Contest Winners- February 4, 2013

Hey all! Just a little FYI, this week we only had 4 judges :)....

Congrats to the winners, absolutely beautiful pieces! And congrats to our short list of Hm's as well.

Black Chooses Its Masters
by Lebanese Phoenix- 10 + 10 = 20

Bones and butterflies
by Linda Leavers - 10 +7 = 17

If You Could See the Woods
By Ms Sunshine 10 +4 = 14

HM's:

Cruel, Cruel love
by Nightflyer - 7 + 4 = (11)

Burning Teabag
by Baby Rainbow (7)

It Is Almost Winter (Collab with Noura)
by: Larry Chamberlin (7)

Paper dolls
by Sarah Ramos (4)

Turning the Page
by PinkyPrincess (4)

WINNER COMMENTS:

Black Chooses Its Master
by: Lebanese Phoenix

This poem intrigued me from start to finish and left me in contemplation. There's almost a sort of elegance in these verses and I am reminded of a romance that seems grim and bleak. I enjoyed the French- just that one line
invoked a sad passion and made me think about this relationship. Maybe you are doomed because in the end, this realization has come that black is overpowering in one's life. Very deep and filled with longing in my mind...still holding questions. I was also struck by this main character's desire to be joined with this person in singing and in weeping, it seemed like that is all there is, a twisted side of life where pain is visible. Definitely got involved with this one and felt was reading about a tale from another world. A phenomenal write! (10)
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Black Chooses Its Masters
by Lebanese Phoenix

Let me start with the title itself. I loved how you said that black chooses its master; as if the color itself chose the best character to represent itself in. Very capturing title I must say.

Now to the poem itself, you chose black tulips to represent your character, and since black tulips symbolize mystery as well as elegance I found the first verse very well written. Yes, there always is a story behind anything mysterious, and you cant always assume it when only looking at the appearance itself, you must know that there always be something more the surface of what the eyes can see.

"Sing, mon cheri;
intone your inner sadness,
perhaps music was made to hurt us."
^^
This is my favorite part in this poem. The idea of using some French terms added a little more depth to this piece as it also made it more personal to you, you made us feel that you really know this character. You also mentioned that maybe music was made to hurt us, you have no idea how many times this idea crossed my mind and in your case you are asking your character to let out all her sadness in a form of a song. Such a beautiful way to say it.

Sometimes we seek the night shadows to hide the weaknesses we have, so you give in to whatever it is that you want to be or whatever it is that you cannot be. I also liked how you carried the theme of this flower among this poem by hinting to yourself as being a gardener, and who else knows better about there flowers than the gardener himself!

And just like the title; your ending was perfect.
one of the est pieces I read in a while!
Well Done. (10)
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Bones and butterflies
by Linda Leavers

This poem is simply inspiring, if I am not mistaken it refers to an eating disorder, but more importantly it is from the point of view of such disorder from the end of the battle.
This person is victorious.
The first stanza really paints a terrible image, but this descriptive narrative is perfection, there is no sympathy for the condition. As the poem progresses we see the strength in character build.
Some clever terms used such as
'The cataracts are gone...'
and
'the illusion is broken'
What this captures well is the whole mental side of this illness as well as the physical.
The layout is really intriguing it helps the poem flow very well with short bursts of dramatic imagery. But what runs through the whole piece is the 'hope'
The hope that this can be beaten.
Great poem by Linda, an easy 10 points from me. (10)
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Bones and Butterflies
By Linda Leavers

This was an exceptional read, the very unique title was what prompted me to read this, I couldn't understand how bones and butterflies could fit into a write, so I just had to read and I'm glad I did. This piece is very inspirational, to see your image in the mirror and perceive it as one thing when in reality it is another and to finally break free of that image, wow, powerful. Love the word choices, flowed well and that very last line "I can breathe again" perfect! Well done Linda (7)

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If You Could See the Woods
By Ms Sunshine

A heart wrenching breathtaking masterpiece is what this is. From beginning to end you can feel the pain, and heart ache. The word choice is amazing, I just love the first opening line about the woods and I like how there is sporadic rhyming, I'm one of those that it either has to all rhyme or not rhyme at all, but this just flows so naturally and made for a wonderful read. Well done (10)
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If You Could See the Woods
by: Ms Sunshine

There was such a solemn tone here, that was easy to be taken into. The poet's use of imagery brought my heart into this piece and made me not just feel, but see and hear the sound of loneliness and what makes
a goodbye so sad. I think woods are always beautiful even though they may have secrets in them or some type of mystery, and you bring
the soul of these woods to life- there is also some bitterness here especially when the poet is talking about how this person blamed all their surroundings. It also makes me think this person has no will to continue and all you want is for them to have not surrendered.
Heartfelt poem. (4)

HM COMMENTS:

