Care To Dance? [Round 2]

This contest is NOT an elimination contest -- it's accumulative. So if you did not write for round 1, you CAN write in round 2! :)

Jive
Cha Cha
Rumba

CHARACTERISTICS:

Jive - think swing dancing.. instantly I think of the Roarin' 20's... swing dancin' 50's.

Cha Cha - Another Latin "fun" dance, very fast paced. Came from Haiti and Cuba.

Rumba - Originated amongst African Slaves in Cuba.. fast like Cha Cha, but the Rumba is a bit more.. erotic, sexy. TODAYS style of Rumba is sensual, sexy, slowed down. Sliding and gliding.

Write 1, 2 or 3 poems, again it's completely up to you. You don't have to write about the actual dance itself, but something that inspires you. So if a Rumba makes you think about something specific in Cuba, go for it.. but if you can incorporate the dance into your poem, it makes it more of a challenge.

No restrictions this time, but I will throw out bonus points!

Jive - if you can fit 'jive turkey' into your poem, you get an extra 5 pts.

Cha Cha - if you add some specific fruit to your poem, 5 pts.

Rumba - if you can add some sort of Spanish word (think sexy words), you get 5 pts.

POEMS ARE DUE: June 8th 11:00 PnQ time!

Uhmmm... no eliminations?

are you sure?

and anyone can write 3 poems again, right?

Yep I'm sure :)

And yep, three poems if you can!

Wow, I really like this, and the fact that it's accumulative!

To the left to the left, to the right to the right, Cha cha now y'all.

haha Now I have the cha cha slide in my head dude!

MA I know there were people who wanted to play but didnt get time, so thats why I did it ;) aaaand some people wrote three poems so idk how elimination wouldve worked lol

Oh Chels lol

So is there really a 'winner' to this challenge? You could either write really good quality poems and get a bunch of points or poor poems with less points yet still win because you wrote the most poems?

It will be graded on a curve :) lol

Usually challenges with points are won by points, not number of entries. haha!

I think she means three bad poems could get more points than one good poem.

To solve the problem, write more than one :)

Honestly this is just something fun to get us writing in different thought.

I was just curious :) Obviously it isn't about winning, just sparked my thoughts. Definitely a fun contest thus far :)

Two poems in so far!

3 days left and still only have 2 poems in.

Remember, if you did not write for round 1, you CAN write for round 2 :)

I now have 8 poems! You guys were busy last night :) two more days... keep them coming!

Holy crap lol!

Competition is onnnnnn :)

And I'm just gonna say.. they're reaaallly good. lol

Lol and I can't wait to see them

Me too! This will be so interesting to see them all!

EEEK sorry guys! My husband surprised me with a beach trip! Am sorting and posting them ASAP :)

POEMS POEMS POEMS!

RUMBAS:

Standing Ovation

Tortoiseshell eyes sigh at the gaze
of his senorita, she hikes like she
is swimming through an endless
field of butterfly jasmine;
a balm that spellbinds
itself onto the lips of strangers.

--

Once the music taps its feet
across freckled cobblestone,
they caricia lost pennies and
make love to their discounted
thoughts.

The audience clings to the
back of their necks, like linen
after a midsummer cita.

Ruby chants echo, but
her eyes sip on his ciphered
glances, counting the steps
until round two takes center stage.

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Me Vuelves Loco

You were always a Cuban prodigy
to me, with art expressed in surrealism
and juxtapositions, oils awakening
the unconscious senses

of el deseo.

You chose (me), instead of
touching diversity among los
callos eroticos,
you slowly restarted my life
with dance,
that set the pulse I stifled
in the center of la noche.

Cascading past your auburn lips,
consuming culture in dark corners
then dashing to rooftops as
our hearts streaked across
hungry skylines,
caderas exoticas
gliding as sensuality
lit our bodies incessantly.

Soon, our radiant skin burst
into unmaintainable flames,
challenging even the brightest
sun....so we became

la envidia
de toda la luz.

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Lost at Sea

We were vagabonds then...

I was headed to the seas.
Mountains and houses and trees dissolved into the distance,
blurred with a light only the mad can see.
It was a time watercolor paintings of shipwreck
started fading (but might they be about the sea instead?)

