Contest Winners- May 20, 2013

Hey Everyone! :) 3 Clear winners once again this week, our judges seem to be on the same page with their poetry selections!

Well done to Mel and Jenni, its such a pleasure sharing the front page with those two talents!
Thank you judges for my win!

Here are this weeks results!

WINNERS:

Files
by Chelsey- 10 +10 = 20

Tango
by Melpomene- 10+ 10 + 7= 27

Verona
by: Jenni- 7+4 =11

HM's:

I Love You for You
by Real Meaning (10)

Devonshire Road
by Lifesbreath (7)
Tango
by Colm (7)

Caught In The Crossfire
by Lemon (7)

Undefeatable
by Ah satan 666 (4)

Suspended In Kansas City
by Poet On The Piano (4)

Mother In Law (acrostic)
by Meena Krish (4)

Free Verse (4)
by: Ms Sunshine

WINNER COMMENTS:

Files
by Chelsey

I do love and admire Chelsey's unique and creative style when it comes to Metaphoric poems.

This piece was so darn creative and stylish-

The mind and heart are definitely a filing cabinet, holding all the times, dates and facts.. great opening stanza!

Belt and buckle named after the person she writes of made me chuckle a bit, but also touches my heart.. for isn't this the truth? All readers can relate to this stanza- That is what grabs me most with this poem is because it is so relatable to the reader and yet tied into a powerful and explosive metaphor!

The ending says it all.... powerful ending to a wonderful and creative poem.. well done!! (10)
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Files
by Chelsey

I adore the personification in this, it's something I haven't seen used before and that makes this unique and different for me. I thought the first verse was very strong, emotionally, as it's relate-able to so many people and it makes me think on how almost everyone will have something locked away somewhere that is written about them, be it something positive or negative and it's something we rarely, if ever, think about.

"anything that decreases my energy and declines me a reason to smile is a reminder of you" I thought this captured the loss and pain that pertains to a break up very well, and it's something I'm sure we have all felt at one time or another. I thought the "ha" was done well, it adds a touch of mockery and sarcasm and yet it is still so incredibly bittersweet because of what it then goes on to refer to.

Adore the closing, again I find it bittersweet. To me, it makes me think that you still love this person you are talking to and that should they decide they want you again you know you'll end up giving them another chance even though deep down you also know they don't deserve it and that you shouldn't. Beautiful work as always from you, Chelsey. (10)
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Tango
by Melpomene

I've read this poem probably a hundred times this week, entraced by every single word. The theme is really beautiful here, as is Mel's imagery and thought process. Her poem is so incredible detailed and descriptive.. my gosh it's just gorgeous. The part about the bridge she wishes to marry on... oh my word. I absolutely love how Melpomene also repeated herself within that stanza.. and it had such a serious emphasis. Going down into the last half of the poem is very typical of her style, writing on flesh and bringing generations into her poems. I love that no matter the challenge thrown at her, she consistently remains true to herself and doesn't waver from that, which is evident here. The ending and the way it wrapped up was so breathtaking. I can't get enough of this poem. (10)
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Tango
by Melpomeneâ¨

This poem has something that I like yet that I dislike. However, the liking part was more than the not liking. I'll start with the part that I am not fond of. This is probably just me but I am not feeling the repetition of 'the bridge..." I'm probably lost on that part as I am unsure as to what is "their love" referring to. I would think "their" is in reference to the muscles.. but I am really lost. I mean I like what I am reading, I'm not sure on the meaning on that particular part... but what I am really not fond is that the simile of the bridge is repeated too closely in the first stanza. If it was somewhere else on the poem, I might have not even noticed it, though I am not sure if it would fit in any other part. Other than that I have no real critiques.
What I like about this poem was the way the poem started with writing and how it ended with Dancing.
I think the mixture and the transition of those two ideas was pretty clever and good. I have to say that the use of "purr of Spanish" adds a nice touch as well as the implementation of "ballroom."

Overall, I have always seen Tango as a dance of passion, so it could be lust or love.
So I like that it specifies that is tango in lust and not love. I could go on and on but I think I will just ramble and I might not get to what I want to say so I will just say it I enjoyed this piece, it had some unique imagery. (7)
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Tango
by: Melpomene

I can hardly say more than I was left speechless after reading your poem, Mel. I do feel like you express such truth, and you are willingly letting the reader grab onto that. I believe this poem is one to be read aloud! It flows brilliantly, has sensuality, and is such a unique tie between you and this love... especially when you describe how you give everything to them, and how you almost mold into their body/skin. It's such an intimate concept and it did make me think you both are not just two souls, but one, moving together.

"The first time I heard you
my flesh was crocheted with your language
and it hasn't left my body since."

