Brevity Contest - Round 1 RESULTS

Here are the Results: The Winners are announce at the top, after them the number of the poems goes from 1- 9.

Sorry for the mess.

******************** SCORES *****************

Poem #7 TOTAL: 25 + 18 + 23 +15 = 81

Poem #3 TOTAL: 25 + 21+ 19 +15= 80

Poem #4 TOTAL: 20 + 16 + 19 +25 = 80

Poem #6 TOTAL:20 + 17 + 18+ 23= 78

Poem #5 TOTAL: 20 + 13 + 18 +25 = 76

Poem #9 TOTAL: 25 + 14 + 16+ 15 = 70

Poem #2 TOTAL: 20 +16 +18+ 15 = 69

Poem #8 TOTAL: 20+ 10 + 15+ 20= 65

Poem #1 TOTAL: 20 + 11 +14+ 15 = 60

----------------------- First Place ------------------------------------

#7 Untitled

On Gleeson's hill, standing sentinel
overlooking the market town, an unraveling
and graffittied bedsheet fluttered
less healthily than it had
in my father's eyes.

---

Judge #1

This poem is wonderfully nostalgic (well, for me anyway) to which I believe was a core intention here.

On Gleeson's hill, standing sentinel
overlooking the market town, an unraveling
and graffittied bedsheet

I shiver at the reference to the "Gleeson's hill", assuming it is a made up place. The flippancy of the beginning line does wonders for the following words, where the speaker is "standing" overlooking the past joys. Their happiness is however questioned as they are "sentinel" and so are awaiting something as if by tradition of with such dedicated force.

fluttered
less healthily than it had
in my father's eyes.

These words are stunning, to which I feel the poet maybe doesn't know. The imagery of "flutter" reminds the reader of a bird or winger animal, or possibly the metaphorical 'freeing' from ones sins and or troubles. This sort of optimistic tone is quickly turned into some unfortunate confession of the health of speaker's father. This could however be marked as a derogatory term, maybe as a way or denouncing the legitimacy of the father, to which I still rather appealing.

Overall, the poet charms the reader through the use of touching language, introducing them as an accomplished writer indeed. [25 Points ]

-----
Judge #2

A couple of typo's in this, that aside, still one of the stronger poems. The first two lines didn't flow as well as rest but certainly improved and ended well. I enjoyed the undercurrent that the theme of this poem generated, the ability to convey a story in a few words, A title would have helped as well or was untitled intentional? If so it didn't work for me. [18 points]

-----
Judge #3

FIRST PLACE: Untitled

This poem was by far the best of the lot to me as it contained the greatest poetic force within its few words, which is exactly what this round was trying to achieve. It relied on a single, precise image that used pure, sharp language to reveal the essence of the sentiment, thereby isolating and concentrating it in the reader's eyes, instead of diluting it with other details. It was clear and direct, yet it created abstract thought that could be interpreted in multiple ways - this is a skill that is difficult for amateur poets to master.

I was unsure how it related to the topic of the round at first, but I found this may also have been used quite cleverly. Instead of describing the "fabric of time" in a fanciful way, it was represented, both literally and figuratively, as a bed sheet, something of obvious personal significance to the poet as could be felt in the understated last line. The bed sheet gave me the impression of some sort of flag that had changed with time both physically and in its use, and perhaps, in the minds of those who viewed it. The poet should consider replacing the word 'healthily' with another word as it didn't sit well in the poem. Though the poem was intriguing, it was almost intangible - the poet could perhaps consider adding another clue to the its context to make the reader appreciate it more fully. I have no idea about Gleeson's Hill or its importance, but the fact that this strikingly solid image caused a poetic stirring in me was enough for me to rate this poem higher than the others. [ 23/25 Points ]

---

Judge#4

5 - first five points because all the rules were followed, it was 4-5 lines, it met the topic well and the word count was within its limit.
5 - I think the description was clear here through the wording and I immediately was able to imagine being on a hill and seeing below me the sight of the town. I also could feel the wind blowing because of the word "fluttered" being used.
5 - If I understand the poem correctly, it is using the bed sheet to show how time ages things and how one object appeared to be something to one person in the past, but through time this object has aged and become a very different view in the eyes of someone new? If this is correct then I liked this idea of including the changes time can cause on objects as well as people and life in general.
-5 - I found a few errors in this piece which is why I have not awarded it a further 5 points. The word unraveling should be unravelling, graffittied I believe should be graffitied and bed sheet should be two single words.
Total = 15/25

