Site Challenge- By The Tree: Final Results :-)

First off I want to say, thank you to all 17 of you who participated in this challenge! It was fun for me to host and the poems that were born with this challenge are breathtaking! Please feel free to post your poems to your poem page :-)

We had 2 awesome judges for this challenge and if they want to they can reveal who they are - If not that is ok too... but I want to thank them both for their beautiful comments on everyone's poem. Very helpful and insightful!!!!

Judge #2 wrote a side note for all of you and wanted me to share it:

*First off let me say that whilst some of my scoring may seem somewhat picky at times, I do think my comments reflect why I scored what I did and even with the ones I scored lower, I enjoyed each poem submitted and whilst I may have disliked some things there wasn't a single poem where I wasn't fond of something and I think each participant should be commended for entering. The poems that didn't receive full marks but weren't given a reason is because I believe there is always room for improvement for all of us as writers, so even though I didn't mention something, someone else may notice something I missed in order to improve the poem. After all, I'm just a single judge ;)

I also apologize for my grammar at times, it's late, I'm sick, and I'm tired.

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Thank you Judges for your time and commitment to this challenge!!

And now............. Here are the Winners of my Relaxing Tree Challenge <3

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1st Place:

Poem #13
Baby Brother
By Kate

36pts

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2nd Place

Poem #15
Witnessed
By Poet on the Piano

35pts

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Third Place
Poem #16
Naive Loss
By Baby Rainbow

34pts

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Fourth Place *Tie*

Poem #9
Jewess
By Nicko

And

Poem #12
All the Facets ( A Genie Sees)
By Edward Zurovec

31pts

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Fifth Place

Poem #4
Waltz
By Lebanese Phoenix

29pts
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I decided to highlight the top 5 places :-) Congratulations: Kate, MaryAnne, Baby Rainbow, Nicko, Edward and Abed!!!!!!!!!

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Site Challenge Poems, scores and comments :-)

Poem #1
Gripping
By Tara Kay

10/20
Judge #1
Perhaps a metaphor for catatonia or else a literal description of a suicide. It seems the time capsule may be the brain, locked away from communication, while the mind within is trapped in a false sense of reality. Or again, the imminent death from suicide is cutting the life breath and the body is stiffening as the potion takes hold. The end line is both apology for the suicide and a final excuse for not doing better.
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Judge #2

What struck me about this poem is the closing lines. It had such an impact on me, and it reminded me of a recent conversation I had with a friend about emotions. He pointed out to me, that in order to get stronger, sometimes you need to tempoarily become weaker. And that's why the closing lines hit me pretty hard..to me, it says I can't -always- be strong enough, but that you eventually will be strong...that you may be currently struggling but that you will eventually overcome this. The other part that struck me was the mentioning of suffocating at your own actions. I found this to be wordered uniquely and it made me think on how so many people use destructive ways to cope without ever realizing those ways really are not helping them. I really liked the imagery this created for me. What I wasn't so fond of was the repeated use of I, as I didn't think that was necessary and that it could have been worded better within these parts. It's for that reason I deducted points from the overall 20 score.
14/20

Total Score: 24pts

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Poem #2
The Scornful Cents [ Etheree ]
By Everlasting

15/20
Judge #1
Initially you expect this poem to be charming.
The final line confuses things. Did the child trip & lose her money without giving it to the man? Most likely the man threw it down as it was mere pennies. In either case, the child's disappointment is minor when compared to the relative uselessness of the gesture to actually solving the man's plight. Perhaps a deeper message is that joy at helping coupled with paucity of gift is simply not enough. It is a fatalistically disheartening diatribe against adult effete well wishers whose real contribution to curing the ills of society are no more effective than this child's paltry cents.

