Contest Winners- April 1, 2013

Hey guys! Hope you all had a good Easter! :) Due to the holiday, we had one judge who was unable to vote/comment this week and we also had a judge who voted, but didnt have time to comment. I have indicated with asterisks which poems will NOT have a comment.

There are 2 clear winners; the site broke the tie between the 10 votes :)

Congrats to the winners and the Hm's! :)

WINNERS:

I should have hung that paper on the wall
by: Karla- 10 + 4

He tears time like paper **
by Darren - 7 + 4 = 11

Pandemonium
by the Huntress (10)

HM's:

Bali, October 2012
by Hellon (10)

A Forlorn Feather **
by Myonlymoon (10)

Night terror
by: Steph (7)

On the brink of becoming London
by Poet on the Piano (7)

It's Everybody's Story **
by Tara Kay (7)

Wild Dandelion
by: Lonely Rider (4)

Buried alive
by: his crimson angel (4)

COMMENTS

I should have hung that paper on the wall
by: Karla

The depth in this piece got to me. I enjoyed reading about how the poet talked about this unnamed "he", and it interests me because of the notion of meeting strangers yet never knowing what burdens they carry. It makes me believe the spirit of this boy or man has been crushed, like his dreams and written down explanations just can't ever explain the realities of life. I like the almost matter-of-fact tone when the poet speaks of eating lunch together, portraying that feeling of giving up, that it's senseless to think about meanings and how uncomplicated they can be anymore. I don't know if philosophical is the word I'm looking for or not, I just find that the poet delves into one's soul, one's inner thoughts. I liked the whole maybe cycle of life the poet is pointing at with "I won't tell him about what he has to find by himself. He has just started. I'm about to finish", we have to claim our own sufferings and face them. The meaning at the end is very ambiguous to me, at first I'm thinking you are choosing to opt out of the remaining years of your life, but then I'm thinking maybe you are looking for isolation, for no more interaction. And this man is just entering the world as an adult, finding himself and losing himself all over again....Fascinating write mixed with loss, melancholy moments, and self-reflection. (10)

-----

I should have hung that paper on the wall
by Karla

To me, the persona seems a bit lost in thought, while eating lunch with someone that might be a colleague, someone inexperienced, someone who's just stepped into society. She seems observant, perhaps seeing the same eagerness of this man in her past, back when she was an eager new citizen to the world. I find it intriguing how the two seem so different, both in spirit and view of the world. Truth be told, this piece seems to touch on so many subjects at once that it's hard to interpret its meaning, but if one just follows its scenery, there seems to be such deep melancholy seeping through each and every word, perhaps a hint of skepticism too (as if the person doesn't believe in her past ideals anymore, doesn't feel there's hope). I can imagine the persona being stoic on the outside, as is reflected in the poem's language (quite cold and realistic), whilst too many thoughts are racing through her mind. The questions that the writer included really suck the reader even deeper into the poem. Along with the ending, it seems that the poem was an act of self-reflection. I'm still a bit puzzled about the meaning of this "paper on the wall", though, would've liked more hints regarding that image, but still liked the ending. Must say that the very last line reads a little bit awkward, though. Perhaps change it to "Who was I?"? Anyway, a very intelligent write. (4)
-------------

Pandemonium
by: the Huntress

This poem is simply genius a real tongue twister, I have read one or two poems on here where every word starts with the same letter, but to be honest I think that is just trying to be too clever, it interrupts the pace and flow of the whole piece. Makes you stutter as you read and in some cases you can lose any sense of what the poet was trying to say.
What this poet has done is slipped in a few 'other' words such as 'of' and 'my' to help knit the poem together. The main crux is essentially all 'm' words but by adding a scattering of the 'other' words the pace is electric. There is also a real sense of panic as you read it which not only ties in with the title but works beautifully with line one. Great write and an easy 10 points for me this week. (10)
--------

HM COMMENTS:

Bali, October 2012
by Hellon

I like how the title simply states a fact, not too not too dramatic, a little bit like the way news articles start off. The reader knows it's an important event that's going to be described, but not offered enough information to know what it is. The first line of the poem creates an interesting contrast with the title. Almost reminding us of holidays (beaches, sun, disco's), making the reader doubt the possibilities that are tied to "Bali, October 2012" (< It could be the header of a news article, but also the title of a photo album). The second line effectively blows the rosy mood apart. I liked how this line appeared so suddenly, so out of the norm, imitating the way things must have felt during the bombing. Although I must say that it was really the last line which included that extra punch in the stomach. Almost like an afterthought, an aftershock. The heart is such a fragile organ after all. Could be taken literally or figuratively, both equally sentimental. All in all, an excellent senryu, not only because of its structure, but also the diversity between each line while remaining fairly simplistic/direct in language, and tugging at the heartstrings too. Well done. (10)
------------

Night Terror
by Steph

Firstly I will deal with the 'cutting' issue, it has been said that Janis is not a fan of cutting poems taking pride of place on the front page, (or something similar)
I believe that this is more of a warning about cutting rather than trying to encourage cutting. It ends on a sad note where the character has severely injured themselves. So for that reason I am giving it my 7 points and a comment.
What struck me with this is how tight it is, stanza 1 is four lines long but only 8 words. Yet it feels fuller. There is real dark imagery in the first few stanzas and I love the flow. I have said it several times and seen it written as comments on here, but this poem is like the skeleton of a bigger poem, all the fat has been cut away leaving just the bones of the poem. Great write and an important message. (7)
-----------

He tears time like paper
by: Darren

The way this poet expresses his emotions reaches me, as I feel despair, angst, and frustration over questions like why there has to be so much darkness. This poem came alive for me in the way the poet crafted the metaphor, clearly painting pain for the reader to absorb and think about. I liked the many emotions this man displayed, how naturally human it seems. Sometimes wanting revenge or misguided amusement and more often than less destroying parts of things around us and staring at our surroundings, wondering if anyone has seen or if anyone could really ever relate to or care. There's a need to be seen but also a feeling of a purpose that has maybe fallen too low to retrieve, so what is left then? Really intriguing piece! (7)

--------

On the brink of becoming London
by Poet on the Piano

I thought this poem deserved a second chance, so I am voting for it again this week. Even after reading this for so many times, nothing of its genuine emotivity and beauty seems to be lost. (7)

-----

Wild Dandelion
by: Lonely Rider

Great flexibility with the format of this piece, I liked the thought of dreams hanging because it's so easy to picture and imagine the plethora of dreams we can't even place as to what they are....my only suggestion is to watch the cliches, I think writing "down" in a horizontal line has been done many times before on this site. Otherwise, wonderful word choice... "a celestial canvas" like this woman's dreams are painted in heaven or are of some supernatural force. Loved "gossamer moon", lovely! I also enjoyed the ending, especially the last stanza, as if this woman/girl is scraping for one more reason to live and to dream. Good read. (4)
------------

Buried alive
by his crimson angel

This poem on first read tells a great story and is written very maturely. It is sad but is dealt with in such a touching way.
Then you read it again and see an entirely different message. You see a girl who is largely ignored by her family, they go about their everyday lives and she doesn't seem to exist in their eyes. There is a few hints of a parental feud with the mention of 'real mom' Which then gives us a little insight into how she feels and what may have been the catalyst to this.
But to be buried was the real blow, it shows that she feels there is no way back, that she will never develop as a person or be heard by those she loves. There are signs that she knows they love her, yet they do not seem to realise the emotional damage they have inflicted.
Clever write. (4)

Congratulations to all the winners and HM's...

Thank you Chelsey for your dedication and swift posting of the results.

Thank you to the judge who voted my poem, means a lot to see it was noticed as it means a lot to me and was written to benefit and just be read....to make people smile, feel better and give they some love when they need it.

xxxx

Grats, all! :D

Congratulations winners and Hm's... beautiful Poetry everyone!

Congrats winners & HMs!!! Thank you judge for the comment...

Thanks judges. My poem is an act of self-reflection.You two nailed it. Beautiful comments you two made.Thanks again.
I am glad to share the front page with Darren and the huntress.I am in good company.

Thanks judges much appreciated, congrats all

Congrats to the final winners for this judge-panel. Thank you all judges for the months you spent working silently.

Thank you, Chelsey & glad you are still here.

Congrats winners and other Hm's...Really great poetry this week. Thank you judge for the lovely comment and thanks to Chels for all her work too.

Congratulations winners and HM's. And thanks judges for the mention :)