TOTAL: 25 +18 + 23+ 15 = 81 Points

Everlasting:

I am a bit sad that this poem has no title. Aside from that I like how the author was successful in delivering a view plus a story. I can't stop relating this piece to God and perhaps this may have not been what the author intended but I thought the "bedsheet" had a relation to the "fabric of time." The universe is seen as a mantle. And the reference of "in my father's eyes" I keep linking it to the creator. However, if I take a look at from another view, I still see this view in the hill and how the world has changed, the world has deteriorated per se. Great use of Brevity but this piece needs a title.

******* SECOND PLACE TIE *********

Poem #3 TOTAL: 25 + 21+ 19 +15= 80

Poem #4 TOTAL: 20 + 16 + 19 +25 = 80

#3 Timelessness - Made in China

She was peeling shrimps
on new year's eve, whilst
beer-bellied men licked
her fingerprints - counting, still,
till the re-fabrication of 2013.

Judge # 1

This is beautifully oriental, there's no doubt about this. The poet captures the imagery impressively and incorporates this wonderfully to fit the topic:
"She was peeling shrimps
on new year's eve"
It's interesting how the poet has taken on a heroine as the main focus here. The first line takes us back to the traditional distinctions between sexes and historically approaches it with awe. We as the reader are instantly saddened by the women's life, which is made further poignant from the reference to New Year 's Eve.
"whilst
beer-bellied men licked
her fingerprints"

Again, the poet expresses their contempt to these particular males as they are unwilling to to see through the error of their ways. Each man is beer-bellied" and so are clearly consumed with glutton. They are all unable to see past their excessive consumption, marking their situation mysterious in some respect. This links in nicely with the reference to "fingerprints", lending support to the previous theory.
"counting, still,
till the re-fabrication of 2013."

This, I feel, is a wonderful send off. The poem I feel is timeless in itself, "still" tainted with the ability to seem ongoing. The New year marks something of a turning point, which allows the reader to remain hopeful, however equally doubtful nonetheless.

Withal, the poet's skill is irrefutable. It is easy to see the amount of time put into every word respectively albeit difficult to deny their talent.

[ 25/25 Points ]

--

Judge #2

Lovely image created, "beer-bellied men licked
her fingerprints" very clever. Re-fabrication had me a little lost but its always hard to see into the mind of another poet, so on the the other 4 lines alone i'm giving this poem top marks [ 21/25 points ]

---

Judge #3

EQUAL SECOND: Timelessness - Made in China

This was another interesting poem, but it was a little too elusive for me to rate it more highly. Again, I liked the clear language used here, but what it portrays is a little confusing. For me, a poem should certainly be open to interpretation, but the reader should have something concrete to work from. Here, the last line did not seem to relate to the feel of the poem, and seemed thrown in. However, the first few lines were classy and lively, the image of licking fingerprints was a bit of a jolt to the brain, and the use of the 'fabric of time' topic was crafty - hinting that time itself is in fact a fabrication. [ 19/25 Points ]

---

Judge #4

5 - first five points because all the rules were followed, it was 4-5 lines, it met the topic well and the word count was within its limit.
5 - This poem actually held a lot of strength for the size of it, considering the word count was very few. The image of this lady was very clear and perhaps hinted more towards the thoughts she had of her own life and her own time she has spent living. I liked how the flow just seemed very quick and easy and created this little scene in seconds without a hesitation over wording or grammar.
5- I am going to give this poem five points for its title alone, I think the title is very fitting to the poem but very eye catching and creative. Picking a title is easy, it can be anything, but to pick one that sums the poem up and also matches the power of the poem is very hard and I felt this effort was met here.

Total = 15/25

Everlasting:
I am thinking there is probably something more about this piece than what I am gathering, but every time I read it my focus goes to the image, by the way not the most beautiful image that I have in my head, (beer-bellied) but I'm impressed by the authors ability to create the picture in less than 40 Syllables. Though, there is something about the word "re-fabrication" that puzzles me and incites me to take a better look at the title and that is the reason why I think there is something more in this poem. The Title "Timelessness" means not affected by time, and the beer-bellied men counting to greet the new year... Overall my thoughts are that the woman no matter what year it is, will remain the same, perhaps peeling shrimps every new years perhaps to be ship to other country or for someone else to enjoy them. Timelessness- Made in China <--- Nice title.