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Judge #2

I read this several times, and whilst I am aware the contest was to write something short about an emotional moment, I do believe that this had the potential to include more depth and emotion throughout than it currently holds. My interpretation of this was that the poem is about abuse, particularly because of the 'disgrace' line, which is why I feel this way regarding the depth and emotion. Of course if my interpretation is completely wrong, then the previous part of my comment will seem like garbage. That being said, either way, I would have liked to see more emotion throughout the poem, along with an ending/closing line that had a little more of an impact for me as the reader. I'm aware some forms can be difficult to write, I do however believe that this has the potential to be better with a little more effort and work.
13/20

Total score: 28pts

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Poem #3
Unraveled
By Jenni

8/20
Judge #1
I'm sure the parenthetical ellipsis (...) is deliberate, but I do not get it's meaning. It may stand for an indescribable thought or it could graphically represent a speaking mouth. In either case, it is more distraction than it is worth. Otherwise, the poem is simple and, while leaping somewhat less than intuitively, it nonetheless gets the point across. The desire to be the song on one's partner's lips is universal, after all.

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Judge #2

Can I just say, what a truly beautiful closing. I think I'm so fond of this closing because of the contrast it creates with the opening. " Most dances do not last; a single moment of tactlessness and they trip" because of course songs, music, and dances so often go together and here you create a somewhat melancholic opening yet manage to find a way to interlace the ending with positivity. This speaks of unrequited love to me, and I don't believe I have come across a poem about such written as a dance, and it's for that reason I liked this and found it to be unique. What I would have liked to see, was more imagery throughout. You have some, regarding the constant theme of dancing throughout but I do think there could have been more.
17/20

Total score: 25pts

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Poem #4
Waltz
By Lebanese Phoenix

16/20
Judge #1
Tender expression here of visceral love, abandonment, possible self-mutilation but ultimate freedom. The description of her reaction to his call as "seizure" is brilliant. It captures both the physical sensation of the phone vibrating, the auditory jolt from the Blue Danube and the emotional flash that he is calling after 6 long days. The entire stanza sets forth a very intimate description of the event with a sense of their background.
The second stanza clearly shows the loss of love's immediacy. She no longer feels compelled to race for his voice. The final stanza is disturbing in the intimation that her felt loss of the fellow led her to cut herself: "her skin marks say it's been 6 days since the last ring...." However, the choice she makes indicates that she has at least the power to rise above the compulsion.

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Judge #2

I'm not fond of the opening verse, as I found it to be cliche. It's something so many poets do, mention how the number is memorized, specific ring tone etc, I'm guilty of it too, and because of this the opening didn't stand out to me, but instead make me think this was going to be just another random poem that gets lost and forgotten about. I was pleasently surprised, then, when I got to the second and last stanza and saw that you are starting to move on, that you don't want to hear or talk, instead of continuing on about how heartbroken you have become. I honestly wasn't expecting that due to how the first opening lines made me feel, so that was a nice twist. I'm undecided on the closing as I feel whilst it does hold emotion, it could also hold much more, maybe just by rewording a little.
13/20

Total score: 29 pts

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Poem #5
A Story of a One Way Ticket
By Black Swan Love

9/20
Judge #1
More poems seem to be written on this site about being rejected than anything else. While the pain is real, the expression here simply calls for pity. This poem fits the traditional pattern with mandatory cliches ("one way ticket to heartbreak," "laughed in spiteful glee"). It is less than I believe the poet is capable.

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Judge #2

Whilst I liked the use of "Aphrodite" I wasn't fond of this poem. The use of 'rain' in poems occurs far too often for it to stand out any more and make a poem its own, as does mentioning how you only found your way to heartbreak. I also didn't think the closing line really stood out...how often do we see in poetry about someone trying not to cry, trying to pretend that they are fine, that they're sincerely not affected? It happens often and it's because of this I found most of this poem to be cliche to me. What I did like, as I said, was the use of "Aphrodite" and also the fact you included 'spiteful' within that line. It added a touch more emotion and allowed me as the reader to start understanding how you were feeling.
9/20

Total score: 18 pts

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Poem #6
Lost
By Britt

10/20
Judge #1
Death of an infant is always cruel and yet hard to put into original words. I empathize with the pain endured by the speaker, yet wonder whether it was a personal experience or one imagined for the sake of writing the poem. No expressions here are heart-stabbing; rather it is centered on the speaker, not the child: ("I'll never get to feel," "you'll never know how sorry I am"). The emotional center seems misplaced.