- - One of my favorite lines! This was such a blunt-I'm-bursting-to-let-you-know stanza, almost like you have completely embraced this change in your life, for the better. That this person affected you THIS much, and you are letting them have your heart and every move.

I was not expected the "your tongue rejected the purr of Spanish" line, it was so creative and my jaw almost dropped! Love how you incorporated the language into that, and this person is definitely their own - you have your own language with them.

I honestly feel individual lines could be quoted in poetry books, and your meaning would never be lost. There is such a fullness in this line/metaphor:

"your neck was a notepad for my poetry"

- Just the openness of that statement! And the possibility this person has in creating art with you, a whole new life filled with looking ahead in love.

I really like the point in you made in the end and how you expressed it with the tango.... I think too often we coin things in our minds with, oh that must have been lustful, that was not true love... because how often do we see examples of love in its purest? Without all the wanting. This shows love, shows intimacy but mainly unity in such an exquisite way.

Gorgeous! (10)

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Verona
by: Jenni

This is such a confident memory when you open up the poem with those lines "Sometimes I adopt the coziness of cafes", it makes me think you can assimilate into any environment, and make it your own. I love how you section this poem off with Roman Numerals, and how you write in longer, but still quite eloquent lines. In the second stanza, I like how you show the passing of time and what you overhear. I know whenever I go out to eat, whether a diner, a busy restaurant, or even a Panera, there's always the chance you can listen in on a conversation if they are close enough. Sometimes it makes me smile because it is such casual tones and it's always good to see people talking things through, not hearing people yell or scream.

Your word choice is so articulate! I love how carefully your thoughts run in each line, especially, "You were pale compared to your cup, yet it was your aroma I remembered" - such a powerful line that invokes companionship and maybe a bit more. I think to really notice a person's scent and label it as being theirs shows you look past the surface of the skin, almost into the presence of this person.

I loved how you went ahead and wrote about the intimacy, because I feel many can relate in savoring the special coffee they order, and making it last.

You are very direct in second to last lines.... almost like a plead your heart has been hiding but now you are making known very quietly and simply. That little movement of tilting the head and creating a breeze is peaceful, and also bittersweet. That last line expressed the heartache, that maybe each time you are in a cafe, you are reminded of him, maybe you are always looking or searching for his aroma. But nothing ever matches up.

Beautifully written! (7)

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Verona
by Jenni

Jenni got me from start to finish with this poem. Really admire the format.. numerically starting out the stanzas add a fun invitation to read.. The metaphoric scene takes me to a coffee shop, feeling her emotions and feelings.. Oh this was a delight to read!!

Love the comparison to pale skin and coffee cups.. the detailed imagery is very noticeable from start to end..

I felt the need to highlight this poem for many reasons and I'm sure all readers will agree this was a delightful piece to read! Well done Jenni- (4)

HM COMMENTS:

I Love You for You
by Real Meaningâ¨

"Little bird, little bird," I love how the poem was started. Real meaning directly addressed the little bird and managed to capture my attention. This poem even though it looks simple, to me it feels sincere and above all, it feels that comes from the heart. What impresses me the most is that it has some rhymes yet they don't sound force.
For instance:
"melting your heart of gold
in the mold of my hold"
^ this two lines are packed with meaning. I really like the metaphor of the heart of gold. It reminded me of someone. He had a heart of gold, so precious that every gal wanted it, yet only one was able to have it. However, due to jealousy from the gal, the heart of this someone melted leaving it with no splendor only a heart filled with disappointment and dejection. So those two lines remind me of the times when one wants to hold onto something so much, that towards the end we put up too much strength and we unintentionally break it. Our intentions to keep it with us backfire to end up with nothing but regrets.

So to read the lines:

I do not love you for me
I love you for you
I love you free
I love you so
So I let you go.

were like putting ice cream on a child's plate. They were sweet and I "ate" them with so much joy.

Overall, this poem made me remember the saying " "if you want something let it go, if it comes back its yours, if not it never was." <-- I think real meaning is showing us the first step of letting it go, and he does it in a serene and heartfelt way. Excellent

P.s. I learnt beauty is more enjoyable to see from afar. So to see the bird flying in the sky is more beautiful than to see it on a cage. In the sky the bird can be itself, can behave for whom it is and not for how anyone else want it to be or rather not for how the bird may think it should behave within the constrains given. (10)

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Devonshire Road
by Lifesbreath

This poem is one that I read many times, and also one when read out loud brings it to life even more for me.

It's been quite some time since I've read a poem about America, and the author "Lifesbreath" took me on a patriotic journey in a sense, with a simplistic style, adding a nature scene as I read.

