Contest Winners 27/5/2013

Colm here, filling in for Chelsey, and it was a pleasure to do so with such fine talent on display this week!

PnQ historians, jot this date down in your diaries because I think we witnessed a PnQ first this week. Abby and her poem 'In the garden, You and I' won with a mouth-gaping, awe inspiring, earth-shattering... 50 points! Each judge gave the poem 10points. Great achievement for a great poem! This week saw a possibly unprecidented conformity of opinion from the judges with 4 of the five also giving Noura Elegy 7pts, and 2 awarding points to Piogga's piece. Well done all involved (special congrats to Abby I have to say) and thanks to the judges for their continued dedication.

Winners:
In the Garden, You and I by Abracadabra (50points)
An Elegy by Noura (28points)
Anxiety, agity by Piogga (11points)

HM's:
Paperbacks by Hannah Lizette (4points)
When Homes Become Houses by Poet on the Piano (4 points)
Sail (Sequel) by Meme (4points)
Shadow by The Huntress (4points)

In the Garden, You and I by: Abracadabra

The way this poem started immediately grabs my attention. First, it incites me to wonder what type of seeds Abracadabra is referring to and also to continue reading the poem in search for the answer.

Aside from that, I noticed she focuses on details and it is because of those details that I'm intrigue.

I wonder what is she referring with "the cautious creep of green"? Though, I have to admit that my attention is focus on the adjective "cautious," and well overall I think that by using those words she refers to plants growing.

Then she hits me with " it's been a month and we have bought a spade, some mulch, some blood, and bone" that line alone is intriguing. I can associate the use of "spade and mulch" with the mentioning of seeds in the starting line of the poem, but why buy blood and bone? rather why mentioned that in the poem if everything seems to be related to the seeds? Then it hit me, I have no knowledge of gardening. So I had to look that up. And even if this sounds silly, do they really add blood and bone to the soil?
I never thought about it, but it kind of makes sense. When one dies, our body becomes a part of the nutrients of the soil so adding the blood and bones may give the soil the nutrients, the nitrogen that needs, etc?now that line makes sense, but I couldn't help myself from picturing the blood and the bones... Then after reading into it, I found out that the blood meal is normally collected from slaughterhouses, dried up and pulverized into a powder... so the image kind of changed but I think I need to read more into that. Would vegetarians be creeped out by knowing that people may use blood and bone as fertilizer to grow the vegetables that who knows they might eat? Can the plants get infected from feeding from the blood and the bones if the animal had any disease? ( I couldn't help but share what I'm wondering at the moment even if some may find it silly or odd).

Anywho, back to the poem.

On this line,

" In the winter sunshine, the air shimmers with the heat of possibility."

^^ I am unsure whether "the heat" sounds good or if "a heat" would fit the content better.
The reason why I say this is because whenever I see the article "the" being used, I immediately tied it up with something that has already being mentioned where as "a" at least to me sounds like a good time to introduce it... like talking in a general term. Though, I guess "the" might be used as an specific. Aside from that I sense hope coming from this line so I suppose "the heat of possibility" may be that the seeds could perhaps get some sunshine rays and some heat...during that winter.

I think I can go on and on and talk about each line and I would probably take a long time to get to my point and in the process I might make everyone get bored or I might even deviate from the topic. So overall, the seeds to me seemed like a metaphor for love whether intended or not. It seemed like the couple have plotted them in their relationship, they are feeding them everyday, and taking care of them with the illusion of seeing the seeds grow into plants that they eventually harvest together, however, they experience obstacles on the way. One of those is learning how to take care of the plants during the Winter so that they would survive.

By the way, I like the use of cold and warm. It is because of the contrast that one can spot the hope emerging from this piece. I guess the couple felt the coldness from each other (perhaps they had not much communication) but it seems it was merely a cold winter that they experienced, there is still hope. (10)

In the Garden, You and I
by abracadabra

This is such a beautiful poem. Seems Abby is outdoing herself as of lately. I keep reading this over and over, and each and every time I am awed at how flawless it is and how it is written with so much elegance and class. The imagery throughout this is wonderful, it really allows you to visualise this garden that is being talked about.