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Judge #2

I interpreted this as a miscarriage, and for that reason this poem made me completely tear up. I was unsure at first, until I got to "little fingers" and not being able to hold the person being mentioned, which is why I came to this conclusion, and feel that this poem manages to hold so much power and meaning within so few words. The mention of being incredibly sorry really tugs at my heartstrings, as a parent I can't imagine never being able to hold my child again and it breaks my heart. I would like just a tiny little more imagery as by the closing lines I can only picture the author, upset, and that's pretty much all I can visualize from the written words. You really pulled of the "write a short emotional piece" theme here and anyone with a heart who reads this is going to be extremely touched. Well done.
17/20

Total score: 27 pts
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Michael D Nalley
Poem #7
I'll Fly Away

12/20
Judge #1
Rhyme scheme: a-b-a-b-c-d-c-a-a Meter: 9-10-9-9-9-9-9-10-9
The message here is again one of loss, but in this case the speaker focuses on the needs of others ("Someone had to pretend to be strong"). On the other hand, the message is simple and direct yet without anything new to place on the groaning board. It would help to set out the relationship (mother, daughter, grandmom, Mother Superior). The poem begs particulars to bring the reader into the veil of mourning.

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Judge #2

This poem makes me think of a family member or a friend sick in the hospital, and that those closest have nothing to do but wait until they pass away, and the closing line makes me want to cry. It's so beautiful yet filled with such sadness simultaneously. I"Someone had to pretend to be strong" Hands down my favourite line. This really stood out to me because it is so relate-able. Too often we try to be strong when in reality we're coming apart underneath the act. I wasn't so keen on the constant use of filler words, such as "I, she" etc along with the sudden change in rhyme scheme as it altered the flow slightly. I felt it took some of the emotion away from what could have otherwise been an extremely moving poem.
13/20

Total score: 25pts

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Poem #8
Vagues d'Amour
By Hellon

14/20
Judge #1
This poem is about as simple as it gets. It appears to be an attempt at a shape-poem. If so, the last three lines could be more effective to be strung as one long line, symbolizing the significant difference between the gentle waves and the tidal surge. I think breaking the first and third lines in two and replacing the final ellipsis with an exclamation point completes the shape poem. As for the message, it is light-hearted and playful.

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Judge #2

I enjoyed this. It's so short and straight to the point yet the author manages to convey their emotions wonderfully here. This says, to me, that the author may not love often but when they do they love deeply and passionately and with everything they have. What I wasn't fond of was the lack of imagery. The emotion's there, sure, as is the depth behind the words. But I'd like to see more imagery throughout. Whilst I see a little with the reference to waves and tsunami I think more would have been better. I think had more imagery been implemented throughout then this poem would have stood out even more to me.
14/20

Total score: 28 pts

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Poem #9
Jewess
By Nicko

14/20
Judge #1
Well done depiction of a well worn image: the persecuted outsider. In this case she is a Jewess, but she could just as easily be a Muslim, Seventh-Day Adventist, Hindu or a member of any other minority group. The description of her as dirty reflects being physically roughed up; a thirteen-year-old probably is not so much a tomboy as a pre-adolescent, so would not be dirty on her own. (I may be a stickler, by the way, but 13 should be written out.) The significance in this situation is that she bears the same physical appearance as her tormentors: the difference is invisible.

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Judge #2

This poem touched a nerve with me as a former victim of bullying. From the closing lines, I took this to be about a child with some type of learning/physical disability? I liked how the author painted the picture of this child throughout, it really allowed me to picture each scene as it was happening whilst reading through, and I found my favorite part of this was the ending line. Simply because, it is so completely true for most people. They hate what they can not see or understand...but I believe people hate it -because- they don't understand it and this poem makes me want to protect everybody that needs a little extra help. And of course, if I can feel that as the reader than the author succeeded in this challenge as it was to write about an emotional moment.
17/20

Total score: 31pts

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Poem #10
Untitled
By Samuel Ernst

8/20
Judge #1
Pathos in a bug poem. With 17 syllables, it does not fit the strictures of a Haiku, even though it is minimally about nature, so I class it as a senryu, a more forgiving form. The final line still does not have the intuitive break which places the previous lines in a new perspective. In fact, from the very first line, the sting is expected.