Total : 25 +21+19+ 15= 80

----

#4 A Seasoned Multicolored Coat

Hers is a coat of many colors
vibrant as the days marking her life;
each season brought forth new shades so that
the spectrum grew along with her years,
lighting rainbows all along her past.

Judge 1 Rating = [ 20 Points ]

--

Judge #2

slow to start but gathered momentum at the end, in fact i feel the last line is the strongest and saves this poem to a degree [ 16 points ]

--
Judge # 3

EQUAL SECOND: A Seasoned Multicoloured Coat

It was difficult for me to place this poem in the top three as there were three others that were also contenders for a place here. But I chose this poem for its whimsy and its innocent charm. It didn't try too hard. It just was what it was, a little idea, and it was delightfully romantic. The grammatical tense needs to be worked on. A bright, endearing poem. [ 19/25 Points ]

---

Judge #4

5 - first five points because all the rules were followed, it was 4-5 lines, it met the topic well and the word count was within its limit.
5 - Really loved the introduction lines, clearly giving the coat as the tool to represent the mood of the poem. Vibrant being bright and quite uplifting. This set a tone of positivity for me to continue the poem with.
5 - I also liked the idea how in just one line ( line 3 ) I got the image of this coat being worn through out all the 4 seasons and being subjected to all of the weather. To me, this represented the emotional weather and seasons this person has been through and how each shade has made an impact on the coat.
5 - I liked the ending of the poem because it shows how fast time moves on and how this person has aged and seen all these seasons come and go but somehow she still manages to pull on this light because she knows how precious time is and that time is what makes us age and time is what gives us a past and a future.
20/25
Extra points - I give this poem 5 extra points because it stood out from the start and I still find the idea of the coat and the seasons in this poem more powerful in effect to some of the other ideas in the other poems. I also found it to be the only poem with such an upbeat tone to it and more inspirational and colourful. I personally like poems which offer hidden messages between the lines and in this poem I picked up a message from the author which says that this person appreciated their past because through every storm appeared a rainbow which helped her grow and learn. Great job.

Total = 25/25

---

Everlasting:

This was a colorful write, and what I like is the narrative in this short piece. I do have to say that the word at the beginning "Hers" confuses me a bit. I am not sure though, I think by "hers" the author means the persona as a whole is a coat of many colors.
And that's pretty interesting, if I think about it, a coat of colors suits the life of a person where we can find Blue <- depression, Red <-- Passion, Green <- Youth, Etc.

But what I find more interesting is the used of "lighting rainbows along her past" so in the present this someone gathers one color and this color remains as a past then the present happens again and the color remains as a past and so on... so her past builds up as rainbow... and rainbows to me seem cheerful so the past even though may be depressive for holding the color blue still has a green that has youth, a red that has passion and so on. So the past is not bad, and I feel that this person has shown this to the author. Nice focus on time.

TOTAL : 20 + 16 + 19+ 25= 80 Points

**************** ORDER FROM 1-9 *****************

#1 Title : Caressing Time

Delicate and gossamer in touch, made for no one
yet everyone, Time isn't fair for those who don't care,
Change the future with words and actions, but the Chances
of you getting what you want are slim to none

----
Judge #1 Rating - 20/25

------
Judge #2 An ok start but fell away at the end, Rating - 11/25

-----

Judge #3 Rating - 14/25

-----

Judge #4

Delicate and gossamer in touch, made for no one
yet everyone, Time isn't fair for those who don't care,
Change the future with words and actions, but the Chances
of you getting what you want are slim to none

5 - first five points because all the rules were followed, it was 4-5 lines, it met the topic well and the word count was within its limit.
5 - this poem's first line struck me as a riddle, like it was describing something and the reader had to guess what it was. I liked this and thought it was a good way to open such a short poem and introduce the topic.
5 - I thought the word choice of delicate and gossamer worked very well in describing time alone, it really sums up how precious and fragile it is and yet the poem also hints towards people taking it for granted.
Total = 15/25

Everlasting:

This poem was interesting, it makes one ponder on the words, specially "change the future with words and actions" it uplifts the reader then towards the end it becomes poignant "but the chances of you getting what you want are slim to none" bang, one is hit with a harsh reality.