I hid those paintings behind curtains,
in attics, above twenty-four flights of stairs,
in the rickety house down by the riverbed
because it was the time I thought there was
something romantic about dying at sea.

It was then that I saw you, walking down a street I could not name.
And all I wanted was to hold you.
To walk with you down that street 'til sundown,
sway like llamas de las velas, touch lips to skin,
become explorers 'til after sunup.

Now we're but slaves...

Prisoners of nostalgia that sits between
sound and smell.
And we're lost at sea.

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********************************

Cha Cha's!

Untitled

I don't think this is love.
This feeling that sways amidst my soul,
that entraps my heart in lust
and makes my mind cha cha cha
to the ticks of a clock.

I find no solace, no complete stop,
I keep sipping coffee,
decaf with whip cream at the top,
as if savoring the sweetness
will keep me awake from bitterness till 12 am.

But my cupid is unemployed,
he lost its 12 arrows by throwing them
to those whom I could not love,
so I am bound to never see a time
where love will not jive at my door.

Meanwhile, I wait for my fairy tale..
For the warmth of a partner whom with a touch
will make our hands clap
a divine unison that finally
it is our destined hour to waltz in love.

Or who knows, it might have not been
that jive turkey of cupid's fault after all,
I could have be doing this dance wrong.
I've always waited in my mind for a second count
before sliding into a whole new step farther ahead,
should I have done a Rumba instead?

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Dalliance

Pinched cheeks vine along
a coconut's bungalow,
staining jasmine prints
between a tan trunk
and palm fronds -
weaving her petals through
his feathered hair.

Without a second glance,
hips hook and instantly
create a tropical
hail storm -
a hypersonic cyclone
rests on the gulf
of casualness,
smirking at a
potpourri afterthought.

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Equinox

They were enemies
from two separate ends
of the equator,
meeting upon wild chance.
She was the pomegranate, full
of lively flavor, but veiling
her eyes with stray glances
toward the rocky ocean.
He was the quiet composer,
not knowing their time would
be spent under a crescent moon
aching

to be free from constraint.

The crowd used their hands
to paint the man and woman
into each other's arms,
knees bending,
learning three basic steps,
bleeding for passion...

The man fiercely held her gaze,
and for the first time,
took her hand and lead her
heart forward-
for she had never known
protection and spirit

until now.

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Beats

Strawberry red lips and mango colored cheeks
defeated her natural beauty. She painted an array
of hues to her face and hid the shades he stained
her with. Brights coloring bruises.

Every other night, their living room became a dance
floor she could not move around quick enough.
Twirling arms, shaking shoulders, hips speeding to
the sound of her screams; he controlled the movements.

His idea of fun was defiling her innocence and mocking
her speed as she couldn't spin around his masculinity.
There's no place to run to, no savior, for he was the
Lord of the dance.

and she...
the victim of his cruelty.

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**************************************

Jives!

Bordello Alley

Chicago streets litter themselves
with sequins and vintage gin -
chin-length bobs sway and
swing in unison with
jive turkey men.

Imperials camp amongst
a hundred-proof alleyway,
chasing audacious flappers
for an after hours soiree.

````````````````````````````````````

Rocking to the 50's

We are the true energy of the ballroom,
competing at 176 beats per minute,
acting like mirrors as we swing
with the balls of our feet in perfect
motion.

I mock you playfully,
yelling out "jive turkey!",
betting you don't have a clue
what you're doing.
You nod at me, question marks
sparkling off your brow-
"Richard" I smirk,
and in turn, I thrust my arm
out like a showy,
babbling child.

"Deborah" you laugh
as you duck under my arm,
throw your silky legs out,
and grasp the back of my neck.

I take you for a dip
then we shake side to side,
spinning spinning running
as I fling you onto the hood
of a brick-red Chevy,
with a crazed smile that sends
your lips
a dazzling invitation.

The piano builds and builds
until we're sure that the world
won't wait for us,
for we are just beginning to live.