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Judge #2

This poem made me laugh. I'm assuming it's about a wasp or bee? Whilst I did enjoy the humor here, and was quite surprised with the theme of the poem, I was also a little disappointed because of the same reasons too. I felt like there could have been more to it, maybe some more descriptions or how the author felt when they were stung or a little longer in length to allow the author to really capture the humourous aspect of the piece.
10/20

Total score: 18 pts

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Poem #11
Let Go.
By Natasha

13/20
Judge #1
Denial is the most fundamental of mental defenses. Even when she no longer can protest ignorance, she attempts to stuff her feelings, letting them fester and, hopefully, lose their potency. The first stanza stands alone in it's portrayal of refusing to deal with the problem and rationalizing this failure. The final lines tend toward banality. I believe the poet could come up with a much more personal and in-depth resolution.

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Judge #2

The closing lines really moved me. I'm sure it's something that many can relate to, I know I certainly can. It makes me think of someone fighting to choose their own path and find their way in life, of becoming strong. The part about being afraid to answer amplified the effect of the closing lines and it's for this reason I found it so powerful and moving. First line shouldn't 'has' been had? What I find interesting about this is how the author mentions everyone around her/him, including themselves instead of just a specific person, that's not something you often see, or at least I don't, as I usually see poems focusing on one person/object/event etc alone. I do think that the last few lines were a lot stronger than the first ones and that the opening lines could have held a touch more feeling within them.
14/20

Total score: 27pts

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Poem #12
All the Facets ( A Genie Sees)
By Edward Zurovec

13/20
Judge #1
Puns in puns! Obvious puns: Facets :: facts; Genie Sees :: Genesis; Adam & Eve :: eve of creation and atoms splitting; splitting Heirs (Cain & Able) :: splitting hairs. More subtle: making Heirs :: pressure on jewels; pressure on jewels (as before) :: causing diamonds. Very subtle: making heirs :: diamonds sparkling; eve of creation (instead of eve of destruction) :: splitting atoms (war). There may have been more to the poem than was submitted, as the final line is so abrupt. Then again, it may be the most subtle of puns.

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Judge #2

What I liked most about this poem is that it is so beautifully unique! Definitely not something that I was expecting, which is a good thing. I was very surprised and impressed at this and read this several times, and each time I became even more fond of the poem. I love how the author manages to create so many striking visuals for me within so little words, I found it really worked well throughout and easily allowed me to picture the scenes woven throughout. Lovely piece.
18/20

Total score: 31pts

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Poem #13
Baby Brother
By Kate

18/20
Judge #1
This quiet moment of discovery is told with such close attention to detail that one can believe the memory was real - burned on the senses as a young child's most profound experience. Indications of reality: "gentle switching of my arm's position," "fragile, small body would contort into a shake," "wrinkly face and eyes danced in a dream." I think the comma after shake should be a period and the period after end should be a comma. That would give better meaning. The poem is told with a fresh appeal that allows forgiveness for the cliche about being wrapped around the infant's finger.

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Judge#2

This made me smile throughout the whole piece. I was a teenager when my sister was born so I can remember that feeling of being overcome with love, and then on top of reminding me of that it then reminds me how I felt when my child was born, which makes me sentimental and reflective all over again. This really is such a beautiful and emotional piece and the author manages to convey the type of emotion only a baby can bring out in people. I really enjoyed this.

18/20

Total score: 36pts

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Poem #14
Reaching the bottom line
By Darren

11/20
Judge #1
Rhyme scheme: a-a-b-b c-c-d-d; Meter: 12-13-8-12 11-13-12-12
Typos & suggestions: "a abyss" should be "an abyss." Breaking and broke in the same sentence is weak. "Minds" should be "mind's." "The bottom line" gives a connotation of financial cost rather than emotional ruin. The comma after "find" is better omitted.
The poem mourns an event which truly was a cause for celebration: the beginning of the depression was the first showing of emotion in fifteen years. The poor soul actually found release from a decade and a half trapped in a cage of stifled emotions.