I read this line "Time isn't fair for those who don't care" it would have been more striking at least to me if it said "time isn't fair for those who care" then I would feel empathy for the people who cared and time treated them unfairly.

Overall, the author delivered a point of view of how she/he thinks of time in a simple manner. I felt the author kept it in the save zone by writing this piece but I feel he/she could have been more creative. Nonetheless, I love the author's beginning. "delicate and gossamer" never have I heard the word Gossamer but I am fond to it.

TOTAL: 20 + 11 +14+ 15 = 60 Points

******

#2 Title: Oars

A boat on the sea of a timepiece,
with the oars of uneven hands
spiraling for ever and ever round and round,
and knitting the time with uneven needles
in search of the perfection lost!!
------
Judge #1 Rating 20/5

------
Judge #2
For ever should be one word, Uneven used twice, the overuse of "and" were distractions, I liked the way you incorporated the oars of a boat into your timepiece to complete the theme. [ 16 Points ]

------------

Judge #3 Rating - 18/25

-------
Judge #4

5 - first five points because all the rules were followed, it was 4-5 lines, it met the topic well and the word count was within its limit.
5 - I liked the idea of the scene created in this poem and the insertion of the boat and the oars. It made it very unique and was a creative idea to use to express the topic.
5 - because I thought the word uneven worked well although repeated, it was repeated in two separate ways and I believe it to be related to how rocky the water is beneath the boat - implying how uneven time can be since we often feel it drag by or rush by but either way it simply passes by the same.
-5 = I did not give a further five points because in my opinion, the third line sounds odd. I have read it several times now to try and locate the problem which I think lies in the break down with punctuation. I do not like "for ever and ever" being followed right away with "round and round" then followed by a comma and the word "and". I would perhaps change the punctuation here and remove the word and to just help the poem flow smoother.

Total = 15/25

Everlasting:
This poem is unique, it delivers a story while setting an image. I find it abstract but an interesting read. I can't help but picture the boat on the sea and the oars spiraling as it moves the boat. I am also tempted to picture a clock and its uneven hands instead of the oars while rotating as time passes by while looking for the perfection lost, which makes me wonder about time, rather about what perfection was lost? The only perfection that I could think about is the hands being even and now they are not. Though, perfection's meaning differs from person to person...
( before I deviate form topic) like I said before I am tempted to picture the clock and its uneven hands, the hands on the clock separate every time the clock starts its journey... so perhaps that could be the perfection lost, the separated hands continue moving until they are together once more to reach perfection again, but if I think about it that will be a loop. It goes forever and ever meanwhile Perfection is reached several times but it only last for so little. Though on the boat I don't think the oars will ever meet like on the clock so the oars will continue spiraling forever and ever and never finding the perfection... And once more I found this piece focus my attention towards the perfection lost but is still Pretty good.

TOTAL : 20 +16 +18+ 15 = 69

*****

#3 Timelessness- Made in China <--- Scroll Up

******

#4 A Seasoned Multicolored Coat <----- Scroll Up

********

#5 Title: Infinity

Locked in a blur of vision less faces,
masking an economy of shooting stars,
falling victim to a thunderous hourglass
dripping infinity of a spaced out room
in my mind

Judge # 1 Rating - [ 20 Points ]

----

Judge #2

Should "vision less" be one word? I felt this didn't flow as well as it could, It's as if the lines weren't connected and the thoughts very abstract. In other words i didn't grasp the full meaning of this poem, which could be a fault of mine not the poets [ 13 points ]

-----

Judge #3 Rating - 18/25 points

------

Judge #4

5 - first five points because all the rules were followed, it was 4-5 lines, it met the topic well and the word count was within its limit.
5 - such a very powerful opening again, which I love in a poem because it draws me straight into the poem with interest and amazement at the word choice.
5- I thought the idea of adding an hourglass into a poem about time was very creative and also represents how fast it passes.
5- I also really like the word choice of victim and it gave a sense of entrapment with this place in your mind. This to me captures the authors mindset and their thoughts on what time has done for them, or in this case more what time has not given them that perhaps they longed for.

