Brevity Contest - Final Results

THE RESULTS ARE HERE:

--------- Poem # 1 --------

Title: Sightseeing Trip to Desolation

Sprawled upon a bloody mattress
was she, her surgical slit
especially fit, for spotlight
and bulbs as bright.

One tongue, one maggot
digging deeper, left her legs
laced - lonely and fruitless,
like a rotten tomato
on the marketplace.

Prompt: STD - Sexually Transmitted Disease.

Judge 1

I really got drawn into this from the title alone and how despairing it sounded. The use of the word desolation really fits with the topic of this form. I found the brevity here in this poem in the topic and not so much in the form of the poem itself. It is such a powerful topic that we cannot ignore, yet it is very hard to write about and share, so I admire this author for being brave enough to take the chance on this tough topic.
As for the poem, the very first line created the image of abuse in my mind, betrayal and pain and perhaps innocence stolen. I thought the author done well to hit the nail on the head in the beginning and make the scene of the poem short and to the point. The second stanza of the poem I felt was very deep in the way that the persona now has to live with what has happened. The metaphor of the rotten tomato is so powerful here because no one would choose this from the market and goes to show what the state of mind would be for the victim here of the disease, feeling dirty and unwanted.
I score this poem [ 25/25 ]

Judge 2

Well two worthy winners for the last round, and two of the best poems of the whole competition.
Sightseeing Trip to Desolation..... Very few poems grab my attention as much as this one did. It was almost a poem of two parts as I found the styles of the two stanza's different, not topically more the rhyme and meter, the first had a rhythmical jaunt, the second more stilted. This is certainly not a criticism more an observation of what I consider a brilliantly constructed masterpiece. It's certainly a confronting poem told in quite a graphic way, but I think that adds to the beauty of this poem, if beauty is the right word, where a woman is deprived of her ability to give life by some loathsome maggot. But that's why this poem is so good, it grabs you by the throat and confronts you with the reality... there is no hiding behind curtains or false pretence, it's there for the world to see.

An extraordinary poem, I don't think as a judge I've never given full marks to a poem I've judged before, but I am now [ 25/25 ]

Judge 3

Wow, that's some pretty decent rhyming. I'm not normally a fan of rhyme, it is usually done awfully on this site. In this poem, it just worked. It's sneaky subtlety really added to the poem's dark notes, and added more intrigue and delicacy to the harsh, concentrated content. Interesting topic choice. Without the prompt being stated, I would have thought the poem could have been about the sudden loss of virginity or an abortion - something about a woman sullied or wretched after sex. Good last line. This poem has an impressive flexibility within its dense structure - an achievement given the confines of the Brevity challenge. [ 21/25 ]

Judge 4

#1 Title: Sightseeing Trip to Desolation
"Only few could deny that this poet has obvious talent.

"Sprawled upon a bloody mattress
was she, her surgical slit
especially fit, for spotlight
and bulbs as bright."

The effect of the word "sprawled" is pretty ghastly. It suggests some form of spreading over something, more specifically being stretched to one's limits. The structural use of the incessant commas equally simplifies the stanza, bringing out the 'brevity' and full affect of the diction.

"One tongue, one maggot
digging deeper, left her legs"

The imagery here is impressive. The use of numbers is effective in indicating how traumatic the experience seems, almost "digging" deeper into how far a reader can cope with such cringing imagery.

"laced - lonely and fruitless,
like a rotten tomato
on the marketplace."

When i think of fruitless, I immediately think of a miscarriage and how somebody is recently without child. It introduces some maternal loss for me personally, causing one to feel as rendered useless as a "rotten tomato", as the writer quotes. Ultimately, the use of brevity is encouraged through the structural flow and imagination of the concept used, making it very, very difficult to fault the writer. Seriously good. [ 25/25 ]

Total points = 25 + 25+ 21+ 25= 96 Points

Everlasting:

I'll be as breve as possible, when I read this piece I immediately thought about organ traffic. When they take someone by force and steal their organs, the reason why I thought of this was the last simile "like a rotten tomato on the market place." However, after seeing the prompt, I realized this pretty good. Nice used of brevity as well as imagery and also nice way to leave me thinking. Those who have STD and know it, there are some that doesn't care and go and well, Well done with this poem.

------ Poem # 2 ----------

Title: Kodak

This disposable camera
is ours, as long as it lasts,

It follows where we go -

Paris, birthday parties,
framing the tickling of our hands,
it flashes and plays countdown,
Its red light blinks at night.

