Contest Winners- June 10, 2013

Hey guys :) Our judges seem to have the same taste in poetry once again! Congrats winners!! ( as well as Hm's)

Apartheid
by The Huntress- 10 +10 = 20

Amsterdam
by Poetically Aaron- 7+ 4 +4+ 4= 19

Kuebiko
by Hellon- 7+ 4 +4 = 15

HM'S

Scribbles
by Beautiful Chaos (10)

Almost
by Tara Kay (10)

Phronemophobia
by The Queen (10)

Spoken Word
by The Huntress (7)

Moon dance
by Henry (7)

Brazilian Secrets
by: JaneDoeWrite (7)

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Apartheid
by The Huntress

A very heartfelt and "real" feeling piece of poetry. The writer laid her feelings out on the line, took a chance, and succeeded. She talks of a place I don't know, but don't have to... the pictures are painted so specifically. Feelings of not fitting in, not feeling like it's home even though it's where you reside. That feeling of not fitting in and wanting to fix things for yourself... something I think all of us experience and go through. I can't go into detail how it makes me feel... words don't explain. Perfect title.. perfectly written... just plain love!! (10)

Apartheid by: The Huntress

What I find so intriguing in your poetry, is that it is diverse and is not just molded by a few concepts or categories... you always bring something new to the table that can be taken in many variant ways. Just from the title alone, I thought this would be about segregation, or you somehow falling victim to discrimination amongst the society.

I definitely got the impression, not sure if I am anywhere near what you intended, in the first stanza that this sheet of paper is what you have been bound to. Immediately it made me think of the setting of Les Miserables where Jean is a slave, having his paper to forever remind himself and the whole world of his social status. The amount of emotion that just bounds out of this stanza is incredible. It's uncensored, just flowing raw from the heart. I cannot imagine the fiery emotion I would have if I was enslaved and lived in that era where it was so widely accepted. I think it could take a whole lifetime to forgive...

You write of such anger, frustration, and sympathy for this character, it just nudges my heart to want to do something. The examples you give of what action you want to take really set this poem on fire, in a way that I feel your vengeance mounting and mounting, all you want to see is justice...."the ones that never held more than one ego through mouths and speeches and graffiti"- this line felt so universal, like you were directing it widely to Europe, but that all the leaders who only talked the talk only cared about their ratings...not about the people.

My heart tore apart at the fourth line. I literally feel like this is a diary entry or something, it's that powerful and I feel like I'm not just sitting here reading this, I'm watching your pain, the way they tried to brainwash you into believing inferiority is all you are made of.

"It's no wonder I refuse to call this place my homeland,
because I've got no country to fight for, only a place
to fight against."
- You hold such conviction and your word choice is cleverly thought out. You know what to believe in and what not to. You are positive of this for this country has never given back to you life or a reason to call it anything close to home. Powerful words here.

I SAW your journey through this write, and it was not just a poem to me. It is much more than a writing, it is the blood and spirit of everything you made this character to be and everything they already remained. That last stanza really illustrates the heart-breaking truth that some will never accept another's criticism, and that you have now been on this side of hopelessness and shame, like another level you've sunk down to, and it's hard to get back up.

Such a strong, well-thought out write that was attentive to not just creating a character, but a story that needs to be heard. Well done!

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Amsterdam
by PoeticallyAaron

The first I've read from this poet and I was pleasantly surprised. The first stanza specifically is beautiful and SO full of images it just tickles the senses. The third stanza struck me the most and was my favorite poetically. I see bits and pieces that I would personally fix, but I will do those privately. I like the ending how it's repeated earlier... brought that feeling home. Very nice piece!! (7)

Amsterdam by: PoeticallyAaron

I've never been to Amsterdam before or seen any pictures of this country, but you bring such spirit and images to the eyes! It's quite wonderful.

"Any other time I would of been the wiser
but Amsterdam you hypnotized me:
your daisy lips,
canal street eyes,
windmill hips;
I fell in love."

- I liked the "young" touch of this, like you could not control yourself and before anyone could stop you, you were just caught by this glorious sight.
Great, unique visuals!

"As time has a tendency to pass, it did
and with it I realized the daisy fields behind the cottages
were a facade."

- There is such a character maturation here, realizing beauty can have the ability to distract and make us give our strength away and take away our barriers, morals, values....

"but a man can only give so much
when next to nothing is given in return."

- Such a true, humanistic line. I loved this and it speaks volumes.

