Care To Dance? [3rd/Final Round!]

Since this is no-elimination, I'm going to start the final round now to take pressure off the judges.

The styles of la-la-loooove.

Another round similar to the first two - same rules apply. Three styles, up to three poems for maximum points. Two of these styles are very similar this round.

Bolero - A Spanish/Cuban dance, it's slow, graceful and romantic. The music is often set to a strong beat, think guitar and drums.

Viennese Waltz - Austrian. Romantic, graceful, BIG sweeping movements, very tender and soft. This is probably one of the most romantic dances I've read about.

Waltz - Originated in Germany, however America took a spin on it themselves. This is the "pendulum" dance, body sways, lots of rise and fall, sentimental and dramatic. Think Fred and Ginger

RULES:
-- No form restrictions.
-- Write up to 3 poems for maximum points.

Bolero - If you write about Bolero I want you to include the guitar somehow -- whether the music, the intrustment itself, the strings.

Viennese Waltz -- If you write using this dance as your prompt, I want you to include a road/path/journey. Take me on this "love" like adventure (be creative!)

Waltz -- If you use this prompt, I want you to incorporate a pendulum. Not neccessarily the word itself, but the idea.

These poems are due by next Monday the 17th.

BONUS POINTS BONUS POINTS BONUS POINTS:

- Write a FOURTH prompt including ALL styles and requirements and get an automatic 30 points (and bragging rights), that will also be judged for an additional potential 30 points (if you get 3 tens from my judges). NOTE: You have to write at least TWO poems for this to count.

Woah, this got more intense!

Anybodys game!

Just to clarify... the fourth prompt here means do all the dances from this round only... not the entire contest :)

So... this is due Monday and I have nooo poems yet.

Don't fail me now peeps :P

Youll get 8, midnight sunday lmao

So I didn't put a time, and because I'm at work and never know when I can pop on, the deadline is tonight at 8:30pm pacific time. No idea what time on PnQ that is.. lol.

9 poems in!!

You have 5 hours left, anyone who'd like to jump in and play :)

POEMS!

BOLERO:

Sensations

We truly were resplendent,

as strings were plucked
delicately
and I stood before you,
motionless,
a Lady Liberty awaiting
her lost love to join her.

You studied me gingerly, then
moved forward as I serenaded you
with my gentle pulse,
bringing your head
close to my chest,
an embrace that cannot
be taught.

How romance suited us,
for we were made for
loving each other
in newly found ways.

We were deeply in tune
with the slow, soothing
passion of the room,
hearing nothing but the
faint whispers of
birds as they
dreamed to be like us.

You turned me
into you, as I shifted
within your arms
and began beaming
like a silent swan,
first discovering
her grace.

And the guitar bid
us its love from the shadows...
as you watched me,
fragile and young,
and learned how to
romance the only
beauty

you've ever known.

````````````````````````````````````````

Vinyl and Lace

Her vanity swoons
at sun-kissed ringlets
and berry lips,
whistling at the
barely-there lace
that hugs his eyes -

leaving imagination
to blush behind
a tightened silk robe.

She dusts her neck
with magnolia musk
and teases the strings
of his eager heart,

all while Etta James
purrs love notes that
their mouths are
too busy to sing.

`````````````````````````````````````````

WALTZ:

The Branch with A Swing of Waltz

Remember how you swang the swing
of her beauty Straight to your arms?
How the wind would caress her skin,
yet you felt no jealousy
because her love for you only rose
as you never let her fall
from the swing of your bond.

Remember how I always got hurt
But you only care to see her smiling
to your eyes.
How you never care if her joy swung
from the ropes that you and I had.

Remember how I remained quiet
while the wind shook my arms
While it whispered he'll never let her touch the ground,
He'll always push her father to the sky until she reaches his arms
He'll never let her go
He'll always Continue giving her joy
And you, you, you will only watch.

Remember how many times I cried
How the rain made you take cover
with I, how you didn't noticed my tears
when you grabbed her by the waist
and sheltered her under my foliage.

Remember the times, I almost got burnt
by the anger from the sky, how he stroke me with thunders, so I would finally die
So I would never had to see you nor her
Swinging the happiness that you and I
Should have had.