I thought the mention of the man and woman was wonderfully done, though I can't make my mind up on the two ways I chose to interpretate. The first being that this man and woman are a couple in love, hence the garden metaphor-planting seeds and allowing this love to grow and then after reading it again I began to wonder if this man and woman were actually, figuratively speaking, our inner selves and that the garden was a metaphor for our hopes and desires-that we plant seeds inside of ourselves and allow them to grow and cultivate them. Such a thought provoking piece. Beautifully done. (10)

In the Garden, You and I by: Abracadabra

This is such a warm, amorous metaphor you use to describe this love growing. Automatically, I pictured a new relationship that has just been built on all the right things and not all the wrong things. I quite enjoyed reading this narrative, and the sentimental mementos you give to the read in:

"It's been a month
and we have bought a spade, some mulch,
some blood and bone."

It evokes emotion in the sense that relationships take time, they don't just sprout up overnight. But as you continue to express, there is always that hope to become higher and grow larger.
Loved the "farmer" feel to this and how personal you made it! The second stanza was so gentle in the image of the elderly couple. I just found such delight in all the specific images you gave... I feel like I'm reading from an eloquent storybook where these two characters have some sort of magic between them, just in the simple passion of gardening and in the gaze they share.

The third stanza is so soft-hearted in the sense of their bond together. I LOVE when authors kind of demonstrate a moment together shared in silence, where words don't have to communicate necessarily, just smelling that tenderness and being right before the sun set is luxury enough. I liked how you included how he talked about the cold, reminded me of casual talk about the weather... it doesn't always mean you're looking for something to say, just that you're comfortable enough to say the simple things.

The worry and concern they both hold about their garden is so evident and even more touching. They share a love in common but also their hearts that want to protect and survive another cold. Wonderful storyline, from starting out at the beginning of the day to falling asleep deeply, that "aged" feeling was well-penned and you made me relish the beauty of aging with creation and in that constant hope.

Such a cherished write! (10)

In the Garden, You and I
by abracadabra

I dearly love Abby's poetry!!!

This week she has crafted not only a beautiful nature piece, but she has intertwined a powerful and tender message of love and unity, which is a powerful gift of human nature.

The title she chose, brought me peaceful comfort-

Then the poem begins, and I was mesmerized! I adore the word usage and visual display, however for me, the creative angle of growing older in the "garden of life" has me sitting here with my mouth wide open!

I can't express the touching, comforting feelings I was left with- It's a poem that all readers can take with them and incorporate in their own hopes and dreams of their lives.

For this poem to be in nature is a perfect fit, however it also has love and life crafted in the entire piece.. Powerfully penned poem!! Well Done! (10)

In the Garden, You and I
by abracadabra

Like Sibyllenes comment said, it's all about tending. You tend a garden, you tend your life, you tend your marriage.. and hopefully it will lead to this old-timey marriage where you can be content in the stillness. The poem really excels not only in content but in the descriptions.. it's so vivid and quaint. I can't stop reading this piece.

"As the sun sets, they stand against the darkness
of leaves, letting the landscape speak for them."

I particularly liked this part, kind of a "them versus the world" sort of feeling, which realistically that's what a marriage can be sometimes. Like Hellon said in her comment there definitely is an Aussie feel to this poem -- winter sunshine is definitely not something my area experiences, and we wouldn't be able to do any gardening during that time. So many "differences" in this poem than my norm and my culture that it makes it absolutely fantastic. Marriages don't always last anymore, people throw things away and fix it when it isn't broken (only to break), and this gives me hope for people out there, to live contently and really in love. I could ramble for ages. Love this poem. (10)