I generally shy away from such types of poems, but with this piece I was hypnotized.. What a beautiful poem! Greatly adored this piece!! (7)
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Tango
by Colm

This poem took me on a journey I've never expected nor seen on PnQ before and it was an absolute delight. The places mentioned are places I've never heard of before, so it was a treat to learn something on top of enjoy this poem full of beautiful images. "Because I tend to tip-toe along stepping stones
to starve the Patagonian bush fire"

This part of the poem has me in a trance.. so soft and beautiful, yet strong and a hint of sensual. This is really a unique and interesting piece.. ABSOLUTELY love it! (7)

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Caught In The Crossfire
by Lemon

I can't help but feel myself relating to this and as I reread this poem it instantly has my thoughts wandering back into my own childhood. As adults, we often forget that our children see and learn everything from us and we need to start taking more care to ensure they don't get caught up in our own fights and wars with our loved ones or with our ex-partners as it often ends up destroying them later in life.

I enjoyed the similes used in this as I thought it gave the words more emotion and power and allows people to understand just what these sort of situations can do to a small child. To say this was such a short poem I found it to be relate-able and moving and can only hope that more people read these and actually think about it and stop putting their children in the middle of their battles. Lovely poem written about something that needs more attention. (7)
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Undefeatable
by Ah satan 666

I was very surprised that I found myself enjoying this poem as I read through it, as I'm usually not one for rhyme as I believe it hinders a poet's ability to express themselves freely at times. That being said, I found I really enjoyed this poem. The emotion was there and though I see the author placed this in miscellaneous I found myself thinking on how we feel when we first meet someone new and begin to realise that we are slowly falling in love with them and that they are opening up our hearts once more which is such a beautiful feeling and priceless time in our lives.

I noticed a couple of grammar errors that need to be fixed such as capitalising "I"'s, warth-warmth? and Your healing-you're. My only nitpick I have about this is that I found some of the rhyming fell into the cliche category such as tight/fight we/free. other than that I enjoyed this and I also liked the small sentence in brackets. (4)
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Suspended In Kansas City
by Poet On The Piano

POTP had a very interesting lesson to write for and I think she definitely excelled here. I love the images, all my "wins" for this week are so vivid, and this is definitely one of them. LOVE LOVE LOVE that ending. I sense a bit of sassiness from the poet and that thrills me.. I love attitude evoked in poetry. That ending is so strong, and so.. in your face vibrant. I really am focused on all the senses of this poem, it's truly beautiful. (4)
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Mother In Law (acrostic)
by Meena Krishâ¨

Acrostics can be easy to write though to some they are not. However, what I like about this poem is the simplicity and also the straightforwardness. How often times do we hear people complaining about their mother in law? I mean I heard people making jokes about it, others complaining so much that it surprised me to see this acrostic. And it also gives me hope that who knows perhaps someday I may be bless with a mother in law like the one described in the poem. I also enjoyed the rhymes that were incorporated within this piece. Despite the restriction caused by the rhymes and the acrostic form, the poem successfully delivered a lovely and heartfelt thought about Meena Krish's mother in law. Lovely (4)
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Free Verse by: Ms Sunshine

Nana, I've missed your poetry too, and was very happy to come across this new piece! I have honestly, or can't remember, ever reading a poem about free verse, and all that it entails.

These lines were so interesting: "Poisoned with what's unsaid/between the lines, free like honestly miserable, free of faked laughter and of sham love." This really is what I'm feeling and have felt before and I'm sure many other poets can relate. We don't have to meet expectations with our free verse or make sure we "look" and "react" a certain way... we don't have to pretend. We can have any meaning and be direct in our words or ambiguous and let the reader decide. That's why I love free verse so much, you expressed it perfectly! I used to, when I was first on this site, write in forms and experiment with different ones... I liked it, but that was my past writing, I don't go back to that now or desire to write each stanza with four lines with a strict rhyme scheme.

You had awesome parallel structure here that kept the idea flowing with the "free of" and "unrestrained by....uninfluenced by". Free verse in a way is our most unbiased option available. I adore how you tie it to life, so many themes of life like commitment, faith, intelligence... none of that has to define us or set us as to what we write.

The ending struck me, as you bring in this "you" that makes me think about the person who has impacted your life and you can't seem to escape from. Like in the end, in every situation, you have been brought to him, and your thoughts can't run away or words physically free you. Loved the hidden meaning here, how you end the poem with this continuous breath"yet simply trapped through/the haunting hums I've once heard;/as they left my wisdom whirling/among your ropes/and tied my freedom/right to the thin lines of your cords.

Provoking piece! (4)

Smooth sailing - what a great few weeks it's been.

Congrats to the winners and the HMs.

Awesome work, congrats winners & HM's! And thank you judge for your comment and for my HM, it means a lot :]

Congrats winners and HM's

Congratulations on your wins Girls :)
and the hmS too.
great poetry as always

Congratulations winners
and thanks.