I also liked the repetition of "girl of my dreams", how this country embodies the fullness of the woman and the way she entered your life so surely. The ending definitely made me feel as if you saw this relationship as a glorious gift, but now it is turning into something more darker, more selfish, not what you wanted to get into at all from the beginning.

There were a few grammar errors I saw where a few of the structure of the lines had a word or two missing to grant flow but otherwise, neat write with a creative metaphor of Amsterdam! Keep writing. (4)

Amsterdam
by PoeticallyAaron

I read this several times and each time I did so I found myself even more awed than previously. The depth in this poem is something I haven't seen/felt for a long time when reading poetry and I just love how the author pulled all of this together.

It's unique, it's moving, and brimming with imagery from start to finish. I don't believe I've had the pleasure of reading this author before now but if this poem is anything to go by I can see them quickly becoming a favourite as I think this is one poet to watch out for.

My only complaint is the repetition of dreams here: "You seemed to be the girl of my dreams, now you only haunt my dreams." and then once more as the closing lines, I felt it was used too many times. (4)

Amsterdam
by PoeticallyAaron

I've read this several times and each time I take new angles with it... The depth of this love poem is intense, beyond intensity at it's finest.

Aaron has taken this angle and message to new heights, of a love for the heart and deception of life's hardships...

To be in love with someone who can't commit for any reason is heartbreaking. The wording and flow of this piece is outstanding. Beautiful and touching poem.

The subtle rhythm and soft rhyme hidden within this piece makes it unique... I love the repetition of Amsterdam, for its used as her name in response to maybe where she lived or resided at the time.

This is what I love most about this poem, is that it takes you on a journey to want to know more about the woman in this piece. Truly adore this!! (4)

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Kuebiko
by Hellon

Hellon never ceases to amaze me with her talent for short and descriptive poetry.

I truly love the picture in my mind of a scarecrow, the details are so wonderful and yet it leaves me feeling as if its a larger picture within, maybe metaphoric as to the feelings of another..

Perhaps someone is so depressed they have become a scarecrow in a field. Either way I'm impressed and truly admire this poem.

The ending has a tasteful, abrupt and fun twist to it...

"Upon his hat, a mockingbird"

It leaves me wondering and having many thoughts... very fun and explosive!! (7)

Kuebiko
by Hellon

I had never heard of the term Kuebiko used for a scarecrow before..so I was instantly in by the title. I love that it wasn't just typical "Scarecrow". Anyway, moving past that lol. Simply put I really just love this poem. It felt like an excerpt from a longer poem, it left me wanting more. The images are gorgeous... I could picture it clearly in my mind. To go further into detail it also felt like perhaps an old man, maybe a hunter. Maybe sitting on his front porch waiting for someone, something to attack (apocalypse style maybe?) and just patiently watching.. waiting... knowing his time will come soon. Really gave me so many different ideas and inspired a little something of my own. This is wonderful! (4)

Kuebiko
by Hellon

Short but with a really great imagery. The title grabbed my attention as I never heard Kuebiko before then when I read the poem and searched what it meant, I found out that Hellon showed us a scarecrow within her poem. What I like the most was that, whether intentional or not, she added some humor to this piece with the last line " upon his hat a mockingbird.." I took the mockingbird as a bird that was mocking the kuebiko lol. I am not sure if I should consider the mockingbird as a predator but regardless it was a nice touch. (4)
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HM COMMENTS:

Scribbles
by Beautiful Chaos

Perfect piece here by Beautiful Chaos!!

I can't express enough how the rhyme scheme helps this chaotic masterpiece come to life.

Scribbles in the mind remind me of a graffiti painting, scratches on a frustrated thought. Etching memories and scattered moments leave me d angling in love with this poem. Its fresh, dark, descriptive and fashionable fresh!!

Explosive ending to a poem that has a rhythmic flow all on its own. Powerful piece!! (10)
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Almost
by: Tara Kay

Another stunning piece of poetry from Tara. She seems to get better and better as each week goes by and I'm always happy to see new work from her. This didn't leave me disappointed, either.

"The doubt inside was like a parking ticket, " Love this and the following lines, such a unique comparison that is both bittersweet and fully understandable. We all do things in our life that we end up regretting yet don't really want to pay the price for and often as not it's these events that continue to hold us back-we need to learn to accept our faults, our past mistakes, in order to not keep repeating them as time goes by.