````````````````````````````````````````

Britt, that's so sweet of him! Were you at the beach or is the trip coming up? Thanks for posting these....they are beautiful! Well done everybody

Damn....I'm speechless...and I quit. lmao

Those were awesome!!

Lol! Told you guys they were good :)

We left this morning and went for the day... beautiful, 61* (warm for north coast in OR in June), but mega windy!

Ah just saw it on FB! That sounds wonderful, glad you didn't get blown away though, that'd be interesting with the wind!

Thank you Britt

I can't wait to find out who wrote this one:

Me Vuelves Loco

Definitely hurt my ears a bit.. I didnt bring a hoodie!!

All will be revealed soon!! Cant wait to see what everyone does for third round!

It is a beautiful poem, unlivable!!

Which one ya mean, RM?

The one everlasting mentioned

I just read that one because of here and I was blown way. But I can not compare because most of them I haven't read yet .

I also have to say this is very unique Idea for contest.
otherwise it is impossible to catch pearl inside quagmires.

Ohh okay! I thought that's what one you meant but didn't want to assume :)

Thank you! It's hard to think up new challenge ideas!

You welcome.
it is very refreshing, you know me enough to know that I really mean it otherwise I would not say it just for compliment.

RESULTS!

I will list by points, and then the comments:

1. Beats - 10, 7, 9 (+5BP) = 31
2. Dalliance - 6, 7, 10 (+5BP) = 28
3. Lost at Sea - 9, 5, 8 (+5BP) = 27
4. Rockin' To The 50's - 7, 7, 7 (+5BP) = 26
5. Standing Ovation - 6, 8, 6 (+5BP) = 25
6. Equinox - 5, 6, 8 (+5BP) = 24
7. Me Vuelves Loco - 7, 6, 6 (+5BP) = 24
8. Bordello Alley - 6, 5, 6 (+5BP) = 22
9. Untitled - 5, 4, 8 = 17

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BEATS:

WOW! Morbid expression of domestic violence. The stark contrast between reality ("mango colored cheeks" caused by bruising) and the fiction (painting her bruises to hide them) expresses the true nature of one caught in the cycle of violence - unable to seek help, ashamed of being the victim, remaining in the worst situation because she does not believe she can escape. As magnificently portrayed as it is horrible in its content.
10/10

This was interesting in that it differed from the other entries in that it held a sense of danger and menace: the dance is not a romantic, positive experience here but a dangerous one. It has both literal and metaphorical meaning and a nice balance is struck between them them. The almost narraive/recount style helps enhance the poems message/impact, but at times is a little too 'telling' and explanitory in the second half. First off, I thought the woman was a prostitute, but on second reading and the bruises every night, it is probably a victim of domestic violence with an abusive, controlling boyfriend. All in all, I appreciate the original take on the task by making it a dark, serious poem and succeeding in doing so, despite not containing overly 'poetic' language or phraseology. The double meaning in the title is also note-worthy. Well done. 7/10

This is such a haunting, powerful and startling poem from the viewpoint of one being abused. Also a very powerful example of how words can tell a compelling story. 9/10

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DALLIANCE

This quite succinctly describes how mind blowing an unexpected display of femininity can be to a distracted young man. Beautiful image created by "hips hook and instantly create a tropical hail storm."
6/10

This short poem worked quite well and its power lies in its relative brevity. I like the use of the word 'vine' as a verb: it is creative and descriptive. Also, a good effort is made to portray the feel of the dance and replicate that tone on paper. Every word seems to have meaning and no words are wasted, which is a positive thing. The switch in tone and pace in the second stanza is good but almost too contrasting: and I'm not sure if the use of 'gulf of casualness' works, because in this frenzied dance there seems no place for mention of calmness. Overall though the poem is quite well crafted and and is an interesting read. 7/10

What I find beautiful in this poem is the author's use of carefully chosen words in order to describe aspects of a scene or emotions in an interesting and coherent order. In the first half of the poem, the author gives the mundane its beautiful due while in the second half, the use of juxtaposition is something unsuspected, which makes this poem an enjoyable read. 10/10