Remember how we used to Waltz? how you tied the ropes of a swing straight to my heart and for what?
Only for her and her and her, but not for I.

```````````````````````````````````````

Timekeeping

Silence is only tolerated for
a second, before the woman
with her amaranthine dress
approaches the soldier,
eyebrows raised.

She is joined on the floor
by a dozen feathered
dancers,

experienced in starting
new, festive memories
for time to be swooned by.

Weaving around his body
over and over
as ribbons caress their cheeks,
swinging
persuading.

They leave with delaying goodbyes,
but the pendulum is still

swaying...

```````````````````````````````````````

Riding Time

An escape has never been routed as perfectly as you.
Exiting from a world where dawn spoke of exhaustion
and dusk victimized rest, I entered into your utopia.
Here, I find arms that do not strangle me, but nestle my anxiety. Here, I find completion.

Ignoring hours, minutes, days, we waltz on the pendelum
of time, laughing as it sways. The universe wishes
to rush our love, but we are unbeatable. There is no
hurrying two souls who embrace such bliss.

So as the rest of humanity orbitz space, our chests align,
our steps take off, and we'll dance the years away.
Spinning, twirling, and circling, the exact same place that
tried engulfing me. We'll mock them all-
with the message of our choreography.

```````````````````````````````````````

VIENNESE WALTZ:

Held Forever

I open the windows, move
aside pale curtains, and
nestle my Austrian heart
between the grim road
I've followed, and the
yielding road I've
seen through her eyes.

She touches my heart in a way
no breath could do before,
molding into my ribs
one moment,
then drawing her neck
tenderly across my lips.

I hold on tight for fear
she will subtly disappear when
the lights are no longer
tracing us...

but I realize we are alone
and there is no audience,
so we sink further into
love's enchantment,
our footsteps unnoticed
by the ease of
the path we chose-

remapping the chemistry
of
'never let me go'.

````````````````````````````````````````

Eclipse

They play games like
tag and peek-a-boo
between acres of
angel wings -

always chasing butterflies
with star-woven nets,
losing track of rises and sets,
spiraling down an unknown path
and spinning the world on
an endless merry-go-round.

But tonight,
the sun will finally
waltz with his moon;
they will join hands
on a starless stage
while the audience
applauds their
sixty-second kiss
goodnight.

`````````````````````````````````````````

Path of destruction

"Place your hand under the arch of
my back and steady your hand
in mine. Guide me to a place,
surreal, where love grows in moments,
not in time."

Remember that?
The conversation where we
waltzed down a road filled
with romance and fantasy.
That talk about falling in a
state of hypnosis where

your lips were my trance,
my eyes, your captivation.

Never did I expect to be
looking into a mirror of
scars and pockets where
gravel scraped my cheeks.

Face first, you pulled me
down a rocky path until
my passion for you poured
out of shed skin.

Those weren't the moves
we practiced. That is not
what I recall.

I remember feet perfectly
circling one another, hands
cupped on shoulders, heads
resting on each other while
we spun around gravity-
resisting from floating away.

I miss being in love.
I regret your new style...

````````````````````````````````````````

BONUS POEMS:

Overwhelming

Your fingertips tiptoe up my spine,
inviting me to fall under your spell
poetically,

an adventure I climb like a mountain
that has become my foundation
(instead of the small country road
I am chained to)

Then, you slow my thoughts down,
tempestuous in your ability to string
me and inspire my heart
to faithfully sound,
a thousand drums uniting.

Without warning, you anticipate
the fate resting in my arms,
as we spin more swiftly
than chasing winds,
keeping time as clocks
theatrically beat in sync and we
strike our anxieties

into oblivion.