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Judge #2

Even without the side note I knew immediately what this poem was referring to as I'm a sufferer of depression myself and it's for that reason I found myself lost within the words.
What I wasn't fond of was the constant use of "I", as that's a nitpick of mine, however that being said I truly think emotion oozes throughout this, at least it did for me because I've been there. And it's such a dark, lonely and scary place which you manage to capture perfectly. However, your last line carries hope to me. It says..yes, I'm here right now, but I have a support network, I have the potential to overcome this, I just need a little help. And it says to me that you realize this by mentioning how you would fine those that care. And that makes you strong. Realizing you might need help just now and you might be weaker than you can be, but you CAN be strong again. And that's inspiring. Tiny note-Second line "a abyss" should be "an abyss." Such a wonderful pice. Filled with sadness but laced with hope at the same time.

17/20

Total score: 28 pts

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Poem #15
Witnessed
By Poet on the Piano

20/20
Judge #1
The consternation felt by this witness is palpable and painful in the sharing. The empathy at grandpa's agony robbed the poet of voice, but did not rob the heart's power to communicate.
I found many phrases here beautiful: "death makes you invisible but not a derelict part of my memory" (although I would have used a colon to introduce it rather than dashes), "our love needs its voice heard" (here, too, a colon would mirror the prior sentence and is inherently stronger than ellipses, "Summoning strength from weak muscles." They more than make up for the cliched "my blue heart."
Grammatical error: the final line should have a comma before "too." The phrase "when it was my time to go" was a bit confusing since it is an idiom that means the speaker died, especially as it is in a poem about death. Here it means that the kids were queued to say good bye to the gentleman.
The final resolution was touching and powerful.

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Judge #2

This is overwhelming. "Pain wrapped itself around your ribs" This really stood out to me because of how uniquely the author states what they are seeing. It's so different than the usual way poets decribe seeing a loved one in pain, and it makes me visulise a frail man almost at the end of his life. What I liked most about this was that from the opening I was expecting it to be the grandpa that passed, but as I read further on it's the author or potentially both? I'm unsure which is correct and that's something I always enjoy as it leaves the reader free to their own interpretation. I'm fond of the use of "blue heart", also something rarely seen and I take this to mean the heart is cold, dying? I was a little disappointed at the ending line. The rest holds so much deoth and power and I found the closing line to be weaker than the rest and not hold as much power, and that let the poem down a little as the rest is strong throughout.

15/20

Total score: 35pts

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Poem #16
Naive Loss
By Baby Rainbow

15/20
Judge #1
Here the loss of an unborn is vivid and heartbreaking. However, the poem is stark in the sense that there is precious little to give perspective. Why is the mother on the concrete? Did she fall or was she a victim of some sort? Did she succumb to cramps presaging a miscarriage?
Also, is she alone for real or is she afraid the baby's father will reject her? When she whispers for the ones she loves, it would be good to know who they are in relation to her so that the story is more personal.

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Judge #2

I was steadily working my way through all of the poems submitted for this contest and whilst a couple others have made me tear up, this was the first one that made me actually stop and cry. Gosh, the heartbreak in this poem is overwhelming and chokes me up as a parent. Because of the fact that it made me break down, I reread and tried to take away any emotions/thoughts I had about this to enable me to comment without any influencing factors. Upon doing this, I found that at first I wasn't so fond of the blunt wording and the little imagery. But going back yet again..and I then decided it was perfect. because, it is blunt. You don't need imagery to percieve the heartache and loss that this tragic event would cause and it's because of this that this poem stood out to me more than any other.
19/20

Total score: 34pts

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Poem #17
A moment I wish to live...
By Amreen

9/20
Judge #1
Some of the word choices make for awkward phrases, such as "thought respires in my mind." Thoughts are always in the mind and "respires" is a $50 word where "breathes" says it better. "Emote" is another example of word choice that could be simpler. Before George Lucas, the transposition of the object with the predicate was poetic. Unfortunately it now runs the risk of sounding like Yoda, especially when repeated.
As for the message, it is heart worn and follows a familiar path. Many times we see this vow of future reunification and it is a better response than stalking. However, the very act of asserting the future intent limits the speaker. Better to walk away come what may.