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LOST AT SEA

The art discussed can be taken literally or as a metaphor for the mental attitude of the poet. Hiding the paintings "behind curtains, in attics, above twenty-four flights of stairs" indicates that these thoughts and dreams are not shared with anyone who does not take great pains to get to know the poet. The discovery of love with another seems to rescue the poet, at least until the passion burns low the candles, leaving the lovers stuck in memories rather than clearing the way for real adventure.
9/10

This poem had me somewhat confused in that the setting jumps around quite rapidly: First the speaker is going to sea, then in a 24 storey house (I sense there was meaning here I missed) and then walking the streets. In a way this ties into the idea of being 'lost at sea' but I felt it was delivered in a little bit too much of a rushed way to make me really believe in the link. The poem does have some nice moments: the confessional line 'All I wanted was to hold you' is simple but powerful and effective, and I felt this poet incorporated the Spanish word more seamlessly into the poem. However it also lacked the sensual atmosphere for large parts and while it has potential, I was left a little disappointed by the end. 5/10

The obvious imagery in this poem describes the watercolor paintings of shipwreck--that is fading. I also think that the sea is another suitable and clever image in this poem especially being part of the last line, as it sums up the whole poem and effectively correlates to the opening line. 8/10

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ROCKIN' TO THE 50'S

A spirited and fast paced sock hop. The action expresses joy of youth and the abandonment of caution that flows naturally from free spirits. The scene could be from a musical where impromptu dances occur in unlikely spots. The brick red Chevy brings Grease to mind.
7/10

The poet here managed to make the poem energy filled and alive, which replicates the feeling of the characters in the poem, and also ties in with the title. I can easily picture the scene, like something from the movie Grease: young, passionate and fun love. The Chevy came out of the blue as I imagined the pair to be dancing inside, and I wonder how the piano builds and builds. The wording of the poem is not exceptional in many cases: e.g. 'in perfect motion' isn't going to win any awards for most creative line-choice. But overall the tone and sounds in the poem are given priority by the poet and 'jive turkey' (somehow!) is used in an effective way. I could almost hear the music as a soundtrack as I read. Good effort 7/10

There is quite a bit of repetition in this poem though I don't necessarily see this as a bad thing, it's just the lack of utilization of punctuation (commas) is a bit distracting (for example: spinning spinning running), while the other lines are punctuated sparsely. Other than that, I really like the fast-paced tempo of this piece. 7/10

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STANDING OVATION

Some of the images are strikingly fresh ("clings ... like linen after a midsummer cita"). I enjoy the setting of a dance on the cobblestones; it reminds me of evening gatherings in typical Zócalos in Latin towns, taking one back several generations. I'm not sure what to make of caressing lost pennies or loving discounted thoughts.
6/10

This poem is full of interesting wording and imagery which helps makes it sensual success that it is. Descriptions such as 'tortiseshell eyes' and 'ciphered glances' tell us a lot about the relationship and the characters involved. I'm not sold on the inclusion of some Spanish words: They add somewhat to the Latin feel of the dance that is being portrayed but seem a little pointless otherwise when the English equivilant would do fine (I'd advise dropping them when posting when contest is over and bonus points don't count). The descriptions in some places don't make concrete sense, for example how can an echoing chant have a colour, or how can one swim through butterfly jasmine fields, but it works in this case because the words combine to make thought-provoking metaphors and create a strong, sensual atmosphere. I also like the clever reference to Round 2 at the end. 8/10

Analogies and metaphors are invaluable tools in poetry; however, they can also lead to misconceptions due to their inability to transcend the real. Being unique is a great thing, but in my opinion, putting out metaphors that are only clear to the author themselves, like I said, can lead to false impressions.

