I choose not to cheat.

I think that the time when me and Clark (my long distance bf) are finally meeting each other probably will still be long. well i once had this thought of looking for some guy to be my bf in here, but after a while, i was thinking that maybe if i have a bf in here, there will be the time when i finally decide to broke up with him comes, but then, another thought came, "what if i didn't breakup with this guy?" "what if i suddenly have feelings for him?" "it's not good to play with other people's feelings" "he might have fall in love with me too" so after debating with my evil side, i decided not to do this kinda shit, which is cheat. it's not going to end well if Clark was ought to found out bout this, and i might lose Clark forever.. cause i know how does it feels to be cheated on.. so i told myself, to keep on holding, keep on believing, and just stay strong, till that one fine day when he's gonna be here and we're gonna be together comes.. and i also decided to keep ignoring this feeling of loneliness which already rooted itself in me..

so tell me, is that a good choice, or no?

I'm afraid that things aren't going to work out with your current boyfriend if you've already thought about being with someone else at the same time. You would not even consider that if you were happy with your boyfriend. What makes it worse is the fact that the way you phrase it, it sounds as though you were just looking for someone on the side to keep you company while your bf can't although you don't even have feelings for them. What do you mean by "here" anyways?
You should definitely think about what it is that you want. Your boyfriend does not deserve these kind of things, imagine you knew he had these thoughts.. it does not feel as though you are the kind of person to be in a long distance relationship.

I know.. i shouldn't have think like that in the first place, i feel bad too you know. but all these months passed and as our relationship grew stronger, i don't let my weird thoughts get to me anymore.. now my life was more to him, and not anyone else!

but imagine what i feel when i'm listening to his recent audios (we sent our recorded voice to each other, that's how we keep it going, and not by Skype-ing), and he was mentioning bout other girl's name? that might be his classmates and he was only updating what he's been up to recently, but he was clearly mention that girl's name, and he keeps on repeat.. there's one thing from his last audio that i will never forget, "well they know i have a girlfriend, they know i was talking to somebody, but still they keep asking me on going out with them! guess Rachel need to find another guy for her fast.."

we talked about this, and i trust him a lot. but he broke his promise, he says college is off starting Monday and he'll have more time for me then.. he didn't text me since Friday, and i don't know what's up with him!

You say you trust him and yet it bothers you if he mentions another girls name and that he hasn't texted yet. Just face him, ask him what's up with this girl and if he has interest in her or if they are just friends. You need to be upfront, beating around the bush won't get you anywhere.

Long distance relationships require a lot of trust and patience, but it can work out. I know jealousy is an awful feeling and can't be just switched off, but at least communicate with him before you let this get to you too much. Have you tried reaching him?

He hasn't send me a text and it's already 5 days since we our last conversation.. Yes, of course I trust him.. But this Rachel isn't someone he hasn't met/texted yet, it's his classmate!

Two weeks ago he told me that he always hangout with Rachel, and I don't mind that cause I have friends too. So he told me sometimes he helps Rachel with her paper/homework and that's when he told me he often visits her at her house, but that doesn't bothers me as well.. But everytime when he gets busy wish college, I won't text him cause I don't wanna make him feel like I annoys him or something. But I still text him on some certain time of the day, just to tell him what I'm planning for today, who did I met, what event I'm going to, etc..

But when I didn't text him, so did him. And when it goes on for a couple of days, I'm always the one to blame. Whenever he asks me, "Why didn't I get any new messages from you? You're not trying to reach me or something?" and I'll always say, "If you're asking me bout not seeing any messages or why I didn't talk to you at all, ask yourself the same thing first!" and usually our conversations ends pretty swell... But when the same thing happened the next day, I just don't know what should I do.