It will die.
You can be its taxidermist
or its cremator.

I can host more birthday parties
and stroll Les Champs-Elysees
like I don't notice the coldness
of my hand.

****

I had a few prompts/points of inspiration for this.
1. A Kodak camera box in my room. Kodak were once a leading camera company but recently filed for bankruptcy.
2. The poem 'Valentine' by Carol Anne Duffy
3. The Great Gatsby, while not a prompt as such, was a small influence in the last stanza.
4. Most importantly, real life!

Judge # 1

This poem held a lot within it and for me, it was too much in such a short poem. But that is just personal choice. I did like the beginning and it seemed to be telling a tale of the camera and its journey with the author, but then I felt the tone change too drastically with the red light of the camera? Then it died? I am assuming this means the shots ran out because at first I thought about the battery dying, then remembered it was disposable. I have puzzled this poem for a while so my final thoughts are perhaps the poem represents the memories more than the camera itself. How we can keep the memories alive. I feel there was a message to be picked up on here but it is not jumping straight out to me. I think between the lines is reading that we make the most of what we have when we have it? That you carry on regardless because it is all we can ever do really?
I give this poem [ 20/25 ]

Judge 2

Well two worthy winners for the last round, and two of the best poems of the whole competition. Where to start.. Kodak, such an apt poem in reference to your main prompt and brilliantly conveyed, this is most evident in your last Stanza which incidentally I consider your strongest, pulling the poem together and rounding it off beautifully. I wondered about your double reference to birthday parties though the stroll down the Champs-Elysees with camera in hand, oblivious to the cold, a master stroke.

You can be its taxidermist
or its cremator.

That such an iconic company is on the brink of collapse is sad, you have managed to encapsulate a part of that, well done great poem [ 22/25 ]

Judge 3

Good writing, but it just didn't work all the way for me. It had zones of dramatic impact that I didn't quite absorb. I did like the concrete images and I understood the mood and the repeated references to memories past, but the writing wasn't convincing and it didn't translate the emotion well. It is hard to explain. I think the writer has great potential, but this piece just felt a little unripe. [ 19/25 ]

Judge 4

I found it hard rating this poem, juggling between a 20 and a 25 respectively. Overall, it is incorrect not to condemn this poet as a work of art.

"This disposable camera
is ours, as long as it lasts,"

The speaker acknowledges some connection with another person, presumably somebody of great meaning to them. I like how instantly we are given some form of time to which lends us perception into how this poem could end.

"It follows where we go -"

Immediately, i think of stalking, specifically the feeling of somebody else 'watching' one from a view. The focus on third person becomes more emphasized and thus more important to the poem.

"Paris, birthday parties,
framing the tickling of our hands,
it flashes and plays countdown,
Its red light blinks at night."

There's so much to consider here, with the thematic attention to time being most evident. The writer has taken this theme and induced it structurally into the walls of the words. The transition from "Paris" to the flashing and the blinking of the camera is impressive, heightened by the word "it", which lends us countless evidence into the significance of memory and thus change itself.

"It will die.
You can be its taxidermist
or its cremator."

Astonishing use of dialogue here. I wonder whether this is the speaker talking, or somebody of a more powerful position. The juxtaposition between taxidermist and cremator is certainly inventive, with all relevance allowing the reader to consider their own decision.

"I can host more birthday parties
and stroll Les Champs-Elysees
like I don't notice the coldness
of my hand."

We are now given the change to meet the speaker individually. It seems as though their choice is to ignore the changes that are likely to occur, and so restrain from noticing the unavoidable "coldness" of one's inevitable fate. Conclusively, I gave the poem a 20/25, merely as I feel the flow could have been more sharper in relation to the inconsistency and almost sporadic structure. But, aside from that, ratings are of no significance to the talent emanating through the halls of this poem. [ 20/25 ]

Total Points : 20+22+19+20= 81 points.

Everlasting:

I'll also be on this one as breve as possible, I read this piece a few times. I also read the poem by Carol Anne, and I'm a bit lost. Guilty of charge. Though what I manage to make sense (perhaps not what it was intended) was that nothing last forever. We may be busy trying to capture every single detail on life yet we don't pay attention to when life has or is almost finishing. It goes just like that, we might focus on what may not be, what we should be focusing on. And it seems this poem was about a "disposable relationship" as crude as that may sound, but I read it sad tone through the piece.