An Elegy
by Noura

I wish I had more words to say about this poem, other than it's moving. The emotion emerges in every word and I can feel the sadness in the words but also I can sense sarcasm as well as anger and disappointment and lastly my favorite hope. This poem is filled with so many emotions that I seriously didn't pay attention to the metaphors. The poem just took my attention and I got immerse within the tone. This line stood up to me the most "may be we'll find jasmines again under our pillows when we wake up" the jasmine may be symbolic but they also give a sense of hope. Though, I heard that Jasmine is the symbolic flower of Damascus. Also I wonder to whom is the author addressing as "you" as well as "they" in "they will hate you, they will devour the moon." The "you" seems to be a place, Damascus perhaps? I can also link that with the part about "there's something about your streets" and also with the Jasmines, and with many others hints given out on the poem, but I can't still figure out who are the other they? Aside from that I like that emotion in this piece. It's not exactly a vent or if it is, it's one of those that are well done. (7)

An Elegy by: Noura

The ache my heart experiences while reading this poem is nothing compared to the hurt you must be enduring. This write alone speaks of the courage you have in writing about the present times, even the bloodshed, and surviving what may have just been another killing...
The rawness of this piece immediately grabs me, and the first stanza is gut-wrenching through the notion that this close person you have lost is still stuck in your life, everything you do, everywhere you look. As you said, you still cling to them, but you liberate him/her through words, exposing the truth and the sadness that people are so quick to accept deaths now.

This part was so gently written: "I painted you yesterday, when guns calmed down. I painted you in green and sky blue, and if they stopped death for another five minutes, I'd have drench your desert with more colours,"

- - - This is so profound! Not just the eloquence of this but the passion ignited. I feel you will run anywhere in the world just to be able to do this literally, as in your mind you have already attributed so many colours to this person.

Your third stanza just hits me in the gut. It reminded me of studying world history, and the ads for the war saying, "it's your duty", etc....such an atmosphere of pride and nationalism. But you bring a point out further that death, to a specific side, is highly encouraged. That money too often pays the price for a person's life.

The rest of your words just give me outright shivers. That anxiety, that need to shout it out, that rushed feeling to not be lost, and more importantly, that plea that people in this country will wake up and realize what they are doing.

A powerful write, each verse had emotion flowing so freely and personally. (7)

An Elegy
by Noura

Noura, leaves me full of tears, yet again! This lady can write a sorrow filled poem, full of in depth world issues and leave the reader mind blown! I admire that in poetry and I admire this lady's courage and strength! Not to mention her ability to creatively design a true Work of art in the poetic form!

I was blown away from the start with "air" being the essence of the person she writes for... that was creativity at it's finest. And the this line here took me to a depth of raw and realistic sorrow...

"We're so good at writing obituaries, aren't we?
We're so good at gambling and dying."

The power of these lines can make a rock cry... All hearts and souls are affected by death and suffering, this poem was uniquely formatted in such a way, that I feel deserves to be highlighted.

Touching piece from start to finish! Well done!! (7)

An Elegy
by Noura

Noura has a way of pouring out all of herself in a poem and making it work, no matter what... and it's so clear in this poem. Poetically appealing but also so emotionally charged that it's hard to turn away from. Taking the shocking real-life experiences and turning the pain into words like this is such a powerful and strong thing, and says so much about the poet and her character. I could keep going but my critique won't do this poem justice. It's beautiful. (7)

Anxiety, agita
by Piogga
Once again this author astounds me with her writing abilities. She always manages to write her pieces flawlessly and in such a way that the reader is instantly drawn into the words she weaves. I thought this was different to most of the poems I have seen on here and that it was written in such a unique way that I can't help but adore it.

The similes in this are lovely, and are also ones I have rarely seen used in poetry. This author has a way with words that I rarely see and it is for this reason she is fast becoming one of my favourite poets. I was fond of the ending and it made me think that something tragic occurred all those years ago, and is now a case of history repeating itself yet no one can do anything about it even though they know it is coming. Lovely work. (7)
Anxiety, agity by: Piogga

The personification of anxiety here is so real and I am positive, can be related to by many. Not just in the concept of it but also in its persistence. I like the frustration you portray in the opening image of a child throwing almost a temper tantrum, wanting to get through. I also found it interesting how you tie your thoughts together, it was neat to read the next stanza speaking more broadly of life and then more of its expressions, a smirk and smile. It definitely made me realize we don't always have control of how we feel. How sometimes, when we can't figure out reality or grasp it or want to grasp it, we tumble down further than we knew we could. You speak also of a fragility, an ability to be broken I think we all have. We are all like children in ways... there are some people, memories, things, that just take away that outer skin and make us become vulnerable again.

