelings inside. If you want to be happy you have to talk things out and work through it. And it won't be easy. Like I said I know... You really should talk to someone. I know that you probably don't want to do that. But maybe it has to be done. Do you know what is making you feel like this? If you do then that's a really good start. Also, try and focus on the things you love. The good things in life. You know what works very good? A big bowl of chocolate icecream with hot fudge and whip cream and sprinkles and strwberries on top!!! Haha. Do you have any pets? Good friends? How about hobbies? Like sports or drawing or anything else? Just focus on those things. Try not to let the little things bring you down. I know it can be hard. But just keep your head up and try to work through it. I hope I gave you some good advice. I tried! Good luck and if you ever need anything I am here for you. Never give up!!!!!

Love Always,
Angel

That's right I'm your angel :) haha

Thankyou so much, you're reply really touched me.

I've actually just got back from seeing my psychiatrist, and I kept trying to tell him how bad I've been feeling recently, how I'm feeling like I'm going bad to my old ways and really don't want to go back down that path again (I had four failed suicide attempts last year). But he just kept analyzing the way I was saying things and changing the subject. Something inside me just seemed to snap and I ended up in complete hysterics. I felt like such a fool and so pathetic, I'm usually strong about things.

When I feel really suicidal my ability to communicate verbally with people seems to shut down completely...I feel so scared of myself

I understand how you seem to shut down. The problem is you can't put a word to what you're feeling. Yeah you can name about 50 things that you may be feeling like betrayed,hurt,regret...but no one emotion. So it's hard because you don't really know the exact feeling that you have. Correct me if I'm wrong but I think I'm on the right track here. If I'm not I'm sorry. If it would make things easier maybe you can try writing down how your feelinf and show it to your psychiatrist. That might be an easier way to get things out. Do you feel that you connect with him? He might not be the right person to talk to. Maybe you could try talking to someone else. Maybe he just isn't helping you the way you need him to. Sorry if I'm sounding like a therapist here! I'm just trying to help. I feel like I can't help myself so maybe I can help other people get through this stuff. Then maybe along the way it'll help me. I don't know. But again I will tell you to focus on the good things. Don't kill yourself. If you've tried 4 times and failed...then you're obviously on this earth for a reason and it's not your time to go. It's not up to you to decide when it's your time to die. That's what fate is for....Don't feel pathetic for the way you feel or how you react. That's normal...It doesnt mean you arent strong. The thing that will decide if you are strong is if you can hold on and not kill yourself. That's true strength... I hope I'm helping you. I really am trying!!
Love Always,
Angel