Contest Winners- March 11, 2013

Good afternoon everyone! :) We only had 4 judges this week, one was out of town. Our lovely site broke a 4 way tie between all the 10 poems this week :) Congrats to the winners, as well as the HM's!

WINNERS:

Cacophony
By Noura- 7 +7 = 14

The Dinner Caller
by: Larry Chamberlin the Godfather (10)

PTSD
by Linda Leavers (10)

HM'S:

II. - The brightest smile
by Leanthil (10)

Waltz
by Lebanese Phoenix (10)

Poetic forces
by Milo De Moray (7)

Necrophilia
by Lebanese Phoenix (7)

The pocket watch
by: The Poet Behind The Poems (4)

Something deeper than Time
by Tara Kay (4)

Lost
by Britt (4)

Wings & Roots
by Larry Chamberlin the Godfather (4)
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WINNER COMMENTS:

Cacophony
by Noura

The title caught my eye to be honest, I loved it. It just allowed my imagination to sail beyond words even before starting to read the poem itself.
You amaze me on how you write your pieces; I always thought you were like a Maestro of words. You wave your pen and words come dancing with emotions and you always add a new flavor to your pieces with the use of months; this time it's February.
I loved how you started this piece with a picture of loneness at its best description; and having no one there to accompany you but the clinging frost. And I loved the images of poetry in the second verse; you gave it a new flavor and an additional depth of emotions. And the last two verses were my favorite part in this poem. Something about scratching the moon and biting the daisy just captured a scene in my head.. But then you ended it so gracefully. Well done. (7)
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Cacophony
by: Noura

This poet's style of writing seems to romanticize words, and doesn't just give me as a reader something to look at but something to dream about. The very essence of sadness here takes me away.

"There is a bird losing himself in a twilight,
did you silently rinse me off your soul?"
- A few things I would like to comment on here. I like the very vivid image of the bird losing himself, not being able to go home, it gives off a feeling of hopelessness and innocence. It also makes me want to fight for this bird to be found. Good and simple metaphor that made for a strong ending....and I love how it tied in with the question the poet asks next. That makes me ponder neglect. I get the feeling of reminiscence through this poem's aura but also that this character has been overlooked, maybe traded for something better, and that feeling of numbness and the softness of their heart is so tangible. This truly to me is poetry that reaches the reader, especially when the poet writes with an elegance that doesn't give away all these clues as to what exactly happened or how this relationship became this way...

Lastly, I'd like to applaud the poet on the title! I don't think I've used this word in poetry before but in our English class we had to find the etymology of it. The definition is a harsh or discordant sound which brings out the atmosphere of the poem to me even more, because while the poet talks about a tenderness in the air, it is not a sweet or pleasant one. There is something deeper at hand. It's a very complex sounding word and has history to it when spoken aloud. Beautifully written! (7)
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The Dinner Caller
by: Larry Chamberlin the Godfather

I can't possibly convey how much I enjoyed reading this poem but also reflecting on the significance it portrayed, which touched my mind and heart. I can hear, see, smell, taste, feel everything in this piece! I loved the warmness of the family conversation and then the dialect between the caller and the family members...the way the poet wrote in the perspective of the phone caller is phenomenal and something that hit me to the core when I got to the end. Personally, if my parents aren't home I have been taught not to answer the phone unless caller id tells me it's someone I know....but if it's a solicitor, I never pick up. Sometimes my family will though and it will always be really short, with a "I'm not interested." then a hang-up. I think whether it's that or a survey or campaign, we get annoyed then maybe laugh it off. There's always this want to get off the phone and it's easy to believe there's not a real person on the other side. It may be annoying to get interrupted but this is their job to ask if one is interested.

I never would have guessed that the caller would have this nostalgia. It breaks my heart because it highlights that need we all have to be loved. And this person wants fellowship, whatever happened in their home has left the table physically empty but has left their heart feeling more hollow than before. This touched me numerous times....and it reminded me of someone homeless or poor looking in on a window of a brightly lit home where a family is celebrating. This phone call, and being able to listen and hear the joy of the family, is something the caller may not forget. The poet is immeasurably original here in a way I admire him for. Incredible thoughts here, I enjoyed this piece so much and it makes me want to cherish the times I spend with my family, even if it may be in trivial things, there is a realness to it when we are all together! (10)