******** SCORES ****************

Poem # 1 Sightseeing Trip to Desolation = 96 points

Poem # 2 Kodak = 81 points

********* WINNER FOR ENTIRE CONTEST *****

@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~

. . . .^. . . . . . . . . . . . . THE HUNTRESS!!! . . .
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\\..(. .).//. . . . . . . . . . ______________. . .
. . ./~\ . . . . . . . . . . . /____________ /| . . .
. . //.||. . . . . . . . . . .|__1 st place __|/ . . .

@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~

The Huntress with her poem Sightseeing Trip to Desolation.

************* SECOND PLACE *********

. . . . .( Applause) . . ..... . COLM!!! .
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....................................|__2nd__|

************** MY JUDGES *************

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..... O/ . . . . \O . . . . / O/. \ O . . .
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************ SPECTATORS **************

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|O/..........Reporting from PnQ ...............\O
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....\o/...O/....O\..../o\ ..\O/...O/...o/. . . .
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THANK you everyone for participating,
without you this contest would have not worked out, and also for being patient with me.

As well as Thank you so much to my judges.

P.s. if my judges would like to reveal themselves is up to them.

Thanks once again and congrats to the winners.

---------------- Round 1 Poems------------

Poem #1 "Caressing Time" by Ash

Poem #2 " Oars" by Real Meaning

Poem #3 "Timelessness- Made in China" by Huntress

Poem #4 "A Seasoned Multicolored Coat" by Mr. Larry

Poem #5 "Infinity" by Maple Tree

Poem #6 "Parallel" by Britt

Poem #7 " Untitled" by Colm

Poem #8 "Hands of A Clock:" by Adreamer

Poem #9 "Gain and Loss" by The Queen

http://www.poems-and-quotes.com/discussion/topic.html?topic_id=140130

------ Round 2 Poems -------------------

Poem #1"Personal Space of a Flower Child" by Maple Tree

Poem #2 "Cosmic" by Britt

Poem #3 "There's Room for You" by Mr. Larry

Poem #4 "Untitled" by Real Meaning

Poem #5 "The Elevator-Gang" by Huntress

Poem #6 "Untitled 2" by Colm

http://www.poems-and-quotes.com/discussion/topic.html?topic_id=140284

**************** My Judges **************

Well, since I am the host, it's only fair for me to announce the judges.
Just the way it should be done.

Thank you so much:

Timothy,

Abracadabra,

BabyRainbow(Saffie),

and Sir. Nicko

for helping me out with this contest.

By the way, this is the first time for Timothy and BabyRainbow
as judges, and see, they also did an awesome job.
Thank you so much.

and Abracadabra and Sir. Nicko,
I still can't believe they helped me out, they are cool.

thanks.

and P.s.. The prompts for this contest were not entirely mine,
some were borrowed from Real Meaning. Quiet a team huh?

Wow amazing two pieces and especially w/ the prompts, they just blew me away! Congrats The Huntress & Colm, you both are so talented!

Thanks judges for the effort, and thank you Everlasting for hosting this contest, and inspiring me to write such short poems, which I don't do too often. =p

Writing against you, Colm, was a (nerve-wracking) challenge in itself! =p Well done on your poems.

Thanks Maryanne, glad you enjoyed reading them. :)

Congrats Huntress and Colm.... Amazing poems by you two!!

Luce, nice contest btw:)

Congrats to Huntress & to Colm!

Thanks, Luce & thanks to your judges.

When you have time Luce,,,I'd love you to list the names of every poet/poems for each round..I had some that I really liked but they never made it through also..judges...don't be shy now???

A big thanks to the judges and to Everlasting for hosting: I enjoyed this contest and it was nice to catch the writing bug again for a while :) Congrats to Cynnie too on a great poem, I knew I was in trouble in this round when I read it!

I really enjoyed this challenge Luce.. thank you for hosting this and thank you judges :-)

Congratulations to Huntress and Colm.. beautiful poetry by you both~

Wooo hoo guys, awesome job :) Luce this contest was really a challenge, you had great prompts!

Thanks Luce & judges [whoever you are!]

Thank you!

Hi Hellon, sure thing, I have added the Poem with its corresponding author at the top. And also I have introduced my judges as well as gave credit to Real meaning for inspiring this Contest.