*Prompts (in order of what I wrote)
Viennese Waltz, Bolero, then Waltz.

````````````````````````````````````````

Wishing Well

In the backwoods
lies a ghost of a river,
nothing but winding veins
and forlorn toads croaking
for droplets of rain.

Country pebbles miss
skinny dipping across
the open water,
balancing between
the fate of sink or swim.

--

He offered a penny for
her thoughts but she spent
it at the wishing well,

she baptized him with
her sorrow as he plucked
hymns on his guitar strings,

singing about their roots and
and journey with an old
Kentucky prayer.

Ohh, I think I know who wrote one of this poems.

PM me, I'm curious to see if you're right!

Haha I know I am right on one of them.

I will post my final reveal/awards in another thread once I have them all totally compiled and computed :) Just wanted these out now!

*One judge won't get the comments to me until later this weekend, which I will be out of town, so he is going to post them here when he finishes :)

Vinyl and Lace - 25.5
Wishing Well - 25
Eclipse - 23.5
Overwhelming - 22.5
Riding Time - 20
Sensations - 19
The Branch and Swing of a Waltz - 18
Held Forever - 17.5
Path of Destruction - 17
Timekeeping - 17

*The two bonus poems are getting their additional 30 points in the final scores.
------------------------------------------------

Vinyl and Lace:

(Comments posted later) 8/10

```````````````````````````````````
A short but powerful poem due to the catchy title, dialect, theme and rhythm which make it interesting to read. It's a poem worth reading more than once! 9.5/10

````````````````````````````````````

8/10
Although I cannot imagine what magnolia musk would smell like it still is strangely alluring. This poem drips with suggestive imagery full of innuendo rather than concrete reality. The sensuality is musty and thick, makes the reader want to be there enjoying the dance in person.

***************************************

Wishing Well:

(Comments posted later) 7/10

```````````````````````````````````

This is one of my favourite poems from this round with unforgettable imagery and beautiful words that evoke such intense sentiments of being blissfully in love which is vividly portrayed in the last stanza. 10/10

`````````````````````````````````````

8/10
This is a marvelous piece of writing. Nominally, the prompts are present, if not spelled out. More importantly, the FEEL is there. The first half is dreamy and nostalgic; it is sentimental, yet wistful. The clever description of the skipping stones who no longer have water to skim nicely incorporates the pendulum effect. The second half includes a romantic waltzing give and take in a relationship that seems comfortable, even while the couple yearns for their past splendors. The cadence throughout seems closest to the Bolero, the prompt for which is specifically included at the end. You need to drop an "and" that is doubled in the final stanza.

***************************************

Eclipse:

(Comments posted later) 6/10

`````````````````````````````````````

I am beyond impressed with the creativity and magic involved while writing this superb piece. It's as if the author is manipulating each word effortless, creating a stupendous piece that embodies love and nature. 8.5/10

```````````````````````````````````

9/10
Great use of the eclipse theme; the metaphor of your orbiting bodies consistently develop as the poem progresses. The setting of the piece works both in the celestial place and a field of flowers (angel wings and butterflies with "star-woven nets"). Small point: the only time an eclipse can take place at night is with a lunar eclipse and then the sun and moon are separated by the earth. Only a geek would notice that & it actually makes the poem more complex.

****************************************

Overwhelming

(Posted later) 6/10

```````````````````````````````````

! I love how the seeming jumbled sentences were concisely placed making this piece a memorable read. I also noticed how this poem gushes forth in a steady flow which is a must for a perfect poem such as this! 9.5/10

````````````````````````````````````

7/10
The author manages to create a good poem without causing a jerky feeling with the transitions. The cadence of the first part may not be as sweeping as the Danube but it certainly starts us on the journey. I also don't think the middle part is as slow as it could be, but it is good nonetheless. The final part is queued in simply by "without warning" and whirls off in the final waltz. I had to read one line over a few times to get the sense of it ("you anticipate the fate resting in my arms"). I think it needs work.

*************************************

Riding Time

7/10

``````````````````````````````````````

The way language is used in this poem, vividly conveys what it feels like to be emotionally connected with someone whom we love most passionately. This is the kind of poem where I can see or heard everything the author is describing due to its echoic tone throughout the poem. The reason for the score is that, this poem looked like it had been written in a rush.