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PTSD
by Linda Leavers

While simple in wording, there are a few things in this piece that made it into a masterpiece. First thing I noticed was its repetition and shopping-list-style. Due to that, I could really feel the distress of the persona (as is characteristic for PTSD). Especially the part that says "everywhere they shouldn't be" truly made a great impact because it reflect the persona's state of mind, as if she kept repeating those words while almost being driven to the edge by those terrifying flashbacks. As for the shopping-list-style, I meant to say how the sentences seemed "summed up", almost detached but still connected at the same time, as if images are just being spit out in no chronological order because the persona has no control over them. Thirdly, I truly liked how the piece remained dynamic due to the chaning of pace. The poem seemed to slow down when I read "long, deep slices" and I thought that whole stanza to be unique too when you think about its initial image (self-harm), almost makes it something beautiful (in the sense that the persona wants to leave her skin behind and start anew). Only thought the line about the last 5 minutes to be a bit unnecessary due to the clarity of its previous stanza, but it doesn't hold me back from giving this poem a high score. Really liked how such an intense atmosphere could be created without making use of heavy words, and I also felt like the concreteness made it easier for the reader to truly creep into the piece. (10)
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HM COMMENTS:

II. - The brightest smile
by Leanthil

What a way to introduce yourself to the site. To be honest I was browsing through the nominated poems this week and was bored. A terrible week this week for nominations, partly because it appears that love and friendship category's are still having problems and partly because PnQ has seemed a bit quiet this week.
So thank God for Leanthil, this poem is a rose among 'angst ridden rambles' (Britt's aside)
This poem has a structure, it rhymes really well and is unforced, the imagery and attention to detail is really well crafted, In fact the first stanza is one of the best examples of an opening stanza I have read for a few weeks.
Welcome to the site Leanthil, you write really well. (10)
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Waltz
by Lebanese Phoenix

You are a genius, and an artist, and a musician, and a magician... I am still dazzled and amazed by the elegance of this piece together with the tense feeling of loving someone just a little bit less this time. The title was ok, But I would have loved it to be something more stronger, maybe adding an adjective to describe what kind of Waltz this was.
The first verse portrayed something that a lot would be guilty of doing; setting a different ringtone for that special someone in their lives, but in your case the effect of hearing that ringtone was not excitement but rather you gave it a touch of bitterness by saying that the phone seizure strikes her which gave me the sense that she was electrocuted by hearing the phone ring.

"But tonight, for the very first time,
she didn't feel like swaying with it."
^^
This got me thinking a lot as to why doesn't she want to? What made her take that decisions this time? What happened between them? So many questions that made me imagine several scenarios in my head...

"It just sounded like a broken record."
^^
Now she feels estranged to this melody; or perhaps to his voice, or maybe to continue from the previous two lines, she no longer feels that she knows him which leads me back to the questions I had as to why does she feel this way?

The way you chose to end this piece showed that this character is strong enough to fight the temptations for just a little bit more time. I love this piece so much that now I want more of it. I want to know their story and what led them to this place. Well done. (10)
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Poetic forces
by Milo De Moray

I like the fact this is written in an old style, The layout is interesting and the rhyming scheme and tone build a good tension. It almost reads like a Shakespearean monologue, I could picture Hamlet or Macbeth uttering this on stage. (Maybe Rosencrantz?)
The best thing about the whole piece is the underlying message, you appear to be telling your audience not to worry about the opinions of others and believe in yourself.
Well done. (7)
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Necrophilia
by Lebanese Phoenix

Interesting Senryu, spot on with its syllable count and strucure (dividing the poem into two parts: first two lines and last line), and magnificent in its simplicity too (just like a Senryu's supposed to be). I thought its topic to be refreshing and the overal wording to reflect something of absurdism. It's eye-opening how the necrophile doesn't deem his actions as wrong, as if it's something normal, or perhaps because he's a part of the death too (so obsessed that he even associates himself with it?). I also thought the melody of this poem (partly caused by the faint rhyme of "dead" and "scent") to tremendously add bonus points to the poem. (7)
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The pocket watch
by: The Poet Behind The Poems

This was a very heart-warming write where I felt and was moved by the poet's character in every line. Bringing in this grandfather and the affect his legacy had on this poet is something that is not only understand by him but me as well. In those two lines at the beginning, middle, and end of this poem, the grandfather speaks words of wisdom that are meant to be lived out. The message is clear and covers a lot of principles to think about...not only living each day like it's our last or making every second count but also realizing the many possibilities we have in this life. Days change just like our plans to but the best we can do is keep that pocket watch close to our hearts as a reminder to be the best we can be and reach out to others. Very meaningful poem! (4)
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Something deeper than Time
by Tara Kay

