Im Not One...But...I Dunno

well today i realized something. i was really mad and upset and i was thinking about how i would want kill someone. as we had to play softball in p.e., i was thinking, what would happen with a baseball bat, but then i realized what i really wanted to do was cut their throats..draw blood..thats what i really wanted. then i was thinking i could never do that unless i was a murderer, which i dont want to be...but then a thought came to my mind..my own blood. im not a cutter, but lately ive been thinking about it a lot because i need a way to express my anger and pain and sadness, though ive tried poems, drawing, and so on, nothing really seems to work. and i also have this sort of obsession with blood. i always think about it, draw about it, write about it. now i know its the wrong thing to do, and ive almost totally convinced myself that never and that even more pain could come out of it...it just seems like the only way sort of. i dunno...im just trying to figure this out.
any thoughts?

I can't really help you because I have the same urges, and same obsession. Kinda sucky. But hey, I haven't cut in like four and a half weeks now.

i havent ever cut and i dont want to start, but im a little scared about the stuff thats happening like in what i said above and just everything about it sort of

don't take this the wrong way, but you should talk this with a counseler. it's the only thing I can tell you at the moment

Do u know the reasons why you were so mad and upset??? Remember thoughts/urges are different to actions, so your not going mad or anything. I think you really need to try and resolve whats going on inside to make you feel like this...maybe talk to someone you can trust, and see your gp if these thoughts get worse? They could put u in touch with a counsellor.

Self harm really isn't the way forward, I can't stress that enough.

Hey, I self-harm and i started when i was twelve thats four yrs. now. If you can help it you don't want to start. Your life will change dramatically, different clothes, washing clothes by yourself, not to mention you will get addicted sounds stupid and some don't believe it but its true. When your in pain your body releases edorphins, its a chemical substance that your body uses to cope with pain and its very addictive. You won't be able to stop, so plz help yourself and don't start. It will take you twice as long to stop.

thanks for all these suggestions, i think ill try some of them. and yes, if i can help, im not going to start. anyway thanks again.

o ya, i was wondering, i dont do boxing, but i do a lot of fencing. do you think that would have the same stress relief?

to tell the truth, i dont really know. im just sort of angry at everyone for being so ignorant to everthing that's going on i guess. but still i dont really know for sure, just lately i have been really frustrated a lot with everything and everone. hormones im guessing, but i just dont know.