Pendelum - pendulum
Orbitz - orbits
There is no hurrying two souls who embrace such bliss. [is=are]
7/10

`````````````````````````````````````

6/10
A couple of spelling errors mar this paean to devotion: "pendelem" is "pendulum" & "orbitz" is "orbits" (unless you're looking for cheap air tickets). You should avoid cliches ("the exact same place). Otherwise, the poem is refreshing in its positive assertion that love alone is enough to set the pace for a life together.

**************************************

Sensations

7/10

``````````````````````````````````

I love the structure of this poem, with its irregular and unexpected line breaks. However, my advice would be to avoid using extra empty lines for they can ruin the overall ambiance of the poem. 7.5/10

````````````````````````````````````

5/10
The descriptions of what happened seems less nostalgic than wishful. I don't feel the warmth and fervor as though these actions truly occurred. Some images are non-sequiturs (Lady Liberty) while others are promising ("serenaded you with my gentle pulse"). Unfortunately there is too much cliche ("we were made for loving each other," "slow, soothing passion of the room").

************************************

The Branch and Swing of a Waltz

5/10

``````````````````````````````````

This poem contains too many repetitive words and phrases; at times, the author goes into so many details about a specific period and it gets a bit bothersome in a way. Overall, it is a sad and depressing poem but could get bland after reading. 6.5/10

``````````````````````````````````````

7/10
I really liked the concept here of the tree as the observer but erstwhile participant. The former days of togetherness described are touching, a metaphor for the friend who helps woo the girl yet never states her love for the youth. Unfortunately, there are numerous silly errors that distract from the enjoyment: "father" should be "further," twice you used "I" where it should have been "me," "noticed" should be "notice." Also, I think "swang" was not a good word choice. I would suggest putting the wind's message in quotes: "he'll never ... you will only watch." With corrections and changes it would be a 10.

***********************************

Held Forever

5/10

``````````````````````````````````````

While the first part of this poem seems to be promising, I find the images of other part, dominated. I could not help but cringe a bit while reading the closing line. 6/10

``````````````````````````````````````

6/10
Using "Austrian" really seems strained. It certainly does nothing for the poem or the contest rules, more like a toss-out to a segment of the audience ("Do we have anyone from New Jersey here tonight?"). The "grim road" and "yielding road" contrast has potential if you could develop it into a message; as it is they seem unrelated to anything but the need to set up the theme of journey. I like the description of your caresses being performed as if by her ("drawing her neck tenderly across my lips"). The fear of her love being untrue under a different light is subtly stated.

************************************

Path of Destruction

4/10

````````````````````````````````````

While the first few lines of a poem aren't the most vital for the whole poem to work, I find them cleverly and significantly inserted. I enjoyed the twist at the end of the poem. Such a concise and witty closing line! 8/10

`````````````````````````````````````

5/10
Where's the romance of being dragged across the ground until you bleed? This poem seems like Tori Amos attempting to describe a past romance that she still cannot forgive. OK, I get the issue involved and if the prompt were not to make a romantic, tender and soft entry with sweeping breadth, then it would be great. To be fair, the part about the opening enticement was well done, but like the writer, I do not like where we traveled thereafter.

**************************************

Timekeeping

5/10