Liked how nature and the body seemed to be integrated. At first a bit confused about the first stanza's personification of spring (wondering if it was really relevant to the message), but then I realised that Spring must be uncertain or hesitant too, not sure what step to take, just like the persona. At times I thought the occasional abstractness to be balancing on a tipping point, would've preferred something more "showing" that could reflect "excessive gentleness" too, but there's a beauty in the wording throughout the rest of this piece that makes up for it. Very heartfelt and the ending gave the piece a nice touch of romance. (4)
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Lost
by Britt

This is a sad piece, one I can relate to and Britt captures the emotion well in this for a short poem. I am not sure if there is much more devastating than this, it crushes a dreamed future together, as she points out so well with the 'fingers' line. Just one small example of one of the many things we as parents take for granted with our children. The final few lines are really heartfelt and you can sense that there has been a tiny release just writing this, but by using 'never' in this twice, to me tells the reader that it will be something never forgotten, time unbounded etc. (4)
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Wings & Roots
by Larry Chamberlin the Godfather
I love the ease and serenity of this piece. It gave me such a feeling of calmness, and you really did a great job in taking the reader to where you are exactly. The description of the place and the noises surrounding you and how the weather felt made it so easy to the reader to be there. I just love days like this where you just lay down and enjoy nothing but the mundane things. Loved it! (4)

Strange thing, when I am not logged in, I see last weeks winners on front page. When I log in, I see this weeks.

EDIT: Seems to have corrected itself, now see this weeks winners logged in or out.

Did it to me as well...still doing it on my phone. You have to click "Contest winners" on the side of the page if this happens to anyone else.

Hit F5 - always hit F5

Congratulations to the other winners and HMs. Thanks, Dennis, er Chelsey, for your diligence.

Thanks, Judges, for the win & HM. Dinner Caller was such a simple spontaneous poem, I think the only change I ever made was putting asterisks around the *clicks*. Never expected to have anything come of it. Certainly never expected such a warm and detailed analysis. Thank you judge, you made me like my own poem.

Personally, between the two, I preferred the Waltz, by Abed. His poem is wonderful.

Thanks also for the comment on Wings & Roots. I enjoyed the "research" for that little ditty.

Congrats, winners & fellow HMs.

Larry, huh-uh! Your poem totally deserves that; it's more original! ;)

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Thank you, judges, for your detailed comments and beautiful words. Totally appreciated.

and thanks, Chels, for the neat organization.

I justttt saw this. I'm failing at checking these things lately.

Thanks Chelsey! :) I agree with you on the unnecessary line I have. I'm actually considering taking it out. Thanks!!

Congrats to the other winners & HMs!

^^^
Thanks Chelsey! :) I agree with you on the unnecessary line I have. I'm actually considering taking it out. Thanks!!

Does this mean that Chelsey is a judge since the judges comment is the only place where taking out the line is mentioned. Checked and Chelsey had not commented on your poem.

Chelsey is not a judge. It is likely that Linda does not know that the comments are actually those of the anonymous judges, not Chelsey's.

Linda is new to all this...she's confused. I'll PM her, indeed she does think it is me who left all those comments lol.

Thanks for the clarification.

Congrats for the winners and all HM's, some awesome pieces again this week, as always.

Thank you to the judge who left the lovely comment.

Here in England, UK, we are ten days away from spring, yet it is still snowing and bitterly cold, I was using it as a metaphor for the feelings of being not being ready for a change, for being hesitant to take the next step, so you were correct in that, but it was also literal to the weather here as well.

:)

Congratulations Winners and Hm's :-)

Amazing writes....all sad writes but touched my heart so much. Congrats winners and HM's!!! :]

Gratz to all!

Congrats all

Interesting comments, I will try and nominate a love poem this week..(if there is one worthy)

I have just looked at the contest nominations and they are all 'dark', 'Sad' 'about life' special events!!? and 'misc'
No love or friendship.
Hence the winning pieces will all be sad as one judge pointed out.

Maybe all you northern hemisphereans are cold up there. Cold brings on the sads sometimes. I find it easier to write about love when it's warm.

I haven't been able to nominate a love poem in yonks...not sure about the friendship category but I think it's the same. A couple of times...if I've liked a poem enough I've pm'd the author asking them to move it to another category temporarily them move it back...this seems to work....not the best sulution I know but...if you like a poem enough to nominate it you will find a way of doing so....

Excellent solution, Hellon.

I tried nominating a love poem with no luck.
Friendship is actually in the love poem site.

EDIT: She changed categories & it worked.

I owe the win to Colms challenge. Thanks, judges and chels and commenters. I appreciate it.

Congrats, Larry and Linda. :D

My bad! Thank you, Chelsey and all you guys for putting up with my ignorance of everything new to me. xD Thanks to the judges. <3 Muah! :-*

Congrats everyone!