Cruel, Cruel love
by Nightflyer

I read this 3 or 4 times to try and write a decent comment for this. I planned to break it down, strip it back and discuss in detail.
I honestly don't think I need to.
This poem is a great example of a piece that is written so well, with a rhyme scheme that works.
It flows majestically and it reads as if it was written by a famous literary great. I honestly believe that I haven't read a better written poem on this site for a while. (However to contradict this I am giving this 7 points purely because my 10 pointer had deeper emotional content.)
Sorry I couldn't say much more Nightflyer apart from that this is fantastic and I am glad I had the chance to read and vote on this. (7)

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Cruel, Cruel Love
By NightFlyer

This is a sad piece but there are such beautiful passages within, there are colors, candlight, passion, lovers, but there's emptiness because you long for this to be you, but its not so you are left with pen and paper to write of the ache in your heart and how love has passed you by. I like how you made it rhyme, it wasn't forced, it flowed perfectly. And there is nothing like a Florida sunset to get the writing juices flowing. (4)
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Burning Teabag
by Baby Rainbow

These kind of poems always interest me, the idea of taking something so far from poetry world and personalising it so that it impersonate a character is so brilliant. Having all different terminologies that may refer to that certain thing actually representing some different feelings and emotions and built up to match the story you tell.

You went through the whole process of preparing a simple cup of tea, but let me tell you that to someone who doesn't belong to poetry this might seem so shallow, but we know better don't we?! I was fascinated by how simple your description was going through all the different mini stages of preparing a cup of tea but actually referring to something else at the same time. Being used by someone then getting hurt by them, only to end that process by being left away; as if we were only introduced in their life to fulfill a certain purpose and after than we just become collateral damage.

Great Piece, and perfectly written. (7)
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It Is Almost Winter (Collabe with Noura)
by: Larry Chamberlin

I was surprised by the poets' word choice, but that's what made this poem have such strong meaning behind the lines. There was a delicateness I enjoyed in the beginning, almost as if this mirror of one's life has been dusted with pleasurable memories, and now it is shown as a remnant, a keepsake of the past. I feel in love with these two lines to open up the second stanza "God is asleep and safe, time is asleep and safe", it's simple wording but to picture God as safe? I've never done that before. I imagine him having all the power so there is no need for measures of security yet this line had me amazed at the thought of it! Same with time, it was a good personification that almost seemed mournful, like there is safety but time is still. Really interesting read, the poets' words were expressive and almost lulling, especially with the ending line. Sleep will not cure all our problems or guarantee us a hide-away from danger. We must live, move on.
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Paper Dolls
by Sarah Ramos .

I was drawn in by the stuttery pace to this piece, I like how the first two lines rhyme and the third is almost tossed in there as an aside. Stanza two is my personal favourite because at first glance it appears that lines 1 and two have the wrong endings. Then we move onto 'feathers of patience' why does this work? What the hell does it mean? Yet it seems so right.
This is why I have picked this poem this week, because it is a jigsaw of strange lines that work so well together and the sum of all of its parts makes a very well written and intriguing poem. (4)
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Turning the Page
by PinkyPrincess

There comes a point in our lives were we have to be the ones who call it: we have to do the right thing, and in this case its moving on. Humans tend to fight change only because they are so afraid of what will come next, and since they are already used to a certain lifestyle they refuse to change even if that means they keep dragging a relationship that has ended a ling time ago. You managed to capture the feelings that one gores through when they decided to fold the page and move on.

Nicely expressed, and it is a piece that a lot of people can relate to. (4)

Congrats to the winners :) Nice to see Abed and Nana back on the front page and HM's...awesome pieces all over.

Thanks Judges
and of course...Chelsey!!!

x

Congratulations winners and Hm's!! sighs.... the poetry is beautiful.... mercy!

Congratulations to the winners & other HMs.
thanks to the judge for the comment ~ very encouraging.

Noura is responsible for the beautiful parts.
Mine are the pedantic sections.

Congrats winners

*********edit and of course HM's****

(whoops)

Congratulations winners & HM's!!!

I want to thank everyone who left a comment, on my poem, whoever nominated it in the 1st place, and the judges for your encourging comments, I did NOT expect this at all. I am not writing as much as before, I told Abed trying to get involved back with my words...and out of a sudden I see it on the front page :) appreciated, the poem is very personal.

Thanks again and again.

AND congrats everyone.
Keep it up Chels. girl ;)

Wow, thank you for the win!
congrats fellow winners & HMs.

Thanks Chels.
Thanks judges!! I loooved your interpretations. And 2nd judge, I smiled when you said you noticed the relation between tulips and gardener! :)
Also, thanks for all who nominated it and Tara for her encouragement and Andrea for demanding another piece :p

* btw, Larry, the piece of you & Noura has 3 stanzas. And the 3 are equally amazing. I've never read something like that in my life!

Congrats Winners & HMs:)

Congratulations, everyone. Thanks, Larry, for giving me the chance to write with you. And thanks, judges, for the 7 points and the comment. Made my day.

Edited. And good job, Chels!

Congrats everyone!