For example:

"field of butterfly jasmine;
a balm that spellbinds"

Field and balm don't seem to have a direct relationship with each other. 6/10

Poem #2 - Me Vuelves Loco
I love the opening stanza of this poem. The imagery of the couple's charm and elegance makes this piece -- a stimulating read. But the continuous use of latin words/phrases here, in my opinion, is a bit too much and unnecessary. 6/10

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EQUINOX

The immediate reaction is why were they enemies? How is a pomegranate diametrically opposed to a composer? Seems like the thought was to incorporate a fruit after the writing was done. Otherwise, the piece is lively and well done. The best lines, to me, are: "The crowd used their hands to paint the man and woman into each other's arms."
5/10

I quite enjoyed this poem. I think it is quite solid and consistant. I do think a new paragraph or punctuation could be used to seperate the man and woman and help create the distance/contrast between them. I was a little confused also about the 'crowd' - Where was this taking place? I got the impression of a crowd coming to see two people meet and dance for the first time, which is a little confusing. However these are quite minor details. I like how it ends 'until now' - This puts emphasis on the future, as if all has changed and their story together is another poem and is just beginning. Overall a decent effort. 6/10

Good title, very catchy and engaging. It gave me an instant urge to start reading right away, as well as offered me some idea or association to start with. However, the unavoidable problem with having a catchy title is when it offers somewhat more than what the poem delivers. I find the ending lines a bit overshadowed by the title's powerful impact. 8/10

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ME VUELVES LOCO

The story this poem tells is warm, even sensual. The Spanish phrases usually blend well (the with exception of "los callos eroticos" which I think does not mean what the poet thinks it means). The shift from describing the lover's a visual art to the actual dance is well done. On the other hand, the punctuation could be improved. A period after eroticos would be appropriate, for example.
7/10

Similarly to 'Standing Ovation,' but to an even greater extent, I think the Spanish words take from the poem somewhat and the poem itself would be better without them I think if written in the context of no bonus points. I don't understand Spanish so missing the of the end and of the end of some stanzas broke up the flow and broke my concentration somewhat, and draws my focus away from the message in the poem. Overall, I think the poem is quite solid, quite strong in places but doesn't stand out enough to score more highly. 6/10

I love the opening stanza of this poem. The imagery of the couple's charm and elegance makes this piece -- a stimulating read. But the continuous use of latin words/phrases here, in my opinion, is a bit too much and unnecessary. 6/10

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BORDELLO ALLEY

A little snippet of a poem, like a photograph of the back alley of a jive hall. Well done, even if not much in depth.
6/10

I found this probably the most difficult poem to rate and judge, mainly due to it being so short. I think that the mention of Chicago is effective and a picture is painted of the streets as alive but somewhat seedy, and done so with few words. I think I miss the significance of the second stanza, and I'm not sure if 'hundred proof' works, but possibly that's due to my confusion more than anything. In ways it felt like the poem was only getting started. 'Jive turkey' may get 5 extra points but it doesn't do anything for the poem! Overall, I think I may rate this differently on each reading but I think a 5 is probably fair in my eyes, for a poem and poet that seem to have potential but keep the reader in the dark a little too much. 5/10

What I find interesting about this poem is its unique title, and how the Chicago Streets are being obliquely described. However, this poem appears to be a fragment, which is unfortunately too short for objectivity and developing characters. 6/10

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UNTITLED

Like the caffeinated rambling of a tired dancer after the halls are closed, sitting in a coffee shop, listening to beat jazz poetry. Love the unemployed cupid! So many disparate threads wrap around each other that the sheer lack of cohesiveness is itself entertaining.
5/10

The opening sentence caught my attention: it was crisp and profound but I was disappointed that it was followed by lazy or cliche words such as 'soul' and 'lust.' The ocassional rhyme is quite effective and in terms of flow and sound the poem does quite well, punctuation is well used. Overall though, some of the wording just lacked something special and parts such as 'But my cupid is unemployed,
he lost its 12 arrows by throwing them' and 'jive turkey' just sound a little off in a poem. There is a typo in the following line: 'I could have be doing this dance wrong.' - 'be' should be 'been.' Just a minor thing but overall the poem is a little rough around the edges and this is highlighted by the poets own confusion about what dance to write, as if he/she knows it isn't as successful as he/she would have liked. 4/10

This is such a simple poem drawn from common speech and conversational syntax that speaks so much of something so relatable for everyone. Moreover, I think "jive turkey" was well-placed. It's always a treat to read one which is humorous and at the same time, nicely executed such as this piece. 8/10

Thank you judges and everyone who entered! Round three is already up! :)