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Judge #2

I adore the second line, as I find it so relate-able. It's something we all think at some point or other, I'm sure. I was also fond of how the author states that their eyes would say what they wanted to, even though they couldn't. I'm assuming they mean 'I love you' ? What I wasn't fond of was the last two lines. It seemed somewhat cliche to me...like the poems we see so often stating how someone wants someone, loves them, will be their's etc. And that ruined it a little for me. I think had the ending been a little better worded I would have liked this much more than I did.
14/20

Total Score: 23pts

Congrats kate! And those with the highest scores.

Thank you Andrea for hosting this challenge and to the judges too.

Also jugde one, " Perhaps a deeper message is that joy at helping coupled with paucity of gift is simply not enough"<-- sadly.

It's always fascinating to match the poem with the author!

Congrats to the winners on their deserved scores

Everlasting reflected my feelings so well I hope she does not mind me quoting
"Thank you Andrea for hosting this challenge and to the judges too."

I felt one of the judges brought something new to the groaning board and that is why I looked up groaning board lol
Not sure whether the judge was hungry or was just trying to spice up a run of the meal/mill critique
anyway if you are still wondering what relation the loved one is . It is my sister who is still with me in spirit.
She has a great sense of humor and hopes you don't mind the meal we would prepare for you if we could.May God bless you

http://youtu.be/EYlJC26-Ch0
http://youtu.be/sdRdqp4N3Jw

It's always fascinating to match the poem with the author!

^^ and Mr. Larry, it's even more fascinating to match the comment given, to the judge. I mean to know who the judge is based on his comment.

Though, the second judge.. I think I may have a slight clue.

And Mr. Michael, I sure don't mind.

Congrats Kate and the other winners.
Thanks judges for the comments and Andrea for organizing this contest:)

Congrats Kate, well deserved.
Thanks judge's 1 and 2. I take your comments on board and will re-write this poem.

***edit

re-written and posted

now called 'reaching the edge'

thanks Larry for providing me with the polish and a cloth.

Congrats to the winners and thanks to Andrea for hosting this challenge...I think I entered because it was a one round contest and the host asked for a short poem so there was no pressure...good on you Maple!

Thanks to both judges for your lovely comments...judge #1....I never considered this as a shape form...what shape did it look like to you haha!!! (just interested?) ..even if it was meant to be I don't think it would have worked through the pm system...not sure if you can even use the centre feature when you pm?

Judge #2...I guess you didn't pick up the ocean part...it's wide like my arms...willing to scoop hold and cherish to love that surrounds me?

Mostly I would agree with the judges picks (although there are a few grammatical errors in the winning poem)...just thought Britt's poem should have been scored high enough to get a place...oh well....

Quick comment to judge 1 -- the loss was from a miscarriage, and while most people would think the focus is on the actual child itself, the guilt a woman feels when she cannot carry a child to term because of her own body is why my focus was on me, rather than the baby.

Thanks judges for the comments, and Andrea for hosting the contest, it felt good to get it out.

Thanks Hellon, I did place somewhere ;)

Amazing contest, Andrea. So thanks for putting it all together.

Congrats, winners and participants. It was great to see such a big number of participants!

and thank you both judges for your time and appreciated comments :)

Congrats to the winners and everyone who participated...Thank you judges for the comments, much appreciated and Thanks Andrea for this contest :)
x

Congrats to all the winners and thank you so much judges and Andrea for this contest and dedication. The comments have really thoughtful critique I am enjoying reading too =)

Britt:
I'm truly sorry to read of your loss. I know you are resilient, but it is terrible to have to go through that.

Thank you. Its been just over three years now, and does get better with time :)

The grammatical errors in my poem were taken into considerstion. And personally I find that in a poem, grammatical errors should not take any effect. The writer writes it the way they want the story to be told. But yes I do understand that there were errors and I didn't realize I had a chance in hell to win this competition.

Thank you Darren and Amreen for congratulating me. I dearly miss the Raven's Haven.