The second to last stanza ripped at my heart. I have heard before the metaphor of a heart like a caged bird, but this was beautifully expressed here and in a heartbreaking way, especially with the last lines that lead me to believe this is more of a battle than anyone can realize.

Fantastic write! (4)

Paperbacks
by Hannah Lizette�

Brevity! this poem is one of those that leaves me wondering how did the poet came up with it? It has great imagery and also one of those topics that many can relate to.
You know, I prefer hardcover books for school's books because I fear making the paperbacks wrinkle or to tear the cover off. But for novels I prefer the paperbacks. What I enjoyed the most about the poem is the first stanza and the last one. The first one starts with an introduction of someone reading at night and the last one ends with someone falling asleep after finishing reading. See the poem sounds way better than what I just said and implants an image to the reader. Well done (4)

When Homes Become Houses
by Poet on the Piano (4 points)

I am always pleased to see a new poem from Mary-Anne, and this certainly didn't disappoint. I keep rereading this and each time I do I find myself drawn even deeper into it.

The melancholic tone present from beginning to end sets such a sombre tone for the poem and it's saddening that this is most likely experienced by so many people throughout life, as we grow older. "wanting the world to hear me and not knowing how to move ahead," I thought this was perfect. We all imagine, and at times even yearn, for that moment when we are truly independent and making our mark in the world-and yet there is always that unspoken fear of the unknown.

Towards the end I thought you were talking to God because of the mention of being your protector and yet when I reach the last two lines I have to wonder if it's a loved one you are referring to, and I find I can't decide which way to go here which makes this poem even more beautiful to me as it's left open for my own interpretation(s). Lovely work as always. (4)

Sail (Sequel)
by Meme

Meme has once again, penned a marvelous poem; A sequel to carry on the beautiful tail of a woman waiting for her love at sea.

The tone of old spirited love leaves me seeing a woman standing at the harbor, writing her lover and intentions of bringing him home.

The gut wrenching heartache of distance between two souls is evident in this piece... She penn's a beautiful ending of true love, waiting for her Admiral to come back to her arms.

The romance is truly felt from start to finish.. Beautiful, beautiful, piece!! Well Done! (4)
Shadow
by The Huntress

A poem jam-packed full of bright visuals, it's a pleasure to read. I love the little bits of alliteration that helped this piece flow as smoothly as it did. I pictured a beach in Hawaii, tourists roaming the beach and not quite fitting in, but thinking they do anyway. There is something about tourists that can be charming but also frustrating, and I felt that in this poem, especially the end where it talks about feeling like a towel. Low man on the totem pole. I really enjoyed reading this! (4)

WOW!! Congratulations Abby, Noura and Piogga!!

and all Hms, beautiful Poetry!!

I think thats def a first for judges to agree that much!

Congrats all!

Congrats to all winners and HM's.

Well done, great effort

Congrats winners!
Thanks for my HM, means a lot! :)

Congrats to the winners.
Abby remains unique, but Noura is special as well.
Thanks Judges & Colm.

So neat! Congrats Abby and the other winners & HMs!!! Thank you judge for my HM and comment, was so thoughtful.

Wowza! I'm feeling totally flattered and slightly unsettled. What is it? I guess I'm not used to my pieces getting much attention. Also, is my writing becoming too mainstream? Just kidding. But I'm going to title my next poem "Bum: A Hairy Story" for good measure.

Big thank you to judges for such huge comments - lots to absorb! Thanks to all other commenters, nominators and to Colm.

Also, I'm very happy to be on the front page with Noura and Piogga this week. I loved Noura's poem, and Piogga is an exciting new poet to watch out for. Someone go give her poem a comment already! (I will later.)

Happy for you guys

Judges, when I find out who you are, I'll fill your inbox with lots, lots, lots of cyber hugs. Thank you for the comments. Elegy was written right after I watched a video where a terrorist EATS the heart of a soldier. I simply meant "Syria" by "you".

I feel honoured being on the front page with you, Abby and Piogga!