```````````````````````````````````````

find the storyline to be interesting but, in my opinion, it failed to emphasis significant details of their parting from one another, probably because it's either the poem is slightly too short, or that the words are not precisely direct to the point.. 7/10

`````````````````````````````````````

5/10
Not sure about this one. Read it several times thinking it to be a metaphor for something else. Why is silence "tolerated" for only a second; what does it mean "for time to be swooned by"? The dance is well described but too quickly over, as was the poem itself.

***************************************

A SPECIAL THANK YOU TO MY JUDGES! Larry, Myryn (The Queen), and Colm!

Colm will be posting his comments for this round later in this thread, so stay tuned!

Sorry these comments took so long but here they are

Vinyl and Lace (8/10)

I thought this was perhaps the most sensual poem of the lot: it oozes romance and and passion. The word use is very effective and I particularly liked the ending stanza: A very imaginative and visual way to describe kissing ('mouths to busy to sing'). The word purr is appropriate too: it describes the whole musical nature of the poem. Achieved the challenge well also and the guitar/sting reference fitting seamlessly into the poem.

***

Wishing Well (7/10)

The poet done well with this challenge by making it seem as if there was no challenge at all, i.e. that it was a normal poem not written for a contest. Some very nice imagery is present throughout this piece, e.g. pebbles skinny dipping. The last stanza is interesting also as the place-name adds a sense of locality and a specific nature to the poem. I like how the poet uses 'singing about their roots and journey' - that line to me is very poetic and gets the reader thinking. On a more critical side, I think perhaps parts of the poem were a little disconnected from each other: The first two stanzas don't really have much significance in that if I read the last 3 stanzas on their own, it would basically be the same as reading the whole 5 stanzas. All in all though this was a good effort with some memorable lines.

***

Riding Time (7/10)

The first stanza in this poem really had me hooked. There are some powerful words and the full stops and punctuation add to the effect of lines such as 'Here, I find completion.' and 'I entered into your utopia.' Unfortunately I thought the second stanza crossed over the line into cliche, with words such as 'unbeatable' 'souls' and 'bliss' being less effective and more on the lazy side. Also, 'laughing as it sways' I don't think works very well, I just can't imagine it and laughing changes the tone a little too much here. Which is a pity because the first stanza was very good and it picks up again in the third stanza. 'We'll mock them all-
with the message of our choreography.' - This was a decent ending and I like the use of 'choreography' which is an interesting way to describe a couple in sync. Overall a bit inconsistant: excellent start, decent ending and disappointing middle (especially compared to high standards of first stanza).

***

Sensations (7/10)

I thought the title was appropriate here because this is a sensual poem, full of appeal to many senses: hearing, sight, touch. The poet did well to succeed in the challenge and the guitar sting references fitted in well. Phrases like 'How romance suited us,' are cute and they just about work: and I like the ending also as it tells a lot about the unseen partner in the relationship and how well both know each other. Overall, it may have been a bit long and didn't stand out massively, but it was an effective, simple love poem.

***

Eclipse (6/10)

The sound and rhythm of this poem was impressive: the rhyme wasn't obvious but it was effective and tied the poem together nicely. The message and imagery I felt was a little vague: Especially the first two stanzas, but the poet makes a conscious decision to make it more concrete with the last stanza. Maybe this was to contrast the reality from the dream that was the first two stanzas. I did find the personification of the sun and moon to be an interesting idea but I found it hard to picture in a way and I think I missed the meaning of 60 seconds. All in all quite a thought-provoking write with potential but a little frustrating at the same time.

***

Overwhelming (6/10)

This was a solid poem. I was a bit confused by the se of the word 'poetically' in the first stanza: As it hints strongly at writing and the process of being a poet: However I couldn't really follow that angle for the rest of the poem: perhaps that is my fault or perhaps the metaphors are too cryptic. It wasn't a major issue but it just distracted me a little. Overall though the poem was well penned and adhered well to the challenge parameters.

***

The Branch and Swing of a Waltz (5/10)

I think this poem could benefit from punctuation to help regulate the flow which was somewhat choppy from the start. Also, capitalisation is used when it shouldn't be in some parts and not used when it should have been in others: These mistakes indicates the poet rushed the piece somewhat and it leaves a rather rough edge to the poem. The 'remember how' opening is quite effective and adds to the nostalgic theme, but overall the poem was a little long and failed to grab attention from start to finish. With some editing and cutting out, this poem could be improved as it had the feel of a poem written in 5 minutes to get it in for the deadline, and I'm sure the poet could do better.

***

Held Forever (5/10)

This poem starts with promise but delves deeper and deeper into cliche and vagueness as the poem progresses. There is nothing really here that hasn't been seen in a plethora of other average poems on the site: it's not bad but it is distinctly mediocre. Sorry to sound harsh but it has to be of higher standard to achieve higher points in a final round.

***

Timekeeping (5/10)

This poem had potential and had some bright flashes but overall was inconsistant. I felt that the poet forgot to add in the part about the pendulum and only did so in the last line where it didn't really fit and instead stood out. The opening when mentioning silence is confusing: Why is silence only tolerated for a second, yet when that second is over, there seems to be no nosie (eyebrows raised implies silent non-verbal communication). It also had the feel of being a little short and under-developed: with some more time spent on it this poem could be improved.

***

Path of Destruction (4/10)

This poem got off on the wrong foot in my opinion with the reference 'remember that?' I doesn't sound poetic and even though its a different beginning to a poem (experimentation which is to be applauded), I just don't think it works. There is confusion about literal vs metaphorical imagery here: being pulled face first down a gravelly road is hard to imagine and I don't think the metaphor works. The poem also had it's fair share of cliche and overall just didn't really appeal to me unfortunately.

Thank you, Colm! :)