"I never felt like I was meant to for anything" I don't think the "to" is meant to be here? "Do you know who you are?" Adore this closing, so deep and really makes you think. It's such a simple question yet so difficult to answer for many of us. We're all lost or confused by one thing or another at times and only when we find peace within ourselves can we begin to learn exactly who we are. Beautiful write. (10)
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Phronemophobia
by The Queen

This poem comes alive with thoughts and implants them onto mine. I enjoyed the imagery and the voice of the poem. I'm glad The Queen added a note as to what inspired this piece. At first I was not completely sure what the whole poem was about. Upon reading the first stanza, I thought it was about dancing but later on I realized the existence of the title and how it ties down with the ending. So all in all, this was a great poem that one too many can relate in some way or another, or will be immerse in the voice and imagery it has.

My favorite lines:

I was never fond of flying, but
I am filled with rocket fuel;
nevermind I'm still standing
on a blade, on a spear
of hybrid grass.

^^ this right here, it stands out ( 10 )

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Spoken Word
by The Huntress

Quiet the mouthful, I found this poem to be unique and personal. When I read it I gather different thoughts from it,
but the one that stood out to me the most was that no one is really happy with what one has. We always seem to want something else, however, I can sense sadness in this poem. I interpret this piece as the narrator wanting a soft voice to wash away the hurt from people, but since it seems she doesn't have it, she tries to use sweet words to contra-rest it. I just want to say that I think it is not the accent or the voice one has that can wash away pain. I feel that it is the intention and the warm feeling that allows us to come up with the right words and at the same time make someone feel a little better if not, better. I think it's all about being meaningful and caring about other people's feeling. And I feel that's the dilemma the narrator experiences; if she says exactly how she thinks, she may hurt someone, so instead tries to sugarcoat her words and perhaps by doing so, the overall message may have gotten lost. It's difficult to know the right words to say what we think but honesty is always appreciated. By the way, I love your imagery. I can also be totally wrong with my interpretation but I feel it's in relation to what I am thinking. (7)
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Moon dance
by Henry (7)

This is such a gorgeous poem! The scenery created throughout this piece is marvellously done and crafted perfectly, so that it leaves the reader free to imagine the settings that the author is describing in what seems such an effortless way.

The whole poem leaves me with such a contented feeling and leaves me with a smile after reading it. The only thing I didn't like was that the first two lines had a rhyme pattern which was quickly lost after that once the author expanded into free verse for the remainder of the poem.

Other than that however I thought this was beautiful and look forward to reading more of this author's work. (7)
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Brazilian Secrets by: JaneDoeWrite

This piece was eloquent and so expressive of who I believe to be a broken woman....throughout this poem I did see this woman as someone who knew the loveliness of life, but who has almost been betrayed by it in a way. She has somehow become weak, vulnerable, no longer trusting herself but able to be swayed and pushed around.

I LOVED the imagery you made relatable to this woman:
"where abandoned pennies drift atop, likewise,
she's spent being unspent."
- It puts that tiredness of living into clarity, like there is no denying she is at her end of being able to handle this.

The second stanza had me wondering what happened in a year to make her fight for her sanity, I really thought that was cunning how you wrote that, making it provoking but not giving the whole story, just enough so we know she is fighting and never had to before....this was a beautiful, soft image you gave:

"where she sat braiding her hair
with black bird fathers and running
with deer in the wild,
free"

- definitely gives a great contrast.

You also brought Mother Earth into this which I thought was something very surprising...."purging" is such a coarse word in my mind, and you give me clues into Earth's own reasoning, I'm not sure if it's cleansing or just kind of watching as the woman almost becomes like a child again, too weak to do much of anything.

This line caught my breath and left me with that summation of what has become of you, "it's been years since I've whistled and lived, instead of crying." I will not be the first one to say I don't think crying is bad or should be looked down upon necessarily, it helps us heal and everyone needs to at some point or situation in their life, it sometimes makes our heads and hearts clearer....however, at the end, I felt like you have given up on the idea of living, moving on, so you resort to staying stuck in time and letting tears fall, not picking yourself back up.

Emotional write, fantastic work!

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Amazing job! Congrats winners & HM's!!!

Pssst, Chels you have a winning comment as an HM :)

Congrats winners & HMs!

Lol thanks Britt...I thought 1 poem had 19 points, I was wondering what looked off. haha!

Thank you judges for your great comments...very much appreciated. I had no idea this poem had been nominated so thanks also to however put it forward. Congratualtions to the other winners and HMS and...thanks to Chels for collating it all.