20/25

Extra points : I give this poem 5 extra points because it stood out very clearly from the start and I felt the word choice very powerful like the author had put a lot of effort to make sure each word fed off the next and they all joined together to emphasizes the power inside the poem. Very impressive poem.

Total - 25/25

Everlasting:

This poem gives me the feeling of imprisonment. I imagined someone alone in a room while holding his/her head with their hands. Feeling entrapped as he/she sees time going by, and not allowing anyone to help him/her, but I also felt a feeling of helplessness. I'll be completely honest, there are parts that I didn't quiet understand, I actually didn't really understand the poem based on the wording in its entirety, rather I just got a feeling and a picture of someone. I may be way off with the feeling I got, but it's interesting to have this reaction from a poem.

TOTAL: 20 + 13 + 18+ 25 = 76

********************

#6 Parallel

My mind exists in parallel
trapped between an essence
of the past and awakening to
reality - and yet I beg myself
to slumber once more.

Judge #1 Rating - [ 20 Points ]

----

Judge #2

This certainly had me thinking more than most of the other poems, a good thing, it certainly has the basics, apt title, well constructed, good rhythm and meter and a strong end. I think we all shy away from the horrors of reality at times dreams of the past are always more pleasant, [ 17 points ]

-----

Judge #3 [ 18/25 Points ]

-----

Judge #4

5 - first five points because all the rules were followed, it was 4-5 lines, it met the topic well and the word count was within its limit.
5 - again, what I picked out first in this poem was the very fast pace and the quick flow. This only works when the author is able to move the poem that fast and still be able to create a very clear tone or image for the reader. With short poems this is especially hard and I find here it has worked to the highest power and in an instant of reading this poem I related to the emotion and was impressed with how much it stood out with just a few short lines.
5 - I found the word choice of parallel and trapped, to work together very powerfully and they emphasized each other for the point of time in that time carries on parallel regardless of any aspect. It doesn't slow down or speed, it simply remains exactly as it is.
5 - I think what I liked most about this poem was the relation to the deep depressive mood summed up in the last line, I find it very fitting with the topic and the previous thoughts of the author, in the way that time itself can cause us to sink into this darkness because it is either too much time or because how much time has passed us and we regret it etc. It made me think very philosophical about time and life. 20/25
Extra points - I give this poem 3 extra points because it was one of my top 3 poems and it stood out for me as soon as I read it. I think the power of the poem is very emphasized within the short limit of words allowed therefore is worthy of extra points.

Total 23/25

Everlasting: This is a short poem that many can relate to. In this case the author is in between a past or reality, . The author wishes to sleep and go to the past but the reality is that morning gets here and one must wake up. In the poem the author is awakening, not fully awake yet, so it makes me wonder will the author be able to go back to sleep? or will the author will wake up completely? or will the author's mind remain in "parallel"? Unfortunately, It seems to me the author has to choose. it's either of the two, either past or reality, both will never come together. A big dilemma.. But The word "beg" prompts me that the author still remains in between as He/she begs his/her persona to go back to sleep but seems he/she can't. Nice!

TOTAL : 20 + 17 + 18+ 23= 78

****

#7 Untitled< --- Scroll Up

****

#8 Hands of A Clock:

Time is a funny thing, you can
grasp it in the palm of your hand
or let it fall to the floor, it can
build you up and tear you down,
though that's precisely why its a mystery.

-----

Judge #1 = [ 20 Points ]

-----

Judge #2

I think this poem needs to be re worked, also the contradiction between grasp in the second line with mystery in the last, I found it too wordy and fell away at the end, [ 10 points ]

------

Judge #3 Rating - 15/25 Points

-----

Judge #4

5 - first five points because all the rules were followed, it was 4-5 lines, it met the topic well and the word count was within its limit.
5 - my first 5 points is for the impact the poem has in the tone. It sums up exactly what time is, the fact that we do not know when it will be gone and we will have none left, it shows the options in life to either waste time or grasp it and make the most of every second of it. I found this very powerful and quite a deep but motivational thought.
5 - I am also awarding 5 points for the title because this title was not mentioned in the poem and it still represents time, just in a different way from the poem. So it hints at the sense of time but gives no repetition in the poem of a clock.
5 - The final thought of this poem was how it still had quite a powerful impact in the sense of meaning and grasping time while we have it. But it did not contain large words or unique words. At first I thought I would have liked to seen perhaps a more unique word inserted as opposed to the shorter words like it,is,,a,you, which seem quite repeated in the few lines. Then the more I thought about this the more I realized in my opinion I just like the poem more because even without the use of stronger words it still managed to create this motivational tone to it.

Total = 20/25

Everlasting: I enjoyed reading this poem, I truly see potential in this piece. I believe with more concrete and more thought out sentences this poem can be thought provoking. What I like is how the author shared his/her point of view of what time is and also that the author managed to sound convince of knowing what time is, even though towards the end, the author ends admitting is a Mystery but it is the convincible tone of knowing what time is what got my attention.

TOTAL : 20+ 10 + 15+ 20= 65

*********

#9 Gain and Loss

Our economy is like a curvy woman
with assets sought after by many,
the more the wrinkles are accumulated,
the greater is the depression.

-----

Judge #1
I found this overall rather humorous (maybe because us Brits are naturally miserable!). Clearly, the poet has thought well about the contemporary problems that seer our predicted future.

"Our economy is like a curvy woman
with assets sought after by many,"

The poet attempt to include the reader instantly with "Our" acting nicely as a poetic vehicle for agreement. Well also get the idea that the intended audience are probably males as a women's curves attract their personalities. Equally, the idea sexual importance of "assets" is heightened, conveying a rather realistic view of "our" modern world.

"the more the wrinkles are accumulated,"

Similar to Yeats, the poet uses facial change as a way of depicting something else far more important. Wrinkles, in particular, illustrate the ageing truths of any human and so reveal more than what is expected.

"the greater is the depression."

This presents us with a final view on how sad this world can be. As if depression wasn't bad enough, the poet foresees a "greater" fall from grace that will essentially act in everybody's disadvantage.

Ultimately, this poem is clever. It relies not on fancy words to depict a world of financial downturn but uses juxtaposition dig out the truth of what time itself is able to ruin. [25 Points ]

-------

Judge # 2

At first I though limerick yet without the rhyme, it didn't really conform to the topic. And although it brought a smile to my face maybe more apt in accountancy class, though I don't mean that in a nasty way [14 points ]

-----

Judge # 3 Rating- 16/25

-----

Judge #4

5 - first five points because all the rules were followed, it was 4-5 lines, it met the topic well and the word count was within its limit.
5 - I again like the title choice and found it interesting because it gave no clue as to what the poem would contain or even hint at the thought of time or existence. But in knowing that the topic given was time itself, we gain and lose things every day and we gain and lose time every day. We gain it as it comes, then lose it as it passes. I found this very creative.
5 - I did like the metaphor used of the curvy woman and thought it was used well here to express the passing of time and hinted towards ageing I believe? The wrinkles are a clear sign of time and how it affects the skin.
Total = 15/25

Everlasting:

This peculiar write grabs my attention and it hits me with a curve I did not expect. I'm impressed by the use of brevity in this poem. No more than 40 syllables were used to convey a thought provoking theme. The author cleverly compare economy to a woman while still touching the theme Time. Though I feel time was not the main focus in this poem but brevity and mainly the comparison. The word "wrinkle" can be used to imply a "minor difficulty" so the more the winkles accumulated in our economy as time passes the greater is the depression. And in a woman the more the wrinkles are accumulated , literally, the greater is the depression one may sink into. Very well done.

TOTAL: 25 + 14 + 16+ 15 = 70

------------------------------------------------------------------------

I don't remember a site contest having 5 judges before. I realize Luce did not assign points but the comments you gave were just as detailed.

well done, ma'am.

These judges gave really great, detailed comments! I was SOOO close to placing again, too. lol. Congrats to the winners :)

And thanks to the judges for helping me with this contest.

In this round, two of my judges gave a comment to everyone but they only had to comment on their top three.

On second round, they only have to comment on their top three again but it's their choice if they want to give a comment to everyone.

So try your best for second round too.

Dear everlasting you are well aware of my general feelings about these competitions and judging all together, but thanks for doing them:
"A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step."
always